Disclaimer: i do not own J.K. Rowlings books, characters, plot line, or other details. I merely manipulate them for my own enjoyment. Please don't sue!

this chap is from Sirius' POV.

"What do you mean 'I was flirting with him'? I most certainly wasn't!"

Sirius crossed his arms, glaring at the beauty before him--his beauty. "You were too!" he hissed, glancing around him at the crowded grounds.

It had been a week since Bella walked into that stupid Tom, and it seemed all she ever talked about or looked at was flippin' Tom Marvolo Riddle.

Ugh! He frowned and spotted him beneath a nearby elm tree; his eyes were down, focused on a book laid open in his lap, but he could tell Tom was listening by the way his head was tilted to the side to hear better.

Sirius scowled, and Bella followed his gaze. She watched him read in silence, then spun on her heel to glare at Sirius.

"I did not!" she hissed back, hands on her hips. He tried to ignore how Tom's eyes flickered up to her face as her hair billowed around her shoulders.

He gritted his teeth, fuming, trying to keep his voice low so Tom wouldn't hear. "Then why were you talking to him for so long yesterday?" He felt like he was giving an interrogation…maybe he was.

Bella sighed and half-turned away from him. She watched a couple of Ravenclaws playing chess for a moment before she spoke.

"I knew you'd react like this," she murmured, still looking away.

Tom's gaze flickered to her again, then down when Sirius glared.

"You know," he replied sarcastically, "you're right."

She seemed taken back, "Really?" She straightened up.

"Yeah!" Sirius said scathingly. "Why should I overreact? You were only talking with him for six hours!" His voice slowly escalated until he was shouting. A passing first year student glanced up warily at them.

She spun around to face him again, her face red. "I was helping him with his Potions homework, okay?!" she huffed, going redder from the anger.

"Oh yeah," he threw his hands up in the air. "I forgot! The best potions student in the highest potions class needed help with his homework. That's a good one, Bell!"

Her mouth formed a hard line, and her face hardened. "Alright!" she exclaimed, waving her own hand above her head. "So we did talk for four hours. But it was about classes! Nothing else!!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "So the great liar finally tells the truth for once in her life! They should make this a holiday!" he stepped closer to her, scowling. She glared back at him, crossing her arms. "I can see it now: The Day Bellatrix Black Told the Truth. It'll make headlines!"

He was so close to her then that he could see the anger burning in her eyes, and feel her tendons stretch as her hands balled up again. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. He waited, letting the seconds draw by.

When she spoke it was breathless and forcibly in control. Her jaw was locked. "You know…I think you are right. It will make headlines, but as: Sirius Black, the Biggest Asshole in Hogwarts!" Her eyes flickered open angrily, "And you are, Sirius Black."

"Ooh!" Sirius exclaimed, "That burns!" He winced, rubbing his arm.

She glared harder at him--if possible--and re-crossed her arms, waiting.

He sighed and gazed down at her, smirking. "Nice try, Bell-Bell, but you're just gonna have to live with the asshole." He gestured at his chest, "He's who I am."

Her eyes clasped shut again, and he could sense her trying to control herself. After a couple long, deep breaths, she opened them again. "You're wrong." Her voice was hard and emotionless, hissed through clenched teeth. "I don't have to live with it."

Sirius's heart did a flip-flop. "What?!"

She half-turned away from him, smiling softly. "I said 'I don't have to live with it.'" she took a step away from him--a step he followed involuntarily with one of his own.

"What do you mean?" for a man, his voice sounded weak and high; he didn't like feeling that way, but he just couldn't lose her. He hadn't meant to go so far as to push her away.

He knew the answer before her lips even moved.

"It's over."

His heart jumped into his throat, his hand reached out to her automatically. He wanted her close to him again; to feel her against his side like before. "But--"

She shied away from him, drawing her hand out of his reach. Sirius' fingers clutched uselessly at the empty space where her wrist used to be.

"I mean it, Sirius. It's over." Her eyes were hard, glaring deep into his soul. Somehow, she managed to stare him down, and his hand dropped to his side. "I'm dumping you."

Sirius felt his breath come in a wild gasp, though he would rather have died at that very moment rather than endure a day without her. He had driven her too far away. He had fucked up again. And now he was never going to be her's anymore; nor she, his. He would never hug her close without feeling her recoil automatically, or kiss her anywhere but her cheek. He had lost.

He watched her stride away, grasping again at the air where she should have been; where he wanted her to be. He barely comprehended that she sank to her knees next to Tom; that Tom wrapped his arm around her waist; that she rested her head against his shoulder and turned her attention to his book. He didn't feel his knees hit the ground, or his hands, for that matter; nor the cool dirt swirl up his nose as he panted for air that wouldn't satisfy his deprived limbs. Sirius didn't even see the snow begin to fall around him; or feel it freeze his nose and numb his fingers; or hear the rush of voices as everyone headed inside the warm castle.

He didn't know how long he laid there, not breathing, but it was long enough for James and Remus to miss him; and it wasn't too long before they gave up talking sense into him, and hefted Sirius up to the common room between the two of them, where he stayed till way past dinner, staring unseeingly; listening without hearing; and gasping without breathing.

All he could feel was his heart crashing against his rib cage; throbbing for the one thing in his life that he desperately wanted, and couldn't have; wouldn't have, ever. And all because of his own stupidity; his blindness.

He realized he should have noticed how she doted on Tom all along. Should have seen how she drew away too quickly during a kiss; or laughed to loudly at a joke that wasn't funny, all the time looking over his shoulder to where Tom was sitting, smiling.

He was the dumbest dumb person on the face of the planet, and he was dumb enough to admit it.

okay, first off. Sorry about not updating in like...five months? six? anyways...SORRY!! i don't even have a better explaination, except that i had major writer's block for this story and have been very busy...sleeping (its a poor excuse, but it's true).

second: REVIEWS!! i mean, i know my story sucks, and i haven't updated in a very, very, very long time, and you guys probably all hate me...but can't you at least write me a quick note saying that? please. i would really love some feedback, if you don't mind. i even like oneworded ones like: sucky, stupid, UGH!! or even: lame. (i also prefer happy comments too, don't forget!)

best regards: isabellthelooser