Title: How To Cheat Your Fate in Eight Easy Steps

Rating: PG for one use of the f-word

Word Count: 400

Disclaimer: No Disney used here, but Kingdom Hearts 2 and Kingdom Hearts Chain of Memories is still property of Disney and Square Enix and not me. And considering that this is pretty much a clever plot rehashing, I'll just be over here trying not to explode of guilt for the copyright infringement.

How To Cheat Your Fate In Eight Easy Steps

First, you have to die. Only, when that thing slithers out of nowhere to tear your heart from your chest cavity, you cannot give up. Don't fret… too much. You should be okay! It's a little like learning to fly by throwing yourself at the ground and missing. Only harder.

Second, you must retain your soul in an augmented mostly nonexistent form. You'd better hope you still look human, or you're pretty much fucked.

Third, be inducted into a secret organization of people like you. No, you didn't know they existed until just now, but it's cool. You get a swanky coat, powers over the element of fire which so agrees with the things you remember about yourself, and a far better name with an X in it. Oh, wait, was your name not two vowels and an L? Oops.

Forth, continue merrily within this secret organization wrecking havock upon all known worlds, yes, we did say worlds, they are plural.

Fifth, meet the empty shell of a Keyblade Master who conveniently does not remember anything past his original name and watch in shock as even that escapes him. Be glad you at least have your memories.

Sixth, buy him ice cream.

Seventh, now this may seem very difficult, but please follow through here. Despite the horribly ringing hollowness that is your nonexistence, you must pull together the testicular fortitude to feel something. "Like you had a heart" is good, but "like" "desire" "love" if you're particularly daring. Grief and anger may follow, but that's not what we're aiming for here. Any emotion so long as it isn't drenched in darkness and selfishness. Think big or small, just thinktechnically impossible.

Eighth, after attempting and failing to restore the blue-eyed object of your affections to reality through various plots, subterfuge, and the machinations of a truly single-minded obsession, find him. He will have a heart and you must touch that heart.

A fair warning, following all of these steps may lead to further death and the end of even what little nonexistence you had, there may also be assorted obstacles in your way. Such as, but not limited to, your coworkers, witches with above average artistic talent, and badly dressed intellectuals with an axe to grind. However, the things you gain, in the end, will be greater than the things you lost. (Or at least of equal or greater value.)