A/N: So first things first. I'm terribly sorry about not updating for such a long time. I ran out of plot, but enough excuses. Now onto the last installment of Training Wheels!

Disclaimer: Still not mine. The chapter is a quote from Mario Cipollini. Yes, I did choose a cheesy bicycle related quote, thank you.

If You Brake, You Don't Win

Blair tried to slip out of the elevator discreetly but Eleanor was commandeering the floor-mopping maid right in the foyer. "There you are!"

Her voice trailed off as she took in her daughter's disheveled appearance. "Where were you again?"

Blair rolled her eyes while trying to edge up the stairs. "Serena's, I was eating breakfast and you interrupted to tell me to come home, sound familiar?"

Eleanor pursed her lips and nodded but still eyed Blair's apparel skeptically. "You're wearing a men's dress shirt."

Blair pretended she missed the step in front of her as an effort to turn around. "Serena, who does happen to have a brother, lent it to me."

She decided to conveniently leave out that he was almost the step-brother.

Eleanor's eyebrows furrowed as she stared at the billowing shirt. "Well, I'll have to speak with Lily about getting some clothes that fit Eric properly."

Blair shrugged before calmly ascending the stairs.

As to be expected the luncheon was boring and her presence was unnecessary excluding that fact that a colleague of Roman's was there. Eleanor had essentially thrown her daughter at the woman to battle with small talk while she downed champagne in the corner.

She glowered at her mother as they climbed into a taxi. Eleanor only waved her hand apologetically. "You did marvelously, there's no need to be upset with me."

Blair didn't bother dignifying her remark with a response. For the last half hour the woman had talked about hand-bag straps. She enjoyed purses as much as the next person but when getting into the logistics not even Blair could find it in herself to care.

Across town Nate and Chuck were laughing relentlessly at each other. Lily had attempted to aid the two in "tidying" their hairstyles for a suitable rehearsal dinner fashion. In the end they each had a half a bottle of gel slicked through their hair and resembled the Fonz, on a good day.

Nate excused himself to go and stick his head under the sink after a stray cashew rebounded from the buoyancy of his hair. Chuck was still snorting alone in his bedroom when Nate's phone began to ring.

Chuck knocked on the bathroom door. "Hey, man, your phone is going off."

Nate was currently scrubbing at his head furiously. "I'm a little busy right now. Can you get it?"

By the time he located the phone it was already on voicemail. Chuck curiously glanced at the screen and saw that the message was from little Jenny Humphrey.

In the next second he had the phone up to his ear to listen to the sniffling message.

"Hey Nate, it's Jenny. I didn't want to tell you but Blair came to my house the other day and... I know you'll help me but I don't know what to do. Well I have to go but if you can say something to her, I'd appreciate it, thanks Nate."

Chuck regarded the phone incredulously as if it was responsible for Jenny's words. He was impressed that she was conniving enough to contact Nate. However, any admiration was outshined by the amount of stupidity needed to leave a message with that much incriminating evidence.

He rolled his eyes as he deleted the message and tossed the phone onto the bed as Nate re-emerged from the bathroom. His hair if anything looked worse because now the gel had set as he was morphing it into a haphazard state. Chuck raised his eyebrows and set his mouth not to snicker.

Nate pushed him as he walked by. "Go ahead, laugh. Who called by the way?'

Dismissively Chuck lifted his hand to touch one of the spiked locks on his friend's head. "Wrong number."

Eric walked into the room with a slightly terrified expression. "Hey, my mom asked to do my hair and I wanted to see what yours looked like before I-what the hell happened to your hair?"

Nate pursed his lips as he patted his head. "Oh, this I did to myself, on accident. Before my hair looked like that."

He pointed towards Chuck who used his palm to smooth his already slicked back hair. "I'm thinking about wearing my hair like this all the time. Come on Eric, your hair would look even better because it's the longest and it has all that multi-faceted sheen."

Eric regarded Chuck's hair in disgust. "I actually think your hair has more sheen than mine right now."

Nate nodded in agreement before Chuck motioned towards his own head and Nate abruptly stopped mid-nod.

Lily poked her head around the corner of the room. "Ready Eric?"

