Title: Bandannas and Spatulas
Chapter one: Ryoga is...Sweet-And-Sour-Pork?!
By Rurouni88
Disclaimer: The characters in this fic are _NOT_ mine. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi - the
author of Ranma 1/2 - except Mr. Chow-Mein - whom I've just made up for this story. So please
don't sue me~! I'm not making money with this, and I'm just a poor student person who hardly ever
gets allowance.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In the streets of Nerima, a stammering teenage boy with yellow and black bandannas stood in
front a wall - talking to himself. And drawing a huge crowd behind him.
"Akane.... I've..I've come for you! I'm so sorry for leaving you all alone to deal with that
bastard Ranma! If I only knew how to get to you without getting lost - and if only I could defeat him
- If only I had the guts to ask you this......" *Siigh,,,,,*
"A...Akane," He started to poke little holes on the wall,
"I....ah.." and tried to look serious with his face all pink with nervousness.
"AKANE!!! WILL YOU GO OUT WITH MEEEH?!?!?!," after a few minutes of murmuring to
himself and biting his nails, Ryoga Hibiki screamed at the wall, then sighed happily now that he
had said it. Every stranger walking past him had large sweatdrops on their face but Ryoga didn't
care. He was so happy, he was so proud of himself.... he always practiced and practiced that
line...And he said it so perfectly well..! After saying "I LOVE YOU AKANE" about 60 times to the
wall that day, Ryoga decided that he was ready. He was ready to find his beautiful love Akane. He
would go up to her, and ask her to marry him. And confess his secret to her.
And of course, his dear Akane would definatly say-
"Oh, my~! I...I, I don't know what to say!" - A chubby young girl next to him with ice cream
all over her face who sort of looked like Akane suddenly popped out of nowehere and ran into him.
She smiled widely and gave Ryoga a big hug with a huge unwanted kiss on his cheek.
"AAAH! GET OFAA ME!!!" Ryoga screamed in one of those cute little anime-ish way and
ran as fast as he can from the crowd and the girl with ice cream all over her face.
-few minutes later in another corner of the streets-
"Dammit!!! Why?Why?Why?Why?" Ryoga swore in the dark. Yes, that ice cream girl
wasn't Akane, but, he had wanted so much for _Akane_ to say something like that. Surely, she
would've loved to go out with him...maybe, if Ranma bothered her that much. She had gone out
with him before, once, but..uh... that turned out that Akane was sort of using him to make Ranma
jealous. Ryoga had to know. He would ask Akane if she didn't want him as more than a friend or
she actually had feelings for him, as Ryoga thought of her. So, after going through the forests of
Mt.Fuji to train - just incase Ranma got in his way, Ryoga actually managed to reach Nerima.
Well, it was after going through Tokyo, Hiroshima - and some other small villages in Hokkaido
because he got lost a few times, but that didn't matter now. He _was_ in Nerima, and Akane would
be waiting for him. He was about 90% sure that Akane loved him just as much as he loved her.
Lost in his thoughts, Ryoga started to practice the speech he had prepared for
Akane....*AGAIN***....
"Akane...Oh... If only you knew..." he clenched his jaws while the tears welled in his eyes....
" I confess, I lo-"
"HEY! STOP POKING HOLES IN MY WALL!!! YOU BETTER PAY FOR THAT!!!!" - Suddenly,
some unknown figure screamed at Ryoga, and swiftly threw some kind of weapon at him.
*swing*
*WHAP*
" *ouch!* What? I wasn't poking holes in your wall!! " Ryoga began to rub at his head
where the metal object had hit him and started to yell back at the figure in the dark who had thrown
the metal objects - then realized that he _was_ poking holes on a wall.
'Shit! Now what should I do now?' Ryoga desperately tried to think of something to do -
and fast, because the figure in the dark had started to draw another set of those metal objects to
pin him on the wall.
'Oh..noo!' Ryoga was frantic when he saw that the objects were a bunch of spatulas and
when the figure started to walk up to him......
Then....suddenly.....
*Drip*
.....
*Drop*
....
*Drip*
....
*Drop*
.....
'Eh?' ......tiny drops of water fell on his nose.
