Sora sighed heavily as he ordered a second drink at the open bar of his parents' first outdoor gala of the spring. It was the first of many more to come, and as the first, the backyard of his Slenderwood home was decorated lavishly.

But it was, really, just like all the rest of the parties: smiling, greeting the familiar faces of neighbors and important higher-ups of his father's company; charming the daughters of his mothers very best friends; dancing and pretending to enjoy himself before retiring late into the night.

God but it was all so... unreal.

The outdoor air was mildly cool, but as Sora's eyes scanned his surroundings, he couldn't help but feel hot. All the people, the tinkling glasses and meaningless chatter made it stifling. The silvery giggles and coy ploys made by married men toward young women under the guise of a pleasant conversation (while their wives simply turned a blind eye and ordered another martini) made the insides of Sora's stomach twist.

But the thing he felt most choked by was himself. Another party, another suitable outfit, another charming smile plastered to his face.

"You aren't really planning on wearing that, are you?" His mother said in disbelief. "Really, Sora, it's the first spring gala. What would the neighbors say, you showing up in jeans. Haven't I taught you anything? Don't you have any sense?"

Sora sighed, annoyed. "Fine, mother. I'll change."

"Sora, dearest, why don't you wear your newly tailored suit with that lovely Versace tie I bought you? I think that would look wonderful."

"Sure."

Another night pretending not to be a homosexual who needs a fucking cigarette.

The clattering of glass grew louder, and the string quartet's music only seemed to be getting sharper and sharper as Sora's palms grew damp with perspiration. The garden was itching him now, and he knew he had to make an escape.

"Ah! Sora, dear, there's someone that I want you to meet!"

Shit.

Just put on the smile, pretend it's okay.

"Of course, mother." He turned to the young blond that stood before him, throwing on the mask of a dazzling smile as he extended his hand, grasping hers and kissing the back of it lightly. "My name is Sora, it's a pleasure to meet you."

Her bubbly giggle made the muscles in his face immediately constrict.

He didn't pay attention to her name, nor did he pay attention to the short conversation they had after his mother trotted away. He wasn't even entirely sure where he dumped her, or on whom he dumped her, but he didn't care much either way.

He had to get out of there.

As he pulled out of his driveway, lighting a cigarette, he wondered just when he'd gotten so jaded to all of this idiocy.

Sora wasn't stupid. He knew that he'd been molded from a young age to come out a certain way. He knew he was supposed to grow up, succeed his father's company, marry a beautiful little blond and live out the rest of his life in Slenderwood, having parties and galas and raising more Stepford children to continue the cycle.

But it all made him sick.

"Sora, aren't you going to join the school football team? Really, if you don't, it will only show how weak you are. How are you supposed to prove you're a man if you can't even assert authority on the field?"

So scrawny Sora played football, and made his father proud.

"Sora, dearest, isn't that little cheer captain adorable? Why haven't you asked her on a date? Oh, it would be so perfect, my little football player capturing the heart of a beautiful cheerleader. You really should ask her out, besides, you haven't dated anyone at all since you got to high school! Don't you think it's time you got around to acting a bit more normal?"

So shy, gay Sora dated the cheerleader. Because football players and cheerleaders go together, right? Football players and the boy's basketball captain weren't meant to be together. That was just wrong.

What would the neighbors think? And dad's company? What would the investors do?

Sora immediately lit another cigarette after his first, blowing out his anxiety in a puff of smoke in the cool night air.

What he needed was to get the fuck out of there. Just to get away from all the spoiled, self-absorbed people, half of whom couldn't have graduated Slenderwood High if it weren't for their personal tutors, who all but took their tests for them.

Sora remembered one girl even had a tutor take her notes for her in class.

Sometimes, he thought if he could blow it all up, he would.

After passing the pleasant little sign that welcomed the rich and privileged to the fucked little town of Slenderwood, Sora just drove aimlessly.

He really wasn't a bad guy. In fact, he remembered a time when he was a happy kid, pretty much carefree. But as he started to grow older, the demands just kept getting more intense, and that carefree nature just became more and more suppressed.

A sigh escaped his lips once again, and he realized he'd been driving for over half an hour. He checked his phone, which he'd put on silent - 8 new voicemails, thanks mom - and immediately chucked it into the passenger seat.

