Say it's only a paper moon

"You like him, don't you?"

"Who told you that?!"

"I have eyes, don't I?"

"Well, your eyes are wrong!I don't like him!I don't know where you would get an idea like that!"

"I don't understand; why are you getting so upset?Is there something wrong with liking someone like him?"

"There is if you're another boy…but I don't have that problem because I'm not like *that*!"

"Like 'what'?All I asked was if you liked him, just like you like Sora."

"I don't 'like' Sora, and I don't 'like' him, okay?!Just leave me alone."

"Humans are confusing…"

"And digimon are obnoxious…"

***

"Please, Jyou. You're the only one I can trust with this."

Trust.

I always had a feeling, from the very beginning when I first found my crest, that something like this would come back to haunt me.Not like the Bakemon, I had learned how to deal with those quite a while ago; who would have thought that a few chants would have such a detrimental affect on flesh-eating monsters…but I'm digressing.

Finding my crest wasn't even such a big deal, overshadowed as it was by the sudden appearance of Skullgreymon.It seemed almost like an anti-climax.I can just see it:"Giant Pile of Bones With Attitude Problem Shows Up to Wreak Havoc!And hypochondriac with glasses finds crest.See page twenty-seven for details."It even took long enough for Ikkakumon to evolve into Zudomon…but "better late than never" I suppose.The story of my life, which of course is regulated to page thirty-two in the great newspaper of life.Let's just say I've never been the type to make headlines.

It's easier to think in cliches and recall the past of almost three years ago than to face the earnest look on Yamato-kun's face; to consider what he's asking of me, but it's too easy to run when I'm the only one in danger, it's another thing when a close friend needs your help.

"But why me?"I find myself asking; my rebellious mouth suddenly taking control of my body in a coup that leaves my brain stunned.My heart seems to be going at two thousand kilometers per minute, dimly I find myself expecting to have a heart attack at any moment.I'd almost welcome it; at least it'd get me out of this situation.Not to mention maybe the people at the hospital could amputate that frantically flopping fish that seems to be lodged underneath my diaphragm whenever I open my mouth to talk to him.

"I have to know if he feels the same way."Yamato-kun replies, looking very embarrassed.Yamato-kun embarrassed…I'd have been less surprised to see Koishirou-kun give up his laptop and join the basketball team.

"Why don't you just ASK him?"

"I don't want to…I can't wreck our friendship!"

But you're perfectly willing to strain ours to the breaking point.The thought wafts though my head on a breeze of bitterness and then leaves as quickly as it shows up.What friendship?!It's not as if we were ever that close!The only thing I've ever been to him was a perpetually whining nuisance.

"Okay, so let me see if I've got this straight; you want ME to pretend to go out with YOU so that you can gauge TAICHI-KUN'S reaction and see if he's interested in you?"

"When you put it like that…" Yamato-kun mummers, find something fascinating to study on the ground.

"Don't you think you could find someone, well, a bit more believable? Do you really think Taichi-kun's going to get jealous of ME?! The only thing that'll probably run through his head at the thought of you and me as an item is 'Gee, I wonder if Yamato has been doing mind-altering drugs, or maybe he's just been hitting his head against brick walls again?'" I'm breathing so quickly that I'm almost hyperventilating, trying to get air to my lungs after that mini-tirade.

"Jyou."The word is so quietly spoken it's almost whispered. When I turn to look at him, his face is unreadable, but I think I can see something akin to pity in his eyes, it's enough to make me want to turn away again. The only thing that stops me is something vague even deeper in his eyes, something almost like…recognition? And then that "I'm-so-cool" mask slides over his features again.

"Okay. Fine. I'm sorry I asked." He turns to go, his last gesture something similar to a parting wave that one uses to dismiss someone.

"Yamato-kun!"I call, hating myself for what I'm about to do."I didn't say I wouldn't do it!"

He stops in his tracks, and now it's his turn to turn and inspect me.But when he sees that I'm serious, the corners of his mouth raise in a parody of a smile. At first I think he's mocking me, but the then I realize that this is just the way he smiles, like he had to study it out of a textbook or something.

