Please read it, I know it's confusing but it's really one of my best tries at something good for such a difficult book to write good fanfiction for.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight series or anything related to it. No copyright infringement is intended.

I yawned and sank further into the couch, slouching until my back was leaning against the armrest behind me. I knew I was tired, but nothing would convince me to go to sleep. Too much of me was busy worrying about him, so there was no space left to worry about myself or the possible consequences of such extreme sleep deprivation. No time to worry at all.

I tried to avoid thinking about not thinking about myself, because in a round about way that ended with me thinking about myself anyway, which I didn't want. Besides, it was much more fun to think about Edward.

The way his skin had sparkled with the light of a-million-and-one stars when he'd first stepped into the bright sunlight that was permanently shining over all of California. It had – of course – been very, very early morning when he'd done so. It was only by chance that the tiniest first ray of that day's sun had happened to catch his skin and send it all sparkling brilliantly. We were very lucky that my Mum hadn't been there. And not just because of him sparkling. I'll leave it at that. But I think there must be some sort of deep human instinct that says that anything that sparkles is worth throwing yourself at. Or something along those lines.

A quiet knock awoke me from my thoughts, and I spun around to see my mother standing in the doorframe between the kitchen and the living room, where I was slumped on the couch. She had a gentle, understanding and strangely motherly expression on her face as she walked over to me. I couldn't help watching her ungainly strides, which I'd once considered quite smooth. I guess spending almost all of my time with vampires does that to me - it makes me an awful lot more critical about humans. But honestly, how can we balance so easily with such ungraceful steps? It's no wonder that I fall over all the time, really.

"Bella," Renee's voice made me look back up to her face as I felt her sit on the end of the couch. I winced as I felt her weight on my legs, and quickly pulled them up to my chest, curling up into a ball and resting my chin on my knees. "Bella," she repeated, as if saying it again would give it more meaning. It didn't, so I continued staring with a kind of blank-innocence at her.

She sighed and glanced around the room. It was quite nicely furnished, but of course was very resort-ish; there was no personality or homey feel to this place, and neither of us liked it. But she wasn't critiquing the furnishings or looking to straighten pictures. That much I knew for certain.

"Bella, honey - where's Edward?" I almost had to hold back a giggle at her tone. It sounded vaguely like she was asking where my favourite teddy bear was, or what had happened to the goldfish. As if Edward was my responsibility and I'd lost him. Try the other way around. Minus that lost bit, he knew exactly where I was, and – as promised – I had no intention of moving until he'd returned.

"Um…" I stalled, thinking desperately but not able to think up a good excuse. "Out?" I tried dumbly, throwing in a half-fake yawn as I did, just to demonstrate that I really wasn't in a quick-thinking, making-up-excuses-for-people-who-can-look-after-themselves mood.

She just raised her eyebrows in a way that made me know that she wasn't planning on accepting my useless excuses. "Did he leave when I came in?"

I couldn't help snorting at that, as unladylike as it was. The only problem was that Mum seemed to take that as a 'yes'. She opened her mouth to begin scolding me, but I cut her off, "No Mum! I swear that's not why he isn't here." Laughter still rung in my tone though, and even to myself – who knew I was telling the truth – it sounded like I was lying.

Renee just raised her eyebrows further and narrowed her eyes. "Bella, it's much too late for you to be up – regardless of the reason. So come with me back to your bedroom and you can sleep there for what's left of the night."

I shook my head stubbornly, and refused to move when she stood, grabbing my elbow and tugging on it. In comparison to the strength I was used to having to fight against, she was nothing. Not that I ever fought well against Edward's strength, but at least I tried. "I'll just be up for a tiny bit longer, I promise not for long. And I'll go back to my bed, too. I'm just waiting for Edward to come back." No matter how long how long I'd been with him for, a thrill of tingles still trailed through my body when I said his name.

Mum's expression told me that my thrill wasn't as private as I'd hoped. "I know you're very close to Edward, sweetie, but you need to sleep. Please, just until he comes back." Again I shook my head, bracing myself for another bout of her trying to pull me up. "Why not?"

I blinked twice in quick succession, then fixed her with a quizzical look. Since when did she care about reasons and loyalty? The way she'd asked the question made it seem like she thought it was somehow symbolic of me choosing between her and Edward. How I wished she knew that I'd made that decision so long ago.

