Author's Thing that he has to say before making a story: Ok, so I haven't updated this story for a while now mainly because of the following reasons.

- My editor isn't done editing the first few chapters of my book.
- My animator is distracted and therefore, isn't doing his job yet.
- My adviser is busy playing wait, failing at FPS games.
- I just bought Halo 3 - -''

But yeah, I guess I can continue this story. Seeing that I'm quite close to mastering Kyon's narration styles. By the way, when I wrote the first two chapters of this story (and the crackjob that was the deleted third) my understanding of the series were still in its infant stages.

NOW

Seeing that I've rewatched all of the anime's episodes at least thrice, read 75.555555 percent of the light novels and even suffered through the poorly drawn manga, I will finally be able to continue this epic tale of epic epicness. My writing style will now be dynamic sending you into tears, laughter, more tears and finally innuendo. No, I was kidding with the inuendo part. OR AM I!?

(God this is taking long)

Also, the action sequences will be so badass that the letters will literally (get it? literally? har har) turn themselves into bladed weapons and CUT INTO YOUR SKIN!!

The
E U P H O R I A
of
H a r u h i and K y o n

'Here we are now, the whole brigade, in the airport. Each of us with a specific task to perform. In a matter of a few minutes our movements will be perfectly synchronized to the second in order to achieve our goal. Our actions will be so well coordinated that this will no longer be considered as organized crime. The target is Aya Hirano. We'll come in, take the girl and get out. We can and we will do this with utmost perfection! Those who fail at their task and end up endangering the operation will receive punishment!' Haruhi stated as she stood before us all on top of a table.

I gave a sigh as I scanned the airport around me. I noted the few people taking glances at Haruhi and almost immediately I felt the pressure around me thicken. What was she thinking making an announcement like that in such a public place?

The plan for the capture seemed rushed to me and I highly doubted that we'll even get through from the first step. Our resources consisted of a map of the airport, cheap walkie-talkies from my childhood that Haruhi confiscated from my room last night, and a white board saying 'Aya Hirano.', ah yes and a few vehicles driven by a cousin of Haruhi.

The white board is probably there to lure her into thinking that we're the Japanese police that is to pick her up at the airport. Of all the people Koizumi and I were supposed to play the role as the cops but I doubt that Hirano is going to believe who we claimed to be. Koizumi and I simply looked too young to be posing as police.

This realization hit me in the face like a brick.

Oh man, we're not at all organized for this.

As the plane was making its final approach I could feel my life flashing before my eyes. I was going to spend the rest of my life behind bars. My sister, mother and father were going to go on living without me. Whatever future I hoped to have with Haruhi wasn't going to happen...

...I can't believe I just said that. My life must really be coming to an end.

What's going to happen to me behind bars? What's going to happen to Haruhi? To Nagato? To Mikuru?

But I doubt that I can do anything about this. If I refuse to do this then boom! Haruhi gets depressed and the world ends. Heck, the only reason on why I'm still here was because of the unexpected events that conspired on the night before. A strange emotional Haruhi asking me if she was going too far and an unexpected break-in into my room... Don't expect me to go through the details of what happened after that.

Koizumi and I stood in our posts while the rest headed to theirs.

'Her Beach Craft B200 is lowering its landing gears...'

Koizumi probably feels really special with that brochure of his.

While we were waiting in the public waiting area Haruhi and the rest were waiting outside with our so called vehicles. Though the plan seemed very badly done and practically had more loopholes than WarCraft's lore Haruhi still insisted that somehow this was going to be possible. She is God after all.

'Look at that yaw, my dog could do better!' Koizumi commented while watching a nearby passenger plane take off.

Since when were you so interested in planes anyway?

Koizumi flickered his hair and said, 'Since recently. I have taken quite the interest in aeronautics because of a close cousin of mine. That cousin of mine has managed to graduate college this year and is now currently working as an aeronautical engineer for Lufthansa.'

'Oh ok, and that cousin of yours inspired you to becoming a pilot?'

