i was a little disappointed when i realized that no one had done this yet...
please enjoy
-theenvylover
A Little Priest
"That's all very well, but what are we going to do about him?" Alice asked Edward motioning towards the corpse in the middle of the room. Nobody knew where it came from; it just happened to be there.
"Later on, when it's dark, we'll take him to some secret place and bury him." Edward nudged the man's face with his foot causing the head to turn the other way.
"Oh yeah, of course we could do that," Alice remarked, studying the body. She wandered why she hadn't thought of it before. "Seems a downright shame…"
"Shame?" Edward asked.
"Seems an awful waste..." Alice spoke again, hunger in her eyes. "Such a nice, plump frame what's his name has… had… Has!" she corrected herself. "Nor it can't be traced." She started to move closer to the body. "Seems an awful waste... I mean, with the price of meat what it is, when you get it, if you get it..."
"Ah…" Edward remarked. He understood.
"Good, you got it!" Alice replied happily.
"What a charming notion." Edward started looking hungrily at the body too now.
"Well, it does seem a waste..."
"Eminently practical and yet appropriate as always!"
"It's an idea..."
"Alice Cullen how I've lived without you all these years, I'll never know!"
"Think about it!"
"How delectable! Also undetectable!"
"Think of…"
"How choice!"
"…all them…"
"How Rare!"
"…Guys."
"For what's the sound of the world out there?"
"What, Edward Dear, What Edward Dear, What is that sound?"
"Those crunching noises pervading the air!"
"Yes, Edward Dear, Yes Edward Dear, Yes all around!"
"It's man devouring man, my dear!"
"Then who are we to deny it in here?" They both asked at once.
"These are desperate times, Mrs. Cullen, and desperate measures are called for…"
"Here we are, now. Hot out of the oven!" Alice joked as she pointed out the window.
"What is that?" Edward asked, following her gaze.
"It's priest," she announced, "Have a little priest."
"Is it really good?" Edward asked unsurely.
"Sir, it's too good, at least!" Alice said confidently. "Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh, so it's pretty fresh."
"Awful lot of fat…"
"Only where it sat."
"Haven't you got poet or something like that?" Edward asked searching the crowd.
"No, y'see, the trouble with poet is how do you know it's deceased?" Alice asked. A dark body sat still against a building. After a few still minutes the body showed signs of life as it jotted something down in a notebook. "Try the priest." She watched as the priest made its way inside the church. A suited man walked right past the window Alice and Edward were watching from. "Lawyer's rather nice."
"If it's for a price."
"Order something else though to follow since no one should swallow it twice," Alice remarked as she watched the Lawyer's little hand boy catch up to him.
"Anything that's lean?"
"Well, then, if you're British and loyal you might enjoy Royal Marine. Anyway, it's clean." They watched as a Sea Captain passed by and spit on the sidewalk. "Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been!"
"Is that squire, on the fire?" Edward asked about a young man in plain clothes.
"Mercy no, sir, look closer, you'll notice it's grocer."
"Looks thicker, more like vicar…"
"No, it has to be grocer--it's green," Alice noticed as the young grocer put on his smock for work.
"The history of the world, my love…"
"Save a lot of graves," Alice mumbled to herself. "Do a lot of relatives favors…"
"…Is those below serving those up above!"
"Everybody's here, so there should be plenty of flavors…" Alice said, still mumbling to herself.
"How gratifying for once to know," Edward started.
"That those above will serve those down below," they both finished.
"Since marine doesn't appeal to you, how about... rear admiral?" Alice asked scanning the crowd.
"Too salty. I prefer general."
"With, or without his privates?" Alice asked, referring to the men behind the General. ""With" is extra."
Edward laughed lightly and scanned the crowd again, landed on an oddly dressed fellow. "What is that?"
"It's fop, finest in the shop," Alice snickered. "And we have some shepherd's pie peppered with actual shepherd on top! And I've just begun—" she pointed to another suited man. "Here's the politician, so oily it's served with a doily, have one."
"Put it on a bun." Edward remarked. Alice looked at him curiously. "Well, you never know if it's going to run!"
"Try the friar. Fried it's drier!"
"No, the clergy is really too coarse and too mealy…"
"Then actor, it's compact-er"
"Yes, and always arrives overdone!" Edward laughed and grabbed Alice as they started to dance around the room. "Have charity towards the world, my pet!"
"Yes, yes, I know, my love!"
"We'll take the customers that we can get!"
"High-born and low, my love!"
"We'll not discriminate great from small! No, we'll eat anyone," Edward announced.
"Meaning anyone!" Alice cheered.
"And anyone," they said in unison, "At all!"
sorry for not warning you--
it's a songfic
:3
well, since my other songfic didn't do so well in the stats
i figured it was just because i put that it was a songfic,
if this goes well i won't warn you anymore
:D
please go read my other one;
Kryptonite
it really does deserve to get some attention
EXTRA!!!
five points to whoever knows where the song is from,
i edited it a little but it's along the same lines of the original...
do you know where it's from?
xD
thank you for reading
i love you guys!
-theenvylover
Afternote
okay, so some people started to get bitchy and since they didn't have an account i just deleted those reviews
anywhos,
seriously-- this is just for fun.
obviously i wouldn't have just taken this and not give credit where credit is due so...
Twilight is owned by stephenie meyer
and the song and scene are owned by Stephen Soundhiem
thank you for reading.
♥ isa.