'Okay, this is a double no! I can't turn into a pig now! I have to find Akane... Akane...!'
With that, the poor boy shrank slowly to turn into a black pig.
'Damn.'
"Huh? Where did that Hole-poking-man run off to? Darn! Why do people hafta come and
poke holes through _my_ walls?! Argh.. It might've been Shampoo - trying to destroy my
restaurant...! " Ukyo frowned and picked up her mini spatulas she used to stop the
Hole-poking-person. At least, that person was gone for now, and maybe she scared that person
away so he/she won't be coming back.
'Dammit, its raining _again_!!' Ukyo swore as she tried to get all of her spatulas back.
They would rust easily now that she had been using them for a long time, and she couldn't afford
to buy any more spatulas....
'Since the business had not been going too well...' Oh, everything was terrible with
Shampoo and Akane chasing after her Ranma. Days had been dark with hatred, jealousy, and a
lot of rain. So you could say that life has been pretty tough and competitive for Ukyo Kuonji, the
owner of Ucchan's and an average 16 year old um.. cross dresser. Shampoo, one of Ukyo's
enemies has been trying to take Ranma for herself and make Ukyo's customers eat 'all too
delicious' ramen at Nekohantan. Argh... She scrunched her face as she remembered that horrible
day when Shampoo planned to take _her_ Ranma away.
~*~*~*~*~*~*Flashback
It started when she was watching a t.v. show and Nekohantan's commercial came on:
'Nihao people! The Nekohantan all too delicious Ramen price very low in summer!'
*smiles* 'Shampoo the waitress make your day too too more bright if you go to Nekohantan and
eat Shampoo ramen! Just because days too dark and gloomy with rain, no stay in home and do
nothing! Come out and enjoy Shampoo Ramen! Oh, and remember, Shampoo Ramen ALWAYS
free for Ranma! And stupid spatula girl Restaurant very nasty!!!!' *wink*
"EEEAAARRRGHGHGH!!!!!!!!!" (Ukyo screaming with a few veins popping on her
forehead)
*Swish*
*Bop*
*Crash*
And then Ukyo's poor T.V. was in pieces.
Another incident that made Ukyo mad-
It was another rainy day when Ranma jumped into her restaurant.
"Hey Ucchan! Can I have some of those-" he started to order an okonomiyaki when that evil cat
ran into the restaurant.
"Ranma! You no eat at stupid spatula girl's restaurant!! It tastless! Very Very discusting food."
Shampoo picked up an okonomiyaki from a plate and threw it to the ground while Ukyo glared at
Shampoo.
"You eat good food. Shampoo ramen better than stupid spatula girl's circle looking trash !!"
Shampoo put her arms around a blushing Ranma and whispered into his ear seductively. She
continued to hug him then kissed him on the cheek, right in front Ukyo. She was practically
mocking Ukyo in her own restaurant!!
"AAARGHHH...!!! GETT OUUUUUUUT!!!" Ukyo popped some of her veins on her forehead then
shoved the two couples out of her restaurant.
"That b*tch..!"
~*~*~*~*~*End flashback
Shampoo tried to convince Ukyo's customers to eat at Nekohantan in other ways and now, it was
like a war - a battle between Ukyo and Shampoo - since she knew that weak Akane wouldn't even
stand a chance against Shampoo and herself. With Shampoo going around and spreading rumors
about Ukyo and Ucchan's, some of her faithful customers (like Ranma) started to eat their
luncheons at Nekohanton.
*Sigh....* Ukyo was depressed. Now she couldn't find two of her spatulas. She couldn't even
_see_ in this small corner of the street with all the smelly garbage and rain. The earth was just so
damp from the rain and so...uh.....
"Bwee."
"What was that....?" Ukyo wondered out loud in a shaky voice when she heard...
something. Behind the large garbage can.
"Bweeeee........"
*Klang* *Klang*
A sweat rolled out from Ukyo's wet bangs when she heard her missing spatulas go klang. And
klang again. An unknown creature behind the smelly trash can had her spatulas!!!!!
*Glare* "Come out, whatever you are!!! Give those spatulas back, you....
weird-creature-behind-the-smelly-trash can!!!! I have these five sharp spatulas here with me and
I'm _not_ afraid to use it!!!!!"
