A/N: Hello there. All of those few who have me alerted, you must've been desperately waiting for me to update a certain Naruto/Anko-fic (which I won't) or present a new Kyo/Yuki-fic (which I don't have), and after a month's absence, I return and give you... this. :D You must all love me now. So, um, this is my first try at the South Park fandom as well as with these characters, so I'm actually just testing the waters with this fic. Comments about the behaviour of characters will be appreciated, as well as grammatical corrections, since English isn't my native language. I know this fic is clichéd and lame and so on, but I just wanted to make something waffy for Christmas. ... I guess I have nothing left to say. Hooray for Stan/Kyle, perhaps?
Pairings: Stan/Kyle, mentioned Cartman/Wendy and Kenny/Bebe
Disclaimer: South Park is not mine, unfortunately. Or wait, maybe that's a good thing it isn't? Yup. It's a good thing it isn't.
Seven Times
by eishi (2007)
Dedicated to a certain friend of mine who introduced me to South Park. You know who you are.
I
The first time they kiss it's awkward and hesitant and a little bit scary. They're both only eight, curiosity being their only reason to do something they usually both consider being too grown-up kind of thing to them. The Terrance and Phillip Show is on and the high-pitched voices fill the painful silence between them as they try to figure out how to put their lips together without showing their anxiety – both knowing at the same time how nervous they are. The light of the TV illuminates bright colours on the blank walls and they both shift their gazes to watch the shadows instead of each other's eyes, but finally the other one gives in and closes his eyes. Neither of them has done it before, so their noses bump and their teeth clash and saliva drips from the corners of their mouths, but they both fulfil their curiosity somewhat to move on.
Kyle is the first one to back off, and he only does it because he hears a car door slamming and thinks his parents are back and panics. His friend Stan has to grab the other's collar and keep him still to persuade the other that they are still safe and no one will ever know how "stupidly gay" they went for a minute. They glance at each other and form a mutual agreement – without saying a word – that this experiment is something they will never, ever mention to anyone – not even to each other. Never ever, they conclude.
II
The second time they kiss it's rushed and painful and they both wish to forget it as soon as they can. They are now fifteen and celebrating their last day of junior high and entering high school, and also drinking alcohol more than they should for the first time. All four of their little gang – Cartman, Kenny, and Stan and Kyle themselves – sit in a comfortable sofa and laugh as their other friends are "so drunk they can't even find the bathroom's door knob", as Kenny remarks and bursts into a drunken laughter again. The house is full of teens and the smell of smoke and puke and something undefined fills the air. They have already forgotten whose house are they in and who invited them and their whole class to the party, but they don't care at this point, because they are having too much fun. When Cartman offers Kenny five dollars for kissing "the stupid Jew-tard" just for the fun of it, they just laugh harder. Kenny snatches the money from Cartman's chubby hand and smashes his head against Kyle's, and their lips don't even meet, but just the sight of Kenny invading the Jew boy's personal space is enough to make Cartman crack up and fall over the sofa, and that's all Kenny needs to keep his easily earned five dollars.
This is when Kyle speaks up, alcohol blurring his senses and making him only amused by this new stunt Cartman tried to pull, and says that if he was to kiss a guy, he'd rather kiss Stan than Kenny. Stan doesn't need any more encouragement, and they tilt their heads and jerk forward at the same time, and clash their foreheads rather dramatically. Kenny and Cartman roll on the floor laughing, but the two don't even hear as they focus on the warmth and the wetness and the strange tingling sensation that fills them both, even if they don't know it. Someone smacks Stan on the back and makes him bite Kyle's lower lip by accident, and when blood starts to drip from Kyle's mouth, they stop and swallow the metallic flavour. They look at each other, then glance at the laughing pair at the same time and then share a look again. Stan mutters silently: "I'm not sure will I remember this by morning."
Kyle takes the hint at once, and mutters back: "Me neither." They nod at each other and proceed to continue drinking their beers. Cartman and Kenny are still rolling on the floor and laughing, but by now they both have already forgotten why they were laughing in the first place.
III
The third time they kiss it's peaceful and dull and so minimalist that they both are left to wonder did it ever happen. They watch how the sun rises to the only summer day of South Park, and they are both tired because they have been awake the whole night, talking about nothing and at the same time everything. The snow has almost melted away and little green spots are everywhere, making the hill look almost comical as the colour alternates between white and green and resembles the form of a fishnet. Neither of them laughs, however, since they have now sat on the top of the very same hill for several hours, and they have run out of energy to burst out laughing for incoherent reasons – something they usually tend to do all the time when they spend time together. Stan plays with his keys as he has nothing else to do, and Kyle just sits and watches the first pink and orange rays that start slowly spreading in the horizon. The communication between them consists of Stan speaking now and then and Kyle retorting with something incomprehensible, because Kyle has been too tired to talk for two hours now.