Eric's eyes widened as he floundered for an excuse. "Uh, actually I'm reconsidering Mom. I think my hair is fine the way it is, why mess with it?"

She sighed exasperatedly as he held his hands up to his hair protectively. "Eric, don't be ridiculous. Look at Chuck and Nate...well I certainly didn't do that to Nate. But don't worry, yours will look much better."

Lily clamped onto her son's arm and tugged him from the room as he tried feebly to resist.

Nate grinned as he got to his feet. "Well I have to say, the Van der-Bass penthouse never has a dull moment, does it?"

Chuck snorted as he complained. "It makes me long for the days when I could walk around my suite naked with only chocolate covered fruit and a scotch. Now Lily insists I clothe myself and expand my dietary samplings."

Shaking his head Nate patted him on the shoulder. "How you must suffer."

Chuck smirked in response. "Alright, you can go now. I see you edging towards the door. You have to go pretty your bangs up before going out into society with the lovely Anne."

After attempting to seem angry and failing miserably, Nate settled with a laugh instead. "Fine, make fun of me and my Mom but when Lily starts asking you to go to lunch with her don't expect anything but the same from me."

Chuck raised his hands up in joyous mockery. "Oh I've always wanted to have a mother inclusive double-date. Hopefully you'll schedule one some time soon?"

Nate shot him a final grin before leaving to go fix his hair. He did want to try and avoid having his mother attempt to enroll him in the drug rehabilitation center alongside his father.

Chuck was busy wincing at his reflection when he was interrupted by his phone flashing Blair's number across the screen.

He picked up eagerly, Blair would no doubt appreciate the new tendril of information he had over Jenny Humphrey.

Chuck figured some form of pleasantry was needed before he could tell her the news. "How was the luncheon?"

Blair situated herself away from her mother as she responded. "Terrible and your afternoon?"

He laughed as he finally tore his eyes away from his hair. "Well actually I believe I can help to brighten yours."

Blair sat up a little straighter. "Oh? And how is that?"

His smirk transferred through the phone. "Well Nate was over not too long ago and he was unable to receive a rather interesting voicemail."

She raised an eyebrow as she waited for him to continue. "If this concerns anything to do with Nate's weird obsession with those tiny pewter anchors I don't care."

Chuck laughed as he kicked his door shut. "Actually it concerns the staggering advancement of modern technology. I hadn't realized Jenny Humphrey's whine could be preserved through phone distortion."

Blair's grip tightened on her phone. "What message?"

Chuck paused for effect before drawling. "Little J was whining for Nathaniel to mount his white steed and slay the fire-breathing dragon for her."

She snorted at his metaphor. "Your flatteries are making me blush."

He laughed briefly before responding. "Well, now I expect you'll act accordingly."

Blair smirked as she absently glanced out the window. Little J had just handed her everything she needed to put her back into her place. "I plan to and can I assume your aid is always at the ready?"

Chuck began unbuttoning his shirt. "Well almost always. Currently you're on your own because I've already made other plans involving nudity."

He could tell she was ready to respond with less delicacy than a Waldorf was prone to when he intervened. "You can join me of course."

Blair narrowed her eyes. Chuck was either purposely trying to rile her up or he didn't understand the limitations a relationship put him under. Considering whom it was both options were just as likely. "What plans exactly?"

He smirked as he started the water. "I'm curious as to why you sound skeptical of my sincerity. The act of regularly showering is not a joking matter."

Blair rolled her eyes at his statement. "Apparently, didn't you already shower last night?"

Chuck grinned as he grabbed a towel. "Yes, and this morning too."

She wrinkled her nose. "What's the matter with you? Don't you even think of answering that with 'I'm a dirty boy'."

He guffawed in mild indignation. "Please, I was just going to tell you that the penthouse showers have comfort-height nozzles."

Blair laughed as she shook her head. "I'll keep you updated on my scheme."

Chuck feigned shock as he responded. "What you're not going to join me?"

She snorted as she mockingly cooed, "Bye-bye, now."

When the cab stopped Blair swiftly retired to her room to formulate the plot that would rip Little Jenny to shreds. She was tempted to draw a diagram, along with realistic figures scaled to size but she thought that would be going a little overboard.

