Chapter 1- Christmas Eve

Snow.

Goddamned snow.

I hate snow… and right now… I hate my car. They don't mix… they really don't mix… and the tree branch in the road… that I avoided so that I didn't mess up my car… I hate that right now… I really… really… really hate that tree branch… because, not only has it managed to mess up my car… but it has managed to mess up any hope for a happy Christmas… or… a mildly happy Christmas… and… for that matter, a warm Christmas… and here I am, it's Christmas eve… and I'm sitting on the side of a stupid tiny little road that I decided to take to keep away from the busy holiday traffic.

It's not like I was invited home for Christmas anyway. I could call her. I could call her and tell her that I need someone to pick me up.

That would be wonderful. My mother who couldn't care less about whether or not I existed, let alone be home for Christmas would love to be called from Boston to be told her daughter skidded out on a road in some Podunk town in New York state… She'd love that… She probably had to work on Christmas anyway. Whatever.

Meredith slammed her head down on the steering wheel in frustration. "I am such a moron." She mumbled, hearing her horn sound as she just let it rest on the steering wheel, unable to bring herself to lifting her head.

I need a drink.

She had resigned herself to sitting in the snow bank that she had slid into, unable to move her car back or forward, her driver's side door slammed against the hard snow, her tired buried in the ditch that she had slid into, her windshield wipers still whacking wildly as the snow continued to fall on her car.

Maybe if it snows enough, I'll be buried and die of carbon monoxide poisoning…

She suddenly jumped, hearing a light rapping at the steamed window on her passenger side.

Or… I'll be murdered by some insane ax murderer out for a winter stroll.

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Meredith pushed the button on her window, opening it just a crack. "Hello?" She said softly.

"Hey." A soft masculine voice spoke through the crack. She could see a pair of blue eyes looking in at her. "Do you need some help?" The man asked.

"I don't know." Meredith muttered.

"You're stuck." The man said softly.

"Yes." She replied.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes."

"Do you need a lift somewhere?"

What the hell… ask…

"Are you going to kill me?" She asked.

The man chuckled lightly. "Honestly, miss… I don't have any time to kill you." He chuckled. "I have a car full of kids on their way to grandma's for Christmas…they get pretty rowdy if we don't keep moving… do you need a ride somewhere?" He asked.

"Um…" Meredith whispered, looking at the dwindling gas tank needle.

"I promise, I won't kill you." He laughed.

"What's your name first?"

"Michael Jones." He replied.

"I'm supposed to believe that?" She asked, hearing him laugh.

"It's getting cold out here…" He chuckled, trying to convince her to make a decision. "Coming?" He asked. "I can have the sheriff down here tow your car in the morning… get it somewhere safe…"

Meredith sat for a second, watching the snow cover her car.

What the hell.

"What the hell…" She mumbled, rolling the window up, she pulled her keys from her ignition, she slid over onto the passenger side and grabbed her bag, carefully opening the door to get out.

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Meredith stepped out of the car, and stood up in the cold, slushy snow. The man took a step back into the street slightly, reaching his hand out to help her from the car. She cautiously took his hand, stepping out over the shoulder, into the slushy road, her car door slamming behind her. "Are you okay?" He asked politely, looking at the stressed look on her face as she looked towards the car, and back up at the stranger.

"I think I am." She said with a sigh. "My car… not so lucky…" She mumbled.

"Ah… it'll be alright. My brother-in-law does auto body work, we can have him look at it if you want." He smiled.

"Um… you're awfully friendly for someone who just met a woman on the side of the road. Are you sure you're not a mass murderer?"

"I'm pretty sure." He replied. "I'm actually a podiatrist."

"Ah…" She nodded as she followed him towards his car.

