A/N: well some more crack coming your way.^^ the inspiration was my school's field day way back in september. this was done with Red Princess. XD
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
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Field Day
Rukia: (reading team assignment list) YAY~~ I'M ON TEAM STRAWBERRY~~ WHOOOOOOO~~~ (whacks Ichigo (team captain) with a little too much enthusiasm)
Ichigo: (rubs head) Oww Rukia, what the hell? That hurt!!!
Rukia: (not paying attention) YAY~~~~ GO TEAM ICHIGO~~~~~~ (dances)
Hisana: (reading team assignment list) Uhm, I'm on Team Pineapple? (looks at the captain name) ...Abarai Renji? OH Renji-kun~~ (bows) Yoroshiku onegai shimasu~
Renji: Uhm... ok then.
Byakuya: (reading team assignment list) ...Team strawberry? I'm with the insolent Kurosaki? (scans list) Hisana's on the opposite team…
Hisana: (grinning) -thinks- Byakuya-sama's going down...
Rukia: Pfft, "Team pineapple"? Renji, how lame can you get with your team name??
Renji: (angry face) Shut it, Rukia!
Rukia: (ignores) OH OH~ Hisana-nee, you're going DOWN~ (makes a face at Hisana)
Hisana: "Whatever you say, Rukia-chan~ Team Strawberry is going down! (throws red glitter all over and sprays red silly string)
Byakuya: Rukia, that's not nice...
Rukia: (glances at Byakuya) Nii-sama...WHERE'S YOUR TEAM SPIRIT???? (grabs can of pink spray paint and aims it at Byakuya's hair and robes)
Hisana: (helps Rukia spray Byakuya)
Renji: (randomly screams) I'M NOT A FREAKING PINEAPPLE!!! …and why is my team one member short? We need one more person… Hey, Hisagi-san! You're on my team! (pulls Hisagi into the game)
Hisana: (jams a red shirt over Hisagi's head and sprays him with red spray)
Ichigo: Hisagi joined Pineapple? …Hey, wtf? (gets sprayed with red silly string by Hisana)
Hisagi: …Uh, what did I just sign up for?
Rukia: (jams a shirt that reads 'captain strawberry' over Ichigo's head)
Ichigo: Rukia, what the HELL?
Rukia: C'mon Ichigo, you're no fun… you're just as bad as Nii-sama over there! (gestures to Byakuya who is being assaulted by Hisana)
Ichigo: (shudders) Why is Byakuya all pink?
Byakuya: (death glare)
Renji: (puts on a shirt that says 'captain pineapple')
Rukia: (sprays Ichigo in the face with more silly string) GO S-T-R-A-W-B-E-R-R-Y!!! Whoo~
Ichigo: (nearly swallows silly string) RUKIA! Cut that out, dammit!
Rukia: (suddenly sees Hisagi) (thinks) …Of course Renji had to pull him in… (runs over to Hisagi and sprays him in the face with pink silly string) Welcome to our field day!
Hisagi: Oi, Kuchiki! What did I ever to do you?
Rukia: Nothing really… but I don't like you. (sticks out tongue)
Hisagi: ??
Hisana: (is clinging to Byakuya and spraying red silly string down his shirt)
Renji: (picking a fight with Ichigo) Yo Strawberry! Think you can beat me?
Ichigo: Uh yea, actually… I'm gonna kick your ass, stupid pineapple~
Byakuya: …. (still being hugged by Hisana)
Rukia: Enough! Enough! Let the games begin! (pushes Hisana off Byakuya and blows a horn thingy…right into Hisagi's ear)
Hisagi: WTF?? DAMN YOU KUCHIKI~~~ (is half deaf)
Rukia: (ignores)
- Team Strawberry and Team Pineapple move over to designated Area 1 -
Hisana: OK! The first activity is to get through the "Hollow" area without your zanpaku-tou. Then you have to get a stack of paperwork and fill it out. And then run back and tag your next teammate.
Everyone else: WTF?
Byakuya: Hisana, you don't HAVE a zanpaku-tou… and it's too dangerous for you~
Ichigo: (thinks) Does this lady want to commit suicide or something?
Hisana: I'll get through it!
- First runners line up -
Rukia: (first to run… against Hisagi) (speaking to whole of Team Pineapple) Make sure you guys don't kill yourselves trying to beat us! (makes an obscene gesture at Hisagi)
Hisagi: WTF Kuchiki?
