Warning: Some suggestive material/mentions of sex. And the song 'Bad Touch'. Not proof read.

Disc.: *sings* When I grow up! I want to be . . . an obstetrician/gynaecologist. I like babies.

Summary: :Chap 11: Naruto. Hiashi. Karaoke. Miscommunication. Shots. Yo Mama fights. Brawls. Bonding? The protective big daddy vs. the idiot. The prize: Hinata. Naruto has no chance against Hiashi.

Notes: Hm. Last update: 28 January 2009. I can explain? Also, evil granny update!

Thoughts of a Hyuga Father:

Thoughts on Bonding Part 2 (Third time's the charm!)

A Bar.

Wait.

Not just a bar – a strip bar.

The fool took me to a strip bar.

Hyuga's do not go to such disgusting places.

What next? Karaoke.

Plan A: Karaoke of 'Operation: Hiashi befriends me so that Hinata and I can live happily ever after'

"YOU AND I BABY AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS! SO LET'S DO IT LIKE THEY DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! GETTING HORNY NOW!"

Oh dear lord.

Hiashi's singing is horrible.

"– what's a horny?"

Maybe Karaoke wasn't a good idea but it looks like he's having a good time.

". . . AND THEN WE'LL DO IT DOGGY STYLE SO THAT WE CAN BOTH WATCH X-FILES!"

Why did he choose this song?

" – is doggy style a jutsu? Is it really strong?"

"Hai. It's a very powerful jutsu! But you need two people. You should try it out with someone."

. . . Ew.

She did not just say that.

EW.

"Oh. I understand." Hiashi said with a look of understanding – thank God. "I should try it out on someone strong enough to handle it"

This definitely wasn't a good idea.

The fool has taken me away from the electronic singing device.

And my fans, albeit them being strippers.

And I was having fun.

The song title really spoke to me. Bad Touch is how I would describe the Gentle Fist; bad to whoever gets hit with it.

I wonder if this song was a tribute to our clans attack.

No one has told me what this doggy style attack entails, yet.

Okay Plan A did not go well but I still have other plans to ensure my success in 'Operation: Hiashi befriends me so that Hinata and I can live happily ever after'.

Plan B: Shots

". . . shots?" rubbing my chin thoughtfully I contemplated the idiots request, "shots? As in attacks? Does this have to do with the new jutsu I have been told about?"

"NO!" the boy looks perturbed, "shots as in drinking shots. Bartender!"

The man in front of various glass bottles waddled over with tiny glasses filled with a peculiar clear liquid with a lemon wedge.

The boy turned and grinned.

His smile reminds me of the two buffoons in green suits. I heard one of the buffoons refer to the elder as "Gai-sensei"; if this "Gai-sensei" trained the idiot he is definitely not fit to marry a Hyuga (1).

"DRINK UP!" he screeched before downing the liquid.

Hm. He most definitely trained with the buffoon. The buffoon yelled a lot too. I should definitely send a spy to dig up his past.

10 minutes and 6 shots later.

"I hate you, Uzumaki."

If this wasn't so funny I would be offended.

Old man is slurring and insulting a plant.

"You are a – a – a – "

"Um. Old man."

"DON'T INTER – INTER - INTERROOOOO"

"Interrupt?"

"Yes! That."

I think I should take him home; he's had too much and is now talking to a pineapple.

"Old man. I'm over here. It's time to go."

He swivelled around to face me, "you are a Hinata stealer. My baby is now tainted by knowing you and now the whole clan will be destroyed now that you are to become one of us!"

If I didn't love Hinata-chan I would kill him.

These shoe things I have been given are very strong.

Oops.

Almost feel off my stool.

Damn shop things.

This boy is trouble just like his mother.

I see the connection.

She never shut up and after telling him politely about his tainting of the Hyuga clan he won't stop talking (read: shouting).

The forth wasn't an idiot.

Maybe he got his idiocy from his mother.

"MY MUM IS NOT AN IDIOT! SHE IS BEAUTIFUL AND KIND AND –"

Hm. Did I say that out load?

I blame the shell things. A Hyuga never reveals one's most inner thoughts. I think he came to drug me just so that I could reveal information about the Hyuga clan.

IS HE A NINJA FROM KUMO IN DISGUISE TRYING TO GET MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THE HYUGA CLAN AFTER FAILING WHEN HINATA WAS 3?