He turned his shoulders to me and said with a smile. 'Perhaps. I'm intrigued at the idea of leaving the limits of the earth's surface.'

You're quite the person to be intrigued about defying gravity. As I remember your abilities as an esper enable you to hover like a helicopter.

'Perhaps. But it's a completely different feeling being confined in a flying bathtub wouldn't you agree?'

It was at that moment that I realized that I no longer had any idea what Koizumi was talking about. I decided to instead pay attention to the young beauty making her way down the tarmac. The girl wore a white dress with a straw hat above her head. She looked casual and carefree as the wind blew her long hair in a way that made my breath stop.

'Even from this distance she's ridiculously cute in person isn't she?' Koizumi said as he dug in his pocket.

Her slow walk towards the air plane entrance felt like an eternity. So long in fact that I might even be able to discuss a flashback during this time...

Haruhi will you marry me?

'Y-Yes Kyon! I-I will marry you!' Haruhi said as she took the ring into her hands and kissed me hardly. We took each other into each other's hands and said with our eyes sparkling, our hair dancing in the wind (even though we were inside an air conditioned building) and roses dancing behind us.

'I will live a life with you my love! Together we will live a life worth living! A life full of love! A life of luxury and more love! We'll have children and friends to admire our love! Did I mention the love?'

And with that Haruhi and I got engaged and wed minutes later.

Sigh... If only it were that simple. The truth is an instance like that was only possible in soap operas or overrated high school dating sims. The truth is something like that can almost never happen. Especially if you're dealing with people like me and Haruhi.

Here's what really happened...

'Kyo-Kyon-kun...' Mikuru said, on the brink of tears. She held her hands together as Koizumi placed his arm across her shoulders.

'Way to go.' Koizumi gave us a chilling wink, a fake smile and shiny thumb.

'I feel so happy... for you!' Taniguchi on the other hand was on a state of emotional collapse. He was frozen on the spot crying his heart out on the shoulder of his quiet companion Kunikida.

In a matter of moments Haruhi and I have been able to gather a small audience around us. Outside and inside the small jewelry store were a crowd of people I did not know. A girl with her arm hooked around her boyfriend's watched silently as she placed her head on his shoulder. A blonde business woman stood with her cellphone as she watched us. And a few others were frozen in their places, expectantly waiting for something to happen.

'What are you people talking about?' Haruhi and I turned to each other in order to analyze the current situation. Our faces turned red almost immediately. Yet another moment of blatant emotional weakness between the both of us. A long cold sigh creeped through my body.

Haruhi looked at me with wide open eyes as they slowly hovered down into the ring in my hand. Come on! Think of a plan! You're the one who got us into this situation in the first place by dropping that ring. Think of a short plan that might get us out of this awkward situation. Make sure that we don't make too much of a commotion.

I have an idea, why don't we just explain to everyone what really happened? That you just happen to drop the ring while I was merely acting out of good nature to pick it up for you. Though it seems like this idea lacks effort I'm quite sure that it's going to work. Wouldn't you agree Haruhi?

Ok, let's do it in three.

One...

Two...

Three..

Haruhi slipped the ring into her finger.

Hold on, that wasn't the plan!

Haruhi held the ring close to her chest with both her hands. At this moment i was thinking if she was being dramatic, I guess she was because at the very last moment she looks at me and gives me an exaggerated wink.

'Huh?'

'I will marry you.' Haruhi nodded off. My jaw dropped through the center of the earth as I stood up.

'Wh-What?'

Haruhi shook her ringed hand into the air at the audience around us. 'Buuuuuut, seeing that you currently have no money with you... oh wait, seeing that I owe you about a million yen I might as well purchase this ring for now.' Haruhi waved her hand casually as she pulled me up with her.

Walking to the counter she placed her hand with the ring in front of the cashier. 'I'll be paying through my mother's credit card is that ok?'

The cashier watched confusedly at Haruhi's reaction as she bowed. 'Y-Yes.'

