Title: Secret Santa
Author: Nat-chan
Disclaimer: Coming out of retirement to write this is insanity—I mean disclaimer—is enough! ;-)
It can be said that Darien Shields had no Christmas spirit. Of any kind.
In answer to this the universe vested his closest friend Andrew, with twice the normal dosage.
This inevitably led to the following.
"WHAT? NO! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! I REFUSE!"
This deluge was shrieked at astronomical decimals by one Serena Tsukino after drawing her Secret Santa in the arcade.
Andrew's face remained remarkably unalarmed. It can be said there was a little of the nick in his smile. St. Nick or the Nick, you decide.
"THIS IS WORSE THAN GETTING AMY!" Serena wailed.
Amy stiffened, having drawn Serena as her Secret Santa and crossed off the rare comic book she had been planning to pick her up. A math textbook was now the plan.
Lita, Rei and Mina looked very annoyed indeed. Exactly which one of them was considered worse to buy for than Amy?
"Who did you draw Meatballbrains?" demanded Rei, "And you'd better not say me!"
"It's Secret Santa," Andrew reminded them cheerfully.
"DARIEN SHIELDS!!!!" Serena shouted, completely ignoring Andrew and his hideous cheer, "You didn't tell me he would be in the basket! I never would have agreed! Never!"
Rei looked ready to laugh but a cautionary glance from Lita forced her to muffle it in her sleeve.
"Don't worry Serena," Andrew reassured her, his eyes making happy upside down "U's" on his face, "I'm sure I can help you out in figuring out what he likes."
"LIKES?" Serena hollered, "That….that fungus doesn't like anything! He is anti-Christmas! He is SCROOGE!!!!!"
"Well he likes making fun of you!" Rei teased, abandoning caution, reason….safety, "You could just dress up like spaghetti and meatballs! I'm sure that would totally make his Christmas!"
Serena turned with daggers in her eyes, huffing like a dragon and even Rei quailed enough to back up a few steps. Then she turned back to Andrew and thrust the offending paper at him, "HERE! TAKE IT! I DEMAND A DIFFERENT ONE!"
"Sorry Serena, no can do! They're all gone!" lied Andrew.
"But…..I was sure I felt lots in there!"
Andrew hastily turned the basket over behind the counter and held it up empty, "See? All gone! The girls picked the rest."
Serena looked crushed.
Andrew wrote out something on a piece of paper, "Here's his email address and his facebook account is Darien Shields. I'm sure you can figure something out!"
Andrew's cheer had magical properties, as everyone well knew. Serena looked appropriately downcast, but she took the paper and left the arcade, muttering darkly to herself.
Once she was out the door Amy turned to the other girls with a disgusted look, "Anyone want to trade me? I definitely don't want Serena as my Secret Santa now!"
Rei frowned. Lita frowned. Mina frowned.
"What do you mean you got Serena? I got Serena!"
"So did I!"
"Me too!"
They turned from their papers to Andrew who was still smiling. Having collected all the papers from the floor he triumphantly held up the basket, "Of course you did. Every paper in here says Serena!"
Amy was looking at him like he had three heads, "Then how did Serena draw Darien?"
Andrew smiled on, unfazed, "Oh, hers came from this basket!"
A second, identical basket appeared.
A moment of silence followed.
"Uh, is there a bigger picture we're missing here Andrew?" asked Rei.
"Of course there is!" he happily replied, "You see, it came to me as I was putting the finishing touches on my handmade Christmas Ornaments! The glasswork is very delicate and the high efficiency cement I use is equally tricky—"
(It was at this moment all four girls realized just how into Christmas Andrew really was).
"—Anyway, to make a long story short, a few small pieces escaped my grasp, they happened to be tiny yellow circles, and attached themselves to one of my angels, in just the same spot Serena's meatballs are and I thought to myself, I suppose that hairstyle does look a bit like meatballs but Darien really takes it too far. He really seems to enjoy teasing her though, just to get a reaction—Then it hit me! It was all so clear! Darien is in love with Serena!"
The silence ripe with disbelief that followed seemed to miss Andrew's victorious aura altogether.
"Don't you see? He teases her because he likes her! He likes her! It all makes sense!"
Even Mina, a certified romantic, looked skeptical, "Andrew! Those two are like that old expression, a man without a woman is like a fish without an icicle."
"Don't you meanbicycle Mina?" scoffed Rei.
"But that doesn't make any sense!" replied Mina.
Amy was unable to fathom a way icicle did either and simply gave up.
"Back to the bigger picture girls!" Andrew piped in, "Here's the thing: Darien wouldn't know how to communicate feelings of like anymore then he knows what Christmas spirit is all about!"
