DISCLAIMER: Don't own ninjas. Don't own company I'm making a parody of.
So I came up with the idea of making a one-shot so short, it was exactly one page long. The problem was thinking of a suitable plot that could be contained in such a brief exchange. The solution?
Make a parody of a thirty second commercial!
Propped up against a nearby tree, the mortally wounded Jounin slid his thumb over to 'redial' as his three apprentice Chuunin each cast him an encouraging smile. A thin tendril of smoke wafted upward as a feminine voice answered the call.
-"Konoha regional emergency help desk. Please state the nature of your emergency."-
The older man smiled knowingly while directing a wink at the teenagers by his side.
"Hey, yeah, its Sarutobi Asuma again. This time I'm calling you on my new Comcast Digital Voice Home Phone Service ©."
A pained sigh came from the other end.
-"I'm sorry sir, but there's just no way to heal such a devastating injury."-
A set of eyes rolled lazily beneath a Konaha headband.
"Yeah, I know what you said before, but I was talking on my old phone service."
-"I...I fail to see the relevancy of such a change, Mr. Sarutobi."-
The Jounin flicked a bit of ash from the end of his cigarette as a wry smile pulled at his lips.
"Now I'm talking to you on my new Comcast service."
A lengthy bout of silence dominated the space next to his ear. Ino and Shikamaru took on a mutual toothy grin. Chouji gave his sensei a heartfelt thumbs up.
-"Sir, do you still have a gaping metaphysical hole in your chest caused by a deranged psychopath and his voodoo-like jutsu?"-
Asuma casually glanced down at the lethal display of chakra-induced carnage seeping through his flak jacket.
"Ah...yes ma'am."
A pause.
-"I'm sorry sir, but you're going to die. Horribly."-
Asuma offered a nervous chuckle.
"Heh heh...heh...sorry?...I have Comcast Digital Voice..."
-"Only for about another thirty seconds, sir."- 'CLICK'
Your calls won't change.
They'll just suck a whole lot more.
Poor Asuma. XD
I hope you can forgive me for writing and submitting something so short, but it would just sound terrible if I extended it any further than that. Thanks for reading! Hope it at least made you smile a bit. : )
'Sorry Rodger, you Tiger now!' (I love that line so much)