Kingdom Hearts is Enix's crap. But this is my own idea thingy... though probably not extraordinarily original. Eh. Whatever. Chapter One Ahoy!!!!
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Chapter One
Ahoy
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"Damn it." Clickity click click click click cliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick. "DAMN IT!" THUD. "OW!!!!!"
"Reds you better not be throwing the keyboard around again!" Enigma sighed, glancing at the closet. "You know it will just ricochet off the walls and hit you."
"DAMN IT ENIGMA SHUT UP!" A voice yelled from the closet. Enigma shrugged and turned back to his D&D books, taking a sip of milk from a mug set on a table in front of him.
"Suit yourself." He responded, flipping through the pages of the player's handbook version 3.5. "What's eating you anyways?"
A growl emitted from the closed door. "I'm trying to write, you know?" A voice echoed from inside.
"Yes, yes. You keep saying stuff about 'I need to write' and 'I haven't put anything up for months' and 'Maybe if I try real hard the block will go away', but you really haven't told me what the hell you've been up to." Enigma pointed out dully. He sighed and closed his book, placed it on top of one of many piles and grabbed another. "It'd be nice to know what my own sister is doing."
The room was silent for a while with nothing but the sounds of furious typing and slow occasional page turning echoing around the room.
"I'm trying to write Kingdom Hearts fanfiction, but I can't come up with anything original or funny." Reds finally answered.
Enigma snorted. "Do a stupid parody of the fandom. We both know that you can't come up with funny or original for your life."
"Yeah. Like all my other fics. I'll do a parody again when the world ends." Reds remarked sarcastically.
Enigma shrugged. All the sudden the lights in the room flickered out. The window that was wide open in the middle of the day let no light come through. Enigma heard Reds curse from the closet but ignored it and ran to the window to looked out. His mouth hung open.
"The power went off!" Reds yelled angrily from her closet.
"There are worst things then that, Reds. Come out of the closet. Now." Enigma said in monotone.
Reds blinked. Enigma hadn't bothered telling her to leave the closet in years. She grabbed the doorknob and hesitantly opened the door. She looked through the darkness and saw Enigma by the window. "What's wrong?" Enigma didn't move. "Enigma?"
"Come look." He didn't move and his voice didn't change from the calm monotone but Reds knew something was wrong. She crossed the room and looked out and into the sky.
"Oh great gods and magic... we're screwed. I'd go type something up but the computer's lost."
"Your sense of humor is as disturbing as mine."
"If it wasn't how would I survive in a closet without losing my mind?"
"You're still sane?"
"I... shut up."
Enigma smirked. "So what do you wanna do before we all die and turn into heartless?"
Reds shrugged. "I'd say D&D but we've never managed to even begin a game."
"Same. And the TV's probably broken too..." Enigma mused.
"We could always run out side yelling 'It's the end of the world! Sinners repent!' and join all the hobo's that always believed it."
"Or we could play checkers."
"Checkers sounds good." And thus a heated game of checkers went on right until the second Earth was swallowed by darkness along with all of its inhabitants, scary fangirls and all.
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Reds blinked. "Wait a damn second I'm dead! How am I blinking!!!" Obviously she didn't realize she was a nobody.
"Wait I'm a nobody now?" Well yeah. I mean in EVERY parody the author get nobody-ified.
"I don't think that's a word." Shut up. "Stupid disembodied voice." A brick fell on Reds' head at that moment.
"OW! SHIT! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!?" Giggles and shit. "I hate you." You know the story would move faster if you didn't actually hear me anymore... "Don't I have to go through a deepdive first?" Eh. We'll just say you did. "Works for me." And with that Reds no longer heard voices in her head. Good for her.
"Now then. Guess I join the organization 13 or something." Reds pondered aloud. "Hmmm... wonder how Enigma's fairing."
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Elsewhere
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Enigma blinked. "Eh. Time to check my pulse." And he did. "Oh goodie. I have a pulse. SO I MUST HAVE A KEYBLADE!!!" And so he did. "NOW TIME TO ROB OLD LADIES!!!" And so he did.
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"Eh. Maybe he's a nobody too. I mean its not like he can use a keyblade. You have to be a good guy to use a keyblade." Reds reasoned.
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Elsewhere
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Riku sneezed. Diz looked over at the cloaked figure. "God bless you. What was that about?"
"No idea. Time to beat up more unsuspecting children. Like that Roxas kid."
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Reds sighed. "Well whatever he's up to is better than me. I mean I'm kinda stuck in the middle of nowhere that hasn't been described to anyone because a) the author is lazy or b) the author can't write. I mean how many damn fanfictions are there that have no description of the setting!?! At least half of the damn fandom- wait a second is that a high school?"
And indeed it was. A high school popped out of absolutely no where. Reds stared. "Huh. I feel like I'm in a purposely bad fanfiction. Eh, might as well go there and see if anyone else is there." and so she did.
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Chapter End
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Okay people, sorry this is so poorly written. The next chapter I promise I will write much better but I'm trying to come out of a block and would prefer not to risk one of my existing fics (none of which are Kingdom Hearts). Oh and yes I made Riku and Diz look like jerks cause in fiction they tend to be depicted as just that. And they are jerks if you think about it.
And yes Enigma is a rip off of Riku, except much MUCH more violent. And funny.
And if you too wish to be part of this fic contact me. I need 12 others to parody the organization 13 (I'm gonna be a rip off of Xaldin. Cept with a stick.) a Sora, Kairi, and Xenahort.
Love you guys!