Well, here's the last chapter to this…four-shot. It was a struggle to choose between Endless, Beloved and Funky-kun. I didn't want to break the -less naming pattern for my chapters by using Beloved but I also did not want to break the 'it's the name of a Fighter-Sacrifice pair' pattern by using Endless either. Why Funky-kun? Well, it would have been…interesting, right? No? Just me then.
Endless
XX
"Ritsuka," his mother called him as he entered the house late at night. "Where were you?" The muscles in his mother's hands twitched. She approached from slowly, swaying slightly as she confronted him by the front door.
"I was with some friends," he replied slowly. It was not a lie. He had been with Yuiko and Yayoi after all.
Something inside her snapped. She shrieked and snatched his collar, flinging him away from her.
"Don't lie to me!" she screamed, grabbing a nearby umbrella and hurling it at him, reaching for shoes and slippers to throw. "Where do you go? You always leave early and never come back until it's late! You hate me don't you? How could you hate your mother? This isn't how you're supposed to be! You were always such a good boy! This isn't how my Ritsuka would think! Give him back! Give my Ritsuka back to me!"
"I - I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he recoiled beneath her anger.
"Where are you going? Ritsuka!" she shrieked after him as he dashed upstairs, locking the door to his room behind him. He heard her feet pounding up the steps and her fists beating against his door as she yelled for him to come out of his room.
Ritsuka pressed his back heavily against the door as it shook with every hit.
"I'm sorry!" he cried through the thin wood that separated them from each other. Eyes squeezed tightly shut, ears pressed against his bowed head; he tensed his entire body and did his best to shut out his mother's furious screams.
Eventually, she calmed down. On the other side he could hear her hands slide down the varnished wood, sinking to her knees. Muffled cries filtered through the door. He pressed his hands against his ears in vain hope that he could block out the sound of her sobs. He would rather she scream than cry.
"Ritsuka, come back to me. Ritsuka!"
"Mother…"
"Ritsuka, you're there aren't you? I know you can hear me! Why are you ignoring me?" he could hear her cry as she pleaded with him. "Ritsuka!"
He waited for her to leave before attempting to move again. Night descended as if to hide their discord from the world. Rubbing his forehead with the butt of his palm, he wearily flung himself into bed, grabbing and hauling the covers over his head.
Soubi had once asked him why he still stayed with his mother. He knew that, if he wanted, he could move in to Soubi's small apartment just as Natsuo and Yoji had. There certainly would be no objections and he would be safe from his mother's abuse.
Why don't you just leave her? He had asked.
I won't. When Seimei disappeared, I was left alone, so I know what it feels like. I won't leave her alone as well.
Not in the darkness. He would not leave his mother to drown in the darkness of solitude. When Seimei died, there was left a gaping void where he had once been, a dark hole in the space that he would have once occupied. It was a terrible place that swallowed everything. How could he let his mother fall into that hole just as he had? He did not want to leave her in that lonely, empty place.
Ritsuka rolled over; staring at the moon peeking through the curtains, then closer, at the glowing panel of the phone Soubi had given him.
He wondered if the hole he left when he was gone would be big. Maybe no one would notice it. Maybe people would pass it by as if it were nothing. Maybe his life would fade away as soundless as a drop of water on a disk of snow. Maybe Ritsuka, the old Ritsuka that would replace him, would make everyone forget that he had ever existed. Would everyone be happy if he just disappeared?
What would Seimei have said if he told him his thoughts? Would Yuiko and Yayoi prefer the old Ritsuka to him? He knew that he had been popular before so they would probably like him too. Sensei would be relieved, right? She would not have to trouble herself with him if he was the old Ritsuka.
What about Soubi? Which Ritsuka would he prefer?
If he disappeared, would his mother be lonely?
Don't disappear
Grabbing the sheets, he threw them over his head and curled himself up in a protective bundle of white. Should he just go back to being his old self? How could he be sure, even if it was possible that he could revert back to being the old Ritsuka, that everyone would be happier for it? Or was he just telling himself this because he was afraid?
To disappear or to remain. How could Faceless expect him to make such a decision so quickly?
Don't disappear.
XX
"Hey, Kuro-pii, let's eat out somewhere," Fai suggested as they did their daily rounds through the park. Days had passed without seeing hide or hair of either Loveless or Soubi and both were wondering how long they could stay before they had to return to the school.
