Be Good
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By: Bloodmist-Exile
Rating: Teen for Language and Safety
Misc: Humor/Drama
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

Chapter 1: Menos

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Unohana Retsu smiled sheepishly at her Captain. The bound girl was in a chair facing her Captain and trying, not too successfully, to look innocent and wronged. Tomoko Chie, the Fourth Division Captain, finally finished reading the nearly five-page long disciplinary report and glanced back with every ounce of venom her grayish eyes could muster. She shook her head, "Retsu-chan," came the stern tone, "What are we ever going to do with you? Six members of the Eleventh, all with severe blunt-force wounds? "

"He insulted the Fourth!" the dark-haired girl defended shrilly, "He and his stupid Eleventh Division friends said that only idiots and rejects joined the Fourth! We've probably saved their lives hundreds, no, thousands of times! How dare he..."

"And you were drunk during your shift again?"

"I can explain..."

"Three counts of conduct not benefiting an officer of the Gotei Thirteen?"

"No!" her Captain gave her a stern look again, "Erm... not exactly! I can explain!"

"Retsu." Tomoko interrupted, her voice sharper than any steel and more piercing than any Zanpakuto, "Silence." She slowly and deliberately untied the girl and straightened up, "Get out."

Retsu almost smiled, thinking she had gotten off easily, "Yes, Tomoko-taicho," she said quickly, backing out the door with her head down respectfully, "It'll never happen again."

"Leave your badge."

The dark-haired girl froze halfway out the door, her eyes at their widest, "W-What?"

"Leave your badge."

"T-Tomoko-taicho... I-I..."

"You have the skills to be the Fourth Divison's Captain," Tomoko stated flatly, "Your medical abilities are, truly, far beyond any to ever come before you." Retsu seemed confused; Tomoko was not a very hard master, by any standard, but her compliments were still few and far between. "This is a fact, however; it also stands that skill alone is not enough in the Fourth. There may be no place in this division to call your own."

Stunned, Retsu opened her mouth to defend herself, only to discover she had absolutely nothing to say. As much as it pained her, she could not, would not, defend herself. Silently, she unpinned her Assistant-Captain's badge from its place on the front of her Fourth Division aid pack. "What..." she asked softly, staring almost mournfully at the badge in her hand, "What quality do I lack?" She laid it on her Captain's desk and glanced up for the answer.

She was answered only with a swift shake of the head, "Please leave." The Captain didn't need to ask twice; the dark-haired girl had already swept out of the room. She was so distressed, in fact, that she didn't even notice her Captain's change in tone. If she had looked back even a second, she would have seen a small smile creep slowly across her Captain's face.

Retsu sighed as soon as she closed the door. Damn, she needed a drink. That was what had gotten her in the prior mess to begin with, but what could they possibly do to her now?

She knew just what to do. Finding Urahara Kisuke, Kyoraku Shunsui, and Ukitake Jushiro in their respective offices, she demanded their company. They agreed quickly, though that was no surprise; they all knew the famous Unohana anger too well to say no. Both Shihouin Yoruichi and Kurosaki Isshin were nowhere to be found. On a slightly more normal day, under slightly more normal circumstances, Retsu would have almost-certainly noticed something was awry.

Kisuke would have also noticed, had he not been playing with a small midnight-blue orb that had, by that point, caught his haori on fire, not once, but twice.

Of course, Shunsui and Jushiro, both being veteran Captains, already knew. It was understood between them, if not a given, that nothing would be said to the oblivious two without some rather firm prompting.

They all stepped into the bar at about a quarter-to-five and left almost, but not quite exactly, at twelve in the morning. Not too surprisingly, none of them were making too much headway on the walk back. "You see," Kisuke hiccuped blearily, waving around the slightly-shimmering orb yet again, "This orb can shift the state of reiatsu, from its current phase of matter, into pure energy. Who knows where this genius discovery will lead us?"

Shunsui chuckled deeply and flung an arm drunkenly around Kisuke's shoulders, "Can it getchu laid?" he slurred.

The Twelfth Division Captain looked as if someone had dropped a brick wall, solidly, in front of his train of thought. "Huh?"

"I just can't see the use of it, if it can't get you laid," the Eighth Division Captain continued blissfully, "No reason it wouldn't work either, eh, Jushiro? 'Hey baby! I can shift states of matter for you! I'll make your reiatsu pure energy!'"