Tonight, he didn't feel like going home.

So he parked his car in a car park just near the city amphitheater, and just walked, smoking, trying to clear his mind. The city lights and the sound of cars seemed to ease his mood. It was just so much more real to him.

There was something about Slenderwood that just made reality seem so far away. It was like that place was in it's own sort of world, where image was everything. Sometimes, Sora could swear everything was made from finely molded plastic, or wax. Of course all the faces were carefully painted on, and every image was perfect. No flaws, no tweaks. There were no drug addicts in Slenderwood, there were just people who had gone on "trips to a foreign country" for a few weeks, only after they'd begun looking like shit. No one ever committed adultery; all the new fur coats and diamonds bought for wives were just little ways of saying "I love you."

And no one was ever gay.

The brown haired man unleashed yet another sigh, attempting to get the frustration and weight out and off of him. What had happened to him, really? He used to be so optimistic, so sure that one day he'd be able to escape, and live on his own. But something, he supposed, had pressured him. Maybe it was just the way Slenderwood was. Maybe you just couldn't escape it.

Sora paused and sat down at a bus stop in front of some bar, not noticing anyone else around him, and just put his head in his hands.

He only barely registered the flick of a lighter sounding.

"What's so fucked about your life that you can't smile?" A voice asked.

Sora looked over, eyeing the other man with tired eyes. The man sitting next to him was stunning, really; long silver hair framed his pale, angular face, and his eyes were a bright aquamarine.

The silver haired man smirked a bit, taking another drag of his cigarette.

Sora didn't even think. "How fake it all is."

The other man seemed satisfied with that answer.

"I'm Riku, by the way."

Sora glanced at the man again out of the corner of his eye.

"Sora."

Riku's smirk grew slightly wider as he crossed his legs and stretched his arms out on the back of the bench.

"Where ya headed?"

"Just... out of here, for now. Sometimes you just have to get away from it."

The brunet looked at Riku, who had shut his eyes, holding his cigarette firmly between his lips. He puffed for a moment, before taking it out, eyes still closed in thought.

"Sorry for earlier. You just don't seem like someone who has a lot he should be worrying about."

Sora's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

Those brilliant aquamarine eyes opened slowly.

"Just look at the way you dress. Don't have any money worries. So what else could be bothering you? But when you said that, I guess I understood." Riku explained.

Sora lit another cigarette.

"So, advice from a stranger, because my bus is here, and I gotta go." Riku threw the rest of his cigarette on the ground, stamping it out. "Make it real."

And inadvertently, Sora found himself on the bus next to Riku.

"So what's so great about your life that you can smile?" Sora asked, feeling irritated but not wanting to be alone. Besides, Riku and every other person on that bus felt more solid to him than every person he'd left at that party.

"Absolutely nothing. In fact, I don't smile." Riku said, looking out the window, smirking. "I just smirk at how ridiculous life is."

Sora snorted. "What's so ridiculous about it?"

Riku's eyes closed again, and the smirk faded.

"How wrong everything is. How it's always wrong."

They didn't speak again, even when Riku got off at a stop where a bunch of drab looking apartments were crammed together.

Sora rode the bus until it came to it's final stop. He found a pay phone and called a taxi, rode back to his car, and drove home.

-------------------------------

"Do you have any idea how bad it looks for you to just leave your own party!? You embarrassed the entire family, made your father look bad in front of the people who work under him, made me look like I hadn't raised you properly-!"

Sora sighed deeply, feeling all the more tired.

"Yeah, mom, I fucking get it."

She gasped, affronted. "Don't you talk to me like that, young man! I am your mother, and you will treat me with respect. My God, Sora, you're nearly twenty-four! Quit acting like a hormonal teenager!"

There was a pause. "Okay, I'm sorry. I just... I don't know what happened."

She stood quietly, glaring at her only son. "Well it better not happen again."

------------------------------

Shit. It was another party, more faces, more hollow plastic, and another panic attack.

And once again Sora found himself in his car, trying hard not to stop and buy a pack of cigarettes. He'd been trying to quit.

He didn't know why he suddenly couldn't stand it anymore... He'd been doing it for years. Just... faking it. It had gotten so easy that he wasn't even sure he had a real self anymore, but rather might just be another empty shell wandering around those parties trying to fill himself with alcohol and flighty, superfluous fake relationships.