'Well I _am_ afraid to lose them, but... I can't leave those spatulas!!!! IT'S ALL OR NOTHING!!'
Ukyo shouted and tried to think of a way to shoo the creature away. She was having a bad day,
and some creature was not going to make it worse. She won't allow it.
"Bweeeee~!!!" Ryoga- I mean, little P-chan was now in a big trouble. He was pinned
against the wall behind the trash can with all of his wet belongings besides him, including his
bandannas. They have fallen out somehow, when he got attacked by the dark figure which
happened to be Ukyo Kuonji. He was sweating like a dirty rag drenched with grimy sewer water.
"Bwee bwee, *snort* *snort*?" (Translations: Is this the end of lil' P-chan?!?!?!?!?!) He
wondered out loud. The spatulas were aimed well because P-chan couldn't even move - he was
tightly stuck to the wall. The smell of the trash can was making him dizzy and nauseous. And so
there was only one thing for him to do.
"BWEEE! BWEEE!! *Snort**Snort* BWWEEEE!!" He tried to sound like a real filthy pig to
trick Ukyo to think that he really was a pig. Not P-chan nor Ryoga, but some kind of a... pig. Maybe
Ukyo would just let him go and think that he's a stray pig. Or a pig who ran away from a restaurant.
Because he remembered that she never knew that he fell into the spring of a drowned pig. Without
his bandannas, he was nothing but a 'lil helpless black piggy.
"It sounds like.....a.... pig!" Ukyo tilted her head a little and squinted her eyes curiously as
she stepped closer to the garbage can. She could see a small black thing - a springy short tail!!
'argh...hope she won't recognize me as P-chan!!' Ryoga thought.
'Hm... Maybe it wasn't Shampoo after all....' Ukyo slowly moved towards the trash can and
peaked through the space between the trash can and her restaurant wall. There she found a...
'OOOH NOOOOOO~!!!!!' Ukyo stared at a small black pig in shock. It was...It was...
Mr. Chow-Mein's lost black pig Sweet-And-Sour-Pork. It was plump, cute, black, and in a perfect
size to serve one person. Mr. Chow-Mien (who was the owner of the Chinese fast food store next
to the Ucchan's) has been looking for Sweet-And-Sour-Pork for three days, since it ran away
because it got scared of his owner. Mr. Chow-Mein didn't intend to eat Sweet-And-Sour-Pork... he
actually cared for that black pig after his 4 sons and daughters got a job as a secret agent in
a..some kind of company called NERV.
'Poor Sweat-And-Sour-Pork....' Ukyo felt sorry for the little pig. Well, it was out in the cold
and rain for three whole days without food and a lot of water. 'He must be very tired!!' The black
pig looked terrified! The more Ukyo looked at its eyes, the more she wanted to help Mr.Chow-Mein
and his Sweet-And-Sour-Pork. But..
"Oh, no. Mr.Chow-Mein is gone for a short vacation!!" Ukyo just realized that. Yup, Mr.
Chow-Mein went back to China to spend few days with his brother in Jusenkyo. He would just
forget about all his problems for a while and relax in one of his brother's hot springs........
While Ukyo was talking to herself, P-Chan looked at her curiously. She was also wet and sticky -
looking from the rain, with her hair and cloths all stuck together and her spatulas starting to rust in
her hands.
"Bwee..." (Please help me....) He was starting to get all drowsy again, probably because
he didn't eat anything since the day before yesterday (from the training and getting lost for a few
days).
"Oh well.. I'll just take him in for now, and get him back to Mr.Chow-Mein's later." Ukyo
finally concluded her thought after 10 minutes of thinking, and gently reached her hand out to the
tired pig.
"Bwee?" P-chan looked up.
" *smiles* Sweet-And-Sour-Pork - I think you should come with me for now... Where were
you all this time anyway? Mr. Chow-Mein was _very_ worried about you, you know...- Oh I'm sorry!
*_*" Ukyo frowned after realizing that the pig stuck to her wall with her lost spatulas. She pulled
them out gently - 'ARGH! ITS ALL DIRTY AND IT'S STARTING TO RUST!! _
Chapter one: Ryoga is...Sweet-And-Sour-Pork?!
