Curse you Ramen.
Dedicated to - Takuya my one hundredth reviewer for my story 'WICKED'.
This is Takuya's prize for being my one hundredth reviewer for my story 'WICKED'. I asked her to request something for a one shot, and she requested NaruSasu fluff. So here it is. I hope you like the humour and CRACK of it all too. I don't think this is what she expected…
Disclaimer - I, RavenToriBlack, do not own Naruto or any of it's characters.
Note - Since it is summer and I am down the beach being my stupid beachy (hehe) self I haven't had much time to write, it's good to be active and do heaps of exercise but this is insane! I have no time to write! I'm at the beach from early morning to late night. Yes…I'm a sporty beach person. Bettcha' didn't see that one coming. Hehe. ARGH It's thirty degrees and it's midnight! So please forgive me for my late updates and the crappiness of this whole story!
Sasuke was angry…no wait…he was beyond angry. He was furious. He and Naruto had been together for at least a year now and it had been a wonderful, happy, orgasmi…er…and it had been a good year at that. But, alas, all good things must come to an end, and it had taken Sasuke a year to figure out that Naruto…had another lover. An even better lover than Sasuke himself, because this lover had uke-a-fied the ultimate seme known as Naruto. Yes Naruto, Sasukes beloved seme, was this …'whores' bitch.
It hurt Sasuke deeply that his Naruto loved another, more than he loved Sasuke. So who was this person…well it wasn't a person, per se, it was a thing. Well…it wasn't just any thing…it was ramen. Ramen had stole Naruto away from him.
Sasuke hated ramen!
And for some strange, unknown, crazy reason Naruto didn't understand why.
"Come have some ramen with me, Sasuke." Naruto would politely offer.
"Fuck you!" was Sasukes gentlemanly reply before storming off.
'Stupid ramen. Stealing my boyfriend. It thinks it's so good but I'll show it, I'll show it good…' Sasuke thought before a crooked smile passed over his mouth.
'I'll show it good…because I am no longer an avenger…I am a revenger!'
It was only pure circumstance that today was the day that Uchiha Itachi and his loyal partner (but not that kind of 'we're together and in some kind of stereotypical yaoi relationship' partner) Hoshigaki Kisame decided to grace Konoha with their presence. Itachi claimed that it was because they still needed to kidnap Naruto and steal the power of the infamous nine tailed fox - Kyuubi, but Kisame had his doubts. He had the strangest feeling that this, somehow, had something to do with Itachis younger brother Uchiha Sasuke.
'I have the strangest feeling that this, somehow, has something to do with Itachis younger brother Uchiha Sasuke.' Kisame thought thoughtfully, which, strangely enough, is a good way to think.
And sure enough, there, storming down the street in a fit of rage, was the boy in question…Sasuke Uchiha.
Itachis lips quirked upwards slightly as his brother finally locked eyes with him. Briefly, Itachi thought of how well the passing years had treated his brother, but, as mentioned before, this was only brief.
Sasuke frowned and slowly approached the older Uchiha with nothing but pure anger and hate.
Itachi smirked, something he hadn't done in a while, as he looked his brother square in the eyes.
"It seems that you finally have enough hate and anger for me to accomplish your goal of avenging the clan…Sasuke." Itachi said almost sounding pleased. He was surprised, however, when his brother pushed him aside as though he were nothing more than an annoyance.
"GO AWAY! I don't have time for you! I'm a revenger! I must get my revenge on that...that blasted …whore, tramp, BLOODY SKANK OF A SLUT! Or is it slut of a skank? WHATEVER! I don't care. I'll kill it and I'll kill him and then…then I'll…I'll kill myself!" Sasuke shouted, in a very un-Sasuke-and-most-definitely-un-Uchiha way.
Itachi blinked a couple of times in confusion as Sasuke continued his rampage down the street.
It didn't take Itachi long, however, to regain his composure and catch up to his little brother. Putting his arm around Sasukes shoulder he spoke in his most evil, dark and sinister voice, obviously plotting something, to which Sasuke was oblivious to because he was glaring heatedly at Itachi for the whole 'arm around the shoulder thing'.
"Is it true that you care about this other…person…more than your revenge on me?"
"Yes."
"The clan would turn over in their graves…"
"But dead people can't move so it doesn't matter."
