After Yagami-san was through yelling at Matsuda for pulling such a stupid stunt with the Yotsuba group, he'd told the young detective to go to his quarters for the rest of the day.
That had been the worst part for Matsuda.
The humiliation of being dismissed like a child was almost too much to handle.
He tried to keep from looking at the other members of the group.
He knew they were looking back at him with disgust and embarrassment andpity.

Worse, Matsuda realized, he couldn't look at L. He couldn't bear to see the look L would have for him.
Matsuda swallowed his rage, "Y-yes, Chief."
Clutching his stomach, Matsuda stood and straightened his back.
He kept his chin up and his eyes straight as he left the room. He was determined to keep for revealing his own personal disgust at himself.
--

In his personal quarters, Matsuda pulled off his suit coat and hung it up in his closet.
He made sure his shoes were straight where he'd left them – next to the door.
He set a pot of water to boil in the tiny kitchen and loosened his tie.
He turned on the TV – a news report about Kira. He turned off the TV.
He turned on the radio – a Kira-support show about Kira. He turned off the radio.
He hated the silence in the apartment-like quarters. He flipped through his small CD collection, selected one and set it in his stereo.
Just as the first notes were beginning to play, a knock sounded at the door.

Matsuda peered through the peep hole.
He stared, actually, unsure of what to do.
Standing on the other side of the door was the last person Matsuda would ever expect.
"Open the door, Matsuda-san."
Matsuda sighed and pulled open the door, "Ryuuzaki-san – w-what are you doing here?"

"I want to talk to you, Matsuda-san – without the microchips listening."
"There are still cameras in my quarters." Matsuda said, stepping back to let the stooped sleuth in.
"I know." L said, "I've kept an eye on you before."
Matsuda frowned. He wasn't dumb – he knew that if there were cameras in his room, there must have been someone on the other end, watching.
He just didn't think it would be L.

L walked in and Matsuda closed the door behind him.
"Why are you…?" Matsuda asked, turning to L.
L slapped him full in the face.
Matsuda cried out and staggered backwards, against the door, "R-ryuuzaki-san! Why?"

"Idiot." L spat the word, "You could have been killed pulling that stupid stunt with the Yotsuba group. Don't you ever think?"
Matsuda clutched his throbbing cheek, "I…"
"Be quiet." L interrupted, "You moron. Do you realize you were this close to being killed?"
Matsuda stared at him. It was the worse feeling in the world – being called an idiot by the person he respected more than anyone else.
It made Matsuda physically ill. He wanted to throw up. He fought the tears that threatened to spill.
Anyone! Anyone other than L! He could stand it if anyone else called him an idiot and slapped him. He could take it. But not L. This was unbearable.

"SHUT UP! Don't call me an idiot! I'm not stupid!" Matsuda roared, "Get out!"
L glared at the floppy-haired detective, "I'm your superior. You can't talk to me like that."
"I've already gotten this fucking lecture, you jerk. I don't fucking need it again – with physical violence added." Matsuda hissed, pulling open the door, "Get out!"
"No."
"Fuck you!" Matsuda grabbed L's arm, "I'm not a child for you to yell at and beat into submission! I still believe my actions were the correct course and we've received valuable information due to my actions! But no one recognizes that!" He pulled L towards the door, "Instead it's 'Matsuda's blunder actually had some value…' as if it were mere coincidence. No one thanks me for risking my life. No one respects me! So fuck you, oh-great-and-powerful-L. I refuse to stand here and let you hit me and yell at me anymore."
"Matsuda…"

"I SAID GET OUT!" Matsuda shoved L out into the hallway.
L grabbed his loosened tie and pulled him out, too, "You're going to listen to me inside your quarters, Matsuda-san – whether you like it or not."
"Get your fucking hands off of me." Matsuda shoved L away and turned, "If I can't have some fucking peace in my own damn quarters then fine – I'm out of here."
"Matsuda-san!" L grabbed his shoulder, "If you leave here now, you're fired. You're off the team for good. You won't be allowed back in and I'll make sure you're not allowed to become a police officer again."

Matsuda turned and glared at the pale man, "What? How dare you threaten me! I've been a loyal member of this team since the beginning – I've risked my life going out into the public – showing my face. I've bent over backwards to try to prove to you all that I'm not a burden on this team! What have you done? Pandered after Raito like some sick fucking puppy! You're obsessed with him! I'm tired of it! So FINE – if everyone thinks I'm such a fucking screw up, then fine. Fire me. Black-ball me from the only job I've ever known – fine. But don't fucking threaten me. If you say you're going to do all that then do it. Don't stand there and make a bunch of empty fucking threats."
L grabbed the scruff of his shirt and shoved the angry young man against the wall.
"I said get off of…!"

L closed the distance between them and ground his lips against Matsuda's.
Matsuda had no idea what was happening. A moment ago, he'd been yelling in L's face – not at all his normal and much more personally preferred personality of humbleness and cheerfulness. But he'd been angry. He'd snapped.
And all of a sudden, now L was kissing him.
Although Matsuda had never kissed a boy before, he'd found that this felt unbelievably good.