"I think I'll break up with Wendy," Stan says for the fifth time. Kyle still says nothing, and Stan throws his keys into the air and catches them easily. "Seriously, I think I should break up with her… She's becoming too clingy. Yesterday she called to me, like, one hundred and fifty-one times."
Kyle lets out a mysterious 'aah' sound, which has been his way to inform Stan that he's listening for the whole night. Stan throws his keys and catches them again.
"I think I really should break up with her," he says again. "I really should."
"Aah."
Stan throws his keys again, but fails to catch them this time. They fall on the grass and clink, and the sound makes them both wince. Stan doesn't pick them up.
"Do you think I should break up with her?"
"Uh-huh."
Stan narrows his eyes and the shine of his keys looks suddenly very funny, but he doesn't laugh, because Kyle wouldn't be laughing with him.
"She's too jealous. I mean, Bebe was only asking for my chemistry notes after one lesson and she goes on a rampage… Besides, isn't Bebe her best friend?" He snorts and steals a glance at Kyle and then murmurs: "She should be able to trust her best friend."
Kyle doesn't say anything, and Stan sighs. "I think I should break up with her."
"Aah," Kyle says after a while. Stan smirks – at least Kyle has the decency to pretend that he's listening, unlike Kenny, who usually bluntly says that he doesn't give a damn about Stan's problems with Wendy. Or worse, Cartman, who announces his indifference even harsher; Stan has once made the mistake to trust Cartman with his indecisiveness, and Cartman's cruel answer still prevents him from speaking anything nice to the fat boy again – "I don't give a flying fuck about your bitchy girlfriend, or about you, you pussy".
They sit in a silence, and Stan finally collects his keys from the ground. When Kyle speaks up, Stan is startled.
"I think you really should break up with her," Kyle says in a bored tone, like he has been repeating the same thing all along. "And by breaking up I mean for once and for all. You two are only dating because you haven't yet met anyone better. I think you know that by now, Stan, and I think that Wendy does, too."
Stan is confused, but when Kyle looks directly into his eyes, he notices how serious his friend is. Kyle's statement is very true, and he has known it all along, but has only waited for someone else – namely Kyle – to say it aloud.
"You think?" he vaguely replies, but nods at the same time. Kyle doesn't smile; he just stares at Stan, then lifts his eyes to look at the sunrise, and then Stan does so too. He only now sees how beautiful the horizon has become in the few minutes he has spent talking nonsense and playing with his keys, and this thought lights up his face a bit more. He turns his look back to his friend, and Kyle turns his eyes back to Stan exactly the same time, and they just stare at each other, caught up in the serenity of the moment. They don't even notice how they start to near each other, and when they are so close that their lips finally touch, neither one breaks the contact. They simply stare at the vastness of the other's eyes and linger on the tender touch, and when they part, they hardly even think what just happened and why. The contact of their lips doesn't seem weird to them, and they both realise that. That is the reason why they get up and go home without saying a word to each other.
The lack of fury, confusion, nervousness, embarrassment – in fact, the lack of feeling anything in particular – catches them both by surprise and they are both left to wonder why aren't they more upset about what happened. They both repeat the same questions: why doesn't it feel weird, why am I not angry with him, why have I the feeling that it's only natural, why do I feel that I don't need to explain myself to him? Most of all, they both wonder did anything out of ordinary even happen and should they even discuss it. And both conclude on their own that nothing happened and greet each other like any other day at school the next day.
IV
The fourth time they kiss it's harsh and bruised and holds anger, confusion and all the other negative feelings they avoided the last time their lips neared. Three months has passed since the Kiss On The Hill -incident, as they later on name it, and they are now in their last year of high school. They have not seen much of each other in the summer holiday (or rather "mid-year winter holiday", as that period of time should be called in reality) and on those rare events when they have, usually Kenny and Cartman were there too. Even if they both have told been telling themselves that that strange lip-touching event on the hill that only summer day means nothing, the moment they see each other alone again their decisions waver and carefully built walls crumble. They have both had three months to think over the exact definition of their friendship, and in both cases the feelings have bloomed into something they aren't yet ready to admit.
It is Stan who greets first and gathers the courage to look into Kyle's eyes. Kyle greets him too, but drops his gaze right away to the ground and clutches his books like they were his last barricades. Painful silence fills the air, and Stan panics and blurts out:
"So, how have you been?"
"Fine," Kyle snaps, trying to prevent his voice from trembling and ending up at shouting to his best friend. Then he realises that Stan is no longer his best friend and will never be again, and there are only two options left. Stan scratches his neck and tries to continue the awkward conversation by commenting something about their lessons. Kyle mutters his answer, and then silence falls over them again and makes them both feel ridiculously angry.