Rei sat down and propped her chin on her hand, resigned to hearing this insanity to its end. The other girls followed suit.
"And why exactly doesn't he have Christmas spirit?" Rei quipped wearily adding, "You'd better get us hot chocolates for this."
Andrew happily obliged and over steaming mugs confided, "Darien grew up on his own really. He lost his parents when he was six and can't remember them because of the accident. He lived in an orphanage until he came by his inheritance in his teens, then he got his own place and started working while he was in school. He has no other family either."
The girls were properly horrified, "That's terrible!" Mina gasped.
Lita sat up straight, "I understand about making it on your own!" she said firmly, "And I know what kinds of things really helped me—maybe they'd help him too!"
"Good, good," replied Andrew, "Because you girls are an intricate part of my master plan! I need you to help Darien learn about Christmas spirit and encourage him to get Serena what he really wants to get her for Christmas."
The girls looked really interested now but at that precise moment the afore-mentioned Scrooge-tastic one entered the arcade.
In a heartbeat Andrew had the baskets under the counter and hissed, "Play along!" before immediately greeting Darien, "Hey Dare! How're the exams going?"
Darien looked remarkably relaxed, "Last one was today Andrew! All done!"
He sat down at the counter beside the girls, thumping down his book bag and revealing a heavy looking physics textbook and some alarmingly tidy notes, colour-coded and indexed to a degree that Amy found highly impressive. She made a mental note to ask him about his system when she got the chance.
"Congratulations buddy! You've come to the right place to celebrate!"
Moments later a truly frothy looking iced coffee appeared before Darien and he gave it a very appreciative look. He took a heady sip, unsuspecting and as it traveled deliciously down his throat Andrew pulled out a basket with one piece of paper left in it.
"The girls and I pooled into a Secret Santa gift exchange. Would you like to join in?"
"Secret Santa?" he replied.
The coffee was delicious. Andrew's powerful cheer was working overtime. Darien looked to the girls and mentally noted that he knew enough about each to pick up something with relative ease.
"Sure, why not?"
Andrew masked his glee and calmly held out the basket, "Shut your eyes and draw!" he cheerfully commanded.
Darien humoured him and obeyed. The basket disappeared and Darien unfolded the paper. A strange look came over his face, and then he burst out laughing.
"Fantastic! Andrew, you didn't tell me the Meatballhead was in on this! This'll be easy! I'll get her some spaghetti! Ha ha ha!"
Andrew frowned, "Dare, Secret Santa is about choosing a gift you know the other person will like!"
"She loves food! What's the problem?"
Rei shook her head. Andrew trudged valiantly on, "Sorry bud, but Secret Santa has rules you know!"
"Rules?" Scoffed Darien, "What rules? It's not like there's a handbook!"
"Au contraire," Andrew chimed and produced a festively coloured tome, "There is."
Darien frowned, "You've got to be kidding me! Is that thing even legally binding?"
Andrew's smile was back in place, "As a matter of face it is, now that you've drawn a name. You are not allowed to purchase a secret santa gift that in anyway defames, mocks or marginalizes the person you have drawn. Section 10, subparagraph 9."
"Let me see that," Darien said beginning to sound rather grouchy.
He read for several long minutes, flipped to the front to see who published such a book and then seemed resigned to his fate.
"Great," he informed Andrew, "Just great! The last thing I want to do is try to pick out some girly gift for the shrieking meatball!"
He stood up and grabbed his bag, "This is the last one of your schemes I fall for Andrew!" he proclaimed.
On his way out he shot a desperate look to the girls, "Why couldn't I have drawn Amy? Her I could buy for easy!"
After Darien was gone Amy looked rather regretful, "I might have had advanced university textbooks for Christmas!" she moaned.
Andrew looked properly affronted, "Amy! Are you saying you would trade your friend's happiness for text books?"
Amy looked away but muttered, "Maybe for a Heisenberg Organic Chemistry Advanced Theory textbook….."
Andrew ignored her and said dramatically, "Girls, you have your work cut out for you."
Lita looked down, palming her forehead. Mina shut her eyes.
"Andrew, are you delusional?" Rei barked, "Those two hate each other!"
"There's a fine line…" Andrew quoted and pulled out a small black object.
It was Darien's wallet.
Everyone's eyebrows went up.
"I knew you would need evidence and it's really easy to get him to forget his wallet. He does it all the time."
That said he opened the wallet and took out a rather yellowed, deeply creased photo which he unfolded. It was all of them at the arcade.
"Isn't that from last spring?" Lita asked.
"Yup," Andrew replied, "I gave him a copy."
That said he folded it back up exactly as it had been. It folded up until it was just Serena in the photo.
A moment of silence followed. This time it was ripe with belief, even though the first thing someone said was, "I don't believe it!"