There are many places within the Death Star that people have seen that meet their expectations. The prison section, the shuttle bay, the conference room…

But few know of the heart of the Death Star. Where all the important decisions happen. On level 52, there sits an average size office space. It is like any workplace: A large, open room, filled with desks, cheap lighting, a photocopier, printers, a break room…

And Emperor Palpatine's office.

"Your quarterly report looks very good, Piett."

"Thank you, sir." Fermus Piett said with a slight chuckle. They all knew these reports were useless…except for the Emperor.

"Now tell me, where you able to search the planet Typho for the rebels."

"No sir." Piett said simply. "Remember, I told you they wouldn't let me enter without filing paper work."

Palpatine grinned his sickly smile. "So you come to the master for aid?"

"You…uh…called me in, but sure, why not."

"Watch and learn then." Palpatine commanded, picking up the old fashion holophone. He waited a few moments. "Hello…this is the Emperor, and I wish to talk to your supervisor. Yes, I will hold."

In another part of the office, work continued on…though a lot more smoothly with Palpatine distracted.

Sighing, the Emperor ran a wrinkled hand over his face. "Yes, I understand the protocol…I'm the one that made them. What? What do you mean, "Even you're not above the law"? Of course I am, I'm the Emper…yes…yes, I understand…well…well…fine, fine." Placing the phone back down, he gave Piett a weak smile, the other man trying to hold in his laughter. "We…agreed that you should have filled out the paper work."

"Yes sir."

"Let this be a lesson to you!" The Emperor shouted as Piett left. "Always follow the rules!"

Later that day, the film crew asked the Emperor to give a quick tour of this unseen part of the Death Star. Happy to mug to the camera, he made his way around the office, chatting up a storm.

"I was a Sith lord for many years…many, many years. Far longer then I was in the Senate. You see, I said to myself, "Palpy…" I call myself Palpy in my head, "Palpy…where can a yellow-eyed man with a black heart do evil deeds?" And I realized the Senate, since most politicians are crooks anyway…" He paused, considering his words. "Well, you know, not all. I mean some were good…it's just a joke, you wouldn't understand…moving on."

The Emperor hobbled over to a large desk, the pale, bald head of Asajj Ventress barely visible as she worked.

"Ah, my secretary, Asajj. Working hard or hardly working?" The Emperor asked with glee.

"Uh…work hard, sir…as always."

"I know, Asajj, its just…well, why not tell the people what you are working on."

"Oh…you know, I'm just working on some really…top secret…Empire stuff…"

The camera panned down to reveal a Sudoku puzzle, half finished, before Asajj covered it up.

"Very good, very good." The Emperor replied. "Now, some would be turned off by the bald head…and I will admit, I was at first. Reminded me of a light bulb…" Assaj stared at the Emperor, annoyed, "…but now I just think it's hot. All hairless and smooth…wonder if there is hardwood floors to match the drapeless windows?"

Asajj's mouth dropped in horror as the Emperor chuckled, the camera panning over to Piett who just shook his head in disbelief.

"You might think that is evil, but let me tell you, the Emperor has never received a complaint about sexual harassment." Piett said. He paused, thinking things over. "I wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that he can shoot lightning out of his fingers." He shrugs, giving a boyish grin.

"Any messages?" The Emperor asked.

"Well, just this one, from the clones."

The Emperor frowned, before leaning down and whispering, "How many times do I have to tell you, we call them Corporate."

"I'm sorry…"

"That's fine." The Emperor stared at the sheet still dangling from Asajj's hand. "Well?"

"Uh…" She licked her lips, confused, before finally saying, "Just a fax from…Corporate, sir."

"Ah, Corporate." The Emperor said, snatching the paper. "That is a little joke my employees have, calling the clones Corporate…like they are really our bosses instead of the other way round…I'd never do it, uncivilized, but hey…let the little monkeys do what they like."

"I am asked all the time, "Why do your employees love you? Is it because you can kill them with a blink of an eye or because you have their families held captive?" Well, it isn't, thought I can…and I do. No, the reason is because I just happen to be a people person. Look at this…"

The Emperor pulled out a white coffee mug, the words "World's Second Greatest Emperor" on it, the word 'second' covered in masking tape.

"They got this for me…because they love me." He looks at the cup. "Yes…they got me the gift card that bought this cup…knew it would be better for me to pick out the best one…they were all out of the "World's Best Emperor" ones…I would have waited, but…but I think the way I fixed it works just as well."

Outside the office, Darth Vader was just beginning his day. He sat down, breathing heavily, before he opened his desk with the force and removed his phone, a pad of paper and a picture of a young woman. Piett stared on, each breath Vader took grating on his nerves.