But this wasn't right!
Matsuda grabbed L's arms and pushed him away with a gasp.
"R-ryuuzaki-s-san… what… what are you doing…?" Matsuda stared at the man.
L blinked back at him.
In all honesty, L had no idea what he was doing either.
--

L had always had a sort of affection for Matsuda.
He was cheerful and lively when everyone else was so down-hearted in the investigation team.
L didn't care to use the word 'naïve' but that's what Matsuda tended to be.
So when he learned of Matsuda's dangerous situation, he was surprised that he felt very concerned. He realized that affection was stronger than he'd originally thought.
When he explained his plan to rescue Matsuda, L had felt apprehensive.

Heknew his plan would work. Of course it would. He knew that.
He was still worried for Matsuda, though. And that worry created doubt.
What if the plan didn't work? What if Matsuda fell to his death?
As they put their plan together and into action, L realized that he wasn't the only person who had been concerned for Matsuda.

Yagami Soichiro was also notably concerned.
But, Soichiro's concern had developed from seeing Matsuda grow as a police officer into a detective. Soichiro viewed the young man almost like a son.
L began to wonder what his concern for Matsuda grew from.
They'd been working together for a time and L had come to enjoy his company.
He thought Matsuda was handsome, nice and amusing. A good companion even.
Even though he was a genius, he began to realize he'd developed a crush on Matsuda.

This sudden realization made L angry.
Matsuda had endangered his life in some sort of stupid attempt at only Matsuda knew what.
Not only had he risked the investigation but he'd put himself in a situation where he could be killed!
L thought that this was unbelievably selfish. Didn't Matsuda know how it would affect the rest of the team if he were to die?
L understood he liked Matsuda – probably more than he should.
He worried that Matsuda wouldn't return and L would be left with unrequited feelings. He doubted himself and his plan and this made him angrier.
So L worried and doubted and grew angrier and angrier.
-

Sure enough, the plan worked to perfection.
The Yotsuba group fell for it and believed Matsuda was dead.
Matsuda was safe.
When he'd returned to the headquarters, Soichiro had yelled at the young detective.
L watched the humiliation flood Matsuda's handsome face as Soichiro commanded him to return to his personal quarters for the duration of the day.
L watched Matsuda as he left the room – his back straight and his head held high in an attempt to show that he still had some dignity.

L tried to ignore the unbearable feeling of relief at seeing Matsuda. He wanted to hug the detective. He wanted to kiss him.
More than anything, though, L wanted to slap him.
He decided to wait – so that he would be calm when he talked to Matsuda.
L tried to concentrate on the work at hand.
But his mind continued to drift back to Matsuda.
He asked Watari for another slice of cake but barely touched it when he received it.

L sighed. If he couldn't even eat his cake, there was something wrong. He had to talk to Matsuda.
L found with each step closer to Matsuda's quarters, he grew angrier.
His heart pounded in his chest and it hurt.
His relief was palpable but his anger at Matsuda's foolish decisions was stronger.

L found himself standing at the door. A plain door.
He could hear voices inside. The radio. Movement. The voices stopped.
Silence. Movement. A cough.
He curled his hand into a fist and knocked.
Movement. The squeak of the peephole.

"Open the door, Matsuda-san." L heard himself say.
A sigh.
The door opened, "Ryuuzaki-san – w-what are you doing here?"
"I want to talk to you, Matsuda-san – without the microchips listening." L frowned. He wondered if the other investigators were listening to them now.
"There are still cameras in my quarters." Matsuda said, stepping back.
"I know." L said, "I've kept an eye on you before."

Matsuda frowned. His eyes narrowed but he said nothing about the comment.
L walked in and Matsuda closed the door behind him.
"Why are you…?" Matsuda asked, turning to L.
L couldn't contain the anger he felt. His hand shook as Matsuda turned to him. He couldn't stop himself any more than he could stop the sun from rising.

L slapped him full in the face.
Matsuda cried out and staggered backwards, against the door, "R-ryuuzaki-san! Why?"
"Idiot." L spat the word, "You could have been killed pulling that stupid stunt with the Yotsuba group. Don't you ever think?"
L couldn't bear the anger on Matsuda's face as he opened his mouth to speak, "I…"
"Be quiet." L interrupted, "You moron. Do you realize you were this close to being killed?"

"SHUT UP! Don't call me an idiot! I'm not stupid!" Matsuda roared, "Get out!"
L glared at the floppy-haired detective. Didn't Matsuda understand?
For the first time in his life, L found himself without a plan. Without an intelligent thought of what to do. He grabbed at straws. "I'm your superior. You can't talk to me like that."
"I've already gotten this fucking lecture, you jerk. I don't fucking need it again – with physical violence added." Matsuda hissed, pulling open the door, "Get out!"
L felt his stomach lurch, "No."

