Title: A True Friend Stabs You In The Front
Author: akisawana
Genre: SNAD. H/C.
Warnings: Vaguely slashy (TC/SW.) Sane! Starscream. Thundercracker possessing a spine. Me making shit up and lots of it.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: Beta'ed. Yes, akisawana got one of her stories beta'ed. Stop the presses and all that jazz. Beta'ed by her boyfriend, the legendary Transformers Guru, even.
We won't tell you what he said.
Summary: Thundercracker hasn't updated his anti-virus in a few million years. Starscream hasn't figured out what he's being punished for yet. And Skywarp's stuck in the middle.
The communicator on the wall popped and fizzed. "Starscream? Are you awake?" Skywarp's voice asked from it.
Starscream pressed the button and the screensaver flickered into his wingmate's face. "What do you want?"
"TC's sick and he won't go see Hook."
"I'm fine," Thundercracker protested from off-screen.
At the same time, Starscream asked, "Sick?"
"He's got a virus," Skywarp explained.
"I do not!"
"Do too! Starscream, come over and tell him he does!"
Starscream sighed inwardly. Thundercracker had somehow failed to receive an anti-virus update in the last six million years. It was entirely possible that he had a virus. Especially if Skywarp of all people had noticed. "I'll be there in a minute," he said, flicking off the comm.
Thundercracker was standing in the middle of their room, glaring daggers at his wingmate. His optics looked a little dimmer than normal, Starscream thought. "I. Feel. Fine," he said, and crossed his arms.
Starscream activated the thermal sensor on the back of his hand and pressed it against Thundercracker's faceplate, above his optics. "Skywarp, go get some energon or something," he ordered.
"But," Skywarp began.
Starscream interrupted him. "Just go." Skywarp left. "You're running five degrees over acceptable variance," he told Thundercracker.
"That's not very much, "he protested.
Starscream wondered what he had done in a past life to deserve wingmates like these in this one. He sat on one of the berths and motioned Thundercracker over. Thundercracker sat next to him, their wingtips bumping together companionably. Where Skywarp responded to orders and authority, Thundercracker had to be led patiently, and handled with much more care. When spooked, Skywarp would rush to comply, while Thundercracker would simply bolt. "May I scan you?" He slid a hand up Thundercracker's back, resting his fingers on the port at the nape of his neck. "Just for a minute." A minute wasn't really long enough to do anything but the lightest of scans, but not even half-way through, Thundercracker was stiff with repressed tension. Starscream stopped the scan at the end of the appointed time, mindful of the fact that he was the only one who could scan his wingmate without getting shot and that privilege was hard-won. He retracted the cable back into his thumb. Cybertronians were a tactile race, and jets doubly so. Starscream stroked the leading edge of Thundercracker's wing as he spoke. "You haven't been recharging," he said.
Thundercracker shrugged. "Been thinking."
"And writing Skywarp's reports." Starscream tapped his fingers against Thundercracker's wing as if in thought, though he knew what he was going to do. "Take a couple of days off," he said. "Let Skywarp take care of you. That will keep you two out of my way for a while." He stood up, and put his hand on Thundercracker's shoulder. "Lie down and get some rest. I don't want you getting," he paused to remember the Earth slang Skywarp had used, "sick." Thundercracker lay down obediently, and Starscream patted his shoulder. "I'll take care of the paperwork, and I'll be back after my shift." With a last stern command for him to behave, Starscream left and headed to the command center.
He ran into Skywarp on the way. Almost literally. "Watch out," Starscream told him.
"Sorry," Skywarp said, juggling three cubes. Starscream took two of them from him and handed one back when he stopped fumbling. He didn't look very sorry. He looked worried. "How is he?"
"You were right," Starscream answered. "He has a virus." Skywarp took no visible pleasure in the news he was right for once. "I want you to take care of him. I'll be by after my shift. Make sure he behaves." Starscream continued on to the command center and Skywarp to his room.
Skywarp found Thundercracker curled on his berth. As tough as he was when he was injured, being sick turned him into a sparkling. He sat up when Skywarp offered him a cube. "How you feeling?"