Meredith walked behind him, single file down the road a bit, where he had pulled his minivan off the road. If she listened carefully, over the sound of the car, she could hear a chorus of children, singing jingle bells. The man walked over to the passenger side, where the window opened slowly. "Joann?" He said, addressing the woman who smiled politely from the seat, her piercing blue eyes and black hair, both striking features as she looked up at her husband. "It looks like this young lady is going to need a lift somewhere…" He said softly. "Do you think your parents will mind another guest until we can get her situated somewhere?"

"I don't think they'll mind a bit. I think we have room for one more back there." She smiled, glancing in the back of the car. She reached her hand out to Meredith. "Joann." She smiled.

"I'm Meredith." Meredith replied, shaking her hand politely, before the man opened the door to the minivan.

The children all quieted, seeing their father open the door, they watched the woman outside the car cautiously. Four kids of varying ages sat watching their father expectantly as he picked up a few toys that had fallen on the floor of the van. "Kids, this is Meredith… we're going to be helping her out tonight, so I want you to be extra nice to her." He smiled. "Timothy, can you move over next to Jen so that Meredith can sit there?" He asked a little boy who was about seven years old. The little boy nodded his head and unbuckled his seatbelt, sliding over in his seat to the next spot, he grabbed the seatbelt and buckled himself in. Meredith carefully got into her seat, reaching for the seatbelt, she smiled at the little boy, as he held the latch for her.

"Thank you." She whispered softly.

"You're welcome." He smiled as the father closed the door and moved around to the front of the car, opening the driver's side.

"Alright, is everyone ready to go?"

"YES!" Came a chorus of giggles and excitement as the father began to drive down the snowy road. Meredith watched as they passed her car as it slowly became covered with the falling snow.

I really hope that I don't regret this.

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The singing went on for an hour and a half. An hour and a half Meredith sat in the car and the singing never stopped. It was Christmas carol after Christmas carol, all of the children singing loudly, not once in unison, arguing and fighting over lyrics and candy canes the entire way. Michael turned around, seeing Meredith cringing as the children's off key singing slammed into her ear drums.

"Hey kids…" He said softly, getting their attention as they quieted slowly. "Why don't we hush a bit now… we're almost at Granny's house.

"YAY!" They all screeched happily, Meredith cringing at the sound, but soon the car was back to a quiet murmur as the children just talked amongst themselves and waited for them to arrive at their grandmother's house.

Shortly, they pulled into the long driveway of a house, driving for another half mile, they arrived at a very large, very expensive estate.

Holy Jesus, look at the size of that house…

The kids became excited as their father parked the car. The little girl in the back reached up and swung the minivan door open as the two children in the back jumped out. Meredith sat for a moment, still unsure if this was a good idea, when someone tapped her leg. She looked, and the little boy beside her was tapping her. "Come on, Meredith… we're at granny's house… here… I'll take your hand if you're nervous." He said as he held his hand out.

"Thank you, Timothy…" She said with a smile as she unbuckled her seatbelt and slid from the seat. The little boy jumped from the car and immediately latched his hand to hers. Meredith turned, and Joann was getting the baby out of her car seat.

"You guys can go on in… Michael will introduce you around…" She smiled as she watched her son as he tugged on her arm. "Timmy… be polite, please."

"I'm just telling you, Meredith… You'll really like Granny …" He smiled as Meredith smiled lightly at him and followed her towards the door, where the other two children were already banging with their fists.

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Great… I don't know where I am, I don't know where my car is… and now I'm knocking on the door to someone's grandparents at ten in the evening on Christmas eve. I feel like an intruder.

Suddenly, the door opened and an older woman peeked her head out. Her eyes went down to the group of children looking in at her. "I don't want whatever you're selling…" She teased, a playful smile on her face as she closed the door.

"GRANNY!" The three children screeched as they pounded on the door giggling. Michael stood beside them, Joann handing him the youngest as he reached out and turned the handle.

"Its always easier to get inside if you use the doorknob…" Michael chuckled as he opened the door, sending the three kids charging into the house. Michael stepped in, followed by Joann.

Now what do I do?