She was so absorbed with her task that when Serena walked into the room Blair nearly sent her back out. Of course Serena was on a mission and would have none of that so Blair had to take a brief interlude in her plotting.

By the end of the story Serena had a grin on her face that was threatening to eventually dominate her facial features and Blair informed her so. She wasn't to be deterred though, and Serena squealed out. "I just can't believe it! It's so exciting! Are you telling anyone else?"

Shaking her head Blair sighed. "Not yet, I just got myself out of Gossip Girl's spotlight."

Serena grinned as she got up, "Well I just wanted to find out how 'I'm leaving' turned into sharing a bed with young Charles. So, I've got to be back for dinner, but wait! Did Chuck tell you what my mom did to him today?"

Blair's eyebrows lifted curiously as she pointed out the obvious. "That sounds horribly wrong."

With a burst of laughter Serena shuddered. "Ew, B! No, she tried to fix up his hair, Nate and Eric's too. They looked completely ridiculous. Chuck was in the shower for an hour and he still couldn't get all the gel out."

That certainly explained Chuck's supposed shower fetish. After one last manic grin Serena was off with a whirlwind of bouncing, blonde waves. Blair found herself to be in an extremely good mood. The day, excluding the luncheon had been very productive.

She found she was anxious to put her scheme into motion and decided to be pro-active with the extra energy.

Dorota nearly dropped the tray she was carrying when she saw Blair slowly peddling her bike through the foyer. Looking up Blair smiled briefly before focusing on her steering. The last time she looked away she nearly broke her mother's Venezuelan flower vase. Dorota hurriedly carried the tray to the table before wiping her hands and watching Blair as she made a loop around the room. "Miss Blair, look at you! You could race with all those skinny men in France!"

As she spoke Blair nearly rammed the bike into the banister making her cringe. "Well, perhaps a little more practice."

A little more practice turned into many hours of practice. Yet at the end of the night Blair was comfortably riding atop her bike and the entire foyer was empty. Dorota didn't want to risk any accidents and removed every single breakable item from the room then she proceeded to relocate the ones that couldn't be broken.

Blair smiled brightly as she removed her grip from the handlebars to wave as Dorota clapped. She came to a clean halt and slipped off the bike. "Well I think that's enough for one night. I'm going to bed; I have to be up early tomorrow."

Blair Waldorf sat pristinely poised on the stairs of the MET. After setting up a mildly deceptive ploy or two she was ready for Jenny Humphrey. The naïve blonde latched onto the bait and was furtively making her way to the stairs at that moment; essentially stumbling into her own grave.

Jenny abruptly came to a sudden stop as she spotted Blair's bowed head and cast her eyes around frantically. Last night she had received a text along the lines of: 'The MET at 7:30 -Nate ', and along those lines meant that was the exact text message.

As she tried to unsuccessfully search the area for Nate one last time Blair made the descent down the stairs. "Hey, Little J! Looking for someone?" she asked with exuberant curiosity.

Self-consciously straightening her hideous headband Jenny shrugged in feigned indifference. "No, actually I'm just heading to Constance early", she said in an attempt to flee the site and shed Blair's presence. Her attempt failed horrifically as Blair firmly fell into step beside her.

"Oh?," Blair inquired pleasantly, "Because maybe nobody told you but it's bad form to tell lies to someone who's already aware of your intentions."

Jenny glared at her unwelcome walking companion. "Well maybe nobody told you, but it's bad form to sleep with your boyfriend's best friend."

With a delicate eyebrow raise Blair smiled patronizingly at Jenny. "Well thank you for stepping in to inform me so."

She picked up her pace making Jenny hustle to keep up; getting an irrational sense of vindication from watching Jenny do an awkward run-walk to match her speed. They entered the school grounds and Blair's gaze flitted to where Chuck was standing with Nate and Serena.

Serena had her arms crossed with an irritated scowl on her face. Chuck had insisted on getting to school half an hour early and she wasn't quite sure how she had been dragged along. She looked up when she noticed Chuck give a subtle nod and saw Blair walking with Jenny. Serena sighed exasperatedly, of course Blair wouldn't let Jenny get away unscathed.