"Fine, like I told you. Six or seven times."
Skywarp sat next to him and leaned against him. "And if I promise we won't take you to Hook?"
Thundercracker raised an optic ridge. "What do you think I am, a Lamborghini? I'm fine, and not retarded."
His trick seen through, Skywarp just laughed and sipped his cube. "What if I promise no medics at all in any way, shape, or form?"
"Still don't trust you."
"That hurts, TC. That really hurts." Skywarp clutched at his cockpit theatrically. "You've known me how many millennia, and you still don't trust me?" He flung his hands out, missing Thundercracker's head by inches and toppling himself over. Thundercracker looked to the heavens, probably praying for patience. When he looked back down, Skywarp hadn't moved, still grinning at him. "You could tell me why you hate medics so much, you know."
"It's none of your business."
"Since I'm the one who ends up taking care of you every time, yes, I think it is," Skywarp pointed out, sitting up.
"Tough."
"Are you going to drink any of that?" Skywarp pointed at the full cube in Thundercracker's hand.
"Yes." Thundercracker took a large swig and swallowed nearly half the cube at once.
His fuel tanks emptied half a second later into an empty bucket Starscream had wisely left next to the berth. Skywarp rubbed his back as he retched, supplying an incessant stream of cheerful chatter. "You got some force behind that there, TC," he said. "That's quite impressive. No, no, keep going, you'll feel better. If centuries of hangovers have taught me anything, it's to just relax and go with it. Don't try to fight it, you can't override the sub-routines. Well, at least I can't. Maybe you can. Try it? And it's not working. That's okay. Don't worry about the cube; we just got a ton of them. I don't know how much, but I don't think a cube or two is going to make a difference this time. Besides, you were awesome at that fight. The least they could do is give you an extra cube." From there, Skywarp launched into an enthusiastic, slightly embroidered, retelling of the last battle, complete with sound effects. "And then, Tweedle-dum, you know, the red one, I can't tell the difference, can you? Anyways, he—"
"Skywarp," Thundercracker interrupted. "I was there." He set the receptacle down and leaned against Skywarp.
"You gonna admit you're sick now? Let me take care of you?" Skywarp asked. "Or are you going to try to pass that off as a bad cube?"
"It was a bit of a funny color…"Thundercracker began. Skywarp shoved him down on his back.
"Don't start. You," he poked Thundercracker in the cockpit, "have a virus. Deal with it, and let me take care of you."
Thundercracker knew when he was beat. "Fine," he groused, curling up on his side. "Then leave me alone and let me get some slagging rest."
Skywarp grinned fondly at him. "Alright," he said, patting Thundercracker's knee. "You take a nap, and poke me if you need anything." He stood and cranked the heat up in the room a few notches. "Better?" he asked, looking back at Thundercracker.
"Was fine before," was all he said. Skywarp, unperturbed, plopped in the desk chair and logged on to a human game he had found. Much as he liked Thundercracker, if the mech was going to sleep, he wasn't going waste valuable farming time.
Halfway through the shift, Thundercracker tried the finish the cube from that morning, without success. When he lay back down again, it was in Skywarp's lap. "Going back to recharge?" Skywarp asked. Thundercracker nodded. "Do you want me to get you anything?" He shook his head and grabbed Skywarp's leg.
"Just don't move," he mumbled. Skywarp draped an arm across Thundercracker's chest and logged back on with his internal wifi connection.
They hadn't moved when Starscream came back from his shift. "How's he doing?" he asked, checking Thundercracker's external temperature again.
"He's been in recharge all day," Skywarp replied. "And he keeps throwing up."
"Wake him up. I brought him some low-grade."
Starscream turned to the table. Skywarp shook Thundercracker's shoulder gently. "Wake up, TC. Starscream's here."
Thundercracker mumbled something angry and incoherent, but sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the berth anyways. Starscream turned back around, a cube of low-grade in one hand, a scanner in the other. Thundercracker eyed the latter suspiciously. "No," he said.
"Would you prefer six eons worth of anti-virus updates?" Starscream asked. "That should only take, oh, a century or two."