"Eat out? Where?" Kurogane asked, stopping by a cluster of thin trees that barely concealed their temporary residence. He was not sure if camping out in the middle of a park was permitted, but he was not willing to be caught by the wardens just to find out.
"I want to go to a classy restaurant! One with good wine!"
"As if we have the money for that!" he snorted, eyeing the tip of their tent poking out from behind the vegetation. If they had money, he would never have dreamed of sleeping in a cramped tent. Surely Nagisa-sensei had knowingly given them just enough for the barest basics.
Fai grabbed him by the hand, tugging him over to one of the wooden benches. Though it was quite warm for autumn, there was a surprisingly little number of people coming to the park. Those they did see were simply passing through to another place, and those who had come to walk their dogs were quickly pulled away by their energetic pets.
He stooped down to pick a crinkled brown leaf from the path. "What do you think about Loveless? Cute, isn't he?" he said, twirling it between his fingers contemplatively.
Kurogane sat along the bench. "You just like the fact that he still has his ears."
With a devilish grin, Fai leaned over him, slinging an arm around his shoulders. "Of course. I always miss the fact that I can't pinch yours anymore," he whispered suggestively, patting Kurogane's head where his ears once were.
Tugging at his arm, Kurogane pulled him down to the bench with him. "Liar," he smirked, "you just want to take them again."
Fai smiled, but it was a half-hearted smile. The thought of Ritsuka and Soubi still weighed heavily upon his mind. "Those two. I wonder if they'll be okay," he murmured.
As if to bring him back to reality, Kurogane touched the side of his face with a hand. "Knowing that guy, they'll be fine. A name is just a name. Even if this name disappears, I'll still be your Sacrifice. Who else can put up with you for so long?"
"That means we're stuck together then."
"Don't remind me," he rolled his eyes.
"Kuro-rin's so -" Fai abruptly broke off in the middle of his sentence as a sudden feeling of danger washed over them. It was as hot and suffocating as he remembered but they were older now and harder to scare. On the contrary, the familiarly uncomfortable feeling only amused him as if he were meeting an old acquaintance with whose relationship had gone sour. "The same startling presence as always," he smiled languidly, calmly turning at the sound of footsteps on the leafy floor.
"We've been waiting for you, Loveless."
XX
"I'm glad you called me, Ritsuka," Soubi smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder as they walked, holding a large umbrella above both their heads with the other hand, though it was not raining the forecast had predicted later showers.
They slowly made their way to the park. It was always quite empty but even so Ritsuka was worried about fighting in such a public place.
Reading his silence as nervousness, his grip tightened affectionately. "Are you thinking about Faceless? Don't worry. It doesn't matter if you want me to retrieve that letter for you or burn it up, if it's for you I'll do whatever you ask," he said confidently, as if it were impossible for him to fail.
Ritsuka's gaze flickered up at Soubi's face for an instant. "You always say the same thing," he muttered under his breath, too softly for Soubi to catch.
He was never sure what Soubi meant every time he said things like that. 'I'll do anything you ask'? 'I would do anything for you'? Why did he always say things like that? Was that not just self-gratification? Even if it was disguised as servitude, he could not trust an adult who said such whimsical things.
"A Fighter's strongest spells usually include their own names. Because of the nature of their name, they're particularly skilled with illusionary spells, but don't worry, Ritsuka, I'll make sure you get what you want," Soubi assured him.
"I'm not worried!" he insisted, staring sourly at the grey pavement as they walked. They were about to find Faceless and he still had not reached a decision about what he really wanted to do with the letter. He did not even know what would happen if they did indeed win their fight. What kind of person was he supposed to be anyway? It seemed that everyone else knew him better than himself.
"Allow me to fulfil your wishes," Soubi's hand moved from his shoulder to ruffle his hair. Ritsuka permitted the action; protesting about it always seemed to excite Soubi's desire to go one step further from his fond but puzzling gestures.
As they continued to walk, they just about managed to catch sight of two stationary figures waiting for them in the same spot where they had first talked, close to the dim lamp light and the empty bench where their confrontation had taken place.
The two smiled as they approached, though the first looked smug and the other only seemed amused.
