A/N Ok so here we go with chapter three, in which there will most likely be a super short guest appearance by two of my nearest and dearest, cause lets face it, I love picking on my sister. I'd also like to thank the reviewer who pointed out the flaw in the sugar prank, didn't really enter my mind when I started writing this so let's just pretend that's what would happen. Yeah, so I may have had a little too much fun with this chapter, But hey it's a CrackFic just sit back and enjoy the insanity. Let's see, anything else? Oh yeah.
DISCLAIMER: Don't own the bots or the songs. I write for my own, and sometimes my sister's, amusement. If your amused too Hey that's awesome, if not Hey sorry bout your luck.
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Sunstreaker and Sideswipe were having a hard time controlling themselves. They knew they were being accused of giving him a new paint job, but they didn't know said paint job had turned Optimus in to a carbon copy of a human vegetable mascot. Now that they were standing in front of him, in all his green magnificence, they were having a hard time trying not to laugh.
"Just what do the two of you have to say for yourselves?" Optimus rumbled as he stared at them.
"Um…Ho Ho Ho?" Sideswipe offered.
From somewhere behind them they heard a squeak and a thud as Sam again, hit the floor laughing. Optimus glared at the boy, and his guardian quickly leaned over and scooped him up.
"Sam." Bee said in a hushed tone. "Be quiet."
"Can't…Help it.." Sam gasped. "Optimus…Ho Ho Ho….Green Giant…..Too much." His laughter and incoherent mumbling was still audible even after Bee carried him to the far side of the room.
"Since the two of you thought it would be funny to dump sugar in to Jazz and Ironhide's tanks the two will be responsible for them until it wears off." Optimus decreed. "Sunstreaker you will be watching Ironhide, you will be responsible for any damages he causes. Sideswipe, Jazz will be in your care, you will keep him out of trouble."
"But Optimus.."
"This isn't fair we didn't even do anything."
"After the sugar wears off." Optimus continued, ignoring the complaining twins. "The two of you like to paint so much you can paint the whole base, inside and out."
The twins opened their mouths to protest but they were cut off by the squeal of tires as Jazz skidded in to the room. For a moment there was silence. Even Sam's snickering had stopped. Then Jazz's radio kicked on.
'I'm too sexy for my love Too sexy for my love'
'Loves going to leave me.'
With that Jazz began to transform, music blaring in the background. Everyone stared; it was like watching some bizarre strip tease only instead of clothing coming off, it was a slow transformation from a car to a bipedal bot.
'I'm too sexy for my car, Too sexy for my car.'
'Too sexy by far.'
Fully transformed now Jazz began to dance around, shaking his aft suggestively. From the back of the room Sam's hysterical braying could be heard even over the music.
Optimus stared at his second in command for a moment; then put his hand over his optics.
"Sunstreaker, go and find Ironhide, make sure he isn't destroying anything. Sideswipe, take Jazz." He paused, and then waved his hand dismissively. "Somewhere else. And Ratchet, get this slagging green paint off me."
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"Are you sure you're all right Sam?" Bee said in a worried tone.
Nearby Sam was hanging on to the edge of the building revisiting his breakfast.
"Yeah." Sam said as he ran his hand over his mouth. "I'm good."
"Are you certain? If you are ill I'll take you to Ratchet."
"I'm fine," Sam shook his head and chuckled. "I'll be damned Bee; you really can laugh till you puke."
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"I'm Bored." Jazz stated as he spun doughnuts in the dirt outside the hanger. "Bored bored bored."
Sideswipe watched his charge with annoyance. Between the saboteur's constant movement and the stream of horrible music, the red mech was two seconds from iniating a self destruct sequence. For the millionth time since they left Cybertron he missed Silvershot. If she were here, he had no doubt she would have Jazz under control quicker than you could say Megatron's left lug nut. If she could talk Sunny out of carrying out some of his more than questionable plans when he was over energized, Jazz on a sugar high would be sparkling play for her.
Suddenly Jazz slid to a halt and was still for a moment.
'I'm just seven hours old. Truly beautiful to behold'
'And somebody should be told, My libido hasn't been controlled.'
Sideswipe barely had time to wonder what was going on before Jazz revved his engine and tore off towards the main road.