Ichigo: Yo, Pineapple! I'm totally gonna win this first thing!
Renji: Strawberry moron! You're going DOWN!
Byakuya: …On the count of three, first person goes. When he or she is done with the paperwork, come back and tag your next teammate.
Everyone else: Got it~
Rukia: Ok then~ LET'S GO!! (shun-poes off)
Ichigo: RUKIA!! WE DIDN'T EVEN COUNT TO 3 YET!!!
Rukia: (too far away to hear)
Ichigo: (sighs) Whatever…
Byakuya: Rukia…
Renji: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, HISAGI?? GO GO GO~~~~
Hisagi: DAMN YOU KUCHIKI~~~ (shun-poes and finishes before Rukia) (tags Hisana)
Rukia: (in the middle of doing paperwork) …..WTF??! (lets out stream of obscenities) (shun-poes back without finishing the paperwork and tags Byakuya)
Byakuya: (sternly) Rukia, I saw that…
Rukia: Shut it, Nii-sama! Just GO~ (pushes Byakuya away and turns to beat up Hisagi)
Hisana: (somehow gets through the obstacle but takes a while doing paperwork) (looks up from proofreading reports) Team Strawberry is disqualified... You have to stick by the rules if you want to win, you know.
Renji: (cheers) Take that, Ichigo!!
Rukia: Hey! That's not fair! (pouts)
Hisana: (hugs) Aw, I'm so sorry, Rukia-chan.
Renji: Oi! Hisana! No consorting with the enemy.
Rukia: (raises eyebrow) …Big word for you, Pineapple.
Renji: …I'M NOT A FREAKING PINEAPPLE!!
Ichigo: (groans) Thanks a lot, Rukia…
Rukia: Shut UP, Strawberry! (kicks Ichigo)
Ichigo: (doubles over in pain)
Byakuya: (sweat-drops)
Rukia: Ok, next game!! Team pineapple is going down!
Renji: …So what is the next game?
Byakuya: Ok. The next challenge is to save this person – (randomly pulls Ukitake onto the field) – from an Menos Grande. Only one representative per team is to run through a minefield of Arrancar and Bounto in order to reach Ukitake-taichou. Teams, choose your representative.
Ukitake: (confused) What am I doing here?
Rukia: Uh, Nii-sama… it's 'a' Menos Grande, not 'an' Menos Grande.
Byakuya: …Thank you for correcting my grammar.
Rukia: (sweatdrops) Er, right.
Hisana: Ok, I vote…RENJI-KUN!
Renji: WTF?
Hisana: Please? Ukitake-san is soo kind~
Hisagi: Yea Renji. You're probably the strongest… You have a Bankai~
Renji: Fine...
Ichigo: Let me go in cuz I need to show that pineapple that I'm better than him!
Rukia: So it's the Strawberry vs. the Pineapple…
Ichigo: BRING IT ON, PINEAPPLE FREAK!
Renji: YOU'RE GOING DOWN, STRAWBERRY!
Byakuya: Ok, on the count of three - one, two, three!
Rukia: (shouts as Ichigo shun-poes away) AND MAKE SURE NOT TO CHEAT!!
Ichigo: (wins)
Renji: (mutters stream of profanities)
Hisana: (slaps Renji hard) Stop it with the profanities!! They don't get you anywhere but the bathroom with a bar of soap in your mouth!
Byakuya: Team Strawberry wins.
Rukia and Ichigo: GO TEAM STRAWBERRY!! YAY!
Ukitake: (glomps Ichigo) My savior~!
Ichigo: Whaaa? (freaked out)
Rukia: So what's our next challenge?
Byakuya: Volleyball.
Hisagi: What's volleyball?
Ichigo: You don't know what it is?!
Renji: (has a bar of soap shoved in his mouth by Hisana) Mmpffff!
Hisana: (ignores Renji choking on bar of soap and gives everyone in Team Strawberry hugs) Congrats!
Renji: (spits out bar of soap) Itoldyounottogoconsortingwiththeenemyteam!!!
Hisana: Whatever.
Hisagi: (gets hit in the head with soap)
Rukia: Heehee~ Hisagi got hit with soap!
Hisaig: Damn you, Kuchiki!
