What if…
Authors note: Story of the afterlife. When Jacob is too late to save Bella from the sweeping currents in La Push, what will Bella and Edward discover in the afterlife? And what measures would they go to, to find each other again?
please rate and review! thanx
Bella awoke into a brightly lit room. No, not a room anymore, but a field…a growing field, with mountains in the distance, and small colorful flocks of wildflowers dotting the landscape. Edward's meadow.
She quickly propped herself up on her elbows, quizzically looking about her.
How the hell did I end up here?
"The same way we all end up"
Bella lurched her head to the front again, shocked by the faint voice. In front of her, was a small, petite child – a girl not 8 years old, turning over a sunflower in her hand.
"It is quite pretty here, I must say. No wonder you wanted to come back."
"Come back where?"
"Here silly!" she giggled, shoving her nose into the flower and wiggling her body back and forth. Bella rose an eyebrow at her. Okay, I've completely lost it.
"No, you haven't." she teased, still swaying as the breeze picked up. Bella slowly stood up, circling around and gazing at the crisp bright electric blue sky scattering with a few scarce white fluffy clouds. The oaks and pines circling the meadow danced in the wind.
Suddenly images, one by one struck her hard, and she all but lost her breath as they hit her square in the chest.
Stretching my hands towards the sky, jumping ever so slightly over the edge…falling…the wind…the torrent current…Edward's voice pleading …the water swirling and plunging me under…hitting the rock wall…my eyes flickering as the world spun before me, the water filling me up-
She gasped, grasping her throat.
She whirled around, the little girl prancing around the flowers in the field, sniffing each one.
Bella cautiously walked towards her "did I die?" her voice sounded so foreign to her.
Lily peeked her head up, looking solemn. "I guess you could say that."
Bella stumbled back, unable to breathe. She held her head in her hands as the pressure began to well up behind her eyelids.
Bella's POV- it keeps switching, I still haven't decided which POV I want yet
I felt a soothing hand on my arm, stroking it softly. "Don't be sad" she cooed, looking up at me with her big blue eyes.
"W-who are you?"
"I'm Lily. I'm your guide."
"My…my guide?"
"Yes! I've been waiting for you to wake up, you didn't want to for some time but finally you did. He sent me to watch you, to help you understand."
"W-Who sent you? To understand what?"
"He did silly!" she giggled playfully. She began to frolic again. I stood in a stupor, still not comprehending anything she was saying.
Why am I…
"Because this is your happiest memory, remember? Your happy place. It helps to make you less frightened when you arrive. I must say," she sniffed another flower "it is beautiful, more beautiful than other places I've been too. When did you come here?" she wondered thoughtfully.
I gasped.
Edward!
"Who is Edward?"
I turned "How do you read my thoughts?"
"I'm allowed to, I'm a messenger from him remember? Your guide?"
"Okay…so, if you're my,… 'guide,' can you show me around?"
She spread her arms out wide "This is it!"
"What?!"
"This is your heaven, it's what you make of it"
No, this can't be it "Where's the angels with wings and the clouds and-"
She laughed "people on earth have their own perception of heaven. Everyone has their own, and when they are ready, they can dwell in the heaven's of others."
"What do you mean?"
"Like you could visit your grandmother if you wanted, but…"
I plucked a daisy, peering at her under my lashes "but what?"
"You have to...discover yourself. And when you discover what you are capable of, then the possibilities are limitless. Especially for you."
I whirled my head on her "for me?" I repeated perturbed.
"Bella, you're special. There is a reason for everyone who exists, and he had a very very special plan for you. He gave you so much, you hadn't discovered yet…because your life was ended too soon…" her eyes fell, her voice somber.
My head was whirling with so much confusion, so many questions- the reality of my death still hadn't completely sunk in yet.
"There are boundaries though, that I will explain later-"
"Why can I feel everything?" I cut in, still turning around in amazement. I walked on, brushing my hands over the tall grasses.
Lily shrugged "I guess it's just how it is"
Instantly my thoughts were gloomed over…
This will never be my personal heaven, as wonderful as this is…I upturned my face to the sky. I stared at the passing clouds overhead. Closing my eyes, I envisioned him before me, standing in his god-like glory…my angel, hair waving in the wind, his glorious smile shining as bright as his skin shown in the glittering sun- calling my name softly…
"Bella"
My eyes flew open and I sucked in the air.
Lily stood before me, her face in utter shock. She dropped her bouquet of flowers, inching closer to me. I looked down at her confused, still choking on sobs.
"You're…crying…" she lifted her tiny finger and wiped one of the tears from my eyelashes, observing it on her tiny forefinger.