By Rurouni88
Disclaimer: The characters in this fic are _NOT_ mine. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi - the
author of Ranma 1/2 - except Mr. Chow-Mein - whom I've just made up for this story. So please
don't sue me~! I'm not making money with this, and I'm just a poor student person who hardly ever
gets allowance.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In the streets of Nerima, a stammering teenage boy with yellow and black bandannas stood in
front a wall - talking to himself. And drawing a huge crowd behind him.
"Akane.... I've..I've come for you! I'm so sorry for leaving you all alone to deal with that
bastard Ranma! If I only knew how to get to you without getting lost - and if only I could defeat him
- If only I had the guts to ask you this......" *Siigh,,,,,*
"A...Akane," He started to poke little holes on the wall,
"I....ah.." and tried to look serious with his face all pink with nervousness.
"AKANE!!! WILL YOU GO OUT WITH MEEEH?!?!?!," after a few minutes of murmuring to
himself and biting his nails, Ryoga Hibiki screamed at the wall, then sighed happily now that he
had said it. Every stranger walking past him had large sweatdrops on their face but Ryoga didn't
care. He was so happy, he was so proud of himself.... he always practiced and practiced that
line...And he said it so perfectly well..! After saying "I LOVE YOU AKANE" about 60 times to the
wall that day, Ryoga decided that he was ready. He was ready to find his beautiful love Akane. He
would go up to her, and ask her to marry him. And confess his secret to her.
And of course, his dear Akane would definatly say-
"Oh, my~! I...I, I don't know what to say!" - A chubby young girl next to him with ice cream
all over her face who sort of looked like Akane suddenly popped out of nowehere and ran into him.
She smiled widely and gave Ryoga a big hug with a huge unwanted kiss on his cheek.
"AAAH! GET OFAA ME!!!" Ryoga screamed in one of those cute little anime-ish way and
ran as fast as he can from the crowd and the girl with ice cream all over her face.
-few minutes later in another corner of the streets-
"Dammit!!! Why?Why?Why?Why?" Ryoga swore in the dark. Yes, that ice cream girl
wasn't Akane, but, he had wanted so much for _Akane_ to say something like that. Surely, she
would've loved to go out with him...maybe, if Ranma bothered her that much. She had gone out
with him before, once, but..uh... that turned out that Akane was sort of using him to make Ranma
jealous. Ryoga had to know. He would ask Akane if she didn't want him as more than a friend or
she actually had feelings for him, as Ryoga thought of her. So, after going through the forests of
Mt.Fuji to train - just incase Ranma got in his way, Ryoga actually managed to reach Nerima.
Well, it was after going through Tokyo, Hiroshima - and some other small villages in Hokkaido
because he got lost a few times, but that didn't matter now. He _was_ in Nerima, and Akane would
be waiting for him. He was about 90% sure that Akane loved him just as much as he loved her.
Lost in his thoughts, Ryoga started to practice the speech he had prepared for
Akane....*AGAIN***....
"Akane...Oh... If only you knew..." he clenched his jaws while the tears welled in his eyes....
" I confess, I lo-"
"HEY! STOP POKING HOLES IN MY WALL!!! YOU BETTER PAY FOR THAT!!!!" - Suddenly,
some unknown figure screamed at Ryoga, and swiftly threw some kind of weapon at him.
*swing*
*WHAP*
" *ouch!* What? I wasn't poking holes in your wall!! " Ryoga began to rub at his head
where the metal object had hit him and started to yell back at the figure in the dark who had thrown
the metal objects - then realized that he _was_ poking holes on a wall.
'Shit! Now what should I do now?' Ryoga desperately tried to think of something to do -
and fast, because the figure in the dark had started to draw another set of those metal objects to
pin him on the wall.
'Oh..noo!' Ryoga was frantic when he saw that the objects were a bunch of spatulas and
when the figure started to walk up to him......
Then....suddenly.....
*Drip*
.....
*Drop*
....
*Drip*
....
*Drop*
.....
'Eh?' ......tiny drops of water fell on his nose.
