Shutter Speed
Author: Eden Lee Raven
Rating: Nc-17
Disclaimer: Joss owns all.
Authors Notes: I was so gonna enter this in for the Merry Kissmas challenge, but then my desktop computer broke. But, you see, I have the most awesome wife-to-be on the planet. J clubbed in with my parents and brother and got me, for xmas, wait for it… a brand new, shinny laptop. I shit you not. So here's what I was gonna enter. Oh! And flashbacks marked by - - and the song belongs to Kelly Clarkson from the My December album.
-
You sit in a chair, your eyes flickering over all the hurried movement in the room. This is the main hall in the new Watchers Council, and there are god knows how many people rushing around, trying to sort some last minutes things out for the Christmas party tonight.
This is the third one which, to your surprise, Giles has insisted on throwing. He assures you that it's so all the slayers can find a bit of fun and relaxation that they normally wouldn't find in their busy, demon killing filled days. But you're positive that it's just an excuse for him to get drunk. A perfect excuse for making a fool of himself.
You heave a sigh and shift in your seat, propping your head in your hand, your mind tripping back to a moment from three years ago that, no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to forget.
- -
The bar was crowded with slayers, most of them clutching drinks and being thankful for the night off, as they all took turns putting in song requests with the band. It would have been an enjoyable night for you, except for the reason for this gathering.
Faith was leaving.
You'd walked into the bedroom that you shared with her, to find her sat on her bed. She was staring at her hands, a glum look of deep concentration on her face. Which wasn't an expression she wore very often. When you'd asked her what was up, she'd then spilled her guts. That she was leaving, that she felt lost at the council. She'd never had a chance to slay on her own, and to find out just what kind of person she was now because of it.
That was two weeks ago, and you've spent the time between then and now working your ass off. Trying to figure out a way to tell her it was ok, that it'd happen when your paths crossed again, and then getting everything ready for tonight when you'd figured out what to do.
You now owed most of your wardrobe to Dawn for her help.
And speaking of.. your little sister stood up on the stage, a spotlight hitting her in the face and making her blink rapidly for a few seconds.
"So, Faith's leaving us. And we'll be sad at that, but not as sad as some. Faith? This is from her." She didn't say who, because the brunette would know exactly who Dawn meant. And then the music started playing.
I'm
strong
But I break
I'm stubborn
And I make plenty of
mistakes
Yeah I'm hard
And life with me is never easy
To
figure out, to love
I'm jaded but oh so lovely
All you have
to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet
it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe
From your position at the bar, you turn your eyes through the crowd to find her. Her almost black hair stands out from the people that surround her, her dark brown eyes twinkling in the barely there light. Her eyes are fixated on Dawn as she sings, and it seems as if she's not just hearing every word, but feeling them too.
Someday
When we're at the same place
When we're on the same
road
When it's okay to hold my hand
Without feeling
lost
Without all the excuses
When it's just because you love
me, you let me, you need me
Then maybe, maybe
All you have to
do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it
can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe
A small smiles curls up the corners of her lips, because now she knows that while you'll miss her with a fierceness that'll seem like it burns, you understand, and you aren't gonna stop her. But you'll wait for her, because you were supposed to.
I'm
confusing as hell One day
I'm north and south
And I'll probably
never have it all figured out
But what I know is I wasn't meant
to walk this world without you
And I promise I'll try
Yeah
I'm gonna try to give you every little part of me
Every single
detail you missed with your eyes
Then maybe
Maybe, yeah
maybe
We'll meet again and you'll need me,
you'll see me completely
Every little bit
Oh yeah maybe
you'll love me, you'll love me then
She probably thinks that getting Dawn, with her beautiful voice, to sing this for you, was the hardest part. She's wrong. Because you didn't spend hours upon hours listening to one dreary love song after another. No. You wrote this song yourself. You got Xander, with his guitar, to help with the melody, but these words are yours. You knew as soon as the idea came to you originally that you wouldn't find a song, not a perfect song. And these words you've written say all the things you want to say to her. But there just isn't time enough before she goes, and you doubt you'd have the courage anyway.
[I
don't want to be tough I should know better than to touch the fire
twice
And I don't want to be proud
I don't
need to be fixed and I certainly don't need to be found
I'm
not lost
I need to be loved
I just want to be loved by you and
I won't stop 'cause I believe
That maybe, yeah maybe
Maybe,
yeah maybe
But I'm thinking maybe, yeah maybe you might
As the last notes of the song play out, and the bar breaks out into loud applause, you spare only a quick glace towards the stage before you find her again. And fall straight into her eyes. The smile she gives you is comfortable, easy, beautiful and thankful all at the same time. You don't think you've ever seen her smile like that before. And what can you do but smile back?