"Thank you, Jyou."

I suppose you could say that's how I became Yamato-kun's "boyfriend".

***

Juku is particularly hard that day, with all the strange thoughts crowding in my head, vying for my attention. I'm studying to become a doctor, so doing well at school is extremely important. Some might think I'm strange, but I actually enjoy school. Well, most of the time at any rate.

If you asked me, I'm not entirely sure if I really want to become a doctor. Rather than the human body entrancing me, I'm more on the other side of the spectrum. It scares me! Time and time again, I've heard our bodies likened to "perfect machines", but when you really think about it, what's so "perfect" about them?! Any number of things could go wrong at any time, from invading diseases constantly mounting attacks from the very air we breath, to internal problems that leave most medical practitioners stumped. I don't care what my dad and my brother say, the more I learn the less I wish I knew about the inner workings of humans. Ignorance is bliss!

Try telling that to my dad, though. He's so proud of my brother following in his footsteps, the only thing that could make him any happier is to have TWO sons taking after him." Why can't you be more like your brother?" It seems like I must have came out of the womb hearing that phrase…

And if he knew I was gay…I can't help but cringe. I'd NEVER live up to his expectations then!

Sora-kun and Mimi-kun were the first two to figure it out. Heck, they probably knew before I did! Call it "feminine intuition" if you want, but those two were always teasing me and were completely comfortable with me. When Mimi-kun asked me, in that kind of dippy, but kind of sweet way of hers, if anyone else was aware of my "proclivity towards the same sex" (Those are my words, not hers. Her question was more like "Gee, Jyou, do the others know you like boys?") it made me think about myself for a long time. I didn't want to admit it at first, finding out something of this magnitude about myself was scary, to say the least. I kept it between the three of us for the longest time, until Mimi-kun, again, let it slip to the others.

I was a bit disconcerted by their non-reaction, mistaking it for rejection. It made me retreat into myself again, as usual. I had nowhere else to go. Strangely enough, it was Takeru-kun who first approached me after that big announcement. Maybe it was because he was younger and therefore more flexible in his thought process, but his reassurances really helped me .I don't know why, but I've always felt rather protective of Takeru-kun, almost as if he was the little brother I had always wanted.

The sound of the rest of the class bidding our teacher goodbye snaps me out of my reverie. I hurriedly gather up my books and shove them into my backpack, brushing my long hair from my eyes as I quickly exit the classroom. Yeah, I have long hair. On most kids it'd look rebellious, daring. On me, it just makes me look like a miniature salary-man. Chibi-Salary-man! Fighting evil with his Briefcase 'O Doom. And his secret identity is "just your average Jyou".

I must be more tired than I thought.

A quick glance at my watch tells me that, in fact, class had run a bit late .Just great. Now I'm going to have to beg notes off of someone, just one more unneeded hassle. Of course, if my head had been anywhere NEAR the same vicinity as my desk, I wouldn't have the problem to begin with. Still, I don't know anyone in the class very well, and it will be rather embarrassing to go up to a stranger and ask them to lend me their notes.

Not, however, half as embarrassing as planting my face squarely in the sidewalk, I think dimly as a spiteful bit of sidewalk decides to trip my feet up while I'm making my way towards the ferry dock. Before I can humiliate myself, however, I feel strong hands reach and heave me not-so-gently to my feet .Icy blue eyes meet mine.

Yamato-kun.

"W-what are you doing here?" I stutter, a bit off balance to see one of my friends intrude in to my "other life". His response is a slight shrug.

"I haven't seen much of Takeru lately, so I decided to visit him. Then I remembered your juku was across the bay in the same area .I decided to wait for you. I thought we could take the ferry home together…and…talk."

Yamato-kun has never been one to waste words. The only time he ever really speaks, it seems, is when he's angry or annoyed. I wonder what he considers "having a conversation" amounts to. Maybe he expects me to do something irritating, that way he can yell at me. Just like he does to Taichi-kun.

I'm beginning to regret my decision more and more.

End of Part One