A/N: Quite a lot of this chapter might be one giant lime. So. Yeah.

I must apologize for the massive wait, but it's here, so stop complaining and read it. xD

---

fifteen.

ANSWERS

turn your anger into lust
I'm still here, but you don't trust at all
and I'll be waiting
love and sex and loneliness
take what's yours and leave the rest
and I'll survive
god it's good to be alive –

still in love with all your sins
where you stop's where I begin and I
I'll be waiting
living like a house on fire
what you fear is your desire
you're all or not
I don't need what you ain't got –

I'm torn in pieces
I'm blind and waiting for
my heart is reeling
I'm blind and waiting for you

Big Machine, Goo Goo Dolls

---

He doesn't know what to expect when Sasuke decided to enter through the door instead of the window.

It was a small change, really, but there was something in the way he did it. Shikamaru couldn't help but notice- or maybe imagine- that somehow he opened the door softly, gently, closed it slowly behind him. As though afraid to make a sound. As though afraid of having anyone know. As though afraid of intruding.

But since when had Sasuke been afraid?

Shikamaru looks up from where he's seated on the edge of the bed, slightly different from how he normally waits. Usually he's seated there, down to his mesh shirt and baggy black trousers- and refuses to meet Sasuke's gaze, until he's forced. Now he looks up- his heavy jacket is still on, as stuffy as it felt in his small room, and even the chuunin vest- but his hair is untied, falling past his eyes, the band worn around his wrist. Their eyes meet- and it was different. Awkward. And Sasuke looked away.

But since when had Sasuke looked away?

As if shy. As if afraid. Hah, Shikamaru scoffed at himself in his brain for even daring to think so- Doesn't this seem familiar? Of course it does- it's like what the Uchiha did not too long ago, let him hope and take it all away- and Shikamaru had just taken it, and would've been content to be used and left and broken- if not for his… friends. Exactly the same. Always the same- tiring routine, it was, night after night- but somehow the break from it had driven him almost insane. Somehow he needed it. Somehow he wanted it. Sasuke stands there- there is no smirk on his lips, and his face is blank, unreadable- as though he was hesitating, as though he was unsure.

But since when had Sasuke been unsure?

He looks up again- but this time it is Shikamaru that looks away. Shikamaru couldn't take it, Sasuke's lying- didn't want to look into a gaze that tempted him with what he couldn't have. It was a cruel thing to do. Cruel. But Sasuke had always been cruel. Shikamaru let his eyes wander- but no matter how much he wanted them to wander the room, they made their way back to the figure standing before the door. Framed by the moonlight, faint battle scars and hints of muscles in his lithe frame where that unnaturally pale skin was bared, a delicate curve of the throat, a strong jaw- soft, wet lips. Shikamaru's lips suddenly felt very dry, and he licked them involuntarily- and saw Sasuke's moist lips twist into a cruel smirk.

Ah, this was far more familiar.

Shikamaru refused to react and continued to let his eyes travel Sasuke's body- somewhat narrow but strong shoulders, muscular arms, bandaged on the forearm- he saw something he hadn't quite noticed before. Amid the black and white bandages that were almost artfully wrapped around Sasuke's forearms, a somewhat out of place band of black adorned his wrist, made out of- Shikamaru realized- small black bands. He counted them- one, two… nineteen. All of them. They were all there. Shikamaru instinctively tried to grab at the hair band that usually tied up his hair- only it wasn't there, so he ended up running his fingers through his hair.

He saw Sasuke twitch slightly, lick his lips, widen his eyes.

But somehow Sasuke hesitates still- and Shikamaru was growing agitated. He didn't understand why he held back, and at the moment, didn't care. There was a tension in the air, so great, so solid, soreal that it seemed to squeeze the air out of Shikamaru's lungs- and he knew there was only one release. He stood up, stepped forward and leaned in, somewhat clumsily- threw his arms around Sasuke's shoulders.