Piett slouched in the chair. "Right now my job is making sure we find the rebel's secret base. That involves…uh…sending out droids…waiting for them to come back…deciding if we want to retrieve them…sending out more…you know, is this as boring as I think it is?" He laughed, rubbing his forehead. "Truthfully…truthfully…this is just a part time thing for me. I mean…I'm just working here while I try and figure out what to do with my life. If this…if this were my life…I'd ask the Emperor to kill me."

"You want me to kill you?" The Emperor called out.

"No." Piett called back. "I wanted you to…skill me."

"…very good…very good."

Piett sighed. "See what I have to deal with?"

Back in the office, Mara Jade, one of the Emperor's Hands, rolled her eyes and pointed at her lip. Across from her, the lesser known Bob Ruby, a fat, balding Hand, shook his head, not getting he had jam all over his face.

"Did you hear the rumor?" Bob asked, still enjoying his treat.

Mara, pushing away waves of disgust, answered, "No."

"…do you want to hear?"

"Not really, no. I find rumors distract from my real work."

Bob nodded, taking that in, before…"Well, I heard that someone managed to steal plans to the Death Star."

"No one stole plans to the Death Star." Mara said sternly.

"Is that what you heard?"

"No. I just know it."

Bob considered this. "Well…I know I heard that someone stole the plans."

"So…what does that mean?" Guri, the human replica droid, asked Xizor, the green skilled Falleen.

"Well, it means the rebels could find us, blow us up and leave us all space dust."

"Oh…and that would be bad?"

"I just know it was one of those bounty hunters we bring in." Mara complained. "Ugly, filthy creatures."

"Didn't you use to date Bossak?" Bob asked.

"…filthy, filthy creatures."

"So, I was wondering…" Asajj asked Piett, "…if you stole the plans, you'd tell me?"

"Of course." Piett said. "You?"

"Oh no, never." She said with a coy grin.

"Some people think the plans for the Death Star got out. I don't believe that. It would mean that someone inside this office stole them…and these people are family. Family never hurts family. When is the last time you heard of two brothers fighting, or a father refusing to speak to his son just because he decided he didn't want to go into the family fishing business and instead wanted to learn the ways of the Sith and then use that knowledge to take of the galaxy and make myself Emperor." The Emperor paused, not realizing what he just said. "Besides, I know I can trust these people." He pointed to a picture of the death star blueprints. "Keep them right here, clear for everyone to see. Trust issue, you know."

At that, the camera panned as Kurt, the new bothan temp, walked in with a camera. "Do you mind…"

"Not at all, not at all." The Emperor said, sitting up straight. "He loves talking pictures of me…makes me feel like Tyra Banks. Watch out, I might throw a phone at you. Grrr!"

"Don't talk so much, makes it hard for the camera to focus."

"Sorry."

The cameraman moved behind Kurt, it clear he was taking photos of the plans.

"Yea, I'm the one leaking the information to Princess Leia. I'm surprised they didn't realize this could happen. I mean, all my previous employers are members of the alliance…and here, here I was just being cocky."

Shows that, under goals, he wrote on his resume: To steal plans of the Death Star.

Piett looked up, watching as some of his files slowly floated over his head and into a trashcan. "What are you doing, Vader?"

"Your things are on my side of the desk." Vader intoned. "I am removing them."

"By throwing them in the trash?"

"Yes."

Piett nodded, considering this, before deciding to have some fun with Vader. He glanced at the photo on Vader's desk, smiling. "Listen, I don't want to be insulting, so tell me if this crosses the line…but your mom is hot."

Vader turned towards Piett, breathing hard. "That is my wife."

Piett's eyes widened. "Wow…just wow…" he shook his head. "I knew you were into some freaky things, but marrying your own mom?"

"I am not married to my mom."

"Hey Piett, what's going on?" Asajj asked.

"Vader is married to his mom…and she is a babe!"

Vader growled. "I am not married to my mother."

"Then you are just sleeping with her and tell people your married." Piett replied. "Vader, you don't have to do that…it's strange either way."

"What's strange either way?" Guri asked.

"Vader, sleeping with his mom."

"I thought you humans had taboos against that." Guri asked.

"They do." Xizor said listlessly.

"I am not sleeping with my mother!" Vader roared. "That is my wife!"

"Who is also your mother, we get it." Piett said.

"What does your dad think?" Bob asked.

"I have no father."

"Wait, so you consider yourself your own father?" Assaj asked.

"What would that make your children, if you had any?" Piett asked.

Vader let out a bellow, holding out his hand to draw forth his lightsaber. Only, when it flew to him, it made a 'splat'. He looked down, annoyed.

"Master!" He cried out. "Master!"

Palpatine emerged from his office. "What is it?"

"He did it again!" He whined. "He put my lightsaber in Jell-O!" He held up the Jell-O mold, his lightsaber bobbing slightly.

"You know, as I watch these people, I realize just how stupid they truly are." Kurt the bothan spy said. "Then…I realize how the Alliance has only just now managed a single victory…and it makes me wonder just how pathetic we have to be that we can't defeat these guys."

