When Captains have nothing better to do

Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine.

Kyoraku chewed on a blade of grass. Mayuri prayed that he had poisoned that patch of grass earlier. Unohana was already thinking of an antidote in case Mayuri's wish came true. Hitsugaya was complaining about Kuchiki taicho not taking him seriously. Byakuya was busy being aloof. Soi Fong was staring absently over the hills, hoping she could see some form of treason, any excuse to get out of here. Ukitake and Yamamoto were in deep conversation, about the newer Shinigami and the falling standards of the academy. Zaraki and Komamura were in shallow conversation, about the sexual appeal of bells and an eye patch versus a mask, that in Zaraki's loudly voiced opinion looked like he had a wine cask stuck on his head. Aizen and Gin were talking quietly in a manner that probably would spark gossip. Tousen was pretending to be alert, but if anyone checked under his visor, they would find his eyes closed and the ninth division captain sound asleep.

It was an exercise that had been recommended to improve the integrity of the Gotei 13. It was just a slow season. Lot less hollows, lot less pluses to bury. So the captains had gone to the mountains for some fresh air and relaxation. Soi Fong thought the 'integrity' part was bullshit. Anyone steps outta line and two stabs from Suzembachi puts 'em in their place. But the air was nice, even if the company and conversation was mind numbing.

"So wait a minute, wait a minute." The 11th division captain interrupted Komamura "You're saying that because the mask makes you look all mysterious and stuff that more women will want to sleep with you?"

"It's got a better chance than wearing an eye patch and bells for Christs sake."

"And how many women want to sleep with a guy your size to begin with. Regardless of whatever deformities that wine cask of yours is hiding?"

"As if you can talk. A homicidal maniac, covered in scars mostly accompanied by a little kid!"

"Hey, women like that, seeing a guy can take care of a child is a real strong point."

"Yeh, until the kid starts picking fights and swinging swords around. Your crazy kid would scare anyone off!"

"Hey, you be careful how you talk about Yachiru round me barrel head."

"That's it! You wanna take this outside?"

"We are outside…"

"I know that I just meant…"

"Now, now gentlemen I think we can all agree that the two of you know nothing about attracting the opposite sex." Butted in Kyoraku, who was after all not poisoned ("Yet" thought Mayuri)

"Oh, up yours Shunsui! Have you even gotten into Nanao's pants yet?" Said Zaraki

And the bickering continued

I might finish this piece if i get enough reviews, but for now this is it