"Fuck you!" Matsuda yelled grabbing L's arm, "I'm not a child for you to yell at and beat into submission! I still believe my actions were the correct course and we've received valuable information due to my actions! But no one recognizes that!" L couldn't think straight. He hated hearing Matsuda use such language! It was beneath him.
He yanked at his arm as Matsuda pulled him towards the door, "Instead it's 'Matsuda's blunder actually had some value…' as if it were mere coincidence. No one thanks me for risking my life. No one respects me! So fuck you, oh-great-and-powerful-L. I refuse to stand here and let you hit me and yell at me anymore."
"Matsuda…" L tried to interrupt. He wanted Matsuda to stop. To listen.
"I SAID GET OUT!" Matsuda shoved L out into the hallway.

L grabbed his loosened tie and pulled him out, too, "You're going to listen to me inside your quarters, Matsuda-san – whether you like it or not."
"Get your fucking hands off of me." Matsuda shoved L away and turned, "If I can't have some fucking peace in my own damn quarters then fine – I'm out of here."
"Matsuda-san!" L grabbed his shoulder, "If you leave here now, you're fired. You're off the team for good. You won't be allowed back in and I'll make sure you're not allowed to become a police officer again." He flinched, hearing the words come out of his mouth.
That wasn't what he meant! He didn't mean to threaten! The words came out wrong!

Matsuda turned and glared at the pale man and L felt sick at the look Matsuda was giving him. He never wanted to see Matsuda look back at him like that, "What? How dare you threaten me! I've been a loyal member of this team since the beginning – I've risked my life going out into the public – showing my face. I've bent over backwards to try to prove to you all that I'm not a burden on this team!"
L grit his teeth. He didn't think Matsuda was a burden!
"What have you done? Pandered after Raito like some sick fucking puppy! You're obsessed with him! I'm tired of it!"
Obsessed with Raito? L shook his head – it wasn't like that!

"So FINE – if everyone thinks I'm such a fucking screw up, then fine. Fire me. Black-ball me from the only job I've ever known – fine. But don't fucking threaten me. If you say you're going to do all that then do it. Don't stand there and make a bunch of empty fucking threats."
L grabbed the scruff of his shirt and shoved the angry young man against the wall.
Matsuda still didn't understand. L had made a hash of everything. Matsuda was yelling and cursing and hating L. And in spite of the situation, L could only feel admiration for Matsuda.
The anger in his eyes and the passion on his face – it made him more attractive than ever.
"I said get off of…!"

L leaned in and kissed Matsuda – to stop Matsuda from cursing more, L tried to convince himself.
He hadn't meant to do it so harshly – he wasn't familiar with the act, after all.
But Matsuda didn't fight. In fact, the action seemed to make him lose all his fighting spirit.
After a moment, Matsuda grabbed his arms and pushed him away, "R-ryuuzaki-s-san… what… what are you doing?"
L could only stare at him. What was he doing?
-

The two stared at each other for several long, awkward moments.
Finally, L looked away, "I'm sorry, Matsuda-san. I… I don't… I'm sorry." He released his grip on Matsuda's shirt.
Matsuda shook his head and pulled the pale man into his quarters.
"You can't do this to me, Ryuuzaki-san." Matsuda said, closing the door, "Why did you slap me? Why did you call me an idiot and a moron?"
L shook his head, "I… I was angry."
"Then why did you kiss me? You can't… you can't hurt me like that and then kiss me, R-ryuuzaki-san! I can't bear that!"
L stared at Matsuda.

"I can't stand the look in your eyes…," Matsuda said, "…when you call me an idiot. I can't stand knowing that I've disappointed you again."
L shoved his hands in his pockets and rubbed the back of his left leg with his right foot.
"Why did you kiss me?" Matsuda asked again.
L shook his head, "It was a mistake. I'm sorry, Matsuda-san…"
Matsuda's frowned, "Do you like me, Ryuuzaki-san? Romantically?"
L couldn't meet Matsuda's eyes. What would he say if L admitted his feelings?
Would he reciprocate? Would he reject?

L ground his teeth, "I…"
"I like you, Ryuuzaki-san. A lot. I… that's why I hate to disappoint you. It's a terrible feeling – I don't think you know – to disappoint the person you love the most. It hurts me… even physically."
Matsuda shook his head, "I don't know why you kissed me but… I just… I thought you should know that I like you."
L stared at Matsuda.

"This must be very awkward, Ryuuzaki-san, I apologize. You… you don't have to stay here and console me. P-please… I… perhaps you should leave. I'm sorry… I don't know what has come over me..." Matsuda babbled.
L moved closer and lifted his chin. He kissed Matsuda very lightly on the lips.
"I like you, too, Matsuda-san." L pulled his hands from his pockets and touched Matsuda's forearms, "A lot."

---

Drabble, drabble, drabble.

I really like L x Matsuda. I don't know why more people don't.
But then again, I really dislike Raito. LOL

These are just drabbles of an L x Matsuda relationship.
-4ng3legg