'Okay, this is a double no! I can't turn into a pig now! I have to find Akane... Akane...!'
With that, the poor boy shrank slowly to turn into a black pig.
'Damn.'
"Huh? Where did that Hole-poking-man run off to? Darn! Why do people hafta come and
poke holes through _my_ walls?! Argh.. It might've been Shampoo - trying to destroy my
restaurant...! " Ukyo frowned and picked up her mini spatulas she used to stop the
Hole-poking-person. At least, that person was gone for now, and maybe she scared that person
away so he/she won't be coming back.
'Dammit, its raining _again_!!' Ukyo swore as she tried to get all of her spatulas back.
They would rust easily now that she had been using them for a long time, and she couldn't afford
to buy any more spatulas....
'Since the business had not been going too well...' Oh, everything was terrible with
Shampoo and Akane chasing after her Ranma. Days had been dark with hatred, jealousy, and a
lot of rain. So you could say that life has been pretty tough and competitive for Ukyo Kuonji, the
owner of Ucchan's and an average 16 year old um.. cross dresser. Shampoo, one of Ukyo's
enemies has been trying to take Ranma for herself and make Ukyo's customers eat 'all too
delicious' ramen at Nekohantan. Argh... She scrunched her face as she remembered that horrible
day when Shampoo planned to take _her_ Ranma away.
~*~*~*~*~*~*Flashback
It started when she was watching a t.v. show and Nekohantan's commercial came on:
'Nihao people! The Nekohantan all too delicious Ramen price very low in summer!'
*smiles* 'Shampoo the waitress make your day too too more bright if you go to Nekohantan and
eat Shampoo ramen! Just because days too dark and gloomy with rain, no stay in home and do
nothing! Come out and enjoy Shampoo Ramen! Oh, and remember, Shampoo Ramen ALWAYS
free for Ranma! And stupid spatula girl Restaurant very nasty!!!!' *wink*
"EEEAAARRRGHGHGH!!!!!!!!!" (Ukyo screaming with a few veins popping on her
forehead)
*Swish*
*Bop*
*Crash*
And then Ukyo's poor T.V. was in pieces.
Another incident that made Ukyo mad-
It was another rainy day when Ranma jumped into her restaurant.
"Hey Ucchan! Can I have some of those-" he started to order an okonomiyaki when that evil cat
ran into the restaurant.
"Ranma! You no eat at stupid spatula girl's restaurant!! It tastless! Very Very discusting food."
Shampoo picked up an okonomiyaki from a plate and threw it to the ground while Ukyo glared at
Shampoo.
"You eat good food. Shampoo ramen better than stupid spatula girl's circle looking trash !!"
Shampoo put her arms around a blushing Ranma and whispered into his ear seductively. She
continued to hug him then kissed him on the cheek, right in front Ukyo. She was practically
mocking Ukyo in her own restaurant!!
"AAARGHHH...!!! GETT OUUUUUUUT!!!" Ukyo popped some of her veins on her forehead then
shoved the two couples out of her restaurant.
"That b*tch..!"
~*~*~*~*~*End flashback
Shampoo tried to convince Ukyo's customers to eat at Nekohantan in other ways and now, it was
like a war - a battle between Ukyo and Shampoo - since she knew that weak Akane wouldn't even
stand a chance against Shampoo and herself. With Shampoo going around and spreading rumors
about Ukyo and Ucchan's, some of her faithful customers (like Ranma) started to eat their
luncheons at Nekohanton.
*Sigh....* Ukyo was depressed. Now she couldn't find two of her spatulas. She couldn't even
_see_ in this small corner of the street with all the smelly garbage and rain. The earth was just so
damp from the rain and so...uh.....
"Bwee."
"What was that....?" Ukyo wondered out loud in a shaky voice when she heard...
something. Behind the large garbage can.
"Bweeeee........"
*Klang* *Klang*
A sweat rolled out from Ukyo's wet bangs when she heard her missing spatulas go klang. And
klang again. An unknown creature behind the smelly trash can had her spatulas!!!!!
*Glare* "Come out, whatever you are!!! Give those spatulas back, you....
weird-creature-behind-the-smelly-trash can!!!! I have these five sharp spatulas here with me and
I'm _not_ afraid to use it!!!!!"