"Well… see you around," Stan says and turns around as an attempt to run away from everything – Kyle, the odd knot in his stomach and the odder spinning of his head. He manages to take three steps before Kyle grabs him by shoulder and slams him against the wall. Suddenly they are both so angry at each other that Kyle drops his books and Stan tries to hit Kyle in the face, but fails at it.
"Don't you dare run away from me!"
"I wasn't running away from you!"
"Then what the fuck was that just now? Seemed like escaping to me!"
"Get off me!"
They are both shouting and Stan tries to struggle away from Kyle's grip, but they don't even remember the outside world and what this might look like in the eyes of other people. Fortunately the hall is empty, because the lessons have already started and they are now both late. Stan tries to kick Kyle, but Kyle blocks the blow and tightens his grip of Stan's wrists. Their eyes meet for a fleeting second, and the next thing they know is that they're kissing and holding each other so hungrily that it hurts.
When the frustration and the anger has calmed down a bit and breathing becomes a necessity again, they part and pant air, messily tangled and not being able to look away. With the first breath Kyle manages, he puffs:
"You're not going anywhere."
Stan smiles a bit, and suddenly it all makes sense and he feels no need to let go of the other boy's hair. "I'm not."
V
The fifth, sixth, seventh and all times they kiss blur together after that, since they are now forming a stable relationship and aren't afraid to show their affections. They learn much more about each other as they slowly and steadily cross the borders between best friends and lovers, but it all takes time and enormous amounts of patience, both faked and real. They fight because the other one wants to study for the upcoming test and the other wants to spend the evening watching TV, and they struggle to find the balance between jealousy and obsessiveness; but afterwards, when they lay in the couch and watch TV and pretend to be interested about protecting whales in order to fool Kyle's parents, they can finally smile at each other and think that it is all worth it.
"Wendy called me yesterday again," Stan says absentmindedly and continues to play with Kyle's brightly red locks. Kyle changes the channel and makes the dark room shine for a moment as the crystal clear picture of the ocean emits light. Stan smiles and laughs.
"Apparently she wants me back."
"What did you tell her?"
"What? The usual. 'Meet me at lunch break, we'll talk and it's all good again.'"
Kyle freezes for a moment and the remote controller almost drops from his hand, but his loosed grip changes suddenly to a very tight one.
"That's not funny, Stan."
"I'm not joking, dude. How do you expect us to fool everyone to believe we're still nothing but best friends if I'm not taking Wendy back?"
Kyle turns his head to Stan, and when he sees the wide grin Stan isn't able to hold back, he bursts out laughing.
"Jerk!" He grabs a pillow and hits Stan in the head, and Stan laughs as well.
When Stan indeed does not take Wendy back, the school fills with rumours in seconds and everyone is left to wonder who could be this mysterious new girlfriend Stan keeps talking about. Kyle and Stan just snicker together every time they overhear someone forming a theory about Stan's new girlfriend, and they even confuse the school more by starting rumours themselves; For some time, Stan is heard dating Bebe (even though she's dating Token at the same time), the other week he is apparently been seen at the coffeehouse with some anonymous black-haired girl who isn't Wendy, and finally he is said to be with Kenny now. Kenny finds this highly amusing for some reason, and makes the rumours even worse by jokingly flirting with Stan every time Kyle isn't present.
Stan is even rumoured to have an affair with Cartman's mother – to Stan's horror, the audience thinks that it might be fairly possible – but the talking stops when Cartman threatens to slaughter each and every one who dares to suggest anything so twisted about his mother. (To which Kenny smirks and says that Cartman has still to overcome some childhood traumas in order to grow up to be a good adult, but unfortunately it might be a bit late for that. As revenge Cartman kills Kenny by shoving him under the school bus. The bastard.)
They still manage to keep their relationship as a secret – even from their friends, though Kyle can't help but suspect that Kenny has figured it out, since he is nowadays telling more gay jokes than in last three years put together – and form an equal trust to each other, even if Kyle from time to time gets overly jealous because of Wendy and her sighing every time she's in the same room as Stan, and even if Stan from time to time loses his temper because he feels that to Kyle, his philosophy books are more important than his boyfriend.
"Wendy called me again," Stan says once again when they are doing their homework at Kyle's room.
"Uh-huh," Kyle replies, not looking up from his philosophy book, and when Stan receives no other answer, he smiles very tenderly.
VI
The first time they kiss in public is at the prom – the last night before they all must start to pretend to be adults and carry on their own lives – and it's nervous and brings neither of them any pleasure. They have both got dates, but it's all planned out very carefully: Kyle's date is Stan's sister Shelly, and Stan is taking Kenny's sister. The both females are very observant and have been aware of the situation for some time now, even if Kyle and Stan haven't even hinted at it.