"We've been waiting for you, Loveless."
"So, you've finally made up your mind? It's about time, we were getting bored hanging around this park like a bunch of stalkers," Kurogane clicked his tongue in annoyance.
"Oh, surely Nagisa-sensei gave you enough money to stay in a hotel at least," Soubi said smoothly, smiling for the single purpose of irritating him.
The two men glanced at each other, their eyes shifted to something peeking behind the bushes. Sharing a look with Soubi, Ritsuka caught sight of a strange black point sticking above the greenery. He tilted his head for a better view. Was that…a tent?
"That's rather shameless," Soubi commented.
"W - What kind of thoughts are running through that twisted mind of yours? The tent is for sleeping and nothing else!" Kurogane coughed, his cheeks slightly flushed. "We're prudent with our money, that's all. Anyway, what's your decision?" he snapped in an attempt to hurry them along to a more important and less embarrassing topic.
"That letter! I want it!" Ritsuka demanded.
Fai waved the letter in front of his face teasingly. "Are you sure? With this letter, you can go back to being your old self, but won't the you right now will disappear?" he asked.
Ritsuka frowned at the waving end of the white letter. "It doesn't matter, does it? Whether I open that letter or burn it is up to me," he said as Soubi stepped in front of him.
With a sigh, Kurogane stepped forward as well, producing a small egg-timer from his coat pocket. "Don't get the wrong idea. We are battling, but this is a little different from normal battles."
"It's more interesting this way, don't you think?"
Soubi regarded them as though they were some kind of wild animal that should be treated with caution. "What kind of game are you playing?" he asked suspiciously.
"No, no, no, Soubi-kun! It's not a game, it's a battle! A very simple one at that," Fai insisted, eyes widening innocently, which did not make him look incredibly convincing as his mouth was stuck with a mischievous smile.
"Don't look at us like that, it wasn't our stupid idea. We're just following orders," Kurogane felt the need to inform them, the preservation of his good name was at stake. "The time limit is three minutes. You have to hit us - and I mean a proper hit, not just a restraint - in that time. If you can do it, you win."
"All we have to do is hit you?" Ritsuka asked, bewildered.
"If you can."
The challenge had begun. Soubi outstretched an arm. "We declare a spell battle!"
"We accept!"
"Don't worry, I'm not going to fool around," Fai assured his Sacrifice, arms outstretched, fingers splayed and hands open wide to stop a spell. "Those who hurt and those who are hurt, wrapped in darkness, wrapped in light, sever the two. Let them know the peace of an empty world.
Soubi frowned at the use of such an obscure spell. He did not know how much Faceless had improved since they had last fought but it seemed his instincts were right; illusions were their strong point.
The world became perfectly white; not even a shadow remained. Behind him, he heard Ritsuka cry out as the ground beneath him turned to white liquid, making him sink below.
"This world is filled with butterflies. Beautiful butterflies that harbour our souls. The world is filled with colour!" he cried but Fai only smiled in retaliation.
"That won't work."
That smile was unsettling. Soubi spun around in a panic, "Ritsuka!"he made a lunge for him as the boy disappeared before his very eyes, leaving the endlessly white world. When he turned back, he too found that Faceless's Sacrifice had disappeared as well, though the fact was anything but comforting. Only Fai remained, an infuriating smile fixed upon his face.
"Lost something?" he asked casually. "Don't worry, Soubi-kun, Kuro-tan won't do anything to Ritsuka-kun, he quite likes him, although you probably can't tell from the way he acts."
"So you're just stalling for time," Soubi realised. Sand was slowly draining through the egg timer to the bottom.
"You can't hit Kuro-chan if he's not here."
"That's quite a cowardly tactic."
"You're so mean, Soubi-kun!" Fai looked as if he could not care less. "Well, you can call it what you like. Even if it's just a bruise, I don't really want Kuro-rin getting hit."
Soubu frowned. They were always like this. Even when they were all at school they were always like this. He remembered their last fight, he remembered the Sacrifice snapping at him when they had met in the infirmary. Why were they always like this? Why did they act like this all the time?
"It's…somewhat annoying," he admitted. "You know better than anyone that your name is only temporary, your bond is nothing but cotton thread, yet no one can question that you are undeniably connected. It's…slightly aggravating."