Rukia: Hey, I didn't spit the thing at you…
Ichigo: Enough, enough! We have to explain to Hisagi what volleyball is!
Rukia: …How do you not know what it is? Even Nii-sama (of all people) knows how to play.
Hisagi: Well I –
Rukia: (cuts him off) Anyway, it doesn't matter. Let's start the game!! (pulls out volleyball and gets ready to serve)
Hisagi: (vein pops)
Renji: It's okay, Hisagi-san. You have to hit the ball over the net to the other team – if the other team lets the ball touch the floor it's a point for us, and if our team lets the ball touch the floor it's a point for THEM. Get it?
Hisagi: …Uh, I think so…
Ichigo: It's not that hard. I mean, even Byakuya knows how to play.
Hisana: (mutters) Surprisingly…
Byakuya: Team Strawberry gets the first serve.
Hisana: (gives last minute hugs to Renji and Hisagi) Good luck, everyone!
Rukia: Hisana-nee, you don't have to give those punks hugs…
Hisagi: Jealous?
Rukia: As if. She's my sister, smartass.
Ichigo: RUKIA! Enough arguing with Hisagi! Just serve the damn ball!
Rukia: Alriiighty then… (serves and 'accidentally' hits Hisagi on the head) SCORE FOR TEAM STRAWBERRY!!!
Hisagi: (fumes)
Ichigo: Uh, Rukia? That's not a point because Renji saved the ball and hit it over.
Byakuya: (starts to serve the ball over)
Rukia: (to Ichigo) Why the hell do you sound like you're happy that happened? Show some more team spirit!! Right, Nii-sama? (nudges Byakuya)
Byakuya: (distracted) (misjudges serve and accidentally hits Hisana on the head)
Ichigo: Look what you did!! (to Rukia) And I wasn't happy. I was merely stating a fact!
Byakuya: …. (wants to sit in emo corner)
Renji: (kneels by Hisana's side) Hisana-san, are you alright?
Hisana: (passed out)
Rukia: Well you sure sounded happy to – OMG WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SISTER?? (runs over)
Hisagi: Kuchiki-taichou hit her with a volleyball, in case you didn't notice.
Rukia: SHUT IT! Don't even try blaming this on Nii-sama! It's all your fault!
Hisagi: Kuchiki-taichou looks like he wants to sit in an emo corner. Look! He's obviously the culprit!
Byakuya: (looks utterly depressed)
Rukia: What the hell are you talking abou – (sees Byakuya) OMG NII-SAMA! SNAP OUT OF IT!! DON'T TURN EMO ON ME!!! (shakes Byakuya)
Byakuya: (shakes head) What? Oh, Hisana! (hugs Rukia)
Rukia: Er, no… Nii-sama? I'm not Hisana-nee. She's over there. (points to Hisana's passed out body on the floor)
Byakuya: (runs over to Hisana) (stares…and stares…and stares)
Ichigo: Wow… Byakuya's so out of character…
Renji: I'm scared…
Rukia: Maybe that's because…. HE'S IN A STATE OF AFTERSHOCK FROM HITTING HIS OWN WIFE, YOU IDIOT!!! (kicks Ichigo)
Ichigo: (pissed off) I know that! I was just stating a fact!
Renji: Uh, Kuchiki-taichou, aren't you going to do anything?
Byakuya: …
Hisagi: Kuchiki-taichou?
Byakuya: (is not sure what to do)
Rukia: Oh for crying out loud, someone call an ambulance!!
Ichigo: (calls)
Rukia: Well, finally! Someone help me pick her up. (looks pointedly at Hisagi)
Hisagi: Ok, ok…
Ichigo and Renji: Careful, don't drop her!
Byakuya: (has finally found an emo corner to sit in)
Hisagi: (drops Hisana) F**K!!
Ichigo, Renji, Rukia: WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU??!!
Rukia: (vein pulsing) You IDIOT! (kicks Hisagi)
Ichigo: Here, I'll carry her.
Rukia: Don't drop her like this dolt over here. (hands Hisana over and continues abusing Hisagi)
Renji: (vein pulsing) And you expect to win Rangiku-sans heart when you drop girls?
