Chapter 5

Feelings

Edward let out a sigh as he plopped down onto the bench next to Pinako. Apparently Al and Winry had been so eager to pick him up that they had forgotten to drop off all of their purchases at the hotel where Winry and Pinako were staying. So, before they went to go eat, they had stopped for Al and Winry go back to the hotel and drop off all the recently bought merchandise. Pinako had claimed fatigue so they were sitting on a bench in front of the restaurant where they planned to eat while Al and Winry ran off to the hotel six blocks away. It would take them a good fifteen minutes to return if they hurried.

"So, you're giving him a chance, huh?" Pinako asked, taking out her pipe and loading it up. Edward glanced over at her before he released another sigh and rested his head back against the back of the bech.

"Yeah."

"You didn't tell him?" she asked around her pipe as she lit it up. Edward closed his eyes.

"No." He paused for a moment, remembering how he had begun to change into his chimera form while they had been kissing on the couch. "But I don't think he'll stay uninformed for long."

"You're planning on-" Pinako started, her eyes wide as she peered at Edward. Edward shook his head.

"No, I'm not planning on that. It's just that while we were-" Edward blushed. "kissing, I started to transform."

Pinako sat back, considering what she had just been told. She puffed on her pipe a couple times before she spoke. "Did he notice?"

"No. I didn't even notice until I went into the bathroom to unwrap my breasts." Edward turned to look at the old lady next to him. "I won't tell him."

"Edward," she began, but Edward shook his head.

"No, I've thought about this. I will take this as far with Roy as I can, but if he wants to end it, if he wants to leave me, I'll let him." Edward bit his lower lip gently as he sat up, hiding behind his bangs. "I don't want to force him to do anything that he doesn't want to do. I won't make him stay with me out of obligation."

"And if he leaves you after the two of you mate?" she demanded. Edward closed his eyes, pained.

"Then I'll leave the military." murmured Edward. "I'll leave and go die somewhere, where no one will ever find my body."

Pinako nodded, understanding what Edward was saying. He would make sure that even in death that no one would learn of what Hoenhiem of Light had done to him, had turned him into. He would rather hurt those close to him in order to keep them safe.

"Edward, I want you to be careful, okay?" Pinako murmured softly. "I don't want to lose you."

"Yeah." he grunted in reply. Pinako chewed on her pipe for a minute, thinking.

"I remember back when you were little, you and your mother used to consider Winry, my son and his wife and I to be apart of your pard. I know that you still considered us to be apart of your pard after Winry's parents died, but you didn't before your mother died." Pinako said softly. "I just wanted to know why."

The two of them were silent for a while, listening to the wind rustle by and as people passed by them occasionally since it was getting late and people were hurrying home. Edward watched as people passed by, studying them as they went, getting his thoughts in order. He finally turned his golden gaze towards Pinako.

"I was rather insensitive when Winry's parents died. I didn't understand, I couldn't, and even now, I still don't. I can't understand sadness, or grief, or anything that Winry was feeling at the time. Do you remember how she cried for months?" he asked softly. Pinako gave a quick nod, sadness seeping through her as she remembered the blonde girl's pain from all those year ago. Nothing had consoled Winry, absolutely nothing.

"After listening to her cry for months nonstop, I finally snapped at her to get over her parents deaths. That they were dead and that they weren't coming back. Well, Winry got mad and screamed that she hoped that my mom died so I could feel what she was feeling. She then took off running and Al went after her." Pinako stared intently at Edward, having been completely unaware of any of this. "A little over two weeks later, we found mom collapsed."

Edward's hands clenched tightly into fists, his eyes flashing angrily. Pinako noticed that his fangs were beginning to grow and his voice had gotten a tad deeper, rougher. He felt very strongly about this, and she knew that if she touched him that there was a chance that he might hurt her, even unintentionally, in his anger.

"As mom got weaker and sicker, my animal side, my chimera side, it began to blame Winry for mom's death. Intellectually I know that Winry didn't mean it, that she didn't want my mom to die, but I can't help it. Mom was pard, she was the only other person like me and Winry had wanted her dead. I knew that mom was going to die, and I knew that unless my father returned that there was no chance of her ever getting better. But a part of me can't help but think that it was Winry's words that robbed mom of the last bit of strength that she had, that if she hadn't said that then mom would have lasted just a bit longer. So, I expelled Winry from my pard, managing to keep from killing in retaliation. Since you are Winry's grandma, I had to expell you as well because you're too closely connected to Winry for me to consider you pard and not punish you for what my animal side blames Winry for." Edward released his anger quickly, trying to calm down. It took a few minutes for all of it to fade away as well as for the few chimera traits that had popped up to face away. "Do you understand?"

Pinako reached over and touched his hand. "Of course, bean sprout."

"You old hag!" he growled, squeezing her hand in his. She may not be pard but she was still a friend.

"If you dislike Winry so much, why do you allow her to continue doing what she does to you?" Pinako murmured quietly as some people walked by as they peered at her and Edward. Then her eyes widened in understanding. "Alphonse."

Edward nodded and Pinako shook her head. She hated how much Edward kept giving up for Al and how he never seemed to get anything in return. Despite how much she hated that, she loved Alphonse like a grandson just as much as she loved Edward, but she would never condone what he was doing to his brother.

Pinako drew away, returning back to her pipe while Edward recentered himself. Pinako looked around her, her face furrowing with dislike. She shot a disdainful look towards Edward, quick to change topics and moods.

"How the hell do you live here? It's far too drab!" she spat. "Move back out into the country." Edward smiled slightly at her words.

"Roy." was all he said in response and Pinako shook her head with amusement. She then continued to bitch about all the negative aspects about living in the city (which according to Pinako was everything) while Edward pretended to listen, giving appropriate comments back occasionally while his mind mainly focused on day dreams of Roy.

He knew that he wouldn't move too fast with Roy, despite how much he already loved the flame alchemist, he still didn't want to end up like his mother. And moving too fast with Roy would definitely insure that he would wind up just like his mother.

Okay, I know it's been a while and this is pretty short. I'm in college now and I'll admit, having a bit of fun with my friends. I've also been reviewing my stories and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to rewrite a lot of them. I'm pretty positive that I'm not going to do it with this one. So, relax, this story is safe as it is and I'm hoping to update it before Halloween, Thanksgiving at the latest.

Also, I've been hit with a truckload of inspiration lately. College has been very good to me in that respects. With a lot of adventure, meeting new people and seeing new perspectives, and meeting the boy of my dreams, everything's going alright.

The guy I'm talking about is just like Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, if you've seen the new movie. He looks a lot like him too except that he's 6'8" and has bright red hair. Okay, gushing and sounding a lot like a fangirl. I've got to get back to my Philosophy homework so until next time boys and girls!