Momentary surprise was replaced by a wide grin. "That's so like you Soubi-kun! You would rather bind yourself to someone with iron chains!" Fai laughed with exaggerated cheerfulness. "But have you ever tried snapping thread? Strangely, the thinner it is, the harder it is to break."
At his command, a long, thin red string materialised in his hands. "The best way is to wrap your hands around it like this to shorten the length, and then pull," he demonstrated by rolling the thread around his hands, binding his fingers. He gave the thread a slight tug as if to test it before snapping the thread in two, watching the ends fall limply from each other with a somewhat mournful expression. "But that means you have to get entangled in it first. You shouldn't take thread lightly, it can support things ten times its own weight, and it's sharp," he whispered. "It can hurt you if you let it."
Soubi stared neutrally at Fai's downcast expression. Threads might suit Faceless but, in spite of everything Fai had told him, he still preferred chains after all. Something thick and substantial was needed to keep him anchored to the world.
Faceless' Fighter sighed and raised his head, smiling with unsettling grace. He knew that smile. Seimei had often smiled in a similar way just before he was about to do something cruel. However, this smile, though undeniably disturbing, was mischievous as well, and maybe even slightly apologetic.
"Say, Soubi-kun," Fai began, "between Beloved and Ritsuka-kun, which one do you prefer?"
XX
It was only when everybody had disappeared did Ritsuka realise that he was not in the same place as his Fighter; he was separated, perhaps in a different world all together. "Soubi?" he cried, searching for him. "Soubi!"
"Quit shouting, kid." The presence of the opponent's Sacrifice made him jump. Kurogane sat only a few feet away from him, his legs crossed as if he were waiting for something or someone. Perhaps he looked mildly annoyed, but it was too dark to be sure.
"Where's Soubi?" he demanded.
Kurogane shrugged. "Outside somewhere. Fighters aren't allowed in this space."
"What do you want?" Ritsuka looked around. It was pitch black, yet somehow he could see the other Sacrifice clearly, though there was no light.
"Don't be so suspicious, kid. We're just waiting for your time to run out," he gestured to the egg timer on the floor. There were two minutes left. "I'd rather fight but that idiot insisted on taking the safest route. Safest and most boring," he snorted.
"How do I get out?"
"I'm sure you can figure it out. You look like a smart kid. You're probably the perceptive, sensitive type, aren't you?"
"I…I don't know," he replied uncertainly, ears flattening. "If someone asked me to described myself, I wouldn't know what to say. Yuiko tells me I'm sweet and Yayoi says I'm dense, but I always get the feeling that they tell me those things because they don't really know me," he muttered. "Maybe I will open the letter if I get it. But…"
"But?" Kurogane probed.
Ritsuka shrugged, looking away uncomfortably. He did not like adults when they were like this either. "But…the old Ritsuka. Will he treat Soubi well? Will he be able to make Yayoi and Yuiko smile? Will he be a good son and not cause my mother any trouble?"
With a sigh or exasperation, Kurogane hauled himself to his feet. "Ugh, for a kid you sure don't act like one," he grunted. "It's always the same, isn't it? It's always 'I'm doing this for so and so.' What about you? What do you want?" he asked sternly, those red eyes narrowing at him were most unnerving.
"I want…" Ritsuka backed away. He glanced at the egg timer. One minute. His hands clenched into fists. He was not going to let them win! "Right now, the only thing I want is that letter!"
XX
"Between Beloved and Ritsuka-kun, which one do you prefer?"
Soubi frowned as Fai's smile only seemed to brighten. His lips parted as if to answer, but before he could speak the ground began to tremble. Both Fai and Soubi lifted their arms to shield their faces as an explosion rocked the fabric of the world. In the blinding light that erupted between them, both Sacrifices were hurled back into their respective places.
Soubi knelt down to help Ritsuka to his feet as the other struggled to stand as well.
"Kuro-tan, you were supposed to keep Ritsuka-kun busy!" Fai moaned.
"Well excuse me for being no good with brats!" he snapped back, wiping himself down.
Soubi did not waste a second to retaliate. "Glass, pierce their empty world!" he cried as the white world became littered with the sparkling colours of a million shards of stained glass. They flew at their opponents, edges sharp and ready to slice through skin.