Giving Chuck a knowing look she elbowed Nate. "So, I see you both got your hair back to normal", she joked.

Jenny heard familiar laughter and looked over to see Nate. He was obviously at school early but why hadn't he shown up? To top off the situation Chuck gave his friend a brief nudge as he began to wave, "Hey, it's Blair."

Nate looked over and waved along with him and then noticed Jenny. He smiled at her as he gave her a separate wave; he hadn't spoken to her in a while.

Jenny looked down quickly in embarrassment. He hadn't shown up. Blair cast a pointed look at the blonde, "Something wrong?"

With a scathing stare Jenny tried to visibly turn away from Blair so she would leave. She didn't, instead staying right at her side as they walked through the empty halls.

Finally Jenny snapped as Blair offered to hold her back pack while she opened her locker. "Okay, what are you doing here?"

Blair cocked an eyebrow at her outburst but waited until she heard the brisk sound of heels clicking down the hall. With the aid of Chuck Bass' unique brand of sleuthing she had pinpointed the exact schedule of the new Principal of Constance. At seven forty seven every day she rounded this corner to get to her office.

Once she was sure Miss Queller was on her way Blair responded brightly. "So Jenny, where are we going next?"

The blonde anxiously began to notice that they were attracting a crowd. Somehow the halls had begun to fill and the ex-Queen was drawing attention to them both. Jenny had a reputation to uphold and she was determined to ruin whatever plan Blair was trying to work out.

She let the crowd get even larger before turning in a confrontational manner. "Listen okay? You're a slut. I didn't have anything to do with that so go away and do whatever it is you do now that you're not nobody. Oh, wait, since you seem to have a lot of fun with different men, Mr. Peizer's classroom is just over there. I'm sure he'd love to write you a recommendation for your consistent performance."

Blair flashed a wicked smile in response before allowing her eyes to well up with unbidden tears. The group of students abruptly fell silent and began to hurriedly make space for the new addition to the crowd.

"Miss Humphrey", a voice intoned severely. Jenny turned around, a pit of dread forming in her stomach. Miss Queller stood, her face composed blankly while taking in Blair's teary eyes and Jenny's terrified expression. She walked ahead of her students before turning back briskly. "My office please, I would like to discuss with you some rather significant portions of our code of conduct here at Constance."

As she began to lead the way the crowd's eyes shifted back rapidly to watch as Blair stepped towards Jenny menacingly. There were no traces of her tears as she patted Jenny on the shoulder mockingly. "Too bad Little J. Don't you just wish Nate had been here to step in? Oh, by the way, nice headband. You don't have to worry; I'll be the first to let Gossip Girl know that used upholstery is 'in'."

Blair smirked as the audience parted for her. The Queen Bitch was back.

Serena stood by the doorway, meeting Blair as she emerged from the school. "I can't say I approve but I'm still impressed."

Blair flashed a broad grin as phones across the courtyard began to buzz furiously. Somehow she just knew she was going to have a good day.

Hey UES,

Gossip Girl here and it looks like while B was out of power she got a few pointers from Bloody Mary. The Queen B has been reinstated while Little J has been cast aside. Who knows what will happen next? The bigger question is who'll be B's King?

You know you love me, XOXO

Gossip Girl

Blair rolled her eyes as she slipped her phone back into her purse. "So, what's up S?"

All anybody could talk about the entire day was the remarkable and brutal dethroning of Jenny Humphrey. Not only had the blonde freshman lost her position in the Upper East Side's social rank but she was facing a possible suspension.

When the final bell sounded Blair found herself relieved to get away from the stifling atmosphere. She had enjoyed the attention at first but the admiring sycophants got tiresome extremely fast.

Looping her arm through Serena's Blair pulled her friend aside before they reached the courtyard. "Do you think you could help me out with a small favor?"

Casting her an amused glance Serena raised a skeptical eyebrow, "How small?"

Blair widened her eyes as she responded innocently, "Practically insignificant."

Serena blew distractedly at her fringe before giving up and putting down the wrench to pull her hair up into a ponytail. "This is not a small, practically insignificant favor. This is a huge, extremely complicated favor."