"Are you coming in, or are you going to stand out there in the cold all evening, dear?" The older woman said softly as she came to the door.

"I…"

"Mom…" Michael said, standing behind the older woman, he smiled. "This is Meredith… she was having a little bit of car trouble down the road, and we thought instead of leaving her outside to freeze, that we'd bring her along."

The older woman looked at the frightened young woman standing on her doorstep and smiled. "Well come on in then, Meredith… these winters seem to get colder every year… we don't want you to have to bring it in here with you." She said softly as she held out her hand for the young woman.

She seems nice enough.

Meredith smiled softly and took the woman's hand. "That's a good girl… Kathleen, Bethany, and Nancy are all here… we're just waiting on Derek." She smiled as she led Meredith into a room full of children and adults sitting, laughing and talking.

"We're always waiting on Derek." Michael shook his head as he followed them into the family room.

Derek. Must be another son.

Meredith stood awkwardly in the doorway, her backpack still in her hand as she stared at the room full of strangers.

"Here dear, I'll take this for you…" The older woman said as she carefully extracted the bag from her hand, helping to take her coat off.

"Oh… thank you…" Meredith said softly as she turned around, her mind still reeling at the beauty of the room. The ceilings were vaulted and in the corner sat a huge Christmas tree decorated with what looked to be hundreds of Christmas ornaments. The lights sparkled brightly as the room was surrounded in garland and decorations. In the corner sat a large red chair in which no one was sitting in.

Suddenly, Meredith felt a tug on her hand. "Meredith! Meredith!" Timothy exclaimed. "Come play with us!" He giggled excitedly.

"Timmy… Meredith is going to sit down right now…" Joann said softly as she led the young woman to a chair across the room. She kindly introduced Meredith around to her sisters and brother's –in – law, and named the kids as they ran past.

This isn't awkward at all.

"So Meredith… where are you from?" Nancy asked softly.

"Boston." She said softly. "I'm from Boston… I was… um I was on my way home to see my mother…"

Not entirely true.

"Oh, dear… you should give her a call… she must be worried sick!" The mother said softly.

"Um… no… no, it's alright… she… she didn't know I was coming to see her for Christmas… and she's probably sleeping already… I don't want to wake her."

Liar. You lied on Christmas. I hope you're happy with yourself.

"Now where about did you get stuck?"

"About an hour and a half south…" She sighed.

I think.

"I think…It's alright though… I am very sorry that I intruded on your Christmas, Ma'am."

"That is nonsense… and call me Mom… everyone else around here does… except for the children… I'm their Granny… but you're a little older then they are." She winked. "In fact… you're probably just about Derek's age… He'll be here soon, I'm sure you'll get along. He's a nice boy… a little quiet…"

"Stuck up." Nancy replied.

"Mama's boy…" Kathleen replied.

"Selfish…" Joann sighed, shaking her head.

"You girls cut it out..." She shook her head at her daughters and rolled her eyes. "It's not that obvious who my favorite is, is it?" She asked with a sparkle in her eye as she winked at Meredith and stood up. "Derek has had a tough year…and we haven't seen him in forever…" She sighed. "Would you like to get you a glass of milk or something?" She smiled. "Of course you would…" She said as she turned and excused herself.

"Thank you…" Meredith whispered softly, watching as the three women continued to talk about one thing or another, that Meredith obviously knew nothing about, but was being polite and not totally zoning out.

There was a knock on the door and the room went silent. The children all slowed down, bumping into one another as they waited for the expected arrival.

What are they waiting for… isn't someone going to open the door?

There was another knock as the children hushed one another. Meredith listened, and she could hear the faint jingling of bells. She smiled.

There was a third knock on the door, and more jingles, when the oldest child spoke up. "It's Santa!" She exclaimed, running quickly towards the door, the grandmother walked to the door and everyone watched through the foyer door to see the grandmother check the peek hole to be sure. Meredith watched the little girl stand excitedly as her grandmother instructed her to open the door, her braids hanging down as she grinned at her grandmother. Slowly, the girl opened the door, and with that, revealed a man standing at the door.

"Santa!" She exclaimed as all of the children gasped at the tall man standing at the door, dressed in a Santa suit. The belly on the suit was awkwardly fit, and the beard looked to be a little loose, not to mention the bit of dark hair showing at the side of his hat.

"HO HO HO!" The man shouted, hearing the squeals of laughter and happiness coming from the children as he stepped into the house, a red sack filled to the brim with boxes and gifts. He stepped into the house and looked into the family room. "This looks like the right place…" He said as he looked around the room with the family. The children were watching in awe as the women laughed hysterically into their husband's shoulders as 'santa' made his way through the room.

"We saved you a chair, Santa!" One of the little girls exclaimed as he walked over the toys that were already littering the floor in his overly shiny black boots.

"Why thank you, Mary…" Santa said with a laugh.

"Oh my gosh! Santa knows my name!" Mary exclaimed as she giggled with her cousins and siblings as she watched Santa sit comfortably in the chair that was laid out for him. He smiled as he looked around the room.

"What are you guys all laughing at?" Santa asked with a playful chuckle as the girls wiped tears from their eyes as they laughed so hard. "Funny, huh?" He asked, his eyes were gleaming with playfulness as he sat in his chair.

"How was the trip, Santa?" Joann laughed as she watched Santa sit comfortably in the chair, scratching his chin under his beard.

"Long… and tiring… and then I had to get into this suit…" He teased, his voice a faux deep voice, adding emphasis to the 'Santa' charm. "Looks like we have some new faces." Santa said as his eyes caught sight of two babies in the playpen in the room.

"Yep." Kathleen said with a laugh. "If you'd come and visit more than every other year…"

"Kathleen…" Her husband said in a soft warning tone, though she still laughed at the joke she had made.

"What can I say… I'm a busy guy…" Santa replied, his eyes panning the room.

"Santa!" Timothy said happily as he stepped up to the man sitting in the big red chair. "This is Meredith… She's having Christmas with us…Her car is broked…" The little boy smiled as he pointed to Meredith sitting silently on the couch watching the man with a curious amusement.

"Ah… I was wondering why there was an extra one of you." He said with a laugh as he reached his hand out to her. "Meredith… I'm Santa…" He smiled under the beard, his blue eyes sparkling as she watched the young woman giggle.

"Santa… I've always been a fan." She said, her lips curling to a smile as her eyes twinkled in the Christmas lights. She shook his white gloved hand and smiled at the tender way he shook it, his smile was bright and mischievous.

"Alright… its time for some presents!" Santa exclaimed. "Ho Ho Who wants gifts?"

"ME! ME! ME!" The children screamed and bounced around as their grandmother carefully lined them up for their opportunity to sit on Santa's lap. One by one the children hopped onto Santa's lap and asked for gifts. They laughed and giggled and teased one another, their pictures were taken by their happy and laughing parents.

Meredith sat on the couch and watched all of this happiness going on in front of her. She had never, ever experienced anything like it. She always liked Christmas alright… it was a time for snow and good shopping… beautifully sculpted landscapes dusted in the moonlight after a newly fallen snow. She had always heard of the 'Christmas spirit'. She had always known that there was supposed to be something more than spending time home alone on her Christmas break because her mother was at the hospital saving other people's Christmases.

Sitting in this living room, she felt it. She could feel this warm, squeezing feeling in her heart, warming her, caressing her, giving her butterflies. She could see the pure and unadulterated happiness in the children's eyes, the joy in the family's laughter. She felt comfortable here, she felt like she fit in, she didn't feel like a stranger anymore.

"Meredith? Meredith?" Timmy's voice pulled her from her reverie and her attention snapped to the little boy. "Santa wants you to sit on his lap…" He said with a grin.

The mother's all giggled at Meredith's look of surprise. "Me?" She asked with a smirk as she glanced to Santa. He held his arm out, beckoning her over to him. "I don't know Santa… I'm a little old to be sitting on…"

"Nonsense!" He said with a laugh. "You look like you could use a Christmas wish." He said, holding his hand out. "What do you say… you don't have to… sit on my lap… but you can tell me your Christmas wish in my ear?" He asked with a smile, his eyes still twinkling at her, making her heartbeat speed up.

She shook her head and laughed, listening to the children as they coaxed her along. "Come on Meredith! Tell Santa what you want for Christmas! Come on! Meredith! You have to do it!" They all giggled and laughed as they tugged on her arm.

"Alright…" Meredith said finally laughing as she stood up, the children cheering that she wanted to be a part of their family tradition. She walked over to Santa, and bent down lightly to whisper in his ear. "I want a family just like this." She whispered softly, watching as all of the children looked at Santa in anticipation. He turned his head towards her, their noses nearly touching as he looked into her eyes. He watched as her eyes turned a deep shade of grey, and his blue eyes sparkled with happiness as he smiled under the beard.

"Well… we'll see what Santa can do about that." He smiled, watching as Meredith made her way back to the couch amid cheers and laughter of the family, her face turning a bright shade of red as she sat down.

"Well…" Santa said, looking at the now empty bag of gifts. "It looks to me like Santa's going to have to make his way out of here… Which way to my reindeer?" he asked, listening to the children laughing as he stood up.

"I think they're that way!" One of the little girls pointed towards the door as she giggled.

"I think you're right, Sarah!" Santa laughed. "Now… you kids all be good tonight for your mommy and daddy and Granny… and in the morning… maybe there will be something special waiting for you under the Christmas tree." He winked.

"YAY!" The children all exclaimed as the group of children followed Santa to the front door. They watched him walk onto the porch and disappear down the steps as they all giggled in anticipation.

"Alright, children…" Their grandmother said softly. "It's just about time for bed! If we want Santa to come tonight, we need to get to sleep. You all know where your bedrooms are… up to bed."

"Aww… Granny…" The older kids whined as they shuffled their way to their parents.

"You heard me… up to bed… or Santa can't come back…" She said as she watched her daughters and son in laws all stand up and get their children prepared for bed. She walked into the kitchen to find Meredith standing by the sink peering out the window as the sounds of the rest of the family slowly disappeared. "We have an extra spare bedroom…" She smiled at the young girl.

"Thank you." She said, turning her head. "It really was… nice of you to let me stay here tonight." She smiled.

"We enjoyed having you here, Meredith… I have a few things to do down here, and then I'll show you where the bedroom is."

"Thank you…Mom." She said with a smile.

"There you go… that didn't hurt, did it?" She asked with a wink.

"No." She said softly as she smiled politely as she watched her walk back out of the kitchen and into the family room.

Meredith sighed as she looked out the window, shaking her head thinking of her silly wish to Santa, thinking that it was probably someone they hired every year to be Santa for the children. She giggled a little as she heard the kitchen door open, fully expecting 'Mom' to come strolling through the door, she turned and came face to face with a tall, handsome man, standing just feet from her. He had thick, dark hair, newly brushed and styled. He was wearing a warm sweater and jeans, and a cologne that was enough to tingle the senses. And then there were those eyes. Why did those eyes look so familiar?

"I'm Derek." He said softly with a smile that was enough to make her melt right there.

She stood there for a moment, frozen to the spot, her eyes staring directly into his as she tried to will herself to move, speak, breathe.

"Meredith." She whispered, shaking his hand, her eyes never leaving his as she tilted her head. "Have we met before?" She asked softly.

"Nope… I don't think so." He smiled.

There is that smile again.

"Well… Meredith… it was nice to meet you. I should… probably get to bed… I have…a busy day tomorrow." He said softly as he kept eye contact with her as he took a step backwards.

"It was nice to meet you, Derek." She said softly, watching as he walked out of the room, her eyes being caught by the sight of the shiny black boots on his feet.

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Mrs. Shepherd stood in the living room carefully shifting a few things around in the living room as she cleaned up the toys and wrapping paper from the children's gifts. She sighed softly as she bent down to pick up a fire truck that one of the boys had 'driven' under the tree.

"You didn't wait for me to put the lights up." A male's voice startled her slightly, though she didn't show that she had.

"If I waited for you dear, it would have been valentines day." She said with a laugh as she turned around, finding her son standing there with his hands in his pockets, grinning like a fool.

"I'm sorry." He said, giving his mother a sincere glance as she stood up and walked towards him.

"It's alright dear… we all have our own lives too… we can't all be rushing off to family functions at every single holiday." She said, her eyebrows raised as she took a nice long look at her son. "You're looking healthy."

"Is that a crack at the belly?" He asked, pulling his hand from his pocket, patting the front of his sweater.

"No dear…" She laughed. "You do… you have a lot of color in your face… and you have put on a few pounds… but it fits you nicely." She smiled.

"How did I do?" he asked.

"You were magnificent." She replied. "The children loved it."

"I wish dad could have seen it." He sighed, giving his mother a sad smile as he watched her smile disappear. "Mom… I'm sorry…"

"No… no…" She said softly. "You know… it's just the first Christmas without him. I knew…that it was going to be hard… but I'm so glad that you came… I'm so glad that you were able to come." She said happily as she pulled her son into a hug, feeling his arms wrap around him so tightly. "You're looking more and more like him every day." She said, pulling from the hug, she reached up and touched his face as she looked into his eyes. "You had better stop getting to be so handsome… women will be afraid to talk to you."

"Mom…" He shook his head as he gave her another hug, laughing into her shoulder. "Speaking of women… who is…"

"Oh! Meredith! I forgot, I was going to show her to her room… poor thing…" She said quickly as she moved towards the kitchen. "She's such a sweetheart, Derek…"

"Mom… Mom I…" Derek said as he followed her into the kitchen.

"Meredith…" She said as she watched her turn around in surprise. She smiled at her entrance, and her smile disappeared as Derek followed her in, though the playfulness was still radiating in her eyes, she was not about to reveal anything just yet. "Meredith, I'd like for you to meet my son." She said proudly as she held her hand out to Derek. She grabbed his hand and held it out to Meredith. "Meredith, this is Derek."

"So the prodigal son returns." Meredith said with a sly smile, watching Derek as he smiled back at her, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he shook his head and laughed, reaching his hand out to her, his smile becoming warmer as she accepted his offer and shook it. "I've heard a lot about you this evening."

"If it came from my mother, I know it was good… if it came from any of my sisters, they're pathological liars." He replied, feeling his mother smack him lightly as his eyes never left Meredith's.

"Meredith… Derek was our Santa tonight…" She smiled. "We used to have Derek's father do it every year… but he passed on in January of this year…" She said softly.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Meredith said softly, unsure of exactly what to say. She then suddenly realized, that she was still shaking Derek's hand, his eyes holding that mischievous look again, his smile growing wider as she quickly pulled her hand from his. "I… I should probably go to sleep… I'll probably have to go dig my car out of a snowbank tomorrow morning…" She said quickly as she took a step back, glancing to Mrs. Shepherd.

"Of course dear…" She said with a smile as she watched her son watching the young woman. "Derek… say goodnight…"

"Goodnight, Mom…Goodnight, Meredith." Derek said softly with a smile, still mesmerized by her as he watched her fidget and turn.

"Goodnight, Derek." She said with a smile as she followed after Derek's mother. "It was nice to meet you...again…" She said softly as she slipped out the kitchen door after his mother.

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Mrs. Shepherd kindly led Meredith up the steps that the other family members had disappeared up. She smiled as she heard the giggling of the children in the bedrooms as their parents hushed them. She was led down the long hallway to a bedroom in the corner, opening the door to find a moderately sized guest room.

"There are extra blankets in the closet… and Michael brought your bag and coat up here so that you have them nearby as well." She smiled softly as she watched the young girl look around in awe as she stepped over to the window. Meredith stepped over to the window and looked out on the property that the house was sitting on, seeing the bright moonlight reflecting off the snow below them. "It's a beautiful night…" She whispered.

"It is." Meredith said softly. "There are some clouds moving in though…" She whispered as she turned around. "I just would like to thank you again… for letting a stranger intrude on your family like this… I really had no intention of…"

"Hush… You're fine…" She said with a smile. "As long as you're respectful and kind, which you have shown to be, you're always welcome in my home. Now get yourself comfortable… get some sleep… and we'll talk about all of this stuff in the morning."

"But… tomorrow is Christmas morning… and I don't want to…"

"You don't want to what, dear?"

"I don't want you to feel like…You shouldn't have to put me up like this…"

"It's late… Christmas eve… the busses aren't running… and we're not about to let a young lady sit out in the cold on Christmas eve. We'll figure all of this out in the morning… you can call your mother… or Michael can bring you to your car… but we'll figure it out in the morning…" She smiled soflty. "Goodnight, Meredith."

"Goodnight…Mom." Meredith smiled, shaking her head as she said it, grinning at the older woman's laugh as she turned and quietly slipped from the room.

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Meredith sat on the bed for a moment, looking around the room for a couple more minutes as she turned to her bag and lifted it to the bed. She opened the bag and shifted its contents around, pulling out a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and her favorite t-shirt. She quickly changed, feeling the coolness of the room against her skin as she hurriedly slipped into them, making her feel a little more comfortable. She pulled her bag to the floor, tossing the clothes that she had been wearing atop it, and pulled back the covers on the bed. She reached over and turned on the bedside table, and switched off the other light in the room.

Slowly, she slipped into the bed, feeling the cool sheets against her toes as she rested her hands atop the blanket, the covers over her up to her chest as she closed her eyes for a moment. Her eyes opened once again.

She lay there in the bed, slowly going over the events of the evening. She smiled at the greeting that she had given the man at her car. Michael. She smiled a little more at the thought of the car full of children, so excited to go to their grandmother's house. She thought of the open and honest greetings that the family had for her, a stranger to their house, to their traditions. She thought of the look on the little girl's face as she opened the door to Santa. She thought of the baby, sitting on Santa's lap, sobbing for his mother as Santa struggled to talk to him, to soothe him, to make him understand that he wasn't going to hurt him. And she thought of her wish. She thought of what it would like to have a family like that, how things might not seem as hard, how family time would be an actual release from the rigors of medical school, and not an added stress.

She wondered if she would ever have something like that, a family to laugh with, a significant other to hold her hand beside the Christmas tree, a child to scream Christmas carols with. Right now that was way too far away to think about, and the more she tried to push those feelings aside, the stronger they became. She sighed, tossing onto her side, and then back again to the other side as she tried to relax, finding absolutely no peace of mind. After about a half hour, she couldn't take the silence.

She sighed as she sat up, slowly pulling the blankets from on top of her, she slid her feet to the warm rug beside the bed. She stood up and listened, hearing only the wind from outside, and the creaking of the tree outside the window. She slowly walked over to the door, opening it into the almost dark hallway, lit by the light by the stairs.

She quietly crept down the hallway to the stairs, listening to the snoring and sleep sounds from the rooms of the different families. She listened to the stairs creak slightly as she tried to walk tenderly down the steps, noting that the Christmas tree lights were still on, but the rest of the house was silent and darkened. She listened for any movement, content with the peacefulness, she relaxed. It was hard enough for her to be in a stranger's home, but to be sneaking around it was nerve-wracking. She was drawn to the flicker of the Christmas lights, the colorful tree that stood in the corner of the family room. Her eyes remained trained on that giant tree, as she stepped closer to it. She could smell the pine, the forest's perfume invaded her senses. She stepped forward to glance at the ornaments, balls of glass and tiny wooden teddy bears, round ornaments with pictures of friends and family members, and cookie ornaments obviously made by children or grandchildren, carefully placed on as many branches as possible. She slowly reached out to touch one of the tiny ornaments.

"You're not the Grinch, are you?" A man's voice startled her and she jumped, turning swiftly, she noticed that she wasn't alone in the room. Sitting in a recliner across the room, sat Derek. He was looking up at her with a grin filled with pure amusement, his eyes sparkling with the hundred lights of the Christmas tree.

"The Grinch?" She whispered, tilting her head as she tried to slow her heartbeat as her breath caught in her throat.

"Yeah… that green guy… that runs around to everyone's house and steals all of their Christmas goodies… You're not him, are you?"

"Do I look like him?" She asked, shaking her head.

"I'm not sure… it's dark in here… you could be green." He laughed.

"I assure you… I am not green…" She giggled. "And what are you doing sitting in a dark room by yourself… how do we know that you're not the Grinch?" She asked, her voice taking on a playful tone as she stood before him, a humored grin on her face.

"Pretty brash coming from a stranded stranger sneaking around my mother's house." He replied, watching as she retreated emotionally.

Meredith took a step back, dropping her hands. "I'm sorry." She said softly. "I'm sorry if I interrupted you."

"I didn't mean to insult you." He said softly, sitting up. "And you didn't interrupt me… I was just watching the lights… just like you." He smiled. "I'm not one to question the admiration of Christmas."

"I've just… never seen anything so absolutely beautiful." She said, turning to look up at the tree, the star glimmering at the top.

"It used to be bigger." Derek replied, watching her turn her head to face him. "When I was little… it was much bigger…" He said as he stood up. He walked over to stand beside her at the tree. "I'm sorry that I startled you."

"It's fine." She nodded, her fingers flicking and fiddling as she tried to keep her attention on the tree, and not the strange feeling in her stomach as he stood beside her. "I shouldn't have been sneaking around…"

"Can't sleep?" He asked.

"No."

"Miss seeing your family for the holidays?" He asked.

"No… no… not at all…" She said, quickly regretting saying it like that.

"You don't miss your family… or you don't see your family at the holidays?"

"Kind of… both." She replied, sitting down beside the Christmas tree, looking up at the bright lights as they shine down on them both, like a million stars in the sky. "It's a long convoluted story that I don't think that anyone wants to hear… it's not important… it doesn't even matter… I should have just stayed in my dorm room alone with my little plastic Christmas tree." She sighed as she lay down on the carpet, looking up at the tree.

Derek looked down at her as she stared up at the tree, he smiled watching this beautiful girl lie before him, her hair splayed across the carpet, her eyes reflecting the light of the tree as she babbled on about how miserable she would 'rather' be. He shook his head and chuckled to himself as he sat down on the carpet beside her. "I'll listen to your long convoluted story that no one wants to hear if you listen to mine." He said as he looked back at her. Her eyes stared directly into his as he suddenly felt a chill run down his neck. He watched her smile, her eyes rolling after a moment as she looked up at the tree for a moment.

"Alright." She said, her eyes glancing back at him as she smiled, feeling that same chill as he lay back down on the carpet beside her. They turned their heads to face one another, their eyes transfixed as she smiled. Their hands hovered at their sides, as she squeezed her hand into a fist as she tried to calm her rapid heartbeat. Then she felt his hand, warm and inviting, softly touching the knuckle of her hand, asking politely to be invited inside her hand.

He smirked just a little bit, his eyes sparkling as she slowly opened her hand, letting his warm hand envelop her tiny fingers into his palm as they both turned their heads and lay in silence as the grandfather clock tolled the midnight hour.