Kenny is taking Bebe to the prom, and even if they are very handsome pair with their perfect blond locks and beautiful facial features and elegantly matching outfits, no one pays attention to them. Even the long-time rumoured but very peculiar romance between Eric Cartman and Wendy Testaburger receives no attention – a very fatal mistake, as the entire school has later on to learn. Instead, everyone is staring at the group of four consisting of Stan and Kyle and their dates, because it somehow looks like the boys' dates are merely decorations and in fact they are the ones going together. The girls seem to have no trouble with this; actually, they are sharing very knowing looks and prefer dancing with other people than their dates.
As the evening wears on the whispers and rumours and glances fill the dance hall, until no one is able to pass the tension in the room. Kyle and Stan notice this as well, and they shyly share a look. Finally deciding to come out, they share a quick peck on the lips and return to their conversation. Loud whispers and shrieks fill the air, and also clapping and hooraying is heard in the thick, dark room. Stan and Kyle search for their friends with their eyes, and when they spot Kenny, they can both breathe a sigh of relief. Kenny is grinning like an idiot and puts two thumbs up, and then returns to make out with Bebe. Wendy grins at them too and then winks towards Cartman, who is furious since he has missed something so important and a good opportunity to blackmail them. Shelly smirks and pats (or rather, punches) Stan on the back and says that it was pretty obvious from the start. Kenny's shameless little sister wonders out loud if the boys have done it yet and who is on top. Even those whose opinions usually mean nothing smile approvingly to them and make them both feel suddenly very giddy inside.
"I knew it all along, you fags. That's what I've been saying since the third grade," Cartman mumbles as the last attempt to maintain the image that nothing escapes his constantly plotting, manipulative, enormous brain storage. Stan and Kyle just laugh.
VII
"Hey Stan?"
"Hm?"
"Do you remember our first kiss?"
"Of course I do. You almost tore my shirt apart. A debt that you, by the way, have yet to pay."
"No, I don't mean that kiss at the lockers. Don't you remember?"
Stan looks up from his book and quirks his eyebrows. "You mean… Oh. That drunken mistake at… whoever's party it was in high school."
"That was just before high school. And besides, that wasn't our first kiss. And if it was, I don't think it would count."
"I have to agree with you there… It was pretty horrible." Stan shakes his head. "And if I remember correctly, that son-of-a-bitch Cartman even paid for Kenny for bumping his head to yours, but to us he refused to pay."
"Some people can't handle seeing gay porn," Kyle snickers. Stan smiles a bit but returns to his book. Kyle sighs and switches the TV channel. "Stan? Don't you really remember?"
Stan, now finally paying attention to the serious tone Kyle is using, closes his book and puts it away to the sofa table. "What do you mean?"
"You jerk!" Kyle fumes. "It happened right here, right where we are sitting now, some ten years ago!"
Stan, now realising what his boyfriend means, cringes a bit at the memory.
"… Oh," he simply states. Kyle crosses his arms.
"It was your idea, and yet I'm the one to remind you that—"
"Jerk." Now it's Stan's turn to interrupt Kyle with their famous insult that has nowadays turned to a little inside joke between them, and honestly, no one else finds it funny but them. Stan scratches his neck and looks nervously at the TV, where Kent Brockman is informing that Springfield is in some sort of catastrophe again. "Of course I remember. It has been my most treasured memory ever since."
"… Oh," Kyle says, and now they both realise the irony in their choice of words, and share a smirk. Stan looks absently at the TV and then mutters:
"You know, I think I might've been in love with you way before we even hit puberty." He cleans invisible dust from his jeans, unable to understand why sharing this particular confession with Kyle is harder than anything else. Perhaps because he has kept these thoughts inside him for several years, or perhaps because he is still a scared nine-year-old boy on the inside. "Kissing Wendy was never so exciting as kissing you was, and heck, we only kissed once and we were eight at the time. All through the years I was with Wendy but every time I kissed her, I kept thinking what I once felt in your living room in those few seconds."
Stan scratches his neck again, avoiding Kyle's look. "And… you know, that day on the hill…." He shrugs, trying to figure how to put that strange feeling into words. He can't find the words, but feels like he should say something, and even if it feels a bit forced, he snorts: "Well, suddenly everything made sense. That's about it."
Kyle remains silent for a moment, then smiles so widely and tenderly that it amazes Stan how much affection one can show with one expression. "You just told me you love me."
"I did?" Stan asks, puzzled. "Haven't I told you that before?"
"No." Kyle feels suddenly so happy that he thinks he might as well die now, but since he doesn't want to leave Stan just yet, he settles for saying: "You know that I love you too?"
"Well, now I do." They look at each other, huge grins on their faces, and then both burst out laughing for reasons only they can understand. Stan looks up when the laughter has died, and sees the playful glint in Kyle's eyes.
"First time for everything", Stan says, and kisses Kyle. And even if it feels a big, huge, enormous cliché, to him, Kyle indeed is his first and last and everything, and vice versa.
End.