Palpatine looked over the group as they all sat in the conference room. "Now I know there are some concerns about the Death Star plans, and I just wanted to ease everyone's mind…"

"My master, should I not know first?" Vader asked.

"Why?"

"Well…I am Apprentice Emperor."

"Apprentice to the Emperor." Palpatine said.

"Same thing."

"No…no, I don't think so…"

"It doesn't matter. I'm more important then these people."

"Whoa!" Palpatine said. "Back up the train. Eeeeeeeee!" He made the sound of a train, apparently, backing up. "No one is more important then anyone else. Some people are less important…like Tarkin."

Governor Tarkin just glanced up.

"Do you want anything else, Princess Leia?" Kurt asked as he took more photos of the Death Star plans while talking on his holophone. "I mean…I'm pretty sure I could kill the Emperor. How…uh…give him a thermal detonator and tell him it is hard candy? That's just one idea."

"what happens if the plans get out?" Bob asked.

"Everything will be fine."

"even if they use the plans to find a weakness and blow us up?" Xizor asked, bored

"That won't happen."

"Then why would the rebels want the plans?" Asajj asked.

"I don't know…to admire it…they are beautiful plans. Look, Kurt is taking more photos of them." He waved to the bothan. "Loves taking photos…loves taking photos."

"Ya…ya I've contemplate leaving…use it as a kick start, to force me to think about what I want out of my life. But…" Piett shrugged. "What would I do with all this useless knowledge. The specs for a Tie Fighter? The fact that Asajj enjoys blue milk with cinnamon sprinkled in it?"

Asajj laughed. "Yeah. Yeah…Piett has that one on me."

Vader glared at Piett as he struggled to clean the Jell-O from his lightsaber.

"I'm just saying…" Piett said, happily slurping some Jell-O, "…you can't blame me just because the Force put your lightsaber in Jell-O."

"The Force did not do this."

"But it allows you to move things with your mind."

"Yes."

"And choke people."

"Yes."

"And many other impossible things."

Vader sighed. " Yes Piett."

"Then you admit that it could, in theory, put your lightsaber in Jell-O."

Vader shook his head. "But it wouldn't…"

"Hey Vader." Palpatine said, grabbing him by the shoulder. "Kurt wants to take a photo of us." He grinned, wrapping his arm tighter around the larger man. "Smile…are you smiling? Can't ever tell. Take that mask off so they can see your pretty smile."

"I can't…I will die."

"Oh yea…Obi-Wan…ugh…yea, keep the mask on, no one wants to see that. Better yet, put on another, in case the first falls off." Kurt handed Palpatine a sign. "What's this?"

"A sign…I'm sending this to my…uh…pen pal, and he only speaks pig latin."

The Emperor nodded, the camera zooming in to reveal the sign said, "eythay on the 52 oorflay, illkay emthay ickquay."

"The mother-wife thing…genius." Asajj said.

"I know, it just came to me." Piett laughed, leaning over Asajj's desk rather intimately.

"I thought I was going to snort blue milk out of my nose."

"With cinnamon?" Piett replied coyly.

Asajj grinned. "Is there any other way…oh, hi Durge!"

Piett frowned as Asajj's fiancée, Durge, entered the office, his bulky gray armor clanking slightly.

"Hey baby." Durge said. "Fermus!" He clapped his hand roughly on Piett's back. "Listen, this is so weird…I killed a guy today that looks just like you. Was freaky. See, I took this vibroshiv and rammed it up his nose…"

"I…uh…actually have to go do some work."

"Oh…yea, totally…find the rebels." Durge called out. "I tell ya, Asajj, I should work with you guys. I can spot a rebel a mile away. Oh, hey Kurt." He waved to the Bothan, who was using the copier to make some copies of the Death Star plans. "Now that is a dedicated Imperial."

"Durge is my fiancée. We met during the Clone Wars. We both had an interest in killing Jedi. Of course, now there aren't any Jedi to kill…but we still have lots in common." Asajj paused. "like…uh…we both…sleep in the same bed. That's…something."

"Get some last minute work done?" The Emperor asked, putting on his cloak.

Piett nodded. "Yea…just some last minute stuff. I'll lock up."

"Sure…see you tomorrow…don't go partying too hard. And if you do, call me up, right?" He grinned.

Piett smiled back a bit uneasily. "Sure…sure thing." It was only after he left that Piett leapt up, pulling out a Jell-O mold with the Emperor's cup inside and placing it on Palpatine's desk. "And…now I can go." He walked over to the door, flicking off the lights. "Night Kurt."

Kurt slowly stood up from where he had been hiding, files on all the employees clutched in his hands. "Uh…night Piett."

"Kurt…strange, strange man." Piett said with a shrug, before heading back to his quarters.