Sasuke Uchiha: Anti-Social Extraordinaire
By: Cookys 'n' Creem
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, everyone would be JUMPING each other by now. Bwhahahaha--!
Summary: Sakura teaches Sasuke about how NORMAL people react to simple things. Sasuke shows Sakura how HE reacts to things. SasuSaku. Slightly OOC.
(A/N: I have no idea how old they'd be in this. Use your imagination, would ya? Definitely after Sasuke came back, but that's the extent of my knowledge. NFI, people. NFI.)
"C'mon, Sasuke — say it with me. 'Hello.'"
"…"
Sakura Haruno exhaled, running a frustrated hand through her bubblegum pink locks. "No. Just say it. HELLO."
"…H…H…"
Sakura's breath caught in her throat, leaning in expectantly. "Yes, yes?!"
"…Hn."
Sakura groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose with her fingers. "How you became top of the class during the genin years is beyond me, really…"
"…Aa."
"Kami, Sasuke, even Shino says more than you! SHINO! You know, the freak obsessed with bugs?! Yeah, even he's got a bigger vocabulary than you, and he freaking trains bugs for a living!! True, every word has up to the most of 2 syllables, but, hey — at least he tries." She scowled at the Uchiha slightly. "Unlike inept, anti-social emo-retards who would grunt at an old lady being mugged and be on his merry way. Do you want me to give you a hint on who it is? His last name is Uchiha."
Sasuke glowered at her. "…You're annoying."
"Oooh, as if I haven't heard that one before." Sakura drawled. "What's next, I'm weak? Pffft. We've all heard it before."
"…" Sasuke crossed his arms over his chest and grunted. "…I was not."
"HA!"
"Hmmph."
"Now, Sasuke-kun," Sakura thickly emphasised the –kun. "When someone comes up to you and introduces themselves, what should you do?"
There was no hesitation in Sasuke's tone. "I'd tell them to get lost. Fangirls, however, are a totally different situation. They'd get a healthy dose of chidori shoved up their a—"
"SASUKE!" Sakura interrupted quickly, blushing from his choice of… ahem, language. "Despite what many people think, fangirls are people too!" (A/N: Kukukuku… :D)
Sasuke grunted as if disappointed he couldn't hurl a nice, fat Katon no Jutsu in the general direction of squealing mobs of fangirls.
But hey, who wouldn't?
"Alright, forget that. What normal people would say is, "Hello. My name is yadda-yadda-yadda". No chidoris or fire breathing, got it?" Sakura corrected, waving an airy hand as she said the words "yadda-yadda-yadda".
"Who has a name like 'yadda-yadda-yadda'?" Sasuke asked point-blank.
Sakura groaned, slapping her forehead. "It was an example, for god's sake — you're just doing this to irritate me, aren't you?" She accused, eyes narrowing suspiciously.
Sasuke shrugged nonchalantly, though a small smirk was visibly curled onto his lips. "Hn."
"STOP SAYING 'HN' DAMMIT!" Sakura yelled, tugging at her hair with frustrated hands. "You're driving me insane, Uchiha, do you know that?!"
"Not only do I know that, I take pride in that."
Sakura's eye twitched once. "Ugh. Men."
Sasuke stared to the side, trying to hide the smug grin on his face.
It was Sakura's turn to smirk, however, after a short silence. Her grin was so wide it started to hurt her cheeks and annoy the living hell out of Sasuke.
"What?" He demanded, frowning.
Sakura's jade green eyes twinkled with exhilaration. "I do believe you just had a full conversation, Sasuke-kun, m'dear. Without the use of 'hn' or 'aa' any more than once! I'm very proud of you."
Sasuke flushed the slightest (as in microscopes would have to be x1000 to see the tiniest fraction of red on his cheeks). "Hn." He grunted, glaring without heat at the still grinning Sakura.
"Don't you 'hn' at me just after we made progress!" Sakura cried, shaking his shoulders. "SPEAK, SASUKE, SPEAK! Talk to me, boy!"
Sasuke glowered at the pink-haired kunoichi with contempt. "You make me sound like a dog." He snapped.
Sakura stared up at him innocently. "Of course you're not a dog, Sasuke-kun—"
Sasuke nodded once, smirking arrogantly.
"—in reality, dogs are cuter and much more loyal."
Oooh, ouch. Talk about hitting below the belt.
