Fate Isn't Written On Stone
tomoyohime8
Disclaimer: i don't own ccs. that should be quite clear, ne?
Eriol had once thought that one could gain the answers to every question possible. His entire life was one where everything had already been answered for him, everything already put into place, everything already planned out before he even existed. All he needed to do was to carry them out.
He'd often wondered if that was the only reason why he existed in the first place.
And now, now that all the plans have already been fulfilled, what point was there in continuing that existence?
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Tomoyo sits before the fireplace, the flames reflections flickering merrily (mockingly, she thinks) in her eyes. In her hands, she clutches sakura's latest letter.
It's been five years since she left Japan, with every intention of leaving everything and everyone else with it.
But as she puts the wedding invitation back into its envelope, she realizes that she's really never left, and that nothing has changed at all.
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He'd said to her once, eons ago it seemed, that if their feelings were the same, they'd have a happy ending.
She understood him, both sides of him, the side that was once Clow Reed, and the side that longed to be merely Hiiragizawa Eriol.
Apparently however, he hadn't understood her feelings at all, as he stares at the forlorn gold ring resting on top of today's mail.
He wonders if he'll miss her.
It's really ironic, he thinks, as the topmost letter just happened to be an invitation to the Kinomoto-Li wedding.
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Her mother picks her up personally from the airport. Daidouji Sonomi hasn't changed since Tomoyo had last seen her.
They make small talk as they're driven home. The weather, Tomoeda, Paris, and Tomoyo's upcoming summer collection.
Nothing about the wedding.
Never about the wedding.
Sonomi looks at her, and then gathers her daughter into her arms.
She understands, better than anyone.
For the first time in a very long time, Tomoyo allows herself to cry.
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Eriol gazes out from beyond the darkness of the balcony, an empty glass in hand.
The moon is out and the stars are bright tonight. So very bright.
He doesn't know what he's doing here, doesn't know why he even came. He's sitting with all these people, people he hasn't seen in more than a decade.
He offered to host the engagement party at his mansion, and he's been the perfect host since then.
He's polite of course, even friendly. But it doesn't change the fact that he doesn't know these people, that half a world has come between them.
All of a sudden, a vision in gold is beside him, offering him another glass of champagne.
"Would you mind if I join you, Hiiragizawa-san?
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Eriol hasn't changed much since she last saw him. He's grown up, yes, but the look in his eyes remains the same.
Calculating, mysterious, expressionless.
Guarded.
She wonders whom they're guarding against.
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Daidouji tomoyo, darling of the Paris fashion scene. He's heard of her sudden stardom in the world of fashion, has seen ads featuring her clothing all over London.
She's still the same, he thinks, though she's become a goddess in every way imaginable.
He wonders if she's still in love with her best friend.
He smiles, shakes his head, and offers her the place beside him.
"Do you believe in infinite worlds, Daidouji – san?"
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It is an unusual question, she thinks. She's heard of the concept before, and she has certainly seen enough magic in her lifetime to think the idea possible.
"I think that anything is possible at this point, Hiiragizawa – san."
"Ours is only one of countless dimensions, wherein we all exist, in one way or another."
"I should like to meet a Tomoyo from another world. Have you met another version of yourself?"
He doesn't answer.
There's a chain around his neck, and through the fabric of his suit, she can see the faint outline of a ring.
She blinks. She's tried her hand enough at jewelry design to recognize the pattern of an engagement ring.
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She's trying not to stare at his chest. And failing miserably, he thinks.
He's not vain enough to think that it has anything to do with his appearance.
"She left me a few months ago."
"I'm sorry."
Her eyes are veiled, closed to him entirely.
Daidouji has always been the only person he could never read.
"I … I don't know if I am. If I'm sorry. She told me that it was fun, but that it was all for the best, and that I was not the person she was destined to be with forever."
He looks at her, and then looks out again.
"I'd always thought that we were fated. Just like everything else in my life was fated. "
He doesn't know why he's telling her this, why he's spilling his innermost thoughts to a girl he barely knows.
At this point, he doesn't know anything anymore.
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Someone calls out to them – it is only then that she notices that they've been standing out here alone for the better part of an hour.
"We should be getting back." She says.
"We should."
Almost everyone is out on the dance floor. The previous song ends and another one starts.
Tomoyo turns to see Eriol hold out an hand to her.
"Would you like to dance, Daidouji – san?"
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They glide about the room, as if in a dream.
The rest of the world is lost in blur of colors, light and music.
"Do you still love her?" he asks her. Her eyes cloud over, losing their brightness.
"I don't know," she answers truthfully.
Her eyes are glassy, though he knows he's the only one who will ever see them that way.
They'd always been good at appearances, always been good at wearing masks.
It was a necessity.
Eriol wondered if it wasn't just because they were afraid.
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Tomoyo had always loved dancing, where she could close her eyes, and lose herself to the music without a second thought.
Eriol leads, twirling and dipping her, she following him fluidly as if they were both of the same mind.
She looks up, catching his gaze, but then immediately looks back down.
The intensity of his gaze terrifies her.
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It is strange, Eriol thinks, that this woman has made him completely vulnerable to her in only a single night.
He's surrendered his secrets, and now as he draws her in at the end of the song, he feels as if he's surrendering somethingelse, something he cannot identify.
He chuckles inwardly. Maybe if it wasn't too broken, she would capture his heart as well.
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It is hot, too hot, Tomoyo thinks. She goes outside into the garden.
It is cool and dark outside, and she selects a bench underneath the shadows of a willow tree.
She'd run out on him the moment the song ended, and she has been avoiding him since.
She doesn't know why he looked at her that way, and why her skin burned where he held her.
She doesn't want to know.
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The party has come to an end, and quite a few people have already gone home.
The kinomoto family had already left, thanking him for the wonderful party, and the Li's, who were staying at the manor, had already retired to their rooms.
He sees her heading towards the direction of the gardens, and he runs after her.
He's not quite ready to retire just yet.
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"Why are you avoiding me?"
He is direct. No more pretenses.
Tomoyo doesn't look up.
"Is it because of what I asked you during the dance?"
"No, it isn't."
He draws nearer and kneels down to level himself with her.
"Then tell me."
"it's nothing. I just wanted to be alone."
His grip tightens around her hand. It is almost painful.
"Don't pretend with me Daidouji. Just for once, don't pretend."
He kisses her.
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She doesn't know why he's kissing her, and she certainly doesn't know why she's kissing him back.
She knows she doesn't love him, knows she loves Sakura, and Sakura alone.
Doesn't she?
She's afraid to know the answer.
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-tbc-