Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything
This is my first fanfiction (although not my first piece of writing, so hopefully it won't completely bomb.) Ratings would be lovely :)
Anyway, this portion is written from Jacob Black's point of view, and picks up at the almost immediate end of Eclipse.
Enjoy!
Bella. Bella. Bella.
Her name echoed in my mind, over and over like a broken record. Even when I tried to block it out, my footsteps screamed the word. Bella, I want you. Bella, I need you. Bella, I love you.
Bella.
But when I tried to repress her name, the pain was overwhelming. In the short months we had been together, she had been my life. She still was my life... My soul mate, my love. On top the staggering loss of losing her was losing the life we should have had together. And, as if any more was needed, soon she would be one of them. Soon, she would be the very thing that forced this curse on me and my family, the bane of my existence. This knowledge, this loss had a more demolishing effect on me than I would have thought possible. Every step sent violent, aching tremors through my bones; every breath filled my lungs with water. I ran hard, fighting to escape.
More than once, I stopped my aimless bounding to curl up in a ball and, whining miserably like the coward I was, let the pain overtake me. Eventually I would stagger to my feet and continue. Running, I could handle it. In the form of the wolf, it was easier to pretend 'Bella' was simply a sound that meant nothing to me, had no meaning. My failure at this was almost embarrassing, but it was better than nothing.
As I was running, time and distance were immeasurable. Scenery changed and I paid it little attention. I steered clear of any sort of civilization; human contact was something I couldn't handle at the moment. I focused on running, on the exhilarating speed, of the drumming sound of my paws on dirt.
Instead of thinking of Bella – or trying not to think of her, which was almost as bad – I pushed myself to think of other things.
I knew I would have to go back eventually. At first, I had no intention of going home, but I couldn't deny it. My father needed me, the pack needed me. I had a life at La Push, ties that were not so easily broken. And, after all, was I such a coward that I would allow Bella – I cringed at thinking her name – and the bloodsucker push me from my home?
I hoped not.
I knew it wouldn't be long before the voices in my head started up again. Sam couldn't keep the boys from shifting forever. Could I admit to them how much pain I had allowed Bella and her leech to cause me?
Bella…
Eventually, all my thoughts turned back to her. Nothing could keep the torment at bay for long. I realized that I now understood how Bella had felt when her leech abandoned her… How ironic.
My thoughts became incoherent as I continued, running until I was shaking with exhaustion. I occasionally slipped into a blissful unawareness and, for short time, was able to forget everything. But then I would be startled back to reality and the devastation I felt was crippling.
Time passed with this strange routine. Days came and went with blurred speed and I continued my senseless journey to nowhere. I was utterly alone, and at times I was almost able to forget Jacob Black. I wanted nothing but isolation and silence.
But eventually, another awareness melted in with mine. Someone from the pack had taken the wolf form, like me; I could tell it was Sam. Without having to communicate, I saw that he was outside La Push. He was concerned about me, as were my family and friends back at the reservation.
Come home, Jacob, Sam whispered gently in my head.
A growl escaped my throat. The silence was ruined. I ran harder, faster, giving a last effort escape. Returning to La Push was last thing I wanted to do.
Despite myself, I recognized that running away would do me no good. The ceaseless aching… That was something that would travel with me, no matter how far I ran. I couldn't escape, and continuing on this way… Well, there was no hope of getting over Bella out here, where she was the only thing on my mind. I wrestled with myself internally, loathe to give up the freedom, the feeling that I could somehow get away.
I'm coming, I told him reluctantly.
I gave the equivalent of a sigh. I would never really be ready to return; now was as good a time as any. Sam's presence in my mind faded.
With a heavy heart, I turned started running in the opposite direction of which I had come. Home again.