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…?"
"…"
"…!"
Sakura blinked once at the awkward silence and Sasuke's avoiding onyx eyes. "Oh. Right. Sorry, Sasuke-kun — I didn't mean it, honest."
"Aa."
Sakura sighed bitterly. They had made such progress, too…
Well, if you count one extremely short conversation as progress. But, this is Sasuke Uchiha we're talking about — you take what you can get.
"Okay, Sasuke… now that we've finally gotten it through your thick, chicken butt-haired skull—"
Sasuke's face hardened… more so, at least. "I do not have chicken butt-esque hair. Why does everyone say that?"
Sakura bit her lip in an attempt at not to laugh.
"Just… don't call me that." It was a definite order.
Ah, but apparently calling him 'thick headed' is okay…
Sakura rolled her eyes, ignoring his protest and continuing her speech. "—that randomly attacking rabid fangirls is NOTokay. Even if they are screeching that they want to rip off your pants and do the dirty deed with you five times over right there on the ground."
Sasuke raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement. "…'Dirty deed'…?"
"Oh, shut up. You know what I mean." Sakura snapped, though she blushed wildly in embarrassment.
"No, I'm afraid I don't." He stifled a laugh at her horrified expression.
Sakura coughed once, clearing the nervous lump in her throat. "U-Um… well… you know, when a man and a woman… hehe…"
Sasuke was enjoying himself. Immensely.
"Damn it, Sasuke; read an 'Icha Icha' book, would you?!" Sakura blurted out harshly from her embarrassment. "Real men do! Hell, even NARUTO reads the odd one, occasionally…!"
She was comparing him to that DOBE?! Sasuke glared. Right, take a hit at his manly pride. How compassionate that Haruno girl is.
…Compassionate as a raging rhino on steroids, that is.
"No, real perverts read those stupid books." Sasuke corrected, though he was still sulking at the blow his ego had taken.
"Hmmm." Sakura mused, grinning like a cat that just ate the canary.
"Are you going to 'teach' me any more, or can I leave this torturous day already?" Sasuke asked sharply.
"We haven't even started."
Sasuke promptly began banging his head into the nearest wall.
"…Hn."
There was a pregnant pause as Sakura scratched her ear absently before glancing at her finger nails with a bored expression.
"Hn…!"
Sakura yawned, ignoring the Uchiha boy.
Sasuke clenched his teeth, praying for patience. "…Sakura."
Said girl turned to him, smiling sweetly. "Yes, Sasuke-kun?"
"Tell me again why I'm wearing your clothes?!"
Yes, it was a very proud moment for the Uchiha clan when their last-living heir (well… last living heir who wasn't totally insane and slaughters entire families infront of their little brother as easily as going to the grocery store) started cross-dressing in pink.
PINK of all things.
Sakura grinned impishly. "Hey, if we're going to do role-playing, we have to get into character, right?"
"If 'getting into character' actually means me getting into another one of your skirts, hell no."
"Oh, don't be a baby."
"Babies get it off easy compared to this." Sasuke muttered, his onyx eyes as hard as ice.
"Well, I have to wear your sweaty, stinky clothes, don't I?!" Sakura retorted, crossing her arms with a huff.
"I don't stink!" Sasuke protested. Though he did make a mental note to have a shower and by a stronger deodorant.
Sakura snorted. "You're not the one gagging on stink over here, are you…?" She murmured, albeit teasingly.
"Can we get on with this failure of a plan already so I can go home?" Sasuke hissed through gritted teeth.
"To take a shower?"
"NO!"
Sakura giggled, but waved it off. "Alright, alright, I'm sorry. Seriously, though — you need to know how other people feel when you snap at them. You're going to be me, and I'm going to be you."
Sasuke stared blankly.
"…Make magic happen. Hurry up, already."
"So, I'm me yelling at you who's acting as yourself?"
"…No, otherwise I wouldn't have white shorts hanging halfway off my ass, would I? You're yelling at me, who's acting as you, and you're who's acting as me."
"I'm you, who's yelling at me, who's actually me?"
"No, you're acting as me. I'm being you. Get it now?"
"…I'm yelling at you who's acting as me who's acting as you?"
"GAHH! Forget it! No more role-playing!" Sakura finally screamed, throwing her arms up in defeat. "Short story simple — don't randomly yell and snap and shout at people unless they reeeeeeally deserve it, okay? Okay."