"Jazz!" Sides yelled as he transformed. "Where in the slag do you think your going?"
Sideswipe felt a tiny ripple of dread in his CPU as he speed off after Jazz. May Primus accept him with open arms if Optimus found out Jazz was heading straight for Tranquility.
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Sunstreaker watched as his brother and Jazz raced away from the base. Leave it to Sides to get the better end of this punishment. He would have infinitely preferred chasing Jazz around to being chased by a hyperactive Ironhide. How bad could Jazz possibly get? The worst thing Jazz would probably do is play that pit awful music all day. Ironhide, on the other hand, was turning out to be an over sized pain in his aft. Everything he saw that moved he wanted to shoot. There had already been several causalities in the local rodent population. He was pulled from his reverie by a stinging shot to his aft.
"I swear if you trash my paint job I'll find a way to weld your head to your aft." Sunstreaker growled.
"Wheeee!" Ironhide snickered as he took aim again. "BOOM!"
Sunstreaker watched as flaming feathers began to fall from the sky.
"Oh for the love of Primus. Ironhide stop shooting the wildlife."
"Ok." Ironhide swung his arm and began firing at Sunstreakers feet. "Dance monkey dance."
"Ironhide!" Sunstreaker yelped as he hopped from left to right. "You Suck!"
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Sideswipe was beginning to wonder if he wouldn't have preferred watching Ironhide as he followed Jazz through the streets of Tranquility. At least with Ironhide there was some level of certainty as to what he was going to do. With Jazz anything was possible.
"Jazz"He radioed. "Come on Jazz. Let's just get back to the base before Optimus realizes we're gone." Sideswipe had a sudden urge to smack himself. Just when the pit had he gone from the one being begged to behave to the one doing the begging?
He received no response. Unless you wanted to count the evil snickering coming from Jazz as a response.
"I'm serious. We're going back NOW."
The two came to a stop at a red light. Jazz still blaring music, Sideswipe behind him ready to push his sorry aft back to the base if necessary. He was so busy planning how to get Jazz back to the base Sideswipe barely noticed the two humans walking past them. The sound of Jazz's horn brought him out of his thoughts. He nearly fired a circuit when he saw Jazz's holoform pop up out of the passenger side window motioning to the female.
"Jazz?" Sideswipe was growing more nervous by the second. "What do you think you're doing?"
"So I'm a little curious about something." He could hear Jazz saying. "And I was wondering if I could persuade you to help me?"
"That depends." The girl said. "What exactly is it you're so curi…."
Before she could finish her sentence the holoform pulled her close to him and kissed her.
Sideswipe nearly dropped his transmission in shock. After a few seconds the girl's companion wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her away.
"Sorry luv." The man said. "But I don't think watching you snog some random guy on the street is what your brother had in mind when he told me to keep an eye on you."
"But Sin..." The girl protested as she was taken away.
"No buts kitten, now wave g'bye like a good girl and we're off."
"Sin you suck." The girl pouted as she waved goodbye to Jazz.
The holoform grinned and waved back before disappearing.
"What in the slagging smelting pits was that?" Sideswipe demanded as he rammed Jazz's rear bumper.
"What was what?" Jazz responded casually as he turned back in the general direction of the base.
"You just molested a human female in the middle of the street. You know Prime has strict orders about traumatizing humans."
"I did not molest her." Jazz countered. "And did she look traumatized to you?"
"BACK TO THE BASE!" Sideswipe yelled as he rammed Jazz again. "BACK TO THE BASE NOW!"
"Who shoved the mini-bot up your exhaust?" Jazz revved his engine and sped towards the outskirts of town.
'So help me." Sideswipe thought to himself. 'I am going to deactivate him before this is over.'
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A/N There was originally going to be more to this chapter but the story said "Nope I'm gonna stop right here thanks" And no matter how hard I've pushed, pulled and coaxed this chapter just dug in it's heals refused to cooperate. So I gave up and decided to move on to the next chapter. The Twins get Revenge.
Oh yeah before I forget.
Songs.
I'm Too Sexy. Right Said Fred.
Rose Tint My World. Rocky Horror Picture Show.