"He won't be long Mum, I swear. Just until then. Then I'll go straight to sleep."

A pained look flitted across her face for half a second, so fast was that it was gone before I could really notice it, so fast that I almost didn't believe that I'd seen it in the first place. But something about her slumped shoulders and the way she was avoiding my eyes told me she was more hurt than she was letting in. I felt a stab of pain shoot across my chest. Please don't let me lose Mum as well, I begged silently, watching her as she left the room again.

She can't have walked two steps when I heard her voice again, louder than expected and sounding very surprised. "Edward!?"

I sat straight up, feeling my back crack sharply at the sudden movement. I could be sure he'd heard that, but right now that trivial bit of almost pain didn't really bother me. I wanted to see him. So badly that it felt like I needed to see him. It was so far beyond want.

"Sorry, you just surprised me. I was talking to Bella-… yes, she's in there on the couch… no, no, that was my fault… get her to bed soon, please? For me…?" I rolled my eyes as I heard her words, that desperate need to see him and be with him again still coursing through me. I didn't even notice that her tone was slightly unusual. Sort of distant and rushed as if she was nervous. Which is why when he entered I wasn't expecting to be met by the full force of his eyes, lighter than I'd ever seen them before, and fixed - in a way that could only be translated as adoration - on me.

My heart stopped for a full second before kicking into complete overdrive. It was beating so hard that it hurt, and it was perfectly clear from Edward's crooked smile that he could hear every pulse of it. If I was human enough to feel embarrassed I would have, but whenever I was around Edward I couldn't help thinking that I was made just a little bit stronger, solely by his presence. No one could deny that I was definitely braver when he was around. And more open and nicer. All in all, a great improvement really.

Of course, in the time it took for all of that to get through my brain, he was already by my side, kneeling on the floor beside the couch with my hands in his and his lips kissing their way up, past my wrists and elbows. I dipped my head down to meet his lips, and instantly felt as if a fire had broken out between us and I needed to smother every single spark before I could even think of pulling away.

A flaw in my plan became apparent when I realised that I'd forgotten to take a breath before diving down to meet his lips, so he broke the kiss quite quickly and had to remind me to breathe again before we could continue. To say the least, that helped to quash the atmosphere a lot.

Both of our breaths were ragged; although mine more so, as my heart sill hadn't slowed down properly, and that made it doubly as hard to take deep breaths.

"Remind me not to do that again." Edward muttered, with a guilty smile, fixing his eyes on mine. My heart spluttered for a moment – indecisive between speeding up or stopping completely. It was saved that decision when Edward moved up from the floor and somehow managed to slide onto the couch beneath me, so that in effect I was lying over his lap. He moved so fluidly that I'd barely noticed until my back was resting over his legs.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound came out, so I closed it again. I wanted to ask him why he shouldn't do that again, because as far as I could tell he hadn't broken any sort of rule in doing that. Opening my mouth again, I let out another ragged and husky breath before he shushed me quietly, chuckling as he pressed two fingers over my mouth. I didn't miss that opportunity to kiss them lightly before he started trailing them down my jawbone to my chin and then my neck.

They stopped just below my collarbone, and I knew he was feeling my heartbeat. I watched his face intently as his eyes drifted closed and he began absorbed in the still unsteady beating of my heart. Hi expression made it seem like he was in bliss, but really I knew he was just appreciating the fact that I had a beating heart while I still did. All too soon he'd lose this entire side of me, and I knew all too well how he felt about losing it.

I shivered as he spread his hand out over my heart, the coolness of his hard, icy skin helping to slow my pulse until it was at the most normal pace it could reach in his presence. I closed my eyes too, raising one of my hands to rest against his chest, not hard to feel through his thin shirt. The coldness seeping off his body soothed me, and suddenly I realised how tired I really was. Wriggling around on his lap a little as I tried to get comfortable with what felt like a pillow of rock beneath me, I settled into him and prepared myself to sleep.

His stomach vibrated a little as he made a soft purring sound. I would've laughed, had I not felt so comfortable and content where I was. Plus, the sound was very soothing; it would probably put me to sleep fasted than my lullaby.