"Well…mother and father would be so disappointed…"
"Of what? Not turning into you? I don't think so."
"Are you sure you don't want to focus all your attention and energy on me anymore?" Itachi asked showing the slightest bit of pain in his tone of voice.
"Yes." Sasuke answered with boredom.
Itachi sighed.
"Well then I guess the only logical thing to do is help you." Itachi said monotonously.
"WHAT?!" Two clearly confused and fairly angry voices screamed simultaneously.
"Itachi…I don't think that this was in our plans of 'things to do' today. WHY, the hell, are we HELPING HIM?!" Kisame yelled irritably.
"Hn. Since this…whatever it is…has taken Sasukes interests he has, in turn, lost interest in me. So, if I help to resolve this…'issue' (?) then Sasukes attention will again be focused on me, and only me. It's simple really." Itachi explained, elegantly brushing hair out of his face with his painted nails.
Kisame growled angrily.
'It's always what Itachi wants to do! It's never about what I want to do! It's not fair!' he thought with a pout.
"So, dear little otouto, what has got you so riled up that you would forget about your vengeance on me so quickly? Could it be that you don't actually hate me at all?" Itachi prodded.
"No." Sasuke answered, deadpanned, and could swear that he had seen Itachi die a little on the inside.
He sighed.
"My boyfriend cheated on me…with…"
"WAIT! BOY-WHAT?! YOU'RE GAY?!?!?!?!" Kisame screeched only to receive a death glare from both Uchihas.
"Please, as if it wasn't obvious. Itachi was the only one in the clan that supported me, probably because he is gay himself….he used to lend me his make-up and Brittney Spears CDs." Sasuke said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Yes, those were good times." Itachi said with a hint of reminiscence in his tone of voice, before continuing on.
"So your boyfriend cheated on you…and you being the possessive uke that you are…"
"WAIT A MINUTE! How the HELL did you know I'd be the uke?!" Sasuke screamed, cutting off his brother.
"Hn. It's completely obvious when you think about it…"
"It scares me to no end that you have even thought about it."
"Ahem…yes, well…back to your horrid boyfriend cheating on you…how terrible." Itachi quickly, yet oh so subtlety, changed the subject…oh he is sly, isn't he.
"OH MY GOD! I know! Aniki! What am I going to do?!" Sasuke cried (figuratively!), completely unaware of his brother changing the subject and the fact that he just called Itachi aniki.
"Well I think the only reasonable thing to do is evident…you kill whoever he cheated with."
"I can't!" Sasuke cried…this time literally.
"Why not?! It's not wrong….they deserve it…think of it as doing the cops a favour, helping justice along, and other analogies I can't think of at the moment."
"Itachi! It's not like they committed a crime or anything!" Kisame reasoned…and just as Itachi was about to give Kisame the look of death, literally, Sasuke broke out in more tears.
"YOU IDIOT! Don't you think that is the first thing I would have done if it were possible?! The problem is I can't! I physically can't!" Sasuke wailed.
"Why…is it someone stronger than you? Is it me?" Kisame asked curiously.
Sasuke glared. "I could kick your ass any day and no, it's not someone stronger than me, it's just that Naruto…"
"Wait. Hold it. Stop right there." Itachi interrupted.
"What?!" Sasuke snarled angry that no one was letting him finish his story of love and romance but also of pain and heartbreak.
"Naruto? You are dating that? God, this is going to be worse than I thought. He could have cheated on you with anyone…" Itachi began but was cut of by a enthusiastic Kisame.
"That boy's got more of a record than I do! I heard that he did just about anything, regardless of gender! Apparently he had heaps one night flings and affairs…we'll never know who the hell it is and…" Kisame rambled before Sasuke cut him short with a scream of pure pain before he began crying worse than before.
Itachi shot Kisame a death glare as Kisame scratched the back of his head nervously.
"I-I did-(hic)-didn't know he was su-such a player…he could b-be with so-(sob)-some one right (sniff) now!" Sasuke sobbed before he went back to crying.
"It's ok Sasuke. We'll work out who Narutos cheating with. I mean it's so obvious who the main candidates are."
"It is?" Sasuke sniffled.
"Of course. Sai, Gaara, Sakura, Hinata, Neji, hell even Shikamaru is a problem."
"With the way Uzumaki works it could be all of them!" Kisame chipped in, resulting in Sasuke wailing miserably and Itachi glaring at him…even more.