It was far more tender, more gentle, than he intended- and noticing this at once, Shikamaru was instantly more aggressive- hungry- probing, begging for entry. He opens his eyes to see Sasuke's gazing back at him in mild surprise and amusement, and those lips were unmoving and stiff- but quite suddenly Sasuke's hands found themselves fisting aggressively in Shikamaru's hair, and Shikamaru found himself- quite comfortably- back in the position of the submissive, parting his lips and allowing Sasuke's tongue to explore. It felt even hungrier, even more lustful than before- somehow they both felt it, somehow it was different- somehow, no other night had been like tonight. Shikamaru finds his back pressed against the cold concrete wall, finds his hands grabbing weakly at the back of Sasuke's head and neck, feeling silken strands of hair slide through his grasp- it was like this every time. Somehow he was just so overpowered, somehow so dominated­- and he loved every minute of it. It sent heat radiating throughout his body, shivers of pleasure down his spine, warmth rocketing up his legs.

Quite suddenly, Shikamaru jerked his head back.

"No," he gasps, not quite believing what he's doing, but pushing it anyway- it felt like that desire and need was a thick fog, and he pushed heavily through it, knowing there was something he had to do. Knowing he couldn't put it off. Knowing his friends were behind him. He'd never said no before.

"No?" Sasuke mocked. Always mocked. Shikamaru had never really said no before- and really, the chuunin could imagine how twistedly amused the other was.

"I… I can't." He stutters, staggers- somehow the words don't seem to fit the whirlwind in his mind that was slowly destroying the fog.

"Why not?" Came the reply- Sasuke's breath too, was heavy and laboured- the small shivers that shudder through their bodies are felt by both of them, their limbs so closely intertwined. The question- mocking as it always was- sounded like… well, Shikamaru may have been delusional, that was a full possibility, given the situation- but it sounded almost like- well, to be honest- like concern. He never asked why before.

"…There's-" he gasps a little, as though for breath. Somehow Sasuke's grip around his wrists tightened, somehow Sasuke's body felt tenser against his own- Shikamaru thought it was almost protective, out of that concern he thought he heard. Shikamaru would have liked to think it was protective, but he knew it couldn't have been anything other than plain possessiveness. He settles a little in being held tighter against Sasuke- somehow it felt comforting, safe, secure- but quickly jerks, pulls himself away- he staggers backwards and falls, seated, onto his bed. Sasuke stares at him, as though not quite believing he did that- and Shikamaru could hardly believe it himself. But the fog- the fog was clearer now (Shikamaru did his best to ignore the overwhelming desire to kick himself in the head for pulling away), and well, "There's something I must do."

"What, hn?" Sasuke asks- and Shikamaru flinches a little, shies away from an imaginary blow, expects to be thrown back onto the bed with a mocking glare. But instead Sasuke quietly walks to sit down beside him- the weight on the bed was comfortable, familiar, and they both refused to draw attention to the fact that their hands on the bed had their fingers just grazing each other, ever-so-slightly.

Shikamaru pushes the thoughts out of his mind- No. Fuck no, this is no time for that. I need to… "I have some questions." So many questions… He looked away- tears his hand away from Sasuke's, ignoring that it took more effort than it should have. Fuck you, Sasuke. It's been going on for too long. I need to do this now. Now or never. "And you are going to answer them."

---

"Y-you still look w-worried, Neji nii-san…"

"I've done what I can. The rest is up to them, now."

"I'm s-sorry I couldn't h-help more…"

"You shouldn't apologize so much, Hinata-sa… Hinata."

"…N-Neji?"

"…Thank you, Hinata."

---

"Am I, now?"

Shikamaru makes a disgruntled noise at the sound of the low, familiar drawl- twistedly amused and always cold. He's long ago realized that he shouldn't bother letting the words affect him, but somehow they always do. He doesn't move, not at all, except for the slowly-steadying rise and fall of his chest- keeps his gaze determinedly forward, refusing to look at Sasuke, to see that smirk. Because he doesn't want to be intimidated. Because he doesn't want to back down. Because those lips are so wet and moist and damn it, he knows he might not be able to help it.

"Yes." He doesn't waste time, doesn't hesitate, doesn't wait for that cold comeback that he knows is coming. "Who… who are you?"