"…"
"…"
"…Am I me again now?"
"ARRRRRGH!!!"
It was going to be a long day.
"Now, what do you say when a girl you don't like tells you she like you?" Sakura stared intently at him, slapping her ruler into her hand threatingly.
"…"
"Don't hurt yourself thinking, Sasuke."
"Hn."
Sakura sighed. "What did I say about 'hn'?"
"'Only use it if I absolutely need to'."
"Exactly. Now, how would you — kindly — turn down a girl asking you out?"
"So… no chidoris or Katon no Jutsus allowed whatsoever." Sasuke grumbled with a small pout.
"No."
"…I would say… get… lost?" He looked genuinely confused, poor dear.
"NO."
Sasuke yelped as Sakura slapped him across the side of the head with her ruler. "YEOW!! Damn it, woman; that hurt!"
"Then answer correctly next time and I won't have to punish you." Sakura said with a fake, honey sweet voice.
"I didn't know you were into S and M…" Sasuke muttered under his breath.
WHACK!
"GOD DAMN IT, WHAT WAS THAT FOR?! And why am I still dressed in your freakin' clothes?!!"
Sakura grinned smugly. "First question: you were being a jackass. Second question… it makes you uncomfortable and it helps you learn how I feel when you yell at me."
That and the blackmail will be worth millions. Ohohohohoho--!
"How is me wearing a skirt help my social skills?!" Sasuke demanded, tugging helplessly at the hem.
Sakura decided to dodge that particular question all together. "Sasuke, we've made basically no progress. You still grunt at me at the simplest questions. I asked how you would order an ice cream and you replied "poof behind the counter, grab the ice cream, and poof back out"."
Sakura scowled at him. "And then you added: "oh, and steal some money from the cash register while I'm at it"."
"What? Doesn't everyone do that?" Sasuke protested.
"No, Sasuke, they don't steal from the little old man with Parkinson's who runs the ice cream shop."
"He has Parkinson's?"
"Yes, Sasuke."
"…Aw, crap."
Sakura groaned, exasperated. "Damn it, Sasuke, I don't think your even trying!"
"I am too." Sasuke grumbled childishly with a pout.
Sakura started storming around the room, gesturing wildly with her hands. "Kami, even Sai made more progress in 1 hour than you did the whole day!" She paused. "…And he was worse than you!"
Sasuke's demeanour instantly darkened. Hell, the mention of Naruto was an empty threat to him — the fox-boy even confided in him once he was a little afraid of Sakura (at which Sasuke laughed for 10 minutes straight and swore everyone in the village would know by dinner time) — but god knows what happened between her and Sai in the years he was… preoccupied.
Yes, Sai was a definite worry for the Uchiha lad.
Sasuke's scowl deepened as Sakura repeatedly complimented Sai as "such a good student" and how he "easily takes things in". You could basically hear Sasuke's inner will snap as she uttered the final blow. Wait for it… wait for it--!
"—oh, and he's pretty easy on the eyes, if you know what I mean…!"
…Snap.
Sasuke filled the distance between them in three long strides before roughly grabbing her shoulders and crushing his lips to hers, earning him a shaky gasp and a crimson, neck to forehead blush from the girl. He took the advantage of her shocked gasp to lunge at her with lustful, tsunami-proportion kisses.
Sakura wrenched her lips away from his, gasping for breathe. "Sasuke--!" She was cut off by said boy's (albeit extremely talented) mouth.
After several long, agonizingly passionate minutes, Sakura had sunk into Sasuke's arms like jelly, panting and completely red. The weirdest sound came out of her mouth — kind of between being strangled, a gasp and a gurgle.
Sasuke's only reaction was a smug smirk, before leaning his head down to hers and whispering so close to her ear she could feel his warm, ragged breath on the shell of her ear.
"Now, Sakura… what did we learn?"
A/N: "Woot!" for my very first Naruto fanfic! YAY ME!! (insert geeky happy dance here)
I'm thinking of doing a SasuNaru oneshot next… but I want it to be original, not like the weird ones where they're training, beating living crap out of each other, then suddenly notice how hot the other is and end up jumping each other and having wild sex.
Um… no. Definitely going to take a while to bring up a good plot for that one, so be patient with me SasuNaru fans, kay?
Thanks for reading! Remember to review:D