A rough cough from the kitchen brought us both back to life – metaphorically – and I turned to see who it was. Phil stood in the doorway, a disapproving look on his face. It was only then that I realised how close Edward's hand was to the edges of the bikini that I was wearing under my old t-shirt. Very close. I was surprise he hadn't felt it yet. The bikini not… yeah…

I blushed furiously as he quickly tore his hand away from me, resting them both over the back of the couch so that they were clearly outside of my 'Bella zone'. I repeated the same courtesy for him, removing my hand from his chest, but I stayed splayed on his lap. Nothing was going to move me from there.

Phil just stared at us; the quickness of Edward's actions paired with the similarity between the way both of us did it probably surprised him. Apparently it was a very long time since he'd had to worry about hiding the more physical side of his relationships from disapproving parents and intrusive vampires. With that thought came a visual of Phil and my Mum that I really didn't want to see. They were like my parents.

"I think Bella should go to bed now." Phil said in a forced, even tone. I glanced up at Edward who didn't look the least bit concerned as he surveyed Phil's face. I wanted to know what they were thinking – both Edward and Phil – but kept silent.

"Okay." Edward said, his tone also expressionless, but not nearly as forced. "Go on, Bella… bed." He shot me the fastest of winks possible to shoot before pushing me off his lap and twisting my body so that I ended up standing on my tired feet. I already knew that they weren't going to take my weight. Apparently, Edward did too, because he made a frustratedly-amused noise before picking me up and carrying me swiftly past Phil and straight to my room.

"Are you too tired to come outside?" He whispered to me, hovering above me as I lay on my bed. At his words a jolt of energy flooded through me and I sat up, completely of my own effort, staring avidly at him.

"Is that a 'yes'?" he asked in mock-uncertainty.

"Yes." I answered curtly, nodding.

We were both silent for a moment as I heard Phil go back to his and Renee's room. Edward waited until we heard the door close before helping me stand up again. I swayed a little on my feet, but the new energy rush helped and I followed him out the door, trying not to make a noise.

Silently, he led me back into the lounge room, and then to the sliding glass door on the opposite wall. He opened the door carefully and took my hand in his, pulling me out into the cold early morning air outside. Closing the door behind us, we wove our way along a path and then cut through a flowerbed, before rounding a corner and stopping. The beach was before us. Its sand looked almost grey in the lack of light, and the water seemed slightly menacing as it rolled in as huge black waves. But, with Edward by my side, there was no way that I'd refuse an early morning swim. I was already dressed for the occasion, after all.

I looked up at Edward, surprised that he'd allow something as human and as stereotypically 'naughty' as a late night – or in this case, early morning – swim. He just smiled back at me, my favourite, crooked smile on his face as his brighter-than-ever eyes twinkled like liquid butterscotch. If that was even possible.

Pulling his hand out of mine, Edward raced ahead, stopping on the beach for a moment to pull his shirt off before continuing into the gentle surf. I hurried after him, anxious not to lose sight of his dark bronze hair in the waves. Once he was about 10 metres out, he turned and waited for me, watching intently. I blushed again, not quite sure if he was watching solely for the purpose to wait, or if somewhere in his vaguely human interior he wanted to see me in a bikini. I didn't even want to think of which one I thought it was.

I smiled shyly at him from the edge of the sand; slowly wandering towards the dark bit of sand that indicated his shirt. I didn't see how it was fair that he got to watch me go into the water when I wasn't able to watch him. Just wait until I'm a vampire, I thought to myself, then I won't always be left behind.

I was barely aware of pulling my t-shirt and shorts off, and was only made aware when the water hit my feet, making me shiver and shy away from it. A strong arm curved around my waist and pulled me out further into the surf, and I held back the girlish screams threatening to escape from me as Edward dragged me out into the waves. I couldn't help but hope he liked the feel of his hand on my bare stomach as much as I did. My heart was beyond crazy now in its frantic stuttering.

The sound of a wave coming made me let out a small scream, before I was completely doused in water. The only thing keeping me safe was his arm still holding me tight. I felt my head pulled out of the water and took a quick deep breath, letting it out almost instantly as I realised the sudden closeness between Edward and me.

I was facing him, looking up into his angelic face. His bare chest was mere inches away from my body, and I could feel rather than see that he too was struggling with the idea of pulling me against him and crashing his lips down on mine. That idea seemed very attractive to me - only he had to be the one to initiate. I stared into his eyes uncertainty, waiting for his decision.