"No scans. No anti-virus. My security routines can handle it." Thundercracker crossed his arms and set his jaw.
"Do we have to have this argument every time you get a virus?"
"I don't see a reason to, since I always win," Thundercracker snipped.
Starscream sighed inwardly, and skipped to the end of the script. "Three days," he said. "If it isn't gone by then, we do it my way." Starscream's way was to have Skywarp sit on Thundercracker while Starscream himself scanned their recalcitrant wingmate for the virus and to upload the quickest protocols that would take care of it. He hadn't had to do it in six million years.
The pissy remark Thundercracker was about to make died on his lips when the door slid open and Megatron strode in. Skywarp and Thundercracker stood up and saluted. Starscream just sneered. Megatron took no notice of his second-in-command, and nodded to the other two Seekers. "I hear you have a virus," he said to Thundercracker.
"Yes, sir," he said, standing at parade rest and staring straight ahead.
"You should see Hook and get an anti-virus update," Megatron said with an evil smirk.
"I'd prefer not to, sir."
"Surely you don't think it would happen again?" Megatron asked, still smirking.
"I'd rather not chance it. Sir."
Skywarp and Starscream looked at each other. Obviously, something had happened to Thundercracker long ago, when neither of them had been there. Megatron knew what had happened. And he could make it happen again. Thundercracker stood absolutely still, but they both recognized it as the stillness of some small helpless creature as the shadow of flying death passed over it. "I could order you to," Megatron purred, leaning in close. "I could order you to let Hook scan you, update your anti-virus program."
Starscream had known Thundercracker since almost the beginning of the war. Thundercracker didn't as much as twitch, but he knew that his wingmate, veteran of countless battles and at least six stints as a prisoner of war was paralyzed with fear. He shouldered his way between them and gave Megatron his third-best haughty glare. "That will not be necessary, Lord Megatron," he said. "I will take care of my Seeker."
"I never knew you to care so much for him, Starscream."
Starscream folded his arms and raised his chin. "He will be very useful when I command the Decepticons," was all he said.
"You couldn't command a group of sparklings on their first day at the Academy, let alone the mighty Decepticon Empire!" Megatron snapped and left, his sport spoiled. The door wasn't even half-closed before Skywarp pushed Thundercracker back on the berth and shoved the cube of low-grade in his hands. They were trembling just the slightest bit. Starscream leaned against the table.
"What was that all about?" he demanded.
"Leave him alone, Screamer," Skywarp said, curling his fingers around the cube and steadying it so Thundercracker wouldn't spill any as he drank.
Starscream glared at the back of his head. "This irrational paranoia of his is getting out of hand. Not to mention highly inconvenient."
"Not irrational," Thundercracker grumbled, but he didn't meet anyone's optics.
"That's hard to determine since you refuse to give any reason for it! Unless you'd like to do it now?"
"Cut him some slack. He doesn't feel good," Skywarp protested.
"He'd be just fine if he had updated his fragging security routines at any point in the last six million years."
Thundercracker shuttered his optics, squeezing the empty cube and repressing the urge to throw it at Starscream, whose help he very well might need later. He felt Skywarp's hands leave his, taking the cube, as the purple mech stood up and turned around. Skywarp was saying something, but he didn't listen. He lay down and drew his knees up instead. The distinctive tone of Starscream monolouging was easy enough to fall into recharge to.
"He's getting worse," Starscream said. "This morning, there was barely any trace of the virus. Now, look." Even in recharge, Thundercracker's hands were shaking perceptibly. "And an hour ago?" Skywarp didn't have to say anything. "Three days," Starscream reminded him, and left.
Skywarp looked at Thundercracker. "What am I going to do with you?" He hoisted himself up on the table and picked up the other, regular, cube Starscream had brought. HE contemplated his roommate as he drank it. "It's got nothing to do with Hook, even I can figure that much out. No, something scared you good, TC. Scared you more than you trust us. That really does hurt, you know," he added, tossing the now-empty cube to the side. "And it can't' be any worse than what happened at Ka-tet. We forgave you for that, didn't we? How much worse could this get?"
To be continued...
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