Fai stepped in front of Kurogane, waving a hand of dismissal "Defend!" he shouted, and a powerful gust of wind blew from behind them, knocking the glass off course.
Kurogane winced as the wind howled around them and the glass attack continued on relentlessly, sometime flying less than an inch away from his face.
As the attack died down so did the wind. He glanced at the timer somewhat triumphantly. All of the sand had run to the bottom.
"We win," Soubi declared.
Kurogane glared at him. "Win what? You didn't hit -" He fell silent. Something warm trickled down his cheek. He pressed finger against a long but thin cut, amazed to find blood on his fingertips when he took them away,
"We win," Soubi replied victoriously.
"Bastard," Kurogane smirked in spite of himself.
The white world collapsed around them and reality rushed in to fill the gaps.
XX
Ritsuka stared at the letter Fai had graciously given him as his prize. Did it really work? How could something like a piece of paper turn him back into the old Ritsuka?
All eyes were on him and it was beginning to make him feel uncomfortable. He had to choose something. Even if he chose not to make a choice, he would still be choosing. What was he supposed to do? Could he trust the words of the strange pair he had only just met?
Soubi's hand on his shoulder startled him so badly he almost jumped a foot in the air, but the man smiled at his sudden apprehensiveness. "Ritsuka is Ritsuka," he said simply, a bold statement that Ritsuka was not sure that he understood.
What was he supposed to do now? His mother would certainly be happy to have the old Ritsuka back. She would not be lonely anymore; maybe she would even smile a little. Maybe Yuiko and Yayoi would be upset but he was sure they would get on with the old Ritsuka with time and Soubi - he turned to glance at him - maybe Soubi would be fine too.
It was best if he just disappeared. No more worrying about where life was taking him, no more feeling helpless as time passed him by; the old Ritsuka would not think about things like that. Now he could disappear and let someone else try living his life.
Life was so boring, right?
He always wondered if it would end soon, right?
He would disappear, right?
His hands were shaking.
"I'm sorry," he whispered as he slowly tore the letter into shreds. He tore it into half, then quarters, again and again until the pieces were small enough to fall through his fingers like little white flower petals onto the grey concrete.
"Hmm, that was unexpected," Fai refused to give a hint as to whether he had done the right thing or not; he looked neither disappointed nor satisfied, only faintly amused by his choice.
Kurogane too gave no indication of what he thought; his only reaction was one of impatience as he took his Fighter's hand in his own. "Come on, our job's done here," he said gruffly, tugging Fai away.
The two retreated, with only the Fighter glancing back as they left, as soundlessly as they had entered, fading away further and further into the distance until they became faceless figures that blinked out upon the horizon.
Ritsuka sat down heavily upon the bench, Soubi moving closer but continuing to stand above him.
"I'm sorry," he whispered in the wake of their silence.
"Why are you apologising?"
His ears flattened against the side of his head. Why are you apologising? What kind of foolish question was that?
"Well, that's because I've done something selfish," he murmured, too ashamed to raise his voice to the sky. He had done something terrible. He had done something unforgivable in that moment of mad selfishness. "Even though my mother will be sad, even though she'll still be lonely, even though I won't be able to remember what happened, I still chose to stay as I am. I was too frightened to erase the me that exists now."
Soubi's expression softened, though Ritsuka, staring down at his own feet, could not perceive the affectionate smile that crossed his face.
"That's fine with me," he said, gently taking him by the shoulders. "It's okay to stay as you are. Ritsuka is Ritsuka. I like the Ritsuka that's standing in front of me now. "
There were those words again. 'I like.' How did people say those words so easily? The woman in the store, his friends, the kind lady down the street, every one of them said 'like' to him. It was as though with those words came an inexhaustible supply that they could throw them around so frivolously.
"It's okay?" he echoed, pained. "It's okay? Don't say that so casually!" he cried. It was all over. How could it be okay? How could it possibly be okay? Adults were liars! They always said things that they did not mean, though always made promises they could not keep.
Enough already. He was sick of it.
"You're a liar too, Soubi!" he cried. His hands remained clenched by his side, though really he wanted to reach out for him. His voice continued to shout in anger, though really he wanted to plead with him. Please don't lie to me. Be the only one who doesn't lie to me.
"They always say things they don't mean! How can I trust you when you can say it's okay as if it were nothing?"