Shikamaru could imagine the smile on Sasuke's ever-so-tempting lips before the question leaves his own. "I think you know my name," was the reply. Short and simple and uncooperative- everything that Shikamaru had expected, but not quite what Shikamaru hoped.

He had already decided to not bother with waiting, to spare him the agony, and had drawn breath to ask the next question when Sasuke chooses to continue.

"I am an avenger," Sasuke said- the same tired response the Uchiha repeated to everyone who asked. But then- there was more. "What you found out that night is more about me than anyone has dared to ask." The rest is unspoken, lingering in the air- You have some nerve to dare to ask for more. And even more still, written in that smile- But I like you that way.

Shikamaru doesn't need to ask which night it was- it's clear to them both. But what surprises him was that he acknowledges it- wasn't it a lie? Was there more to it? The chuunin was quite frankly amazed he was still breathing if he knew more about Sasuke than the Uchiha had intended him to… so was it intended, after all? Was he actually trying to share something? Shikamaru refuses to display his surprise- but he knows Sasuke can probably see it anyway, in the tensing of his shoulders, the tightened grip on his shoulders, the slight change in his breath.

"…What is this?"

"Hm?"

"All of this."

Shikamaru knows he doesn't have to clarify any further, and Sasuke takes it in quietly. The chuunin wills himself to stare at the wall, as tempting as it is to turn his head ever so slightly around when he can see the fringes of black bangs in the corner of his eyes. This. This- everything. Everything that had happened since the lingering glance across a crowded room. Did it mean anything? …Did that night mean anything? An all-encompassing question- but, Shikamaru knew, it would get anything but an all-encompassing answer.

"Nothing," comes the cold reply- and then added on, almost in afterthought, "Just the result of a series of interesting events- and a convenient outlet for wanton desire that has no place in vengeance."

The words hit him like a dagger through the chest, twisted and then pulled, leaving a gaping wound of numb surprise and shattered reluctant hopes that bled and bled. But it made no sense- if that was all this was, that one night- what was it for? He looks to the corner of the room, further away from Sasuke- refuses to linger on the answer, moves on- all too quickly, he knew, that Sasuke could hazard an more than accurate guess at his thoughts. "Where did you go?"

He hates the silence that greets his words- they're giving him time to think.

"That's enough."

Shikamaru's head snaps around instantly, frustration written across his face- no, that was not enough, he still had questions to ask and there was no fucking way he was waiting any longer. The words of anger form in his throat but his voice runs dry the moment he catches sight of those eyes- serious and brimming with a murderous intent, but somehow tired and mournful.

It was something entirely unexpected- but something that a shinobi was trained to do. There are windows of time, fleeting opportunities, no matter how great your opponent was- that they were at their most vulnerable. It was a shinobi's task to find these times- and make use of them. And in that one moment of hesitation Shikamaru found himself on his back, against the bed, struggling (but even he knew those struggles were mostly symbolic now) to free his hands from Sasuke's powerful grip- unable to avert his gaze from dark, possessive eyes and moist lips that made his own feel dry.

"I have some questions for you."

Shikamaru doesn't know quite how to react when he hears this- just lies there, staring up at his eyes, his lips, his hair. The chuunin licked his lips involuntarily, winces- but doesn't see a smirk, only a sort of empty anger within Sasuke's eyes.

"I know you're dealing with a lot of shit from me," Sasuke hisses fiercely. Shikamaru can't help but note that it's the second most expressive thing he's ever heard from the Uchiha- the first being the groans and the barley-held-in moans he allows to escape his throat. "But have you ever thought about what the hellI'm going through?"

…No. He hadn't. Not at all. And Sasuke goes on a bit of a rant- the most words Shikamaru had ever heard from him before.

"Have you ever thought, for once, that I am confused by you?Have you ever considered that that night meant something to me as well? Have you ever even imagined that I'm as lost as you are- Have you ever fucking noticed everything I'm doing for you?"

…What Sasuke was doing for him? If not for his surprise, Shikamaru would've been yelling straight back. What the hell was he doing for him- raping him? He'd heard from Kakashi and Sakura before- that Sasuke wants to please people. Shikamaru didn't believe them at all.

