Unrequited

By: Englishspirit

Summary: During the events of the episode "The Only Church in Town", Hannibal thinks about unrequited love. The stuff in quotation marks was taken directly from the episode.

Rating: PG, just to be safe,some mild profanity

Warnings: Slashy thoughts, very mild

Disclaimer: I own nothing and that is probably a good thing. I admit I'm an amateur but I try to improve. Please leave comments or suggestions.

"All right, all right I'm hiring the A team."

No, I thought to myself, I 'm still head of this unit and your commanding officer and we are not taking this case. I may be a bastard and worse but I will not let you chase after another empty-headed bimbo who after fifteen years realized what she threw away. Jesus! Fifteen years, kid, let it go, please just forget the bitch, she isn't, couldn't be worth it, worth you, not then, not now, not ever.

Damn! Who am I fooling? He knows we'll take the job, doesn't even really need to throw in the "after all I've done for the team" bit. I put on a good show, teasing him, smiling but on the inside, I admit I'm scared. The great Hannibal Smith scared of a woman. Hell, I don't want to take a chance on losing him, but he's got that look in his eyes, the look that says stubborn as a jackass. He's my conman, my lieutenant and my friend. I want more though; have for a long time.

Almost from the first time I saw the kid, and I mean kid, back in Nam, I felt things no C.O. had any business feeling for his second, hell, in the army what no man should ever feel toward another guy. But I did and I knew it was lust, so I buried it deep. In my generation, such…behavior wasn't acknowledged. There were times, though, when my control would slip. I fought so hard to be content with a hand on his shoulder, or a smile. A war was on, he was way too young, we were friends and if that was all I could have then I wasn't about to destroy it.

I realized it was love after the camps. There was no way in hell he'd ever let me love him after what happened there and that hurt like a son of a bitch.. Then the bank job happened and the escape from Fort Bragg and suddenly we were on the run and being hunted. The kid turned into a man and I tried to forget what I wanted but all he had to do was smile or wink at me. It was a different kind of hell than the war or the camps, but it was still hell to me.

I can only watch as he dates one airhead after the other, glad that it's never serious, just one night stands. It would kill me if I lost him. He spends more time with me anyway, going over plans, on the movie sets or just hanging around. It gives me hope, false hope but I'm a jazzed up ex army colonel, and I'll take what I can get. Yeah, maybe this Leslie is just something he has to get out of his system, all those years, maybe he can finally close out that chapter of his life. Yeah, right Smith.

"Aw Hannibal, don't tell me you recognize the tone in the voice too?"

I love B.A., not in the same way as I love my lieutenant but my sergeant knows me. I am so filled with relief I would agree to anything the kid wanted. B.A shakes his head and knows that we are sticking around. I 'm still a state of shock.

A nun! A fuc..er..freaking nun! I'm torn between wanting to sing the hallelujah chorus (Murdock would join in, no question) and feeling like the lowest bastard on earth. I was worried this time, listening to the kid go on about how wonderful this Leslie was. I admit I was jealous; I had to leave my seat on the plane before I shared my thoughts about the bimbo who dumped Face.

Well, surely putting those slime balls away would help lessen the sin. I mean, sure, I was more than happy to help the sisters once I knew Face wouldn't be running off to get married. I do feel sorry for the kid, but he's tough, he'll get through this. The jazz will take care of any lingering regrets my lieutenant may have, that or beating the hell out of the bad guys, it always worked for me.

"Lieutenant!"

I watch him walk towards me and my chest tightens as he looks up, a shadow of a smile on his handsome face. He's hurting and suddenly I'm not so happy anymore. I'm a selfish man, I want Face and he doesn't even know it, and I don't have the balls to tell him. For just a moment I wish that things had turned out differently, even if I had lost any chance of having him, at least Face would have been loved, if not by me, then someone. He stops in front of me and instead of pulling him into my arms like I dream of I just reach out and lay a hand on his shoulder and say, "It will get better with time, lieutenant."

His smile widens a little and even reaches his beautiful blue eyes "You know about unrequited love huh, Hannibal?" He asks.

"You'd be surprised, Face" I manage to say, "You'd be surprised".

The End