She left the next morning, leaving nothing but an empty bed and a few smiling pictures of herself behind.
- -
When the memory's finished washing through the back of your mind, you stand in the main hall, a glass of white wine in your hand as you laugh and joke with Xander and Willow.
That memory isn't the happiest one you have of Faith, but you always seem to find yourself reliving it again because of that smile. So sweet and unassuming. So peaceful. You like remembering the expressions of understanding that washed across her face as she listened to your words, sung through someone else.
And then, as if the memory of her conjured her up from no where, you feel her presence rush through you like a firey blade. It sweeps through your veins and wraps around your pulse, squeezing playfully. It catches your breathe in your throat.
An almost burningly warm arm wraps around your waist from behind, another over your chest. Your heartbeat thunders in your body as a molten figure presses into your back. Reaching out blindly, you feel someone take your wine glass as you try to keep your knees from buckling out from underneath you.
Her breathe tickles your neck as she brings her lips to your ear. "So all I have you do is hold you?" the deep timber of her voice sends a shiver down your spine, making you grip the forearm she holds across your chest and slam your eyes shut. You haven't heard that voice, pulsing through your veins, in person for three years.
You take a deep shuddering breath in before opening your eyes and turning slowly in her arms to see that face you've missed, and fantasized about, with your own eyes. And what you find takes your breathe away.
She's still as beautiful as she was three years ago, but her skin has bronzed from moonlight pale to the golden of sun kissed. Her eyes are just as brown, just as deep, but there's something new in them, some new knowledge she's learnt about herself that adds layers to the beauty that already exists within her.
"Does this qualify?" her breathe whispers across your lips, and the only thing you can think of to do is nod, as you push your hands beneath the veil of her thick hair. You curl your fingers around the back of her neck, distantly feeling the locks of her hair trapped between your fingers, as you pull her face down towards you.
When your lips meet its as if the world stops. Every noise, every being just simply stood still and stayed silent. You know, in reality, that the room doesn't fade away, that the people didn't disappear, that the seconds tick by normally. It happens of a single instant, like the lens shutters on a camera as it blinks and takes a picture. And yet it feels like a single heartbeat draws out endlessly.
The feel of her lips brushing against yours, the sensation of her tongue venturing between your own lips, would make the room spin in streamers of multicolors, if you could open your eyes. The feeling of her chest, as it rises and falls, as she breathes against you, is something you're unlikely to forget. Her hands as they lay against the area where your back meets your ass, pressing into your flesh, drawing you in as close as she can get you. Seems as though she was drowning in memories, just like you, and is staggered by how far they are from the reality.
-
Morning breaks, but you don't go to the roof to watch it this time, like you have everyday since she left. Something about how burning that far away star is reminds you of Faith. Of how viciously beautiful she looks when she's completely unaware of those around her.
But you don't need to go to the roof this morning to feel closer to her. All you have to do is reach out your hand. Trail your fingers down her back and smile at the wash of goosebumps left in their wake.
She sighs deeply when you pull your hand away, turning her head to meet your eyes. Neither of you have slept; there where much better ways to spend your time last night.
"If I go to sleep, will you be here when I wake up?" her voice is hoarse, probably from the amount of screaming you made her do last night.
"It's my room, 'course I'll be here." Your voice is almost as hoarse as hers.
She raises an eyebrow at you, pulling herself up onto her elbows to look at you. You're distracted for a few seconds by the tops of her breasts, creamy and soft looking in the dawn light. When you pull your eyes back to her face, she's smirking at you, as she props her head in her hand.
"Don't mess with me B. I need to know, so don't make me ask again." You think she's cute, as she looks at you with a venerability you've never seen in her before.
In answer you roll on top of her, releasing a small moan in the back of your throat, as your naked bodies press against each other. Your nipples are hard against her, and she arches her back up into you in a very feline way, that rips another sound of pleasure from the back of your throat. The feel of her naked skin against yours is the most exquisite torture you've ever endured, your skin tingling at every point of contact between bare flesh to bare flesh. "I'll be here Faith. Will you?" during your words you slowly ran your hand from her shoulder, all the way down her back, over her ass and in between her legs. At your last word you push your fingers into her, making her arch against you again. And the noise pulled from her mouth this time has nothing to do with sensory perceptions, and everything to do with how deep you seem to be able to go.
"Everyday." She whispers out between the thrusting motion you've started, and it makes her voice hitch as you almost slam into her. But you aren't worried about hurting her, because she's a slayer.
She can take everything you have to give her.