Ichigo: (doesn't drop Hisana because he wants to protect the freaking world)
Rukia: Hisagi's never going to win anyone's heart cause he's a freaking idiot! (is thinking it's a good thing Hisana's passed out b/c she would've been jealous at Renji's comment)
Hisagi: (vein pops) Kuuuuchiiikiiiiiii~~~~!!!!!
Ichigo: (carries Hisana into ambulance)
Byakuya: (still sitting in his emo corner)
Renji: And what the f--- happened to field day? My team was supposed to win.
Ichigo: Yo, Rukia! Want to come with me to the hospital? I'm hitching a ride with the ambulance... (to Renji) Hey, watch over Byakuya and make sure he doesn't cut himself or commit suicide or something.
Renji: Right… (sits next to Byakuya)
Rukia: Yeah sure, Ichigo. I'll keep an eye on my sister. (scoffs) As if Nii-sama would kill himself…
Hisagi: (mutters) Just watch…
Rukia: WHAT WAS THAT? (glares)
Hisagi: N-nothing…
Rukia: Good. You go sit with Pineapple and watch Nii-sama too. And don't try anything funny.
Hisagi: Hmph. (goes to sit near Byakuya but not too close to him or Renji)
Rukia and Ichigo: (satisfied) (go on ambulance with Hisana)
[in ambulance]
Ichigo: Hisana-san really gets hurt easily, doesn't she?
Rukia: (sighs) Tell me about it… No wonder Nii-sama is always so careful around her. She'd better not die on me now.
Ichigo: She won't. I bet she's strong on the inside… Like sister, like sister.
Rukia: …Ichigo… (long pause) That was… SO CUTE!!! OMGOMGOMG!! (squeals and glomps Ichigo)
[back at volleyball field]
Renji: (heard Hisagi's comment before) Oi, Hisagi-san! Respect the Taichou! (whacks him on the head)
Hisagi: What the hell's wrong with everyone??! I'm not some punching bag for you to abuse!!
Renji: You're the idiot around here, DUH!
Hisagi: Look who's talking, pineapple!
[in ambulance]
Ichigo: (blushes) Thanks, but this isn't a good time. Hisana-san is still –
Rukia: (pouts) But Ichigooo~! Don't you love me?
Ichigo: (blushes even more) I…I… That's not the point. Your sister is in this state, dammit!
Rukia: But…I thought… (sniffs) YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME!! I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!
Ichigo: Dammit, Rukia WTF is wrong with you? I FREAKING LOVE YOU DAMMIT!! (covers mouth and blushes…even harder)
Rukia: …Uh, wow… I was just teasing you, you know. I didn't think… (blushes and looks away)
Hisana: (is starting to die)
[back at volleyball field]
Renji: I'm not an idiot.
Hisagi: Uh, yes you are.
Renji: No, I'm not. You are.
Hisagi: Is that the best comeback you can come up with, pineapple?
Renji: …
Hisagi: Ha, I knew it! You're the most idiotic around here cause you're not denying it now!
Renji: …
Hisagi: Giving me the silent treatment? (glares)
Renji: (thinks) Hisagi-san really IS an idiot…
Hisagi: You're an idiot. (turns away from Renji)
(long silence)
Hisagi: (pokes Byakuya)
[in ambulance]
Rukia: (still blushing) Uhm, Ichigo? Say something.
Ichigo: …. (doesn't know what to say)
Hisana: (starts to flatline)
[back at volleyball field]
Byakuya: (does nothing)
Hisagi: (pokes) This is fun! (pokes) (pokes) (pokes)
Renji: (pissed off) STOP POKING THE TAICHOU!!!
Hisagi: (glares)
(silence)
Hisagi: …. (poke)
[in ambulance]
Rukia: Ichigo, p-please say something! (starts to hyperventilate)
Ichigo: Rukia, I… I love you. (hugs)
Hisana: (flatlined)
[volleyball field]
Renji: That's IT!! (Zabimarus Hisagi's butt)
Hisagi: (passes out)
Byakuya: (still sitting in his emo corner)
[ambulance]
(warm toasty IchiXRuki hug going on…)
Hisana: (has been dead for several minutes)
Rukia: (thinks she wants to lose her ears but isn't sure)
Ichigo: (wants to lose his ears too)
Rukia: Umm, Ichigo? Maybe this isn't the right time?
Ichigo: I agree. (turns to Hisana) HOLY SH–!!!