I would have wiped the tears away. Would have stopped crying, with the reality that he did not love me any more…
But some small piece inconspicuously hidden away inside of me, hoped desperately, that he would meet me with open arms in death…and now, no matter who I met here, I was in my own personal hell without him.
"Why are you crying" she sounded hurt, slightly infuriated. This tiny child in front of me, was staring at me incredulously, as if I was the most selfish being on the planet.
"I-I'm sorry I-"
"No one has ever cried in heaven before" she uttered, mostly to herself.
"Huh?"
"What is wrong? Isn't this beautiful? Isn't this the most magnificent, comfortable place you've ever been?"
"It is beautiful" the tears began to flow freely again "but it's nothing without him"
"Him who?"
"Edward" I struggled to say the name
"Who's Edward?"
I couldn't answer her. I wiped my nose. A thought flickered-
"Lily" I asked cautiously "is it possible, to find someone-"
"In heaven? Sure!" she playfully smiled, her eyes sparkling.
"No" I hesitated "on earth."
Her smile faded.
"You're not allowed to contact with people on earth."
"But can I go down there? Like a ghost kinda?"
Lily slowly shook her head and sighed. "You all watch too many movies. Bella, you're dead! You can't go back to the life you had."
"But- but what if I just want to see someone! Not follow them around, just- see them, one last time!"
"I'm sorry, Bella. But your time was up." Her tiny high voice was filled with regret.
I fell to my knees, unable to stand any longer. Who new what insurmountable time I had here, to dwell and cry and never see him again? How could I go through forever without him?
"I'm sorry Bella, I truly am. Who was it you wanted to visit?" she bent down next to me, scanning my vacant expression.
I choked back my sobs "Edward,"
"Edward-?"
"Edward Cullen. Well, Edward Masen Cullen."
Silence.
A dark shadow from a passing cloud found me, and I was covering in a shade of darkness, the breeze picking up. The atmosphere began to change to a menacing calm, right before a storm.
"Lily?" I pushed myself up off the ground, she was no longer beside me.
She stood, teen feet away, very still, and her back towards me.
"Lily, what's wrong?" I stumbled to my feet, wiping my fresh new batch of tears as I neared her. I scanned the dark cloud covering overhead. I wrapped my arms around me "What is going on?"
She turned around so fast, her body was a blur. Her face looked up at mine, a hint of anger in her furrowed eyebrows. It was almost…frightening.
"Your moods affect your heaven, Bella. And as it turns out, if it's Edward you want to see, you will be drowning in rain for the next century at this rate."
"Why?"
"Because where Edward Cullen is, you cannot go."
That's right, he'll live forever, with his family happily on earth without me…I bowed my head.
"No…Edward Cullen is no longer."
"W-what?"
"What I mean is," she sighed, her eyes turning sympathetic "Edward is dead too, Bella."
As upset as I should have been to hear the news, a different feeling passed through me.
"Then…can't I see him? Is he here?!" I scanned the horizon and the trees. I almost thought I saw him glimmer between them.
"Immediately after he heard the news of your death, he committed suicide."
My eyes swept back to her in disbelief.
"No"
"In Italy."
The volturi…
She nodded.
"W-well, isn't he h-here?" I tentatively questioned, still looking around, expecting him to appear.
"I'm afraid not"
"What?"
"Edward, like you, is special…but in a different way. Where is he, you cannot go." she repeated again.
"But that's not fair!!" I shouted, half cried out. I felt like a child, but her words were sending me to the pits of my own hell.
"Where is he!!! Why wouldn't he be offered the same place? Why couldn't he be here with me- with the rest of us? Is…is he p-punished?" I dreaded her answer as she peered up at me.
"I can't answer you, Bella, I'm sorry."
"Please Lily PLEASE! I NEED to see him otherwise I might as well be in hell!"
Lily gazed up at the sky, sighing as the rain started to sprinkle on her heart-shaped face.
"He's a lost soul, Bella"
"No" I shook my head, my feet stepping back. "No, no"
"He was a vampire..."
"Then why did HE create them if they were to be doomed!!!" I cried out, the rain starting to pound faster. Lily looked frightened by my demeanor.
"Why!!! Why would he make someone who was so good, so pure and innocent- he was innocent Lily! INNOCENT! HE NEVER MEANT TO KILL ANYONE!!! He tried so hard- he never hurt anyone…he was such a good person, why…"
Rain was pounding, flooding into the ground and spilling over it. Lily was barely visible in the wall of water, but by then I had fallen to the ground into a nightmare I had never dreamed possible. Edward, my angel…was trapped in the afterlife, as a lost soul…