"They'd be all over you, Kis'ke." Jushiro agreed, fighting a losing battle to keep the smile off his face. He stumbled and fell face-first into the ground for what seemed like the thousandth time that night. His nose was starting to hurt, damn it.

"I've never had anyone shift states of matter for me, Kisuke," Retsu said, batting her eyes at her friend and stumbling to a seat next to Jushiro. "I never knew you were such a romantic."

"How does Yoruichi like her states of matter, Kisuke?" Jushiro teased, his voice muffled because of his still face-down position in the dirt.

"No!" Kisuke said confusedly, having just realized that the others were teasing him. Kisuke always seemed to drop massively in intelligence when drunk, possibly more than any of the others. He had tried to explain it to them once, something about how his constantly-calculating brain, due to its greater activity, was simply affected more, but no one had understood it, as everyone had already been drunk by that point. "There are four known states of matter, right?"

"If you say so," Retsu replied with a sigh.

"Well, that being so," Kisuke continued stubbornly, failing magnificently to notice that no one else seemed even close to interested. "What state of matter is reiatsu?" At this, he glanced around, a comically triumphant look on his face. "It isn't a solid, liquid, gas, or plasma, right? So it must be a new state, a fifth state, of matter!"

Jushiro snored loudly. He had apparently passed out.

"So I did some tests," Kisuke was talking louder, trying to talk over Jushiro's snores, "And I was right! Knowing that, it was pretty simple to make something to turn reiatsu into energy. Think of what this means! We can manipulate reiatsu at a near-molecular level now!"

"That's brilliant, Kisuke." Retsu said, trying to shut her friend up. He was really killing her buzz.

"That's not even the most brilliant part!" he replied, his eyes shining.

"Let me guess." she said slowly, after several seconds of silence, "You want me to ask you what the most brilliant part is. Right?"

"Well... uh, yeah..."

"What's the most brilliant part?"

Kisuke smiled widely, his eyes passing in and out of focus, "You see, the most brilliant part... the most brilliant part is... uh... the most brilliant..." he frowned, "Actually, I think that was the most brilliant part."

"Terrific."

Kisuke blushed in embarrassment and, in the absence of words, tossed his invention nonchalantly into the air. It was at that exact time that Shunsui decided to poke his head out from behind the bush that he had been energetically throwing up in for the past few minutes, "The most brilliant part is that no woman can possibly resist the charms of Kisuke's ball!"

Kisuke raised an eyebrow at Shunsui, completely forgetting about the still-falling orb. "It's not a ball, it's an orb." he replied slowly.

"No woman can resist your orb, then."

"You know..." There was a small thunk as the orb, as it had been firmly established that it was indeed an orb and not a ball, hit the ground and began to shine a blindingly-white light. Kisuke's alcohol-addled brain moved sluggishly to interpret what was happening. It was not entirely unlike watching a Hollow attempt to write a microbiology paper in Latin.

"Uh... Kisuke?" Retsu's voice showed that she seemed to agree that the situation was probably not the best.

Knowing that his next action would be immensely important, Kisuke made a swift decision. "Oh, damn!" he exclaimed loudly. The ensuing gout of flame was roughly twenty feet wide and nine feet high.

-

Yoruichi was pissed. There was no other way to describe it. The reiatsu-based burns on her arms were throbbing painfully and she had probably pulled the muscles in her legs about an average of five times. She was sitting quietly in Retsu's plain Assistant Captain's quarters, glancing at the clock ever-so-occasionally, and trying her best to subdue her irritation. It was almost fifteen-past-one.

Finally, she heard the sound she had been anticipating so highly, the rattle of an opening door. She charged irately toward the door and paused at the sight that greeted her, barely stifling an undignified giggle. Retsu had come out the least affected by the flames; she was leaning against the door looking slightly charred but otherwise okay. Kisuke's haori and shihakusho had been literally blasted into a shape that vaguely resembled a toga and Shunsui's eyebrows had been entirely burned off.

By far, the most comical, however, was Jushiro, whom was gazing, almost mournfully, into a mirror. His brown hair had been scorched into almost a U-shape, as he had been the only one unable to raise his reiatsu level to protect himself from the searing flames. Mere fire wasn't nearly powerful enough to even stun a Captain, even an unconscious one, but it still could burn hair, it seemed. "Kisuke," Jushiro said finally, "I hate you."

"My sincerest apologies, Ukitake-taicho," Kisuke drawled, giving him a mock-salute, then tumbling to the ground in a drunken heap, "Though we could have always left you sleeping there until you were found by your little fanclub, or caught some weird disease, whichever came first."

