Following Edmund, Peter realized, was like following light, and everyone behind him in the shadows.

Edmund the Just, always Edmund the Just. And Peter behind him, always watching, always afraid, and always wrong, so wrong.

--

They tumbled back through the wardrobe, into England, where Peter was no longer Peter the Magnificent, no longer Peter of nights in Edmund's bedroom, but just Peter, the boy who was a good student and a good son and who just happened to be in love with his brother.

He looked at Edmund, receiving a sad, confused look in return, and knew it was ending, knew it was over.

--

They stopped to rest at the water - horses drinking deeply from the crystalline pond - breathing deeply, bringing cold water to hot faces and drinking it like wine.

Peter pulled away, looking around. There were trees surrounding them, sunlight streaming through the maze of branches and leaves. The day was half-over and yet half-lived. They were quite alone, and a refreshing swim didn't sound half-bad.

--

Peter was dreaming of black hair spilling on white pillows, a painting of sin on a backdrop of purity. Your brother, his English-mind says, and your lover, his Narnia-mind breathes. Upon awakening, Peter realizes, on the floor, that his Narnia-side took control, sheets spread around his body like some sort of enormous, perhaps crooked, halo.

Noticing Edmund is awake, Peter attempts a smile, but receives only a cold stare in return (so disgusting, Edmund must be thinking), which freezes his bones and sends chills through his veins. They are in England, he reminds himself, so any evidence, however private, of what they once had, is frowned upon and must be swept under the rug that will soon be sent to the fire. Peter tries not to remember.

--

Peter always knew, knew what he was (a monster) and what his brother was, what his brother felt. Peter tried to suppress any sort of seemingly disgusting action until Narnia, until -

Edmund was kissing him fervently, in the moonlight-sunlight. Peter knew not where he was (wrong or right), only knew feelings and looks and touches. He always knew, of course, that when following light, nothing can be wrong.