"…or…it could be none of them…" Kisame continued with shifty eyes, not really believing his own lies (rhyme! Point for me!).
"You don't even have to bother finding out who it is…I already know."
"Oh?"
"It's ramen. His cheating on me with those stupid noodles!" Sasuke sobbed.
"…"
"um…"
"O…OH?! Oh no! That…that's bad…I mean that's…that's terrible." Itachi humoured his brother.
"I know! What am I going to do?!"
"Oh you're serious…ok…well I can see why you're upset…and I can definitely see why you can't kill it."
"See it's hopeless! He loves that stupid food more than he loves me! Do you know how much of an insult that is! He loves a FOOD more than his lover…and a darn good lover at that!" Sasuke bitched as Itachi wiped his nose bleed on his sleeve.
Silence followed, for about a minute or two, before Itachi stood up and looked his brother directly in the eyes.
"Hmmm, I think I might have an idea…" Itachi smirked.
Leaning down Itachi whispered his sinister little plan into the seemingly innocent ears of one Uchiha Sasuke, and before long a very similar smirk appeared on Sasukes face.
Naruto was tired. He had just spent the whole day looking for his moody boyfriend who had run off in a hissy fit at the mere mention of ramen.
'Is ramen really that bad?' Naruto thought sceptically before laughing off such a silly thought… 'Ramen? Bad? Hahahaha! Pft, as if.'
Suddenly Narutos stomach growled hungrily. Sniffing the air with his highly sensitive nose he recognised the smell of ramen.
"That's strange…" Naruto thought aloud as he followed his nose. "It's coming from the bedroom…"
Slowly he opened the door and gasped at the site.
There, sprawled out on the bed was Sasuke, wearing nothing but his boxer shorts and little pieces of Naruto stuck onto his body.
"Er…Sasuke…are you feeling ok?"
"Just great. How about you? Anything interesting happen at work today, dear?" Sasuke answered sarcastically.
Naruto grinned. 'Well at least I know that this is Sasuke!'
"So, love, why are you dressed…so…'fashionably' today?" he asked trying not to laugh. He knew that Sasuke wasn't good with people and showed his emotions in strange, twisted ways…but this one took the cake…or the ramen as it were.
"It's because of your affair… cheater." Sasuke said accusingly.
Naruto frowned.
"What affair? I haven't cheated on you…Sasuke what on earth are you on about….or better yet what are you on, it's obviously good shit." Naruto said trying to keep his calm.
Sasuke bit his lip. He didn't like the way Naruto was staring at him…like he was disappointed.
"You did. You cheat on me all the time…with ramen."
"What?!"
"Ramen! I hate it! I hate it! I HATE IT! I love you Naruto! But You love ramen! You love it more than anything else! Even me! You even said so your self!" Sasuke yelled.
"Sasuke…are you insane?! I…" Naruto began, trying to defend himself, but Sasuke cut him off, doing a wonderful impersonation of his boyfriend.
"HI! I'm Naruto Uzumaki and I just love ramen! I love it more than anything else in the world! Sasuke who? Ramen, Ramen, RAMEN!" Sasuke yelled as loud as he could.
Naruto sighed.
"So…your jealous of food now?" Naruto questioned with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes….No…Maybe. God damn it! Here I am trying to be sexy for you and you just end up fighting with me! Do you know how much this hurts my pride?!" Sasuke grumbled in an annoyed fashion.
Naruto grinned brightly before leaning forward and nuzzling his face into the crook of Sasukes neck.
"Mmmm, you're sexy enough without the ramen." he mumbled causing Sasuke to blush a small tint of red.
Naruto smiled against the dark haired boys neck before slowly, almost cautiously, stucking out his tongue and licking said neck.
"Oh my god, you even taste like ramen! Sasuke, how'd you do all of this?!" Naruto asked enthusiastically, scaring Sasuke a little.
"I took a bath in the soup that goes in ramen…that was probably the most humiliating part." Sasuke told the blonde looking completely embarrassed.
"You did all of this for me?" Naruto asked astounded whilst he ate one of the pieces of naruto stuck to the dark haired boy.
Sasuke nodded in response.
"I just wanted you to love me most…" Sasuke explained childishly.
