During lunchtime, Kramer sat with Arthur & Sue Ellen, but was very nervous about talking to the pair.

"You look worried about something" Arthur said "is it the whole thing with Muffy?"

"It's related to that" Kramer explained.

"Don't worry, I'm sure Muffy won't actually sue you" Sue Ellen said "she can be a little mean sometimes, but she's not totally heartless."

"Oh, she's suing" Kramer said "but me and my lawyer, Jackie Chiles, we've got a foolproof strategy."

"You have a lawyer?" Arthur wondered "how can you afford one?"

"I have ways" Kramer replied.

"So what's you defense?" Sue Ellen asked.

Kramer swallowed nervously. "Well, I kind of told Jackie about what happened between us in the bathroom, and he thinks I should tell the court I messed up the photo shoot because of it" he replied, as quickly as possible.

"You can't!" Arthur yelled "you promised you wouldn't tell anyone!"

"I know, but I could lose my shirt here" Kramer said "besides, no one from class will be there. Well, except Muffy, but I'm sure she won't say anything."

"Are you sure there isn't another way?" Sue Ellen asked.

"I wish there was kids, but Jackie's sure it'll work" Kramer said, "tell you what, I promise to defend you if any of your classmates start to tease you. Well, I'm going to see if there's any more pudding" he added as he left the table.

"You don't think he'd really say anything, do you?" Sue Ellen asked Arthur.

"I hope not" Arthur replied.

He imagined Kramer in court with Jackie Stiles. He and Sue Ellen were sitting in the galley, and their other classmates were the jury. The judge was a strict looking bear man.

"So Mr. Kramer, tell the court why you spilled juice all over Miss Crosswire's dress" Jackie said.

"Cause I was in shock."

"And why were you shocked?"

"Because I saw those two" he pointed to Arthur & Sue Ellen "making out in the bathroom."

"Ewww!" the jury replied.

"Arthur and Sue Ellen, sitting in a tree" Francine sung mockingly "K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

"That is so gross!" Muffy added "I don't want to get near either of you two again. You might infect me with your cooties."

"You don't understand!" Arthur pleaded.

"Forget the current case, what you two have done is a crime against nature" the judge said "jury, do you have a verdict?"

"Yes your honor" Binky said "we find Arthur & Sue Ellen to be gross for kissing each other."

"As punishment, you two will have to stay 50 feet away from each other, forever!" the judge said, pounding his gavel.

"No!" Arthur yelled, as a bailiff pulled him away from Sue Ellen.

"I don't think it will be exactly like that" Sue Ellen replied "and I'm pretty sure judges don't have the authority to split up people."

"Okay, so I exaggerated a little" Arthur said "but we need to stop Kramer from blabbing about us. The question is, how?"

"The only way is to get Muffy to drop her lawsuit" Sue Ellen explained "then he won't need to testify."

"Good luck doing that" Arthur replied "once Muffy sets her mind on something, she doesn't stop 'till she's done it."

"I'm sure if we appeal to her sense of rationality, we can convince her that this lawsuit is pointless" Sue Ellen told him "come on, we only have a few hours."

Meanwhile, back at their hotel, George was sulking.

"Well, that was it Jerry" he said "my one chance to mold young minds, taken away because of politics."

"And your parents."

"I was trying to forget about them, thanks" George grumbled.

"Look on the bright side, you tried a new career and it didn't work for you, but you'll always have the experience" Jerry said.

"Experience doesn't get you in the history books Jerry" George said, "you think Bobby Knight would be where he is today if he only had a coaching 'experience?'"

"If he threw some chairs, sure."

"Well to hell with all of them! If they don't want me as their coach, then fine, let their team go down the toilet. I don't need them, I worked for the Yankees, I talked with Stienbrenner! I never really understood what the hell he was saying, but I've talked with him!"

"That's the spirit George" Jerry said "put this whole fiasco aside and prepare yourself for the next one."

"Oh, I'm planning on it" George replied "so, when are we leaving?"

"Later, first we need to meet Kramer at the courthouse."

"I still can't believe an 8-year old is suing him" George said "but then, this whole town is pretty strange. Did you notice that everyone here appears to be some kind of animal?"

"You don't say" Jerry said sarcastically.

"I didn't want to say anything before, because I thought they were wearing costumes or something. But now, it's pretty obvious."

"It is weird" Jerry said "it would make a good comedy routine, though. 'How do animal people use the bathroom? Do they use the toilet, like the rest of us, or do they just go on the ground'. 'Oh, this looks like a good spot to take a leak…'"

"It really makes you think about the origins of the creatures we inhabit this planet with" George said.

"No it doesn't."

Meanwhile, back at Lakewood, Sue Ellen was having no success in her talks with Muffy.

"But why won't you drop the lawsuit?" she asked.

"I'm sorry, but I have my pride to think of" Muffy answered "if I back down now, people will think the Crosswires are soft, and daddy says that's bad for business."