From between the bike spokes Blair gave Serena an exasperated sigh. "It wouldn't be that complicated if either of us knew how to use these things." She waved around an open tool box as she spoke, quickly putting it back down as a hammer missed her toes by an inch.

Serena bent down, inspecting the bike seat contemplatively. She placed her palm flat on the seat, trying to wiggle it free. The seat didn't move. Blair watched with her eyebrows furrowed doubtfully. Serena backed up and stared at the seat again before gripping it in two hands and trying it wrench it from the frame. "Come on, you stupid cushion! Come off!"

Blair grabbed for Serena's elbow as she helpfully offered. "That doesn't seem to be working."

Serena let go and went back to staring at the bike seat before she turned to Blair with a shrug. "I don't know. Can we like, 411 this?"

The door to the Van der Bass suite opened and Blair and Serena both jolted forward to roll the bicycle into the closet while pushing the tool box under the bed.

Eric threw his backpack down onto the couch as he called out. "Hey, I'm home. Anyone here?"

Serena stuck an arm out of her room to wave before signaling to Blair that they were clear to continue in their sabotage. Eric picked up an apple and polished it on his shirt before deciding to figure out what Serena was doing. He pushed the door open and saw his sister armed with a power drill and Blair Waldorf wielding a gigantic pair of pliers.

Neither of them noticed his arrival and were about to lower their instruments onto the stubborn seat when Eric interjected the process with an honest question. "Isn't that Chuck's bike?"

He took a large bite out of the apple as the two girls whipped around guiltily.

Blair shook her head as she quickly answered, "No!"

At the same time Serena shouted, "Yes."

They frowned at each other before Blair lowered her pliers and stepped forward. "What we mean is yes, this is Chuck's bike but he can't find out we have it. I want to surprise him."

Eric took another bite from the apple as he rolled his eyes at her efforts. "Blair, I've know you too long for you to pull that kind of thing over me."

She grinned as she shooed him out of the room. "Very true but as long as you don't see us..."

He shook his head at her but obligingly shuffled out the door. "Yeah, yeah, go ahead."

Eric sat beside his backpack as he flipped on the television. It was after the daily installment of Jeopardy when he saw the triumphant procession of Chuck's bicycle being wheeled back to his bedroom.

Chuck stood to the side with a smug expression on his face as he surveyed the Waldorf foyer. Dorota had yet to replace the items she had removed from the room leaving it glaringly empty. "I'm not sure about this new decorating scheme", he remarked as Blair brought her bike down the stairs.

She rolled her eyes, "Ha ha Chuck."

After the back wheel clunked over the last stair she brushed her hands off and looked towards him expectantly. "Well? What are you waiting for?"

Chuck whistled as he shook his head, swinging his leg over the bike. "Does patience have any meaning to you Waldorf?"

Blair flashed him a winning smile as she mounted her own bike. "Of course it does. It's one of those conceptual things, like you know, the Holy Grail."

Right then as she peddled forward Blair was rewarded with all her efforts. Chuck sat down on his bike and the seat dislodged tipping him over and onto the polished marble. He threw the bike off of himself as he grabbed the seat and looked towards Blair accusingly.

Chuck narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously. "I can't believe you-"

She cut him off from the other side of the room finishing his sentence with, "-knocked you off your feet. I know, me neither."

He stared at her, still lying sprawled on the floor as she began to make neat little figure eights around him. "You are something else Waldorf."

Blair smiled at him as she continued her pattern. "Thank you."

Chuck stuck out his foot in front of her wheel as he responded. "That wasn't a compliment."

She shrieked as her bike swerved and she fell off on top of him. Blair attempted to straighten out her outfit as Chuck leaned towards her. She paused in her shifting and met his eyes as he brought his lips close to hers, letting her breathing quicken before resting his hand on her shoulder. Blair's eyes fluttered closed as he brushed his lips to hers before she let out a startled scream.

She whirled around to see Chuck's hand resting against the resonating bell from her handlebars. "Bass, you're an asshole."

A/N: Well, eight thousand years later this story has finally ended. Hopefully I haven't disappointed anyone. Please review! And to play on the sympathy card it's past midnight right now and I'm falling asleep on my keyboard. I figured I owed it to my audience, if it's still there, to update right after I finished.