'Well I _am_ afraid to lose them, but... I can't leave those spatulas!!!! IT'S ALL OR NOTHING!!'
Ukyo shouted and tried to think of a way to shoo the creature away. She was having a bad day,
and some creature was not going to make it worse. She won't allow it.
"Bweeeee~!!!" Ryoga- I mean, little P-chan was now in a big trouble. He was pinned
against the wall behind the trash can with all of his wet belongings besides him, including his
bandannas. They have fallen out somehow, when he got attacked by the dark figure which
happened to be Ukyo Kuonji. He was sweating like a dirty rag drenched with grimy sewer water.
"Bwee bwee, *snort* *snort*?" (Translations: Is this the end of lil' P-chan?!?!?!?!?!) He
wondered out loud. The spatulas were aimed well because P-chan couldn't even move - he was
tightly stuck to the wall. The smell of the trash can was making him dizzy and nauseous. And so
there was only one thing for him to do.
"BWEEE! BWEEE!! *Snort**Snort* BWWEEEE!!" He tried to sound like a real filthy pig to
trick Ukyo to think that he really was a pig. Not P-chan nor Ryoga, but some kind of a... pig. Maybe
Ukyo would just let him go and think that he's a stray pig. Or a pig who ran away from a restaurant.
Because he remembered that she never knew that he fell into the spring of a drowned pig. Without
his bandannas, he was nothing but a 'lil helpless black piggy.
"It sounds like.....a.... pig!" Ukyo tilted her head a little and squinted her eyes curiously as
she stepped closer to the garbage can. She could see a small black thing - a springy short tail!!
'argh...hope she won't recognize me as P-chan!!' Ryoga thought.
'Hm... Maybe it wasn't Shampoo after all....' Ukyo slowly moved towards the trash can and
peaked through the space between the trash can and her restaurant wall. There she found a...
'OOOH NOOOOOO~!!!!!' Ukyo stared at a small black pig in shock. It was...It was...
Mr. Chow-Mein's lost black pig Sweet-And-Sour-Pork. It was plump, cute, black, and in a perfect
size to serve one person. Mr. Chow-Mien (who was the owner of the Chinese fast food store next
to the Ucchan's) has been looking for Sweet-And-Sour-Pork for three days, since it ran away
because it got scared of his owner. Mr. Chow-Mein didn't intend to eat Sweet-And-Sour-Pork... he
actually cared for that black pig after his 4 sons and daughters got a job as a secret agent in
a..some kind of company called NERV.
'Poor Sweat-And-Sour-Pork....' Ukyo felt sorry for the little pig. Well, it was out in the cold
and rain for three whole days without food and a lot of water. 'He must be very tired!!' The black
pig looked terrified! The more Ukyo looked at its eyes, the more she wanted to help Mr.Chow-Mein
and his Sweet-And-Sour-Pork. But..
"Oh, no. Mr.Chow-Mein is gone for a short vacation!!" Ukyo just realized that. Yup, Mr.
Chow-Mein went back to China to spend few days with his brother in Jusenkyo. He would just
forget about all his problems for a while and relax in one of his brother's hot springs........
While Ukyo was talking to herself, P-Chan looked at her curiously. She was also wet and sticky -
looking from the rain, with her hair and cloths all stuck together and her spatulas starting to rust in
her hands.
"Bwee..." (Please help me....) He was starting to get all drowsy again, probably because
he didn't eat anything since the day before yesterday (from the training and getting lost for a few
days).
"Oh well.. I'll just take him in for now, and get him back to Mr.Chow-Mein's later." Ukyo
finally concluded her thought after 10 minutes of thinking, and gently reached her hand out to the
tired pig.
"Bwee?" P-chan looked up.
" *smiles* Sweet-And-Sour-Pork - I think you should come with me for now... Where were
you all this time anyway? Mr. Chow-Mein was _very_ worried about you, you know...- Oh I'm sorry!
*_*" Ukyo frowned after realizing that the pig stuck to her wall with her lost spatulas. She pulled
them out gently - 'ARGH! ITS ALL DIRTY AND IT'S STARTING TO RUST!! _