The next moment, several thing happened in such quick succession that I couldn't quite pick what order they came in. All I knew was that suddenly Edward's face had set into a hard, confident expression; Edward's hand on my waist had pulled me – hard – against his chest; and a very big wave had swept over both our heads. His lips found mine while we were still underwater, but I wasn't exactly as eager to kiss him while I so desperately needed to breathe. Understanding dawned on his face as he pulled me above the water again, gave me precisely one second to take a deep breath, and then his lips were mine.

My hands roamed all over his body, completely out of my control; they jumped from his chest to his neck to his hair and back again, all much faster than I thought was capable for a mere human. He, of course, was different. His hands sent electric charges through my body everywhere they touched, stinging me was a shock of ice cold, then a burning sensation the moment his touch shifted.

I melted into him, returning my hands to his neck as I let him take control of the kiss. His lips broke from mine, causing an unplanned moan to sound from me. He just smiled wickedly and went to my collarbone, slowly laying soft, delicate kisses up my neck, under my chin, along my jawbone to the hollow under my cheek. He paused there for a moment, taking a second to murmur, "I really like the swimsuit," before moving back down to my lips. I kissed him with renewed enthusiasm.

As more waves swept in past us, Edward worked up a way of holding me so tight to his chest that even the most powerful waves didn't shift our position. We stayed like that, pressed closely against each other, when I suddenly noticed a warmth on my cheeks and forehead. Pulling away gently, as both of our lips were rather swollen by this point, I turned and looked behind me to see the first rays of sunlight hinting on the horizon. One single flame of light beamed towards us, and I slipped out of Edward's arms as he let that one ray illuminate him, making him sparkle like he were made of diamonds.

I gasped at the sight of it all: waves breaking around him, his skin shining in the early-morning sun, and his golden eyes twinkling down at me. Finally I realised what colour his eyes were - they were the colour of the sun. That intense golden, orangey, white colour, too bright to ever be able to identify properly.

And somewhere within me I knew that they'd never be this bright again, I'd never again get to see him as a sun-god, sparkling with the light of the sun. Sparkling with the colour of the sun. I couldn't stand back for any longer; he was so perfect, so flawlessly perfect, that I couldn't believe he was really still here. To me, he was the sun now, finally, my own shining sun again. In his eyes, on his skin, hanging shyly on the horizon impossibly far away behind him - all of the sun was here with me, all of the sun that I would ever need.

I hadn't even realised that he'd moved when suddenly his lips were against mine again. But this time there was no rush or desperation. This time we were slow, savouring the taste of every kiss before embarking on the next. He lifted me further out of the water and I let him carry me back to the sand, where we both dropped, onto the now golden sand. I sighed, rolling onto my side to look at him lying beside me. Everything around him was still the sun, now completed by the light golden sand around him. I felt so inept and undeserving. How could anyone, let alone me, deserve all of the beauty and power of the sun in one, perfect being? No one deserved that.

"I love you." Edward whispered, his lips hardly moving at all, his sun-coloured eyes fixed on mine. I lost myself in their depths - they were like the sea, lit up by the rising sun, endless expanses of gold laid out before me.

"We should go back." I croaked, my voice terrible from the salt water and my tiredness.

Edward nodded and carefully lifted me, holding me as if worried I might break. He bent down to scoop up our clothes and then started slowly back the way we'd come, his path now lit by that first solitary ray of sunlight.

I was asleep before he'd rounded the first corner, dreaming of our future lives together. No doubt, those lives would be plagued by constant shade and rain - after all, how else could vampires live in safety? But now that I'd seen him as a part of the sun I could finally understand that regardless of how he felt, or how I felt, he'd always be my sun, warming me just by looking in my eyes and promising to watch me for all eternity. Just like the sun, I could be sure that he'd never leave, even if clouds masked the sky in their grey depths, the sun would always be there, ready to shine again whenever it got the chance. Whenever anything got in our way, Edward would find a way through. He'd do anything to get to me. And he'd always reach me in the end, his eyes shining with the colour of the sun. That was one colour that I could be sure never to forget.

... it was terrible, wasn't it? At least tell me if you think it was, cause that always helps.