Haruhi turned around and looked at me in the eye. She smiled from ear to ear as she began laughing beneath her breath. I held my head down low and my shoulders slumped, it was at that day that I lost all of my allowance for the next thirty months.

Sigh... looking back on all of that I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders again. Not that I haven't experienced this before... being the boyfriend of a girl with the potential of being God can be a real workout anyway. However, I still have no idea on why she decided to act that way.

I considered that it might be her way of acting sweet but I highly doubted that, she is Haruhi after all.

'Here she comes.' Koizumi signaled me with a pat on the shoulder.

'Ok, ok...' I prayed that this wasn't going to be the end of me. I fixed the badge on my left breast and I fixed my collar. I breathed in slowly, taking the cold air into my lungs.

Koizumi placed a hand on my shoulder and said. 'Don't worry, it'll be alright. It's Suzumiya-san anyway. Her plans always manage to work out.' They do often manage to workout but even so why is it that we're the one to be placed in harm's way?

The brown haired artist made her way through the public terminal. I was surprised and relived that nobody was with her. This would make this job a little easier wouldn't you agree?

Aya Hirano began looking around the airport with her beautiful eyes. Nearly everybody around her seemed to immediately recognize who she was. Luckily airports prohibited the use of cameras within its boundaries so not many photos were taken. The only photos which managed to be taken were taken through cell phone cameras.

This could be trouble up ahead though since those pictures can still be used as proof. Say, the moment we ask Aya to come with us a person takes a photo... that could be later linked to her being missing and thus, we become suspected and hunted down.

As she makes her way down the linear path I realized that this was the perfect time to observe her. She carried an aura that felt like a mix of Haruhi's and Mikuru's. Her slender body probably made any male close to her feel like jelly and her pretty face was exactly what you would expect from an idol.

I began to brace myself as she finally stops and sees the both of us. Koizumi held the white sign above his head with a smile. At this moment I didn't exactly know where her real escorts were but I didn't really care. If Haruhi trully wanted this to happen her subconscious Godlike powers would do the task for us. She began waving from the distance with a smile on her face.

She stood before us and I felt my blood pump faster. 'Ohaa!' her smile was magic. 'I would guess that the both of you are my policemen for the day?' she said as she looked at Koizumi from the chest up.

'Yes ma'am.' Koizumi said professionally.

The Japanese idol made her way to staring at me and I nodded off awkwardly. 'Oh... the both of you seem so... young.'

Jacked up! Time to run!

'Ah about that, Kyon-kun and I have graduated rather early from our college days. In terms of intelligence and skill in policemanship (is that even a word?) Kyon-kun and I are far superior to that of a newbie policeman.' Koizumi explained as he lowered the sign. 'However, we are still just novices. Despite our acing of every test that they have thrown at us, this is still our very first mission.'

'Ohhhh...'

I couldn't take the fact that she was believing all of this. Or perhaps she already knows that we're faking it and she's simply preparing to run in a moment's notice.

'Indeed.' Koizumi nodded. 'But we are still very capable of providing intermediate security to our chosen client. We hope that you'll be able to keep your faith in us.' Koizumi looked at me.

'Uhm... yes.' I decided that I should let Koizumi handle all the talking since he's visibly better at it.

'Kay!' Aya smiled cutely as she began walking forward. 'You're a little shy but I guess I can let that pass. Why don't we get going now?'

'I completely agree.' I said as I looked at her luggage. As an act of being a gentleman I picked up her luggage and walked off while following her and Koizumi. Koizumi was in the middle of a healthy conversation with her while I was left with her relatively light luggage.

Still, I could not help but feel concerned by the lack of the real policemen.

We exited the airport terminal followed closely by the eyes of the guards on duty. Aya simply waved and gave casual smiles as we passed under their noses. I breathed a sigh of relief the moment my foot set step on the outside of the airport.

'Oy Koizumi! Kyooon!!' Haruhi was ecstatically jumping up and down in front of our "escape" "vehicle".

You idiot! Why are you jumping like that!? Stop making a scene for yourself!