"Don't be stupid," Jushiro snapped, "You know I've never been sick a single day of my life!" The question of the fanclub, was oddly never addressed.

"Aw, don't worry, Jushiro," Shunsui teased, "Your beautiful brown locks'll grow back in no time, your club's not in jeopardy."

"You know that's not..."

"Retsu, come with me," Yoruichi interrupted impatiently, "I need to talk to you."

"Aw, don't be such a wet blanket, Shihouin-taicho!" Retsu teased, collapsing herself and almost kneeing Kisuke in the back of the head. "Just say whatever you want, I'm all ears."

"Yeah, Yoruichi, relax!" Kisuke added. He sat still for a moment, trying to decide which of the three Yoruichi's he saw was the real one. After a few seconds, he picked the middle Yoruichi and smiled at her, "We've had a few drinks."

Yoruichi shot him a look that would bend steel, "No way. Really?"

"Oh no," Kisuke said blithely, not even coming close to understanding how much she wanted to punch him. "Er, yes," he corrected a few seconds later.

Jushiro glanced at Yoruichi, all semblance of humor gone from his eyes, "How'd it go?" Even drunk, Jushiro was intelligent enough to see that something was wrong with the Second Division's Captain. "Did something go wrong?"

"Did what go wrong?" Retsu asked in confusion.

"Yeah. I wish it was that easily put."

"Bad?" Shunsui asked. There was no answer. "Really bad?"

Even Kisuke's temporarily-softened brain was buzzing in alarm now, "Was what really bad?"

"Menos," was Yoruichi's simple answer, "There were Menos."

"Who went?" Jushiro asked.

"Kukaku and myself from Second, Isshin and Yuzu from Eleventh, and Chie from Fourth."

"You only took five Shinigami, including yourself?"

"You didn't tell me there'd be any real combat," Yoruichi snapped, "And how was I supposed to know that three Captains and two Lieutenants wouldn't be enough?"

"Menos?" Kisuke repeated, with a drunken laugh, having just realized where he had heard the name, "From those legends, The Tales of Sanbi? They're not real... they're just morality tales designed to warn rookie Shinigami not to be too arrogant."

The slightly dour silence in the room was reply enough. Jushiro seemed to be having some kind of internal struggle and finally took a deep breath, "They're real."

Another laugh echoed weakly around the room, then slunk away to echo somewhere a little more cheerful, "Stop joking, Jushiro," came the lame reply, "If there was any mention of them at all in the record, I would definitely..."

"Sotaicho-sama ordered it stricken from the record."

Silence. Kisuke appeared to be fumbling in his haori for something.

"There..." Yoruichi began, frowning, "There was a menos there that was smaller than all the others... some kind of leader or officer; it was telling the big ones where to move and attack..."

"I was afraid of that," Shunsui said, glancing at Jushiro, "Remember, in the Tales, Sanbi fought some sort of officer-knight named Judicia..."

"Adjuchas." Kisuke corrected.

"You knew." Yoruichi replied icily, glaring at Shunsui with an expression that was akin to hatred, "Then, undoubtedly, you already knew about the third type as well."

Shunsui frowned and opened his mouth but, to everyone's surprise, Kisuke answered first again, "Vasto Lorde..." Everyone stared at him again and he shrugged, holding up a small syringe, "Sobering solution," he said simply, "I just wouldn't be any help while drunk."

"Not a bad idea," Jushiro admitted, shaking his head in a vain attempt to clear it, "Hand me some, please, Kisuke."

Three new syringes were uncapped and handed out. The atmosphere in the room became deadly serious almost immediately; the time for fun was over. "Aren't you going to sober up, Retsu?"

"Nah, you guys can go ahead," Retsu said, a little dejectedly, "I wasn't entirely truthful with you guys... I was demoted today..."

"Seriously?" Kisuke said, blinking, "Again?"

"Yeah. Again."

Yoruichi bit her lip and frowned. It was true that Retsu had every right to know what had happened; however, nothing on either the Earth or Soul Society could save her from Genryusai's wrath if he learned that she had told an unranked Shinigami what had transpired. "I'm... I'm going to have to ask you to wait in your bedroom, Retsu..." she said hesitantly.

Retsu smiled sardonically, though she wasn't exactly angry at her friend. In fact, she wasn't sure who, exactly, she was frustrated at. "Of course," she replied, staggering in the direction of her bedroom, "Don't let the fact that you're all in my room disturb you or anything."