"I wouldn't think that about you."

"That's nice, but you're my friend, you like me no matter what" Muffy replied "you can't understand the tremendous pressure I endure every day trying to establish a reputation worthy of my name. Why are you so concerned about this, anyway?"

"'Cause Mr. Kramer is our classmate" Sue Ellen replied.

"He's a creepy old man who's getting another chance to go through third grade for some reason" Muffy said "I don't consider him a classmate. I think he's a hipster doofus."

"So there's no chance of you calling off the lawsuit?"

"Not unless he can get me a second chance at a modeling career" Muffy replied.

"If he could, you'd let him off the hook?"

"I'd consider it"

"Thank you Muffy" Sue Ellen said, hugging her monkey friend before she rushed off the hall.

"She's certainly interested in that Kramer for some reason" Muffy said, as she watched her go "maybe she has a crush on him."

After school, Kramer reported to the local Elwood City courthouse. Soon, Jerry, George & Elaine all arrived as well.

"How long is this going to be?" George asked "I wanna be on a plane back to New York ASAP."

"Easy there George Gipp" Jerry replied.

"George Gipp?"

"Yeah, he was a famous football coach for Notre Dame" Jerry explained "and when he was dying, he told his team to 'get out there and win one for the Gipper.'"

"I always thought that was Ronald Reagan" George replied.

"That's because Reagan appeared in a movie based on his life" Jerry explained.

"I always liked Reagan" George said, "any guy that can be in a movie with a chimp is all right in my book."

"I did not care for how he handled the Iran hostages thing" Jerry said.

"I thought that was Carter."

"I think Reagan came in near the end of it."

"Will you two please shut up!" Elaine yelled "I don't want to hear any of your stupid discussions about dead coaches, or presidents, or Iran or anything else!"

"Looks like somebody got up on the wrong side of the hotel bed this morning" Jerry replied.

"I'm sorry, I was on the phone with Peterman last night explaining the whole thing to him" Elaine said.

"And?"

"Since Kramer got in trouble, I've been ordered to disavow that he was ever hired by me" Elaine said "and Peterman expects me to do the whole fashion shoot by myself."

"So, you sold out Kramer so you won't get in trouble" Jerry said "interesting."

"Don't judge me" Elaine replied "I didn't tell that idiot to drink juice during the photo shoot. And anyway, who thinks an 8-year old is going to sue somebody over something so dumb anyway?"

"Hey Elaine, did you think that girl looked like a monkey?" George asked.

"I didn't want to say anything at first, but yeah."

"You know what I bet her favorite underwear is? Fruit of the Loom" George replied, as he and Elaine giggled at the dumb joke.

"Yeah, and she probably enjoys Banana Boat suntan lotion" Elaine added.

"And shops at Banana Republic" George chimed in.

"So, now you're going from a fruit pun straight to banana ones?" Jerry said "why don't you toss in some jokes about throwing feces while you're at it."

"I don't think there are any" George replied.

"All rise" the court bailiff said "the honorable Judge Crawford presiding.

An imposing looking dog-man took his spot behind the bench as the crowd looked on.

"The judge is a dog?" Jerry asked "shouldn't he be an owl, seeing as they're the wisest animals in the world."

"You, do not speak unless you're spoken to" the judge said, pointing his gavel in Jerry's direction.

"Sorry your honor" Jerry said "judge fido" he said under his breath.

"Did you say something?"

"Nothing, nothing."

"Now then, today we'll hear the case of Crosswire vs. Kramer. Will the plaintiff's attorney please begin their opening statement."

And so, both lawyers delivered statements explaining the facts of the case and why their client was not at fault.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I intend to prove that my client, Cosmo Kramer, is being unfairly accused for something completely stupid" Jackie said "how many of you can claim that you have not spilled something on a piece of clothing? And were you sued for it? I should think not. So why must this man be sued, and taken of his livelihood, for something as innocent as the spilling of juice? Thank you."

As the trial wore on, Kramer was put on the stand, and Jackie prepared to question him.

"Now Mr. Kramer, when you spilled the juice on Miss Crosswire's dress, is it not true that you were not in a right state of mind?" Jackie asked.

"Yes."

"And why was that?"

"Because earlier, I saw something disturbing in the bathroom."

"And what was that?"

"I saw two of my classmates making out" Kramer explained.

"I see, so you would say that the shock of seeing these two young kids in the throes of passion, made you absent-minded about the juice you spilled on the alleged dress?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"No further questions your honor."

"I don't care what he saw, that idiot still ruined my dress!" Muffy shouted "judge, I want you to throw the book at him! Make him pay for it and then send him to jail!"

"Am I the only one who thinks this whole thing is stupid?" Jerry asked.

"Sir, I'll ask you not to speak up again" the judge said, before addressing the jury "now it is up to you to determine what will happen here."

"Actually your honor, we find this case incredibly stupid" said the foreman "but, given Mr. Kramer's employment situation, we find him unable to pay the amount Miss Crosswire is asking, so we rule in favor of the defendant."