Other than the fact that she was jumping excitedly like a little kid, Haruhi was also wearing casual clothing, not a policewoman's uniform. This would probably lead into Aya's suspicion rising but I saw no visible signs of this.

'Oh! So you must be Hirano eh?' Haruhi said as she stared closely at her face.

'Uhm... yes?' Aya was taken to be surprised slightly by Haruhi's sudden actions. Sweat trickled down her face as she said, 'And you m-must be Suzumiya-san right?'

Wait, you know each other? How's that possible?

'Hmmm...' Haruhi began walking circles around Hirano while rubbing her chin. As she examines the girl from all sides I noted Aya's increased breathing rate. Eventually though Haruhi stops with her threatening examination and proceeded to the van. 'Let's go then! Get in the van!' Haruhi demanded.

'Hey, hey...' I walked beside her and whispered into her ear. 'Stop freaking her out, can't you see that she's acting nervously around you?'

'Baka!' Haruhi screamed in my face. 'Of course she's acting nervously, she has a stalker coming after her! And strangely, according to the newspapers you resemble the stalker quite closely.' she smirked.

'Uhm, excuse me... we're going to ride in that?' our unsuspecting hostage said as she pointed to the van behind us.

'Yep!' Haruhi smacked the side of the vehicle with her palm. 'If we were to take you out on a limo that would be like drawing a big red bullseye on your head right? Driving around in this lame excuse for a vehicle would make you blend into the crowd much, much easier.'

And what kind of crowd are you talking about? The homeless crowd?

The old worn out silver van looked disturbingly out of place in the middle of an airport parking lot. Aya unnervingly enters the vehicle while I take in her luggage. The tight little van only had four seats available and I began to wonder how the six of us were going to fit in.

Hirano-san was seated in the back seat next to Nagato and her luggage. Koizumi was also the driver for some absurd reason. I sat shotgun next to him while Haruhi... seeing that there was no longer any place for her decided to sit on my lap. As she leaned against me I managed to catch the seductive smell of her hair.

Pulling my hands around her waist, Haruhi begins boasting to herself. 'I am so awesome for thinking such a flawless plan like this. Wouldn't you agree Kyon? Worship your beloved leader. Worship me...' she said as she shook her hand in the air.

I then noticed something.

I placed my chin on her left shoulder as I asked, 'Hey, where's Asahina?'

'Eh?' Haruhi tilted her head on mine. 'I don't know what you're talking about?' she hummed. She then squirms around to position herself to whisper in my ear. 'What did you think did Mikuru-chan and I do when we left a while ago?'

I was too preoccupied with my own private apocalypse so I wouldn't know.

'We went looking for the real police officers who were ordered to pick her up. Do you want to hear more?' I don't like where this is going, but yes. 'I substituted Mikuru-chan for Aya Hirano of course!'

'That's not possible!'

'I made it possible.'

Seriously, Asahina-san doesn't even look like her. Sure they have roughly the same height and hair color, but their signature features are far too different from each other. Such as Asahina-san's bust size!'

'Funny that you keep mentioning that about Mikuru-chan.' Haruhi raised a brow while she crossed her arms.

That's not the point! There was no way that those police officers took Asahina as Aya's substitute. For all we know, she could be behind bars now! Impersonation is a very serious case rarely taken lightly in Japanese jurisdiction!'

'Kyon, you are wa-y too naive.' Haruhi gestured with her hands dancing in the air. 'Of course they weren't going to take Mikuru-chan as Aya.'

She squeezed my thing as she said, 'I gave her to them as a bribe.'

...I felt a cold chill go down my spine.

Strange and unspeakable images of Asahina-san getting tortured by the wants and needs of the policemen crossed my mind.

'No! N-Not there please!!'

'But she handed you over to us!! Mwahahahahahhahahahaha!! Now jam it in!!'

'KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!'

'That was taking it too far Haruhi! Who knows what kind of unspeakable things they'll do to her!'

'Perv. And don't be silly... Those kind of things only happen in hentai and weird pr0n movies. Just leave everything to me! Alrighty?' and with that kiss Haruhi has silenced my right to speak.