"What have you expected of me? Haven't I given it to you? Those first nights you waited for me in the fields- and then I came. These nights you wait for me in your room- and I come. You fear, so I frighten, you submit, so I dominate, you hide, so I search- and as much as you deny it in your own voice you beg for more. Haven't I given you enough? And what do I get from it?

"Nothing. Nothing. That's all this is. Nothing but fucking sex and sweat all pushed away and forgotten by the morning. Especially after that damn night- I waited, I waited for you to say something, do something, just fucking show me that this could be anything more- but I get nothing."

...You waited? Shikamaru echoes in his mind, shocked- You were waiting for me? Did you- yes. Yes you did. But… I was waiting for you.

"All you wanted was the sex, so fine, so I gave you that. All I did was leave you for five days… five damn days… and fuck it, Shikamaru, I came back!"

They just stay there, one on top of the other, staring. Sasuke was sweating, panting, as though exhausted- and after an eternity a smile- an actual smile- spread across his lips. "But I'm being selfish," he whispered- but his voice was cold again, harsh, unforgiving and dripping with cold-blooded malice. "I don't expect you to answer a thing. But I'll answer yours…

"…but only after I get what I need."

And Sasuke presses their lips together fiercely- Shikamaru doesn't hesitate and allows him entry instantly (he'd been craving it too, though he wouldn't say it), and it's scarcely a few moments before their clothes are lost and Shikamaru was digging his fingers into Sasuke's shoulderblades to keep himself from screaming, and even still the occasional groan found it's way to the air between them to mingle with their sweat. Shikamaru's legs were spread apart by cold, slender hands- each and every thrust hits home and somehow it's faster, harder, needier than ever before, and Shikamaru just groans and grinds and manages to beg for deeper and more. Just before pure ecstasy blinds his eyes, just before the pleasure robbed him of his mind, Shikamaru was aware enough to notice that- for the first time- Sasuke had groaned his name.

---

"Oy, Ino…"

"What is it?"

"You look sad today."

"Yeah, so?"

"Did Shikamaru dump you?"

"What- I- Chouji! Yes, but- it's not like that! I'm worried about him!."

"About Shikamaru? Why?"

"Ah, it's- nothing, Chouji. It'll turn out for the best."

---

Sasuke collapses on top of him and remained there for so long Shikamaru might've thought him dead, if not for the fact that he could feel ragged breath against his ear and a pounding heartbeat next to his own. After awhile they fidget and squirm, the same way they always do, and somehow find their way into the same awkward position, Shikamaru held within a strangely comforting embrace- only before he'd always thought those arms were empty and cold, but now, if anything, they seemed so warm.

"Kakashi," Sasuke whispers- straight into his ear, from where his head is resting comfortably in the nook of pale shoulders. "And Sakura. They had a mission. Naruto was not involved. It meant one thing.

"Akatsuki."

Shikamaru feels the grip around him tighten- but somehow he doesn't feel afraid even if the breath could have been squeezed from his lungs if Sasuke decided to entertain the slightest whim. Akatsuki. But that alone wouldn't stop the Uchiha- and that must mean… "…Itachi?"

The silence was brief, and the response so painfully deadpan that Shikamaru almost shivers in Sasuke's grasp. "I spent five days in the old compound." Another pause. "They knew where he was. What he was doing. How long he'd be there… and they were going to kill him."

The chuunin opens his mouth, but the question was caught in his throat- somehow, something in the way he could feel Sasuke's heartbeat through his chest on his back told him that it was a question was one that he shouldn't ask. Five days- he could just imagine it. For five days, Sasuke wandering the lonely ghost town of what used to be his home, listening to the whispers and echoes of past joys, past sorrows- Shikamaru can almost see the nostalgic smile on his face until his dark eyes wander to the cracks spiderwebbing their way across blood-splattered walls, when the smile vanishes into nothing but a grim determination. Instinctively Shikamaru raises his arm to grab hold of one of Sasuke's that was wrapped around his waist- he feels the Uchiha twitch ever so slightly, but there was not much point in disallowing any touch, not after everything they've done.

Shikamaru decides to move on. "When- when did you first… see me?"