"I would never lie to you, Ritsuka."
"You say that, but that's a lie too, isn't it?" he yelled. "I don't get you. I don't understand you at all, Soubi! How can it be okay to just stay the way I am?"
Ritsuka panted, waiting for an answer. Soubi looked at him, staring directly and unflinchingly at him as though he could see into his soul. What kind of comforting lie would he receive? What kind falsehood would deceive him?
There was only silence.
Is that your answer, Soubi?
"So you want to understand me?" his words came smooth and clear, delicate on the shivering air. "That makes me happy."
"Don't joke around like that," Ritsuka sighed, exhausted from shouting.
"I'm serious."
"Don't joke."
"I told you, I'm serious," he insisted. "I'm very happy. And the Ritsuka that made me happy is the Ritsuka standing in front of me right now. It's you."
Ritsuka's head jerked up. "Soubi…" he finally managed to look him in the eye. All adults were liars, they said things they did not mean and made promises they could not keep, they did things that hurt themselves as much as it hurt others. He could never understand adults, Soubi least of all.
"I would never lie to you."
In a sudden movement, he was pulled into Soubi's chest. Ritsuka found himself caught in his arms, unable to escape. He peered up at the face of his Fighter, trying to read every flicker that crossed his face.
"I would never lie to you, Ritsuka."
"If…if what you say is not a lie, prove it. I'll be watching you from now on, so don't you dare lie to me," he whispered. His hands grasped the fabric of Soubi's coat as he buried his head into his chest, tired. Maybe, if it was Soubi, he would let himself believe those words; that it was okay to be the person that he was.
XX
Kurogane entered Fai's bedroom, topless, drying off his wet hair with a towel as he muttered about brats and stupid Fighters and thrifty teachers. Being back at school was not something to celebrate but at least the beds were soft and the water warm.
He paused before the mirror to look at his own reflection and the name boldly etched into his skin. It was there as always, the name that bound them together. He caught Fai frowning at him in the mirror's reflection.
"Eh? You should have told me if you were having a bath. I would have joined you!" he complained.
"That's exactly why I didn't tell you," he replied, smirking as Fai's frown deepened. "Besides," he threw him his wet towel, "has he called yet?"
"I'm still waiting," Fai flung the towel aside, but no sooner had he spoken did the phone suddenly come alive with ringing.
Fai glanced at Kurogane before hastily reaching for the phone on his desk. "Hello?" he answered.
"…It's me."
"I know, I was waiting for you to call," he spoke into the receiver. "How should I put this? We lost. Though, I assume that you were expecting us to lose anyway. Well, he didn't open the letter anyway, even though it was just a dud." He laughed, albeit a little nervously, fingers curling around the cord of the phone.
"I see, so that's what happened," the voice on the other end of the line chuckled over the crackling static. His words could hardly be distinguished from the disturbance, white noise sometimes merging with his words.
"He's quite cute, that Ritsuka-kun."
"I see."
Fai paused, glancing up at Kurogane who hovered over his shoulder.
"Can I…ask you one question?" he suddenly spoke with hesitation. He felt Kurogane grip his tense shoulder; a reassuring sign, or perhaps it was a gesture of caution.
There was a pause. The crackling seemed to grow louder in the absence of their voices. His finger twisted itself around the cord of the phone.
"Maybe. That depends. Do you really want to know?" the voice replied. Although he could not see, Fai had the distinct impression that the person on the other end was smiling.
Another pause, longer than the first. It was taking a while to decide whether to ask. Maybe the he was deciding if he really wanted to know or not. Maybe he was wondering if he would just be wasting his breath.
"…Beloved," The line suddenly hissed as though that name was cursed, furious that the taboo had been broken. Fai continued, undaunted. "You're Beloved, aren't you?"
Soft laughter reached his ears through the storm of harsh static. Soft, calculated laughter like the wings of a butterfly, barely disturbing the silence that surrounded the room.
"Beloved?" the voice was amused. "Who is that, I wonder."
"But -" he raised his voice in protest.
"Who is that, I wonder."
And that brings us to an end. Well, I could carry this one on but I'm a horrible updater when it comes to lengthy fics so I think it's best to leave it whilst I can. Thanks a bunch to everyone who reviewed!