Jushiro opened his mouth, undoubtedly to say something comforting, but shut it again as Retsu slipped into her bedroom and slammed the door behind her. There were several moments of silence as all of the captains stared at the closed door, "So..." Shunsui said, in a fair attempt at sounding nonchalant, "Tell me everything."

Unohana Retsu did not cry. She was never, would never, be a crier. Ten times more likely to get intensely angry, her tears were reserved for other peoples' troubles, not her own. As she sunk down on her bed; however, she wished, and wished powerfully, she had kept some of her tears for herself.

It had been bad enough when Yoruichi had become a Captain and, suddenly, she had much less time to spend with her non-Captain friends. The only thing that had softened the blow was the continued presence of both Isshin and Kisuke. Then, they too ascended to the elite rank of Captain. She was the only one of the four whom had been repeatedly denied the position.

Perhaps it was her stubbornness. Perhaps it was her tendency to get into fights. Perhaps it was because she had told Genryusai, exactly, and in excruciating detail, where he could shove the knobby end of Ryujin Jakka during the interview portion of her evaluation. For some inexplicable reason, she had never received a Division. Her Captain had repeatedly mentioned that she was the most powerful medic to ever grace Seireitei, yet had never failed to mention that skill, or even power, was not enough. It's not like her Captain didn't trust her or anything – she had reinstated her as the Fourth Division's Assistant-Captain four times.

It was all a load of bullshit. Yanking the clip out of her short hair, she wandered over to her desk; still fuming, she hurled it down as if the clip itself had wronged her. She was right about to charge away again when a plain sheet of folded white paper caught her eye. Now, this was odd for two separate reasons.

First, it was odd because the folded paper only had two words written on it and was, in every other possible way, plain and boring. Second, it was odd because her Captain did all of the paperwork and there was no particular reason for that piece of paper to be on her desk to begin with. Her eyes had immediately snapped to the two words; however, as they were written in that infallibly neat manner that she had come to recognize immediately. 'Retsu-chan,' it said.

She quickly unfolded the letter and lunged at the Assistant-Captain's badge that fell out. She missed the badge by no more than three feet and slammed her face solidly into the desk. As she contemplated the sudden shower of stars and wondered which Hollow had cleverly disguised a desk in the form of her Assistant-Captain's badge, she held a hand to her throbbing nose. She still seemed to be a tad drunk.

It took her several minutes but, eventually, she decided that her minor head-desk interaction hadn't killed her and stood back up; her badge still clutched tightly in-hand. She pinned it, accidentally upside-down, onto her shihakusho for safekeeping and reached for the letter. 'Retsu-chan,' it repeated, 'I have seen fit to reinstate you as the Assistant-Captain of the Fourth Division.' Retsu smiled broadly, 'I have informed you several times – I've actually lost count – that you are enormously gifted. Every single time I have said this, I have also informed you that no amount of raw skill is enough. Today was the first time you've ever asked me what it was.'

'Skill is important; it is the fulcrum of all our efforts. It tips the result in our favor, given the proper impetus. However, a fulcrum is useless without an equally-sound lever. This lever is responsibility.'

'Without responsibility, skill is worthless, as equally, responsibility is meaningless without skill. You, Retsu-chan, have long possessed one but lacked the other. Today, when you simply surrendered your badge and position, things that I knew for certain you held dear, I saw that responsibility shine through. You did not attempt to argue with me as you had, so often, in the past. You took responsibility for your actions, even to the bitterest end. That, dear, is enough.'

'The Fourth Division needs you. I have trained you and groomed you as best I can. As tradition bodes, I shall relegate the position of Captain to you when I retire. I'm proud of what you've become and who you are. I'll speak with you when I get back.'

'Be good.'

Retsu crumpled up the letter ecstatically and tossed it back onto her desk. She straightened up, brushed her hand through her hair once, and stumbled back through the door. "How many people were left?" Jushiro asked, his eyes wide and haunted.

"After the Vasto Lorde came out of that volcano, all hell broke loose." Yoruichi replied, "Pompeii and most of Oplontis is gone..." She glanced at Retsu, "Hey."

Retsu nodded, her eyes bright. "So," she said, pointing to where she knew her badge to be, "I'm back."

There was a few more seconds of silence. "It's upside down." Kisuke pointed out.

Retsu blushed but refused to be deterred, "So what's going on?"