But he wasn't quite there yet. And maybe there was still time to fix it.

And walking through the city, he came to the same bus stop in front of the same bar.

And met the same man.

Riku's eyes met Sora's, and as Sora sat down, the other man had only one question.

"Is it still fake?"

"Yeah."

"Then get the hell out of it."

But apparently Sora had arrived later than last time, because the bus had picked Riku up before any response could be given.

-----------------------

The next day Sora packed his things, and, without a word, left his house. He wired some money into a private account to get him started, and flipped off the Slenderwood sign as he drove out of there going as fast as he could.

He didn't know where he was going, or where he was going to live. All he knew was that he was going.

But he found himself near the bus stop were he saw Riku get off the bus, the one time he rode with him. At least he thought it might be somewhere near that area. The apartments looked shit enough.

He didn't know why he was here. But the city... it felt more real. And that was what he was looking for, right?

So Sora parked his car, and walked into the first building he saw to rent an apartment, feeling his lips quirk up at how ridiculous this all was.

It was the start of the first smile he'd really had in a long time.

And as it turns out, he was right about the bus stop. He saw Riku there every day as he looked out his window in the early evening.

And every morning at two thirty, he'd be back.

Sora found himself slowly beginning to admire the other man from afar. He was really quite handsome, with the features of a model. Sora couldn't help but wonder if he was gay or not.

He found himself kind of hoping he was.

The brunet had gotten rid of his cell, chucked it in the garbage the day he left home, and hadn't had any contact with his parents in a week. And he had to admit to himself, as he stretched out on the couch to watch cartoons, it was quite nice.

After another day or two, Sora sold his car. He didn't really have any need for it anymore; he could just ride the bus. And with Riku there, it sounded rather appealing.

So Sora got the night shift waiting at a restaurant, immediately hired as he was more than qualified, and on his first night of the job, sat down next to Riku at the stop.

"You seem better," Riku said in greeting, that ever-present smirk gracing his face. "Finding anything real yet?"

Sora smiled at Riku, "Not completely, but it's getting there."

"Ah," Riku replied, lighting himself up a cigarette and crossing his legs. "So this is a different bus stop. Plus, it's so much earlier," the silver haired man shook his head, "You really shouldn't go wandering random places all the time."

Sora's smile just brightened, ever so slightly. "Actually, I live around here now. I decided to get the hell out."

Riku laughed as Sora repeated the words the other had said to him days and days ago. "So, what, are you stalking me now?"

It was Sora's turn to shake his head as they got on the bus. "Maybe."

--------------------

It was like that for a few days. Every day, they'd ride the bus together to their respective jobs, and every night they'd ride back. Sora found out that Riku was a bartender at the bar where the bus stop was where they'd originally met. Riku found out Sora was from some ridiculously wealthy family.

Sora found out that Riku was having some financial troubles, and had been orphaned at age seventeen, and hadn't been able to pay for more than a year of college after that. Riku found out that Sora thought everyone in Slenderwood was sickly plastic with no substance.

Riku also found out that Sora had grown up with no room to build a personality.

Sora was finding out just what that personality was.

"What's up, Ri?" Sora greeted one day, dressed in his standard white shirt, black tie, and black pants. Uniform, and all. He was smiling brightly.

"Hey spikes, what's shakin?"

"My sweet pumpkin butt, that's what!" Sora replied, laughingly, shaking his hips for effect.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so like himself.

That he felt real.

"Mm, keep doing that and I might not make it to work." Riku winked, and Sora found himself blushing.

"Hey Riku, can I tell you something?"

The other man turned to the brunet, flicking a cigarette butt over his shoulder.

"Sure. What's on your mind?"

Sora thought for a moment. "I dunno if I told you, but I'm gay." He watched Riku for his reaction, but Riku only kept looking at him.

"And...?"

Sora blushed again. God, since when did he ever blush?

He supposed that his masks were slowly caving in.

"Well, I guess I just wanted to say that. I mean, I've never gotten to say it to anyone else before. You know, my parents and all."

Riku only laughed, mussing up Sora's untamable hair with one hand.

"Sora, you really are ridiculous. It's cool that you're gay. I mean, half the people around here are too."