Naruto stopped what he was doing, gradually looking up into Sasukes dark obsidian eyes.
And that's when it hit him. Like a ton of bricks.
Sasuke felt unloved by him. He felt neglected and probably lonely. Sasuke didn't want sex. He wanted love. His love to be exact. And Naruto couldn't help but feel a bit honoured by that.
"Is it true?" Sasuke asked suddenly, interrupting the blondes thoughts.
"Is what true?" Naruto asked confused.
"Is it true that you're a player…that…that you've had a lot of flings, partners and love affairs?"
"Hm, yes. But none since I've been with you. You were my first real relationship, Sasuke. And out of all of the flings, partners and love affairs…I never once told them that I loved them…because I didn't…not even one of them." Naruto said truthfully.
"But you tell me you love me every single day!" Sasuke exclaimed, astounded.
"Exactly! I love you! I love you more than anything! Even ramen!" Naruto smiled.
Sasuke smiled, a small rare smile, as he whispered a small, "I love you too…dobe."
Naruto lent in, slowly, and gave Sasuke a chaste kiss on the lips. They parted, and before Naruto could even speak, Sasuke laid down on the bed and spread his legs apart.
Naruto grinned as he crawled in between Sasukes legs and, resting his elbows on Sasukes chest, he looked down, straight into Sasukes eyes.
'I'm going to regret this later…I just know it…but…it will mean a lot to him…' Naruto thought with a sigh before getting off of Sasuke.
"Let's not, tonight, ok? How about we just spend some time together…you know…enjoying each others company and all that." Naruto suggested, his fists clenching as he tried to restrain himself from jumping the youngest Uchiha.
"Really? Are you sure?" Sasuke question, completely surprised.
Naruto bit his lip before nodding.
"Ok." Sasuke agreed giving Naruto a light hug, showing him his appreciation.
"I'll go take a shower to wash all this stuff off me then …" Sasuke said as he went to get of the bed, but Naruto swiftly caught his wrist preventing him from leaving. Pulling on Sasukes wrist Naruto pulled Sasuke down next to him, forcing him to lie down, and hugged him.
"Leave it until tomorrow…I kind of like it." Naruto said with a small blush making Sasuke gulp and nod.
"Ok… fine. But what about all of the naruto pieces?"
"I ate them when you weren't looking." Naruto confessed with a cheeky smile.
"Dobe."
It was only a few days later when Iruka and Kakashi came over for their weekly visit. Although they claimed to be 'checking up' on the two of them, it was really more of a friendly gathering where Kakashi and Naruto would play playstation games together and Iruka and Sasuke gossip over tea and biscuits.
This visit was no different.
So, as Kakashi and Naruto once again played another playstation game that no one had ever heard of, Iruka and Sasuke begun their gossip session as Sasuke brought over the tea.
"So…I heard that you and Naruto had a bit of a falling out a few days back." Iruka brought up.
Sasuke nodded.
"News travels quickly I see."
"Hm, so it would seem. What happened?" Iruka smiled gently as he prodded Sasuke for more information.
"Well…I thought that Naruto was cheating on me."
"No way!"
"Yes way. With ramen no less. But we had a bit of a talk and it was completely straightened, heh, what an ironic word to use in such a context, out and everything's fine now." Sasuke explained in as little detail as possible.
Iruka nodded his head in understanding.
"Ah, I know what you mean. I had the same problem with Kakashi and those stupid 'Icha Icha Paradise' books." Iruka told the dark haired boy.
"Le gasp! No way. Tell me all about it!" Sasuke said as he leaned forward.
"Well…you know how much Kakashi loves those porn books…"
Itachi grinned evilly as he peered through his binoculars.
He watched as Sasuke sat talking to the man with the weird scar on his nose and as Naruto played some stupid game against Kakashi. Everything was back to normal…well as normal as they could get.
"Excellent! Now all of Sasukes attention will be focused on me…again!"
Kisame sighed.
"You have a brother complex…don't you."
"Shut it. It is not a complex at all…it is an easy, straightforward, un complicated obsession."
"Of course it is. Hey…there's one thing that's still bothering me though… how did you come up with that idea?" Kisame questioned.
Itachi smirked.
"I went through a similar situation when I was still a small child, no older than twelve."
"Oh? Really? What happened?"
"Well…you know how Sasuke loves tomatoes…"
THE END.