[volleyball field]
Renji: Taichou…
Byakuya: (blank stare)
Renji: I apologize in advance. (slaps Byakuya)
Byakuya: (flies across room from impact of the slap) (lands face first on floor) ….
Renji: (sweat-drops) Taichou, this isn't like you…
[ambulance]
Rukia: Huh? Don't turn away from me, Ichigo! (pulls him back to face her)
Ichigo: B-but… Hisana-san!!
Rukia: (doesn't Hear the 'Hisana' part) Look at me! It's very rude to turn away from someone during a time like this!
Ichigo: Dammit, Rukia! What about your sister?!
Rukia: (pissed) What about her??! I'm telling you to LOOK AT ME!!!
Ichigo: Uh… (extremely uncomfortable) Your sister just… flatlined.
Rukia: I don't give a – OMGWTFDIDYOUJUSTSAY????!!! (shakes Ichigo violently)
[volleyball field]
Byakuya: Mmphh… (flails arms in an attempt to get up)
Renji: Taichou, please get a grip on yourself.
Byakuya: (flailing hand comes in contact with Renji's face)
Renji: (flies across room)
Byakuya: (grumbles) (keeps flailing hands and comes in contact with Hisagi's stomach)
Renji: (puts a spell on Byakuya to restrain him)
Byakuya: (grumbles)
Hisagi: (wakes up) DAMMIT THAT HURT!!! WHO DID THAT?
[ambulance]
Ichigo: (shakes) She's been flatlined for a long time now…
Rukia: …WHAT???!!! HOW COME YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING??!
Ichigo: I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THIS WHOLE TIME!!
[volleyball field]
Renji: You hit yourself.
Hisagi: WHAT? THAT'S CRAZY! I'M NOT THAT STUPID!
Renji: Yes, you are.
Hisagi: AM NOTTT!! (whines) Why don't you stop picking on me, stupid pineapple?!
Renji: Why don't you stop being an idiot, then?
Hisagi: WHAT? I AM NOT AN IDIOT!!!!
Byaukya: (vein pulsing) WILL YOU TWO BE QUIET!!!
Renji and Hisagi: The Taichou!! (cling to each other in fear)
[ambulance]
Rukia: I don't believe you, because I would've heard you if you had told me. Don't blame it on me, Ichigo!! Just...just... (bursts out crying) SHE'S DEAD!!! SHE'S DEAD!!!!
Ichigo: I'm so sorry. (hugs Rukia again)
Rukia: (sobs) …. (suddenly pushes away from Ichigo) …. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, STUPID STRAWBERRY!!! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS! DANCE, SODE NO SHIRAYUKI!!
Ichigo: (jumps out ambulance window)
Rukia: GET BACK HERE STRAWBERRY!!! (jumps out window too)
Nurse (walks in): OH NO! The patient's flatlined!!
[volleyball field]
Hisagi: (cowering in fear) P-pineapple, do something! He's YOUR captain!!
Renji: YOU'RE the one who pissed him off!!
Hisagi: What did I do? (confused)
Byakuya: (growls) You two idiots!! You should be happy I haven't killed you yet! …Now, I'm going to see where my wife has gone to… (shun-poes off)
Hisagi: … Hey, don't you think we should follow him?
[outside of ambulance]
Rukia: (is chasing Ichigo around in circles) STRAWBERRY YOU IDIOT!!! COME BACK HERE SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASS! (waves Shirayuki around haphazardly and hits random people with it)
Ichigo: OK OK I'M SORRY, DAMMIT! STOP HURTING RANDOM PEOPLE!
Rukia: (gives Shirayuki one last wave) Hmph, you'd better be. Stupid strawberry… (suddenly remembers Hisana is dead) OMG what are we going to do? We have to hurry before Nii-sama –
Byakuya: (suddenly arrives) Hello, Rukia… Kurosaki… Is my wife ok?
Ichigo and Rukia: (look at each other in fear)
Ichigo: …Uh, sorry to break it to you, Byakuya. …You killed her. (shun-poes away quickly)
Byakuya: ….
Rukia: ICHIGO!!! GET BACK HERE!!! DON'T LEAVE ME!! (shun-poes away)
Byakuya: (vein pops) ….KUROSAKI~~!!!!!
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A/N: ...it was long and random, wasn't it? XD hope you enjoyed!