But for Sora, that laugh and that relief... Well, that was something that he'd always wanted. He was being accepted for who he was, and not because he was dating the high school cheerleader.

"You know, Ri?" Sora said as they boarded the bus. "It's good not to have to date the cheerleader anymore."

But Riku only continued snickering. "Yo, Sora. You're one weird little man."

Sora snorted, indignant. "I'm not that much smaller than you, asshole."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, little guy."

"Hey!"

And that was how they settled into a comfortable friendship.

-------------------------

Three days passed. Three days, and no Riku to be seen at any bus stop anywhere. Sora didn't know where he lived, or any phone number that he had, so he just had to wait to see where Riku was.

And it was walking back from the grocery that Sora figured out where Riku had been for the past few days. Because, well, up against the wall of the apartment building across from Sora's, was Riku. With another man.

And that was how Sora found out Riku was gay. Or bi. Or something. Really, Riku could have just told him. What a shit way to find something out about a friend.

Sora couldn't help how unhappy he felt as he trudged up the stairs to put away his groceries and get ready for work. His mood was so sour... And he couldn't really figure out why.

Sure, he was attracted to Riku, but who wouldn't be? Riku was beautiful. And he was hilarious, even if most of his humor came from some kind of dark sarcasm or weird playfulness. And he was Sora's friend, his first real friend, and maybe, just maybe, Sora was attached to that something real that he'd found.

Maybe he was a little more attached than he'd like to admit.

So when he saw Riku that evening at the bus stop, he didn't really bother to greet him. Until he noticed how much like hell Riku looked.

His normally bright eyes were almost dead, and he had bags under his eyes like he hadn't slept in days. His pale skin seemed almost transparent, and his usual smirk was nowhere to be seen. Even his hair was unkempt, looking like it hadn't been brushed at all that day.

"You look awful."

Riku glanced at Sora.

"I feel awful."

Sora thought for a moment.

"What's so fucked about your life that you can't smile?" He asked, feeling annoyed, and wanting to throw the question back at Riku now that he was the vulnerable one.

But once the question was out of his mouth, Sora regretted the harsh wording. There was a twist in his stomach that reminded him of the men cheating on their wives, and Sora decided that perhaps mean wasn't for him.

But Riku did smirk, just the tiniest bit.

"It's like I told you before. Everything is so wrong. It's always so wrong."

Sora sighed, wishing he could light up a cigarette. "Well maybe you should find something right."

Like me.

The brunet can't help the irritation he feels with Riku being so down in the dumps. Sora was so annoyed at the fact that he felt bad for Riku after seeing Riku with that other guy... After Riku had hurt his feelings. Even if the silver haired man hadn't known about it.

Suddenly Sora didn't feel like going to work, and decided to call in sick.

But as he stood up, he thought better about just leaving Riku there alone. After all, he seemed like he was in a pretty bad place.

Sora wondered if Riku would let him help him.

Sora took a deep breath, and tried to ignore the fact that his heart was beating pretty quickly. He fished out his waiter's notebook and pencil from his duffel, and quickly wrote down a building name and room number.

"Here's my apartment number, where I live. Try not to lose your job."

Riku took it, and Sora turned away.

"Hey, wait a sec, Sora."

Sora turned back, heart still racing.

"Find anything real yet?" Riku asked.

Sora just shook his head. "I'm not sure yet. I'll get back to you, Riku."

----------------------

Late that night, Sora had the most real encounter of his life.

Knock Knock.

He looked out the peep-hole, and saw Riku in tears.

"God... Sora, please let me in..."

Sora didn't even debate in his head, and opened the door.

Riku walked in, sat on Sora's threadbare couch, and burst into tears.

"Riku... What's wrong? What happened?" Sora tried, after waiting a few minutes for Riku to try to calm down.

But calm was apparently not part of the equation tonight.

"Fuck! Sora, I don't know. Everything's wrong!" He sobbed. "I can't... I can't get myself out of bed. When I do, I don't do anything I'm proud of... Shit! Why can't I do anything right... I've never been able to do anything right...

"Even mom and dad knew that! If I hadn't... If I hadn't been born then maybe they'd still be alive! Sora... What's wrong with me? Why does everything always fall apart? Why do I just fuck these random people that I don't even care about?" Riku was crying uncontrollably, screaming and sobbing, and Sora did what little he could to try and hold him, listening to him with wide eyes.

