Wait For You
I never felt nothing in the world like this before.
Now I'm missing you,
And I'm wishing you would come back through my door.
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know.
So now I'm all alone.
There were no words that could describe the pain that Aang felt. If he had to, he could only say that it felt like his heart – no, his whole being – had been ripped to shreds, and this depiction didn't even come close. He had never felt anything so agonizing, so excruciating in his life.
Katara had left him. There was nothing else to say, and nothing else mattered anyway. His head in his hands, he was huddled in the corner of his room, staring at the door through which she had left only moments before. He didn't know why; it just seemed like there had to be something he could do to bring her back.
Girl, you could've have stayed,
But you wouldn't give me a chance.
With you not around it's a little bit more than I can stand,
And all my tears they keep running down my face.
Why did you turn away?
Of course, she'd given him an opportunity to speak – a tribute to what they had been, he assumed – but he had stood there speechless, his mouth working silently. At the time, he had been shocked beyond words. To him, the news had come out of nowhere, slamming into him so hard, he couldn't breathe. For the first few moments, he'd stood gasping for air, half-wondering why his element had deserted him, and his hearing and sight had dimmed. His skin became numb.
Then his senses had flared, dominating his mind. Katara had kept talking, oblivious to his inability to move, speak, or think, apparently explaining her actions. His hearing returned in time for him to hear a soft "Sorry, Aang," and feeling returned to his fingers as she placed a bound scroll in his hand. Finally able to see, he stared at the parchment, then glanced back at the woman he had loved. She had smiled sadly, kissed him on the cheek, and left. And that was that. Speech returned moments later, and he had screamed his objections in agony as the tears rolled from his eyes.
So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie, what you keep inside.
This is not how you wanted to be.
She didn't come back. He screamed until his throat was raw, cried until his eyes ached, but she didn't open the door to comfort him. Was she afraid of him? Of the Avatar Spirit he possessed in the corners of his soul? It had never mattered before. In all their time together, she had always been there to hold him when he cried. The past few years hadn't changed that. As their relationship became more than platonic, Katara had always been the one to dry his tears of shame and anger. She couldn't want to be the one to cause his grief, could she?
So, baby, I will wait for you.
Cause I don't know what else I can do.
Don't tell me I ran out of time.
If it takes the rest of my life,
Baby, I will wait for you.
If you think I'm fine, it just ain't true.
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do, I'll wait for you.
No, Katara wasn't like that. Aang was sure she hadn't meant to hurt him. This was all a misunderstanding somehow, some fleeting moment that they would laugh about later. But no matter how he looked at it or what he tried to convince himself of, she wasn't coming back. He absently wondered if she was with Zuko now. Were they discussing what had just happened? Did Katara find it important enough to talk about? Or had they moved on already? Together. They would have moved on together. That was such an impossible concept to wrap his mind around.
But she did love him, he was certain; all their years together had proved as much. And she would be back. Because she loved him, and he loved her. They were meant to be, and his mind was determined to hold onto that fact. Their love was too great to just be thrown away on the slightest whim, and Katara had to realize it. She would realize it, he reassured himself. When that happened, he would be there waiting. What else could he do? His heart was too involved for him to consider any other possibility. So he would wait for her.
It's been a long time since you called me.
(How could you forget about me?)
You got me feeling crazy.
How can you walk away?
Everything stays the same.
I just can't do it, baby.
"It's good to see you, too, Katara." The words were out of his mouth in an instant, without a thought or hint of falsehood. He smiled warmly at her, all the while trying to keep his heart in check, and bowed a more formal greeting to the Fire Lady. Katara accepted the deference with a dignified nod, returned the gesture respectfully, then took a step forward. Zuko, who was standing next to her, lightly caught her arm. Aang was left to wonder if she had intended to embrace him.
It had been several months since that unspeakable day. The emotions, only a bit faded over that time, had returned with a burning fire when he had first seen her. Katara and Zuko had met him at the entrance of the palace when he'd arrived on Appa. Aang had been completely aware that his eyes never left his former lover's face, and he didn't doubt that the Fire Lord had noticed. He didn't really blame Zuko; he had been just as protective when he had still possessed Katara's love.
Recoiling from the agony of that moment, Aang busied his mind with the pleasantries of greeting royalty.
What will it take to make you come back?
Girl, I told you what it is, and it just ain't like that.
Why can't you look at me? You're still in love with me.
Don't leave me crying.
"It's been so long, Aang" Those words surprised him more than anything else. It had been her infidelity that had separated them. Did she regret it? He didn't know how to respond at first, but his face must have displayed all his shock and pain. Katara turned her head down, away from both Aang and Zuko.
"Yeah," Aang answered lamely, still recovering from the surge of emotion her sentence triggered. He wondered if her resolve was weakening and if she would come back to him soon. Because he still held hope that she would. Wishing that he could tell her exactly how he felt, he glanced at Zuko, who still hadn't said a word beyond what was socially expected. If the Fire Lord would give them a minute alone, Aang would take the opportunity to speak his mind and heart, but he didn't expect anything. So he sucked in a breath of calming oxygen, turned the conversation to a much lighter topic, and tried to hold in his tears.