That afternoon...

'You will be staying in this safe house for the time being Hirano-san.' Haruhi said as she spun around in her house' living room. 'My parents are out for the week so you can stay here while we "investigate" your stalker.'

'Uhm... ok.' the delicate Hirano-san made her way to a seat and sat.

I proceeded to the kitchen to get myself a drink, that past operation (and worrying about Asahina-san's safety) was amazingly stressing. While taking out some cheap root beer I could hear Aya and Haruhi talking.

'He seems to know his way around your house.'

'Of course, he comes here often. 'Guess he just can't stand being away from me for so long.'

Liar. I just happen to know where the refrigerator is since, well, it's a refrigerator, you find it in kitchens.

'Can I have some of that?' Koizumi said as he peered into the refrigerator with a smile.

'Yeah, sure.' I took out a can for him.

'Thanks.' Koizumi, who appeared a bit awkward was about to grab the can when...

'No! No! No! If you want to get in Kyon's pants you have to drink from the same can! Put that back now!' Haruhi said, her hands waving in the air.

'Heh...' Koizumi said weakly as he opened the can. Is it just me, or is this the very first time that he's ever ignored one of Haruhi's orders.

'I... we have a small matter to discuss Kyon-kun.'

Now normally, if you find yourself standing in the terrace of a person's house you would assume that that person is rich. Well, truth be told Haruhi is quite above the poverty line. Being with her often gives me inferiority syndrome.

As Haruhi interrogated Aya about her stalker case, I met up with Koizumi and Nagato on the terrace.

'What was it that you wanted to talk about?' the root beer as I drank it was like a waterfall in a desert of sand.

'We have a very serious situation Kyon-kun.' Koizumi said as he wiped some sweat off his forehead.

I waited.

'Hirano-san is not from this plane of existence.' Koizumi began and I listened. 'The Aya Hirano that we have just met is not from this world. As you might notice she looks and acts a bit off from the rest of us...' Koizumi took a sip of his cold beer. 'The truth is, she has come from a whole different universe. Please take your time taking this... Simply put, Aya Hirano is a dimensional slider.'

I let my mind take in the information slowly. 'How did she manage to get here?'

'Nagato-san has detected a small dimensional rift located in Switzerland.' Koizumi turned to Nagato who nodded silently.

'S-Switzerland? She came all the way here from Switzerland!?' that idea defies gravity.

'However, the rift has extended all the way here in Japan. Think of it as a small dot getting extended into a long cylinder.' Koizumi began rubbing his chin as if thinking. He then said, 'Suzumiya-san had wanted for her to come here.'

'I see... what can we do about this then?'

'At the moment, the only thing we can do is follow Suzumiya-san in her endeavors of hunting down Hirano-san's stalker.'

Ok, I understand, so for the time being the only thing that we should do is wait... and possibly risk our necks for Haruhi again. This seems to be easier than the usual...

'Correct. However there is something else. We have discovered who Hirano-san's stalker is.' Koizumi gave way to Nagato who walked towards me. In her small hands she held a small black notebook, written on it were the English words "Death Note".

'Please place your hand on the surface.' her toneless voice complemented the word "Death".

I hesitated...

'This will allow you visual of the target.'

My hand was shaking slightly as I slowly placed it on top of the notebook. I closed my eyes and waited for a paradigm of colors but it never came. I couldn't help but feel a bit relieved.

'The stalker is standing behind you now. Please prepare yourself.' Nagato said slowly.

I prepared myself as I turned around to meet the face of Aya Hirano's stalker. I expected the ghost of a dead, balding man who smelled like the blood of a thousand slaughtered pigs but instead...

'Yooooooooooooooo!!'

...I was met with a small girl dressed in black, on her back was a long sword. Her hair, was flowing down, reaching up to the back of her knees. She introduced herself to be...

'KONATA IZUMI HERE!!'

To be Continued...

The
E U P H O R I A
of
H a r u h i and K y o n

Mai r0flc0pt3r gose SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI!!