It sounded like an odd question, but the chuunin isn't sure how to phrase it- he takes the comemplative noise rumbling from Sasuke's throat behind his ear to be a sign that it was understood. When did Sasuke first notice Shikamaru- was it really that night, in the dinner, or was it something before? The reply is cold and blunt and harsh- makes Shikamaru fidget slightly in his position, feeling almost trapped by pale, slender, beautiful chains, like ice-cold water sliding down his spine.

"I only noticed you once before that night," Sasuke says matter-of-factly. "When Kakashi told me of your risks. You were always the coward- to back off and cut your losses, but somehow you persesevered when it came to chasing me." His grasp tightened noticably. "I wanted to know why."

Why? Shikamaru still wasn't too sure himself… but there were many things. A sense of duty. A sense of camaraderie. But most of all… "Hope."

Sasuke continues as if the response never came. "The night itself was nothing. It was only after that I came to you, wasn't it? It was because you waited. And I wanted to know why."

This time, Shikamaru has no answers.

"This is nothing but a thing of lust," Sasuke said coldly- a reminder that felt like it was meant to crash through the glass castles of Shikamaru's imaginings. "Alll it was. All it is. All it will be."

"How… how could you leave me?"

Sasuke laughs- chuckles softly, mockingly, into his ear. He knows the question is as pathetic as it sounds- but he wanted it answered, nontheless. He digs his fingernails into Sasuke's flesh the way Sasuke's are digging into his- concentrates on nothing but the feeling and the pain and the sound of Sasuke's drawling voice. He doesn't let his mind linger on what Sasuke has said and hopes that the answer

"There's room for only one in the life of an avenger."

And this time he knows what he wants to ask for why.

"…then why did you come back?"

---

"So that's what all this is about…"

"You know, I'm surprised Ino didn't tell you, Sakura-chan. She must have had quite a lot of trouble keeping her mouth shut."

"Don't be like that, Kakashi-sensei!"

"It's true."

"Yes- but- nevermind."

"Hmm?"

"…So what do you think happened?"

"I don't know, Sakura…"

---

Shikamaru pulls himself upright as Sasuke pulls his arms away- he watched as the Uchiha pulled on his clothes, admiring the way the sweat glinted off his skin to show off the muscles rippling beneath his skin. All these answers he had… expected, to some degree. Lust. Nothing more. Never will be. But somehow they bothered him, made him upset. He pulled on his own pants, his fishnet shirt- left the question hanging ominously in the air between them, convinced that it would be something else that was never to be answered. He seats himself on the edge of the bed- puts on his all-too-familiar passive face that he uses to face the outside world, the permanent expression of apathy. Sasuke turns around- sees this- and smiles.

It is a strange sight.

"That face," Sasuke commented, pulling his shirt over his head.

"Tch. What about it?" The chuunin grumbled, glancing away in an annoyed scowl. "I use it all the time."

"For everyone else, maybe- but not for me."

He scowled again- but then he realized that it was true. In a strange way, the face that he put on to face the world- the nonchalant, bored Shikamaru that wasn't too far from the truth, except for a mind that was constantly puzzling and thinking and analyzing. But somehow with Sasuke… he had been without it. He had been is lustful, troublesome, angsty self. But that didn't mean anything- Sasuke was responsible for most of it, anyway. Bastard.

Somehow… it didn't feel like the right question to ask. Why did you come back. It was still a question he wanted answered- but somehow there was something more, some question that he couldn't lay a finger on.

"Because…"

Shikamaru looked up, his eyes widening slightly. Was… Sasuke answering the question? Tonight was full of surprises… Sasuke had always been so keen on keeping secrets, in telling everyone nothing. Why the sudden change? …Why so many why questions? Damnit. But still… none of them sounded right.

Sasuke hesitated, and turned away to face the open window- a dark silhouette, backlit by the brilliant moonlight. "You told me never to leave you like that again."

That was why he came back? Shikamaru didn't know what to make of it. At all.

"I'm not…"

But why would he listen- why would he care?... and somehow he still couldn't find the right questions or the right answers.

"This time… I'm telling you first."

A heartbeat.

Sasuke was leaving.