Baby, why can't we just start over again,
Get it back to the way it was.
If you give me a chance, I can love you right,
But you're telling me it won't be enough.
Aang saw her walking down the hall alone and, without hesitation, pulled her into a side room. She really shouldn't have been surprised, he noted with a hint of bitterness. When they had been together, he had given her plenty of reasons to get used to his spontaneity, which she had done easily. Brushing aside the difficult thought, he held her tightly in a loving embrace. Of course, he tried his hardest to make it appear like a hug from an old friend, and she seemed to fall for it, hugging back briefly.
"It really is great to see you, Katara. I've missed you so–"
"Aang, don't." Seeing where this was going, the Fire Lady turned away. That hurt him more than he would admit, but he plowed on.
"But you know we belong together," he said desperately. "We could start all over. Go to the South Pole maybe. Sokka's there. And Toph. We could make it, Katara." He knew he was babbling like a fool, but he only managed to stop after he'd thrown his heart at her feet. Trying to wrap it all up, he finished, "You know I still love you."
When Katara finally turned to face him, the tears on her cheeks stole the breath from his lungs. But the words ripped him apart: "I know, Aang. But it's not enough. I'm with Zuko now."
So, baby, I will wait for you,
Cause I don't know what else I can do.
Don't tell me I ran out of time.
If it takes the rest of my life,
Baby, I will wait for you.
If you think I'm fine, it just ain't true.
I really need you in my life.
No matter what I have to do, I'll wait for you.
The familiar, agonizing pain seared through his chest, leaving him gasping again. Aang staggered back a step, hesitated, and then said weakly, "Katara…" But he couldn't go on. What more could he say? He'd bared his heart to her, and she'd just stomped on it. He closed his eyes to the pain.
"Aang," Katara whispered softly, laying her hand on his cheek, which he leaned into lightly. "You can't just expect me to give up my life for you. I love Zuko. We have a life together. Don't try to take it all away from me." When he didn't reply, she continued, "You'll be fine, Aang. You'll find some nice girl who'll make you happy – happier than I could make you. You'll be just fine." She didn't sound like she herself believed her soft words.
So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you're keeping inside.
That is not how you wanted to be.
None of this made sense to him. Didn't she realize that she was his life? He couldn't be happy without her. He would never be fine as long as she was happy in someone else's arms. So what could he do?
Katara sighed. An immaculate sleeve lifted to wipe her face, attempting to clear away the lingering traces of tears. Aang felt a drop escape his own eye but did nothing to hide it. Katara needed to know just how much her betrayal hurt him. He could see the lie in her shining eyes, feel the dishonesty in her words. She still loved him. She had to.
Baby, I will wait for you.
Baby, I will wait for you,
If it's the last thing I do.
Not a single word passed between them for a few moments. Their eyes pleaded with each other, begging each other to understand. But neither of them budged. Aang took a step toward his love, intent on making her comprehend how much he still loved her and how easy it was to discern the lie in her eyes. However, Katara pulled back. Her hands were held out in front of her to keep Aang back, and he made an attempt to catch them, but she drew away again. Her gaze lingered a moment on his face, then she stepped out of the room, shutting the door quietly as a warning for him not to follow.
He waited. Hours passed, and the sun was nearly hidden behind the horizon before he allowed himself to cry. She hadn't come back.
Baby I will wait for you,
Cause I don't know what else I can do.
Don't tell me I ran out of time.
If it takes the rest of my life,
Baby, I will wait for you.
If you think I'm fine, it just ain't true.
I really need you in my life.
No matter what I have to do, I'll wait for you.
Tears rolled down his face. He reluctantly used waterbending – it reminded him of her – to dry his face and eyes, but he waited a bit longer. The sun set, and the Fire Nation palace slowly descended into darkness. Still he waited. He concentrated all his energy on staying strong. His determination to hold in his pain kept him still and silent.
When he decided that he'd waited long enough, when he assumed everyone in the palace was asleep, he moved. Walking quietly, he slipped through the halls, barely able to see where he was placing his feet through the tears that refused to stay hidden any longer. Silently, he woke and saddled Appa. It took more time than ever because of the crippling pain in his chest. Somehow, he managed to drag himself onto his bison and whisper a tortured, "Home, buddy."
As Appa flew away from the palace, Aang lifted his head, allowing the cold, rushing air to soothe him a bit. Glancing behind him, he watched the capital city shrink from view.
When the Fire Nation was just a blur on the horizon, he held back a sob and murmured, "I'm still waiting, Katara."
I'll be waiting.
And here it is! If you remember all the way back to November, you may recall me mentioning a songfic that leads into Never Again. Well, it took long enough. And I don't particularly care for it, but I wanted to post something. The odd thing about this terrible piece is that I actually cried when typing it. But none of the emotion seemed to come across. I don't know what the deal is here.
As a writing exercise to build my vocabulary and imagination, I started writing some drabbles. Twenty to be exact. Since I enjoy it so much, I think I'll probably start a collection of drabbles. I don't know when I'll finish, but I just wanted to put it out there so I'll some sort of motivation. And now I sound completely full of myself. Anyway. Thanks for reading! Review if you feel like it.