He insulted my mum (God rest her soul).

I, Naruto Uzumaki, do not stand for that and I now have to protect her honour.

How?

A Yo Mama fight.

"Well, Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died."

My mother is dead.

She died last year at age 104.

. . .

IS UZUMAKI THE CAUSE OF HER UNTIMELY DEATH!

"YOU SHALL DIE! TREASON! KILLER OF THE HYUGA MATRIARCH!"

"WAIT! NO IT WAS A JOKE!"

"AND YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME NOW WITH THESE SHOE – SHOP – SHELL –"

" – shots?"

"WHATEVER THESE THINGS ARE CALLED! WHILST TRYING TO PRY INFORMATION FROM ME ABOUT THE HYUGA CLAN! YOU ARE FROM KUMO, AREN'T YOU!"

"What? No!"

"LIAR! YOU COULDN'T GET INFORMATION FROM MY MOTHER LAST YEAR SO YOU KILLED HER! THEN YOU DECIDED TO PREY ON MY POOR DAUGHTER WITH A HEART OF GOLD AND TRY TO GET INFORMATION BY MARRYING INTO THE CLAN!"

"Wait, no! I love Hinata-chan – "

" – AND YOU ALMOST GOT AWAY WITH IT IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY MEDELLING WHICH IS PREVENTING THE MARRIAGE SO YOU HAVE TO KILL ME JUST SO THAT YOU CAN MARRY HINATA"

"I'm confused"

"DIE! BYAKUGAN!"

2 hours later outside the Hyuga complex.

"Naruto-kun! What happened."

"Nothing."

"Well, I hope you two had fun."

Aw sweet, sweet Hinata-chan. How is she related to the evil passed out man slung over my shoulder?

I'm lucky to be alive!

If it weren't for the brawl that broke out, I wouldn't have been able to strategically make my escape.

"Put me down!" the aforementioned now awake brawl starter mumbled seemingly alarmed, "QUICKLY!"

Great he's awake.

I set him down on the floor so that he could stand whilst I supported him with one arm.

Bleh.

EW.

He threw up on me.

I got the idiot

Divine justice.

I'll kill him tomorrow.

A/N: Hm. This is one big mess. But then again drunken people aren't going to be orderly.

(1) The irony. Gai is Neji's sensei.

There were actually two versions of this chapter. The first version I wrote and then this one which I started typing straight after I uploaded the first one – I like this one more so I decided to change it.

I like drunk!Hiashi.

My excuses. School. Procrastination. Final Exams. Laziness. Forgive me?

Now, I'm just relaxing and preparing for my month long holiday (MOMBASA BEACH RESORTS! FTW!) so I have time to update before I leave on the third week of July. Then I come back to face results *cue scary music* and complete the final stage of enrolment into college (no more uniform!).

An update on the evil granny issues I seem to have – I got into an argument with one at a bus station (it's like a huge bus stop for many busses) a week back. So if anyone in London saw a girl ready to battle it out with an old lady at a bus station – it was probably me. This is how it started: after the whole exam period my mum was like, "let's go shopping!", and I was like "sure". On the way home, it was still school hours so the station was fairly empty, then this old lady came and sat down – next to me, when there were like over ten space available. I have this thing where if there are obviously empty seats elsewhere, I do not expect someone to choose to sit next to me or vice versa – and aren't old ladies meant to fear teenagers? Anyway. What prompted the argument – she kept her big, hard bag on her right shoulder in the middle of us. The seats aren't big and right next to each other so it was digging into my ribs on my left side so I move over. She moves over TOWARDS me. I move again since it's now back digging into my ribs. Now I follow the three strikes rule so I move once more (now I'm like spread over two seats, uncomfortably I will add, and pushing my mum further down the row of seats). Bet you can never guess what happened next. She f*****g moved over again. That was like the third strike, so with my personal space issues, I turn to her and point out what has been happening and ask her to "move her bag" and "move down a bit so that I can sit properly on my seat". I even used my please and thank you's. She denied what she was doing and claimed I was "uppity". So an argument broke out with my mum trying not to laugh beside me. The bus came, at which point my mum says I was getting a bit threatening and violent, and was promptly dragged away by my mum. The old woman also happened to get on the bus. Tension. I glared at her throughout the bus ride and she tried to ignore me. She got off a few stops later. I'm waiting for "Round 2".