Why? Why was he leaving? But even then Shikamaru already knew the answer… and damn, the question still didn't sound right. He needed to ask it. He needed to know. Before Sasuke left again.

"Shikamaru… I'm leaving."

His name. Again. Sasuke had said his name.

What had Neji said? Always asking the wrong questions. Well, he knew that. Shikamaru always asked the wrong questions. Somehow all he could do as his mind was working and his heart was racing was stare impassively at the back of Sasuke's head. Sasuke just stood there, at the window, for some time.

It was a why. It was definitely a why. Why what? Why… everything. But, no, damnit, there was a question, he somehow just couldn't think of it. His fists clenched around the bedsheets, but the blank look on his face remained. Not that Sasuke could see it, anyway.

"Stay," Shikamaru found himself saying. Stupidly. Helplessly. Blurting it out in a moment of weakness.

"...No."

"…No?"

"I can't."

"Why not?" Shikamaru didn't particularly care what he sounded like at that point of time- he felt just like a spoilt child, clinging onto a dream he didn't want to lose despite that in the world of reality, there was no castle by the sea, and there was no dream. There was something caught in his throat, something he wanted to say, something he wanted to do. Something that got in the way.

"There's…" Sasuke paused. He turned around- and in a second Shikamaru found his chin lifted up by cold but gentle hands, and he closed their eyes and found moist lips against is- not anything like the kisses they've had before, not quite so hungry, not quite so desperate. But gentle. Sweet. "…There's something I must do."

The question, then, was obvious. "Itachi?"

And the answer was hesitant, and Sasuke turned to face the window again."If I don't leave tonight, I may never find him again."

Shikamaru scowled to himself- fuck. There was something he needed to say- something he needed to ask… But damnit, somehow he couldn't think of the right question to ask Sasuke- and wait. Was that the problem? …Was he somehow… asking the wrong person?

And it all made sense.

"So goodbye."

"Wait!'

It shouldn't have worked. Sasuke should have left- and Sasuke was already half out the window in an awkward position, thanks to the dark line of a shadow that connected them both. Shikamaru had leapt upright, hands formed into a seal, heart hammering his chest, blood pounding in his ears. It made sense. It finally, finally, finally made sense.

But what was he to do about it?

He felt his arm twitch a little- and he knew what it meant. "What?" Came Sasuke's voice- somewhat annoyed, somewhat amused. Sasuke was more than capable of breaking the jutsu, and the only reason why he was not already gone through the window was… because he wanted to hear whatever it was that Shikamaru had to say.

But after so long, he finally understood. The question was why but he had to answer it himself.

Why he had been so bothered by it all, why he put up with it, why he kept waiting night after night, why he tortured himself so, why… well, why everything. And the answer?

…he knew the answer. He had always known the answer. But never named it, never admitted it, never dared to say it.

"…Sasuke."

Shikamaru can feel the strain against his jutsu- can feel his limbs moving, Sasuke leaning out the window. But he knew the answers now… and whatever came after… he couldn't say.

"What is it?" Harsh and impatient. Cold. Low. As always.

"Stay."

"I said I-"

No. No, damn, you don't understand. After so long… after all this… I finally know what to say.

"-can't, I have-"

"Sasuke-"

"Shikamaru-"

"I love you."

---

but we can hope
whatever choice he made…
he won't live to regret it.

---

owari

---

IHSAFJKJFSASAJSA I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Seriously, love. I actually finished this! Hooray! Sorry I took so long, but yeah.

And yes, this was the ending I had envisioned from the start. Sequel, yes/no? Still undecided… but I thought it was a nice way to end it, even if wasn't so much of an ending.

I'm going to try a few writing challenges next, as I mentioned in the previous chapter… if you're interested, just give me a watch! Feel free to suggest anything, I love ideas and I'm running out of them anyway, even if you're just suggesting pairings. For those challenges, I might take suggestions from the reviews or something, I thought it'd be interesting. Tell me what you think?

OHMYGOD I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH.

This chapter was somehow easy to write, but I just kept on rewriting it- I wanted to get it perfect. And while I don't think I've hit perfection, I'm happy with the result, and I hope you are too.

Once again, thank you all.

- Ilkanta

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