"Riku... That can't be true... About your parents..."

"Shut up! If I hadn't been such a brat, and gone out to fucking drink and smoke and run away because I was too selfish to see what I had, then they wouldn't have followed me! They wouldn't have tried to find me, and they wouldn't have fucking died! My god, it's all my fault, I don't deserve this... I don't deserve any of this. I want... God... Sora, I want to die. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

"I shouldn't have come here. I'm so sorry." Riku sobbed, somewhat more quietly, pulling his legs up and crying into his arms. "I can't function, Sora. I can't be alone. I'm so fucking lonely. No one will be here for me. I have nothing."

"Riku," Sora started, not quite sure what he was supposed to say or even do right now, because the situation was so weird. "Riku, you've gotta think a bit more clearly. Just calm down... Everything's alright." Sora said, stroking Riku's hair as he pulled the other man into an embrace. "You can't blame yourself for everything. Especially not right now. Just focus on calming down, okay?"

Riku nodded helplessly into Sora's shoulder, still crying, still sobbing, his body shaking.

"Sora... I'm sorry. It's just... Sometimes it gets to be so much, by myself. I've never done anything I'm proud of. There are so many things wrong with me."

"Riku, if you want to talk, I'm here. I'll listen. You at least have me," Sora gave a funny smile, "I don't really know how much that is, but you've got it."

Riku half-laughed, half-sobbed. "It's more than what I've had before. Sora... I can't hold down a relationship. I... I've been in so many, and he hurt me so bad because I was so obsessed. And I don't know how to fix how jaded I am! Normal people don't do the things I do, Sora. They don't go through relationships where they lie to people, telling them that supposedly the relationship means everything to them, and then blow them off for a cheap fuck, and then regret it terribly. Normal people don't do this! They don't come sobbing into some person's home, screaming about their parents and their own worthlessness.

"God, but I am worthless. I don't know what's wrong with me. Everything is so wrong."

"Hey, Riku. It's okay. We all have our demons." Sora paused, unsure of what he's about to say. "I mean, I'm twenty-four, and I don't even know who I am. I have no real personality. I'm like a little kid trying to learn right and wrong and sharing." The brunet looks down at the man whose head is laying gently in his lap. "Riku, you're not worthless. You're helping me figure out who I am, if that means anything." Sora smiled slightly. "I'd still be going crazy in Slenderwood if it weren't for you."

"Sora?"

"Yeah?"

There was a small pause before Riku continued.

"Can I stay here tonight?"

"...Sure. I'll take the couch."

Or could I just hold you instead?

And that was the night that Sora found out that Riku's parents hand been hit by a drunk driver while they were out looking for him on a Friday night. He'd run away after being grounded to go drink with some friends, and when he came home the next day the police told him his parents had died the night before. The driver of the other car had been killed also, and Riku had no one left to blame but himself. And blaming himself, well, it turned out that Riku was pretty damn good at that.

And Riku learned that while Sora's father spent most of his time out of the city, having affairs, and his mother stayed mostly in her "wing," Sora was raised by countless nannies until the age of twelve, when his mother decided to fire his nanny because it was fashionable for boys to begin to grow up when they were twelve. From then on, his only parent became the mold his mother had made for him.

Sora found out that Riku had been through a string of relationships in which things never quite turned out okay. His first love broke his heart when he strung him along for a semester of college, promising Riku that everything would be okay in the end, telling Riku he loved him, and seeing another person behind Riku's back. Since then it had been a series of boys that Riku had become fascinated by, fucked, and tossed aside. Or just fucked.

Riku discovered Sora had been in one relationship, with a high school cheerleader, that was entirely fake and full of sugary hollow kisses and touches that never felt right.

And neither boy knew whose story was more sad: they boy who had loved, been loved, and lost; or the boy who had never loved or been loved.

----------------------------

A/N: I'm such a crack head. I hope this doesn't suck. It's part one of a two-parter (I think.) Story based off of experiences I've had with other people and myself.

I NEED A BETA. I also need to not write after I have taken my sleeping pill for the night. But there's not much you can do when inspiration strikes, is there?