"Finally, sweet victory" Jackie said "so, how much does little miss moneybags owe my client? Ten thousand? A hundred?"

"Actually, since your client was the one being sued, and he won, Miss Crosswire owes you nothing" the judge explained.

"This is yet another in a series of humiliating defeats" Jackie replied "I suppose I could consider this a moral victory. But morals won't pay for a new Lexus."

Muffy, meanwhile, left the table she was at and confronted her opponent.

"Don't think this over, because it isn't" she said "if I need to, I'll take this to the highest court in the land. I will have justice."

"It was just a stupid dress!" Elaine yelled from the galley "and anyway, Peterman agreed to re-do the photo shoot, without Kramer."

"Oh, okay then" Muffy replied "in that case, let's forget the whole thing. Now, how about letting me know what you saw in the bathroom?"

The next day at Lakewood, Muffy & several of the third grade class confronted Arthur & Sue Ellen as they headed to their lockers.

"Say it isn't so buddy!" Buster pleaded.

"What are you talking about?" asked a confused Arthur.

"Mr. Kramer told me he saw you two kissing in the boys' bathroom" she said, "care to explain?"

"I can't believe you went into our bathroom" Binky said to Sue Ellen "girls aren't allowed to touch it."

"And that goes double for Arthur. The touching thing, I mean" Buster added.

"You guys have it all wrong" Arthur said nervously "see, the thing is..."

"The thing is, they were just practicing" Kramer said, appearing from nowhere.

"Practicing?" Francine asked.

"Yeah, Sue Ellen told me she wondered what it would be like to kiss a boy" Kramer explained "so she decided to choose the most average boy she could."

"I did? I mean, I did!" Sue Ellen replied.

"So you two aren't an item?" Muffy asked suspiciously.

"Are you kidding? Think about it, would I date Arthur?" Sue Ellen asked "I mean seriously. And the kiss wasn't all that great either."

"If you say so" Muffy replied "well, I hope you two will come to my new photo shoot later today. It's at my house after school."

"We'll see if we can make it" Arthur said. After their friends left, he turned to Kramer & Sue Ellen "what was that?!"

"Sorry, but Muffy asked me what I saw, and I couldn't lie."

"You lied just now."

"I mean I can't lie in court. I took an oath on the Bible."

Arthur sighed "and what about you Sue Ellen? What was the deal making fun of me?"

"I was just trying to hide our secret" she explained "you know how I really feel about you. I think you're the most handsome boy in the entire school, and there's no one else I'd want as a boyfriend."

"Do you mean that?"

"Of course. And I lied about the kiss, every one with you is special."

"Oh, how could I stay mad at you?" Arthur asked, and hugged the girl.

"Thanks for helping us Mr. Kramer" Sue Ellen said.

"Not a problem" Kramer said "but I'm gonna miss you kids."

"Why?"

"In a few days, I'll get my final report card and know whether or not I pass third grade. I'm hoping I do it this time."

"Well we'll miss you" Arthur said "you were the most 'interesting' classmate we've ever had."

"Weren't you supposed to go back to New York yesterday?" Sue Ellen wondered.

"Yeah, but all my friends still have commitments here" Kramer explained "the judge got fed up with Jerry's comments and made him wear a sign outside the courtroom that says 'I make snide comments.'"

"I wasn't aware judges had that authority" Sue Ellen replied.

"Me neither, but there you are" Kramer replied "He only has to do it for a few more hours, then, after Elaine's photo shoot, we'll be back in the Big Apple."

"I remember when Buster and I visited New York with his dad" Arthur said "if we go there again, maybe we'll look you up."

"Okay, but if I'm hanging out with Lomez, don't come over" Kramer said "he has a tendency to get a little 'salty', if you know what I mean."

"Actually, we don't" Sue Ellen replied.

"That's probably for the best."

"Looks like everything turned out well for everyone" Arthur said "our secret is safe, Mr. Kramer is going to graduate, and Muffy will get her chance to be a model."

"Not everyone" Kramer replied "see my pal George, he was a little short on cash for the airfare home, so he decided to take a job to make what he needed."

"Oh no, he's not going to coach us again, is he?" Arthur asked.

"No, he's found work with another of your friends."

Meanwhile, over at the Crosswire mansion, Muffy was looking through the various dresses that the J. Peterman catalog had sent over.

"I can't decide which of these looks best" she said "which one do you like?"

Standing nearby, in a tuxedo, was a fully embarrassed George.

"They all look nice, just pick one" he said with gritted teeth.

"I can't just pick one, this is my first shoot as a fashion model" Muffy replied "the first dress I model has to be perfect, or the rest of the shoot will be ruined."

"I'm sure that it doesn't matter" George said, trying to keep his temper under control.

"That's why I'm the model and you're just my temporary butler" Muffy explained "now help me pick a dress or no money for your plane tickets!"

"Jerry!"

THE END.