Where's Sponcho?

Co-authored by: 3VAD127

Co-authored by: Kiminator Mark XII

Previously…

All of a sudden, Zuko was gripped with a horrifying question. "Sokka, where's Sponcho?"

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Sokka stared at Zuko. Zuko stared at Sokka. Sokka and Zuko stared at each other.

"…I'm sorry, Jerkbender, I think I heard you wrong. Were you implying you lost OUR CHILD"

"I lost our child?! YOU'RE the one that was supposed to be watching him!!"

"Hello? YOU wanted to be the daddy so bad; it was YOUR job to look over him!"

"Oh, so now it's all my fault?!"

"Yes!"

"Yes?"

"ISAIDYESYOUFREAKISH(content too graphic for "T" rating)!!!!!!!!11!1!!!1"

"Shut up, Sokka!" Zuko started. He held up his hands. "Here; I found him. Stop yelling at me."

"…"

"Oh… my freaking tacos, what NOW?!"

"Zuko. Your. Hands. Are. Empty."

"… So?"

Sokka almost replied, but thank Agni, Haru decided to join in on their conversation. He held a wooden bowl of some sort of thick, chunky stew-like… stuff.

Sokka sniffed. "Do you smell… meat?"

"Your abilities never cease to amaze me, Sokka."

Haru said, "Hey guys! What'cha doin'?"

Zuko glared evilly at the Water Tribe boy. "Well, Sokka over here lost a baby platypus bear. We're trying to find him."

The Earthbender took a ginormous bite of stew. "Platypus bear? They're great in stew!" He looked into his bowl. "Wait… did you say platypus bear?" Haru got a constipated look on his face and ran off.

"Well, that went well."

"Did he look constipated to you?"

"Yeah, must've been the stew." Sokka and Zuko stared off into space like the brilliant geniuses they were. "Soo… I guess we look for Sponcho back at camp, right?"

"Dehr."

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The two men waltzed off to their Avatar Camp where they met up with Katara, Aang, and Toph. "Hey Zuko," Katara said, "did you see Haru? He just ran past here looking REALLY constipated."

"Yeah, must've been the stew."

Aang stared in awe. "That explains SO much."

Sokka grumbled and got right to the point. "Have you guys seen a baby platypus bear? His name is Sponch—"

A loud, obnoxious roar interrupted his speech. "ROOOOAAAAARRRRRR!!!!1!!" A huge, giant, ginormous, angry mother platypus bear burst through the shrubs surrounding camp.

"BLEATINGHOGMONKEYS, IT'SAPLATYPUSBEAR!!!!1!"

"No… Duh!"

The Water Tribesman and the Fire Prince screamed like the little girls they were and curled up in the fetal position. The platypus bear mommy stood over them menacingly, growled, and ate them.

(A/N: KMXII: I don't know why, but we decided it would be more awesomer if the platypus bear's mom just charged in and ate them for no reason.

3VAD: Yeah, and apparently her mouth is big enough so she didn't have to chew or anything.

KMXII: …How'd she get Sokka's big head down her throat?

3VAD: -.-)

OK, outside the platypus bear…

Aang, Katara, and Toph all stood outside the mommy. Someone coughed. Aang looked at Katara.

"Katara, your hair loopies are really hot. Wanna go make out behind some random shrub?"

"OK!" They trotted off happily and little hearts flew from their heads.

Toph licked her lips. And stood for a while. Then picked her nose and ate it. "I'm hungry," she said, and walked off to find something suitable (besides boogers) to eat.

OK, inside the platypus bear…

Zuko stared into gaping darkness. "… I blame you for this."

"Why is it always my fault?!"

"Because it always IS!!"

"…" Sokka was quiet for a moment. "Hey Zuko, my foot feels all tingly."

"Oh, it's probably just being digested."

"GAAAAAAHHHH!!!1!!!1"

Zuko snickered. "What, you afraid you'll lose your foot 'er somethin'?"

"No… My head's getting tingly!!"

"Oh, well darn. I guess you'll be bald for the rest of your life."

"NOOO!! Curse you, acidic stomach juices!"

The Firebender outright laughed. "Hey, now you and Aang can make a club! It'll be the 'Baldies Club'!"

Sokka wished Zuko could see his evil glare of hatred. "I… loathe you."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind."

Silence prevailed.

"Soo… I guess we just wait until we pass out through the digestive tract…"

"Yeah, something like that."

Sokka's eye twitched. "NO, you idiot! We'll be dead by then!"

"Then why did you SUGGEST IT?!?!"

And then something completely random hit Sokka in the head like a bowling ball… like when Toph made him participate in her "fun little games"…

Haru.

Meat stew.

Haru said platypus bears made good stew.

Sponcho (equals) platypus bear.

Haru (equals) constipated look.

"HOLY CRAPMUFFINS, ZUKO!! HARU ATE SPONCHO!!!1! IN A STEW!!"

"NO! Everybody knows that platypus bear is better barbecued!! What a sin!"

Idiotic silence. Then, in unison, they said it: "SPONCHO!!!!!1!11!" Sokka sat down in the acidic stomach juices and cried like a little baby. Zuko stood off to the side and… did some… Firebending stuff. Point is, he got mad, and blew up the platypus bear.

Sokka stood up and watched as flaming pieces of meat fell out of the air. "Meat falls from the sky! It's a dream come true!!" He caught a piece of meat and took a huge bite of barbecued platypus bear.

Zuko rubbed his temples. "I cannot believe we lost a baby platypus bear to Haru."

"I know!" Sokka shoved more barbecue into his mouth. "Looks like it's all your fault."

One horribly long, overkill argument later…

Zuko and Sokka were wrestling on the ground like the manly men they were, shouting loud, intelligent insults at each other.

"You're stupid!"

"I hate your hair!!"

"What's wrong with my hair, PONYTAIL?!?"

"YOU SHUT UP OR I'LL SHOVE MY BOOMERANG UP YOUR—!!!1!!!!!1!"

Sokka and Zuko got quiet when they noticed Toph, Aang, and Katara staring at them.

"—nose. I will shove it up your nose." Sokka twitched. He got up and was brushing himself off when he saw Zuko pointing and snickering conspicuously at him. "Holy moly, what now?" Slowly, Sokka reached up a hand to his "tingly" head. It was shiny, and smooth.

"NOOOOO!!! My beautiful manly-man hair ponytail thing! It's gone FOREVER! I'm bald!" He hung his head in shame. "This sucks."

The Gaang snickered at him. "Yeah, sucks for you." Katara and Toph moved away, and Aang came up to Sokka and wrapped an arm around the older boy's shoulder. The Avatar patted Sokka's chest.

"Dude," he said, "chicks dig bald guys."

"… Please don't touch me."

Zuko faced the pair with a cheek-shattering grin plastered across his face. "Hey guys!" he shouted obnoxiously, "guess what I found?"

"A new doc to give you botox?"

"Your mom?"

"NO!" he shouted. "Although both of those things would be lovely… NO! I found—" the prince held out his cupped hands, "—a baby turtleduck!"

Sokka screamed like a rabid fangirl. "OMG it's so cute!"

"I know!"

"I so wanna be the daddy!"

Zuko scoffed. "You? Why do you get to be the daddy, Baldy?"

Aang facepalmed. "Agni."

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-3VAD127 and Kiminator Mark XII