Yoruichi wondered how, exactly, Retsu had gotten her badge back but was far too deep into the story to stop. "So, the Vasto Lorde came out of the volcano," she continued, "Kukaku had already lost her arm by this point, so I was trying to get her to somewhere safe. Yuzu, Chie, and Isshin were just barely keeping all of the Menos back." Yoruichi shivered as if the room had suddenly gotten several times colder, "Then the Adjuchas created some... super-condensed red ball with its reiatsu. Isshin yelled for everyone to get down..." Yoruichi took a deep breath, "Yuzu was too slow. She was hit right in the chest by it."

"Is she okay?" Jushiro asked, his forehead creased with worry.

"She's dead." Yoruichi closed her eyes, her brow furrowed, "I don't want to go any deeper into it," she said, "Three big Menos and the Adjuchas are dead. Isshin killed the Adjuchas personally."

"Where IS Isshin?" Kisuke asked, looking no happier than any of the others.

"He's probably begging Genryusai to let him go kill that Vasto Lorde," Yoruichi said, "Or at least that's what he was doing when I left him three hours ago."

"So... only Yuzu and Kukaku were hurt?" Jushiro asked quietly.

"No," Yoruichi said, glancing ever-tentatively at Retsu, "Chie's dead."

The news was so shocking that it took a little over half a minute for the smile to slide off Retsu's face. "W-What?" she stammered, sitting down quickly, "Tomoko-taicho is dead?"

"The Vasto Lorde killed her..." Yoruichi couldn't bring herself to look into her friend's eyes, "I'm sorry."

"Did you see... Are you sure...?"

"Yes." was the reply, "I'm certain she was dead when she hit the ground."

"I'm going to go look for her." Retsu said through gritted teeth. "She can't be dead."

She had only taken two steps when Yoruichi grabbed her firmly by the arm, "That volcano is still going off," she said, "If you go there, we'll only lose you too. Stay here."

Retsu stared at the ground, breathing heavily, "Why..." she said helplessly, "Why the hell didn't you take me?" She flung the other girl's hand off of her arm and glared venomously into her eyes, "I might have been able to help! Why would you take Tomoko-taicho without me?"

"We couldn't find you." Yoruichi looked nearly as angry as Retsu did, "We looked. Chie even went into your bedroom to see if she could figure out where you went."

"We went out for drinks..." Kisuke said softly, "She... we... didn't know..."

Yoruichi let out a strangled sound that might have been an attempt at a laugh, "So, you went out for drinks!" she said hysterically, throwing up her hands, "Well, shit!" She wrenched open the door, nearly pulling it off of its hinges, and stormed outside.

Kisuke stared after her with his mouth slightly ajar. "You knew, didn't you?" Retsu yelled, rounding on Jushiro and Shunsui. "You knew!"

Jushiro looked stunned but regained his composure fairly quickly, "I would be lying if I said I didn't but, in all honesty, I didn't..."

"So you mean you knew!" Retsu yelled, "Get the hell out of my quarters!"

"Look..."

"GET! OUT!"

Kisuke grabbed Shunsui and Jushiro, "Let's go." he said. With that, he dragged both of the Captains bodily from the room. He knew the bloodbath that would ensue if anyone stayed.

Retsu stalked back into her bedroom and sat down on her bed again. It seemed unreal that she had been in the exact same room only a few minutes ago, smiling from ear-to-ear at the letter. The thought of the letter made her jump and she rushed over to her desk. She gently picked up the paper and lovingly smoothed it out as well as she could. She placed it in the nearest drawer and placed her old book of medical knowledge on top of it. The last two words of the letter stuck in her mind, as if branded. A single tear escaped her eye as she laid down on her bed, "I'll be good, Tomoko-taicho," she whispered, wiping the tear away, "I promise."

She yawned. It had been a long day in so many different ways. Without even getting undressed or slipping into the covers, she fell asleep.

-

A/N: Hi everyone. This is Bloodmist-Exile. I've been active on this site for a while but this is the first actual fic I've ever submitted to the site. That isn't any excuse for it to be terrible, and if it is, please feel free to tell me so.

This was originally meant to be a one-shot vignette piece to kinda expound on Unohana's character and -kinda- challenge the normally-present view of "she's everyone's mom". Somehow, this has mutated into a three-chapter vignette (wow, a long vignette. Does that even make sense?) covering, not just Unohana's past but the events of the Soul Society Arc too. I already have the next chapter written, so I'll update later today as well.

Heh, it's humor/drama, so does that make it a dramedy?

Thanks for reading, and please review. I just want some feedback.

B-E