Hi, this is Luke Skywalker. I'm out fighting the Empire right now, but if you leave a message after the beep I'll get back to you...

BEEEEP

Luke, this is your father. Look...About that whole dismembering thing at Bespin...I'm sorry. The offer to rule The Galaxy as father and son still stands.

BEEEEP

Luke, it's Mon Mothma. I know you admire me as one of the greatest leaders of the Rebellion, but stealing my underwear is going a little too far.

BEEEEP

Luke, it's your father again. I know you're still a little upset with me for cutting your hand off, but that's no reason to avoid me like you have. Before I killed my last therapist, he suggested that I try repairing our relationship by engaging in some father-son activities. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is... How about we go to Imperial City and kill the Emperor together?

BEEEEP

Um, Mister Skywalker. This is Anchorhead Holovid Rentals. The copy of Jawas Gone Wild you rented is three and a half years overdue. Do you think you can get it back to us anytime this decade? Thanks, Bye.

BEEEEP

Luke, this is your father again. My new therapist suggested that I should find a less violent activity for an initial bonding experience before I strangled him. How about fishing? That's always popular. I hear that they have some very big fish on Dorumaa.

BEEEEP

Luke, it's Leia. Combining our parties because we share the same birthday was an absolutely stupid idea, and we are never doing it again. Please come and drag your buddies out of my quarters so I can take a shower. Thanks, bye.

BEEEEP

Luke, it's your father. I'm calling to wish you a happy birthday. I got you a Star Destroyer, but you'll have to join me to get it.

BEEEEP

Hi, my name is Mitth'raw'nuruodo but most people call me Thrawn. Uh, I don't usually do this, but I found this comm code in the personals under Hot Blonde Looking For A Good Time and thought I might give it a try. Is Luke a nickname or short for something? Come to think of it you sound like a male. Damn. Forget I called. Bye.

BEEEEP

Hello, this is Captain Pellaeon of the Chimera. I too am blonde, however I have brown eyes. I like taking long walks on a beach under the stars, the Imperial ballet, alien holