Hopeless

A story by xxacidxx

Story idea & help by Sandy

Chapter 6: Everything

True to his word, Kouga called me that night. His tone was apologetic and he excused himself by saying 'sorry, I got carried away'. A bit of a warning flag went up in my head, because it reminded me so much of the way Kirtis had spoken after he'd… I don't want to think about it.

Anyway, I ignored the warning because I was set on making Inuyasha jealous and Kouga wasn't that bad. He was sweet. I really enjoyed being with him, he made me smile. It felt good to have someone making you happy. I hadn't felt that since my time with Inuyasha five years ago.

The next day I walked into the school and was treating Inuyasha the same that I had been since the day I met Kouga. I was cold and would always 'strut my stuff' right in front of him. I never really knew if he looked or not, I didn't dare to look back. I had a group therapy session that night, and I was getting a lot better. I could opening discuss my feelings and saw that a lot of other people were just as bad off, if not more, than me. It made me feel like I wasn't alone and that people actually did know what I was talking about.

Classes went by as normal, the same boring routine, and the same coldness flowing through me towards Inuyasha. When the last bell rang I made my way to my locker. Kouga was there, a bouquet of vibrant red roses in his hand. I carefully hid my smile behind my hand as I stopped and opened my locker.

"Hello, gorgeous." Kouga murmured coming up behind me and wrapping his free arm around my waist. His mouth had been right beside my ear and each of his breaths had made me shiver.

"Hey." I closed my locker and locked it, turning in his arm to face him.

He reluctantly pulled away. "I got these for you."

I accepted the bouquet and found myself blushing. "Thank you…they're beautiful."

"Just like you." Kouga kissed me lightly and then started to walk away. "I'll call you later!" He'd called over his shoulder.

Now that I think about it, everything he said to me was beyond lame. Really, how many times have you heard that line? At the time, however, I was completely awestruck and flattered.

After he left I stood in a daze at my locker, my cheeks a faint pink and my lips slightly parted, remembering the kiss. Beside me, someone cleared their throat and I snapped out of my pose, hiding the blush quickly and turning to look at who it was.

"You know, you reacted like all the other girls did when he gave them roses." Inuyasha said, leaning against the lockers and watching me with resigned eyes.

"How would you know?" I snapped, glancing down at the roses before glaring at him.

"If he gives you a bracelet or necklace next, you'll know I was telling the truth." Inuyasha replied, pushing off from the lockers and heading down the hall.

I was furious, to say the least, and not at all suspicious of Kouga. I stormed out to the car my Mom let me drive today ("As a reward for coming along so well in your recovery!"), and put the roses on the passenger seat. I drove home ranting to myself about how stupid Inuyasha was and that he was just jealous.

That night Kouga didn't call. I called him and all I heard on the other end was loud music, the 'f' word, and then a click. Next came silence. I had come up with an excuse for him like his phone got stolen, or his parents had it. I wasn't angry. He'd given me roses.

The next day at school I didn't see Kouga until, again, last period. He was waiting by my locker, a hand behind his back as though he were hiding something.

"Sorry I didn't call last night, Babe." He said smiling easily, like he'd knew I wasn't mad.

"Oh that's okay." I said, returning the smile. I opened my locker and stowed my books inside, locking it as I finished.

"Okay, close your eyes and hold out your hands."

I did as I was told and I felt something cold slip over my wrist. I opened my eyes and looked at my wrist to see a silver bracelet with a heart dangling from it. I squealed and leaped into Kouga, pressing my mouth firmly against his.

"Glad you like it." He grinned and pulled away. "I've got to go. Talk to you later."

I nodded and stared at the bracelet, admiring it.

"Believe me now?" Inuyasha had come up beside me, hands deep in his jean pockets.

My pace paled and I remembered exactly what he had said before. 'If he gives you a bracelet or a necklace next, you'll know I was telling the truth.'

"Spying on me now?" I asked coldly, pulling the bracelet off and slipping it into my pocket.

Inuyasha shrugged. "I just happen to be around every time you get closer to being hurt."

I frowned. "Enjoying it?"

"Not especially. Just…don't fall in love with him."

"Why the hell do you care anyway? It was almost easier when you would just hate me from a distance." I shot at him, hugging myself against a non-existent chill. He couldn't have possibly known it was still him I was in love with.

"I never hated you." He said softly, and the tone of his voice had almost frightened me.

"How many other girls?" I asked carefully.

"Four or five? He ditches them after he…well…the next stage is he will ask you over to his house, lets just say, and after that he doesn't have anything else to do with you." He replied, removing one hand from his pocket to run it through his silky black locks.

I believed him now, but I could never let him know that. "I don't believe you." I shot at him instead, turning my back. I was shaking.

"If he gives you trouble, call me. Only as a last resort…I mean…I just really want to give him hell." Inuyasha said, almost too fast for me to believe my own ears. He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and scribbles something on it with a pen from his other one. He pressed it into my hand and then walked off quickly before I could say anything.

To say the least, I was shocked. It appeared like he almost cared. Or maybe he just wanted to get back at Kouga for some reason? For a reason unknown to me, I programmed Inuyasha's number into my phone. Just in case, I suppose.

As soon as I got home my phone started to ring. I flipped it open and discovered it was Kouga. I decided that Inuyasha was just jealous, Kouga couldn't do that. He was just too nice.

"Hello?" I said, answering my phone.

"Hey gorgeous. How about I take you out for supper tonight? Somewhere fancy, so dress nice. I'll be by at 6:30 to get you." His silky voice played through the phone and made me believe his innocence.

"Alright. Sounds like fun."

He hung up and I raced up the stairs, Kirtis at my heels, and into my room. I needed to shower, and quick. I only had two hours to get ready.

About half an hour later I stood in front of my closet, my silk dressing gown tied around me, trying to decide what to wear. I'd already blow dried my hair and straightened it, now I just needed an outfit.

I pulled a green halter dress out, it's color deep like an emerald, and the material was soft. I pulled off my dressing gown and pulled the dress on, gazing at myself in the mirror. The material cascaded down me, reaching just above the knee. I had to admit even to myself—which was quite a leap for me, considering I was just recovering from anorexia—that I looked pretty good. I hurried into the bathroom and did my makeup, using gentle strokes of forest green and brown eyeliner.

In no time at all, the door bell was being rung and I hurried down the stairs, snatching my coat and slipping on gold-strappy heels. The silver bracelet sat loosely on my wrist. I pulled open the door and smiled to see Kouga wearing a black dress shirt and black slacks.

"Wow. You look amazing." He said, leaning forward to kiss my cheek. I blushed under his gaze.

"You look pretty good yourself." I smiled faintly and looked past him to the red convertible.

Kouga led me down to the vehicle and opened my door for me, then closed it behind me once I was in.

Soon we were speeding down the street and we came to a fancy looking place. We went inside and I looked around. It was gorgeous. Everything was made of deep, rich wood and the lighting was dim.

It turned out Kouga had made a reservation. We had a table by a window, and I felt so special, sitting there with him in such a fine place. The prices were higher than I'd ever seen. In the end I just chose a salad. I felt a bit self conscious eating in front of him, but he was kind to me and we talked and laughed the whole time.

He was on his way to driving me home, but we stopped at a house I wasn't familiar with.

"Where are we?" I asked curiously, looking out the window.

"Come in for a bit. I've had such a good time tonight." He smiled and got out, walking around to open my door.

I nodded. "Yes, it was wonderful. Thank you." I allowed him to walk me to the door and he opened it, letting me go inside first.

It was a plain house, and quite clean. I liked it.

"Nice place." I murmured as he took my coat from me.

Kouga didn't answer. He was kissing my neck, making his way down to my back. He stopped rather abruptly and tugged my hand, pulling me down a flight of stairs.

I giggled and followed him, feeling like quite the giddy school girl. He sat down on the couch and pulled me into his lap, kissing me fiercely.

I kissed back, and soon it was much more heated. He pushed me off his lap and then he was on top of me, pinning me beneath him.

"I wanted this for so long." He murmured into my neck, his hand slipping under my dress.

I groaned and tried to push his hand away but he was so heavy on top of me.

"Kouga stop." I whispered, kissing his cheek. "I'm not ready."

"Why the hell not?" Anger flared in his voice and it scared me. "I bought you roses, a bracelet, took you out for supper."

"I can't be bought." I said, trying to push him off again.

"Well then I'll have to steal." He said roughly and began to undo his pants, pulling them down.

"No, Kouga. Stop! Stop it!" He was pulling up my dress and he yanked down my underwear.

"KOUGA! Please!" I pleaded, me fists banging his chest as he positioned himself. Tears began to fall down my cheeks and he entered me and I stopped. I had given up.

I stayed still, humiliated, crying, my eyes looking blankly at the floor. When he'd finished he got off of me and pulled his pants and underwear back on.

"Go home." He said and walked up the stairs.

I gathered myself together, pulling my underwear back on and rearranging my dress. I felt sick, violated, and dirty. I wanted to scream, cry, kick, punch, and be held all in one. My mind raced. I couldn't call my Mom or Dad; they were out of town for the weekend. I didn't really have anyone…But then I remembered. Inuyasha.

I pulled out my phone and dialled his number, praying he would answer. I stood up, aching from the violent assault and paced.

"Hello?" Inuyasha's voice asked on the other end.

"Inuyasha?" I said, my voice near a whimper. "I need…help…" By saying that, my resistance broke.

"Kagome? Where are you?"

"Kouga's." I replied softly, tears still running down my reddened cheeks.

"I'm on my way, alright?" His voice was soft which made everything so much worse.

"Okay." I murmured and then closed my phone, bolting up the stairs. I grabbed my coat and went out the door, slamming it behind me. After pulling on my coat, I hugged myself, tears still running freely down my face.

He had been right. Inuyasha had been right. Kouga was a womanizer and a rapist and I should have seen it. I of all people should have seen it.

It seemed like and eternity before Inuyasha pulled up in his black mustang. I walked slowly towards it, and he got out.

"Go get in." He murmured, not looking at me.

"Inuyasha what are you doing?" I asked, watching him walk to the door. He opened it and stormed in, yelling Kouga's name.

I quickly hurried inside after him.

"Inuyasha, don't." I said quickly, trying to pull him back outside. "It's not worth it."

"He hurt you, just like I said he would. He has to pay for that."

"Please. Don't."

But Kouga was already there, grinning at Inuyasha.

"What are you planning on doing?" He asked coyly, slipping down the stairs so that he was in front of Inuyasha.

Inuyasha raised his fist and punched Kouga so hard that he fell backwards.

I had gasped and pulled on Inuyasha, willing him to come away. He shrugged me off and straddled Kouga, punching him again. Kouga was ready, however, and easily kicked Inuyasha off. Now he was on Inuyasha, punching him again and again.

All I could do was watch.

Inuyasha eventually pushed Kouga off and kicked him hard in the stomach.

"You'll pay." Inuyasha spat out and then grabbed my arm, pulling me out of the house.

I saw he wasn't really in any condition to drive. His face was covered in blood and he was holding his wrist a bit funny.

"Give me the keys." I said, holding out my hand. He gave them to me a bit reluctantly and I got in the driver's side.

I drove to my house, figuring I should get Inuyasha cleaned up before he went home.

"Come on." I murmured, and he followed me without complaint. I let us into the house and led him up to my room—even if he did already know that way—and pushed him down onto my bed.

I went into the bathroom and got a wash cloth and got a small plastic container that I filled with warm water. I headed back out and knelt before him. I had cupped one side of his face with my hand and used the other with the wet wash cloth to clean his wounds.

"Thank you for coming." I said in a small voice, my hand still making gentle gestures on his face.

"Not a problem. Kouga had it coming to him."

I nodded and we remained silent until I was finished. I went back into the bathroom and cleaned the wash cloth, dumping the reddened water down the sink. When I came back Inuyasha was watching me with a strange expression on his face.

"Did he…go…all the way?" He asked softly, as if it would help lessen the meaning of the words he'd spoken.

I nodded and walked over to my mirror, wiping off some of the smeared makeup.

"Did you love him?" This question shocked me and I looked at Inuyasha through the mirror.

"No. No, I didn't." I sighed and stopped rubbing makeup off. I came to the bed and sat down beside him, smoothing my dress over my legs.

"That's good then, I suppose." He said uncertainly.

"It would have hurt a hell of a lot more if I had."

"How do you know?"

"Experience." I looked at the floor. "My boyfriend committed suicide."

"Oh…I'm sorry…" His voice was shocked.

"Don't be. I've gotten over it…" I had sighed and looked over at him. "You remember when we used to play cars? Out in the back garden? And I always had the car you wanted, but I'd never let you have it. And you, you stole it from me." I laughed lightly and looked up at him.

"I seem to remember that car was mine in the first play." He teased, smiling lightly. "I also remember we got in a fight about it and didn't speak for two days. Then at night…I came…over here." He stopped talking. Neither of us had ever verbalized anything that happened those nights when he would come over because of his parents fighting.

I nodded at the memory. "And I told you that in the morning we wouldn't worry about the silly car."

"Kagome…"

"Hmm?" I asked looking over.

"I…missed you. After you left, I was so angry. I wanted nothing more than to have you back again so I could scream at you. And your letters…I just couldn't bring myself to write back…" He wouldn't meet my eyes as he said this. "It just hurt so much…"

"I know." I murmured gently. "I miss you so much." On the last word my voice broke and tears began to run down my cheeks again. I brushed them away furiously and turned my head from him.

"Kagome, why did it hurt me so much?" He asked, as if I would know the answer. I knew he just wanted my input.

"You needed someone to cling to, and I was gone?" I suggested, still not looking at him.

"No, Kagome. It was because I was in love with you." Inuyasha took one side of my face in his hand and pulled it towards his, forcing me to meet his eyes.

"We were only children." I stood up quickly, pulling away from his grasp and searching eyes.

"Kagome…I…" His voice was lost.

"Why are you even here?" I asked almost in an angry voice, my back to him.

"I…don't know." I heard the bed springs creak and knew he had just stood up. "Forgive me."

I felt his hand on my back and I spun around, looking him over carefully. "For what?"

"Not being there for you." He lifted my arm and ran his finger over the scars. "For not stopping you from hurting yourself."

"Why does it matter to you? You weren't there…"

"Because, Kagome, when you get hurt, I get hurt." He kissed each scar on my arm and I stared at him in wonder. What did he mean?

"I don't understand."

"I'm in love with you Kagome. I always have been." Inuyasha let go of my arm and looked me in the eye. He stepped closer to me and captured my lips in his. It was gentle and pure. So much better and so much more right than Kouga could have ever been.

He pulled away from me and I rested my head on his chest, crying silently for everything that I'd lost and everything I'd become.

"I love you." The words slipping from my mouth and then his arms were around me, holding me gently as I cried.

As I look back on all of this, I realize that everything was worth it. Everything I'd ever done was because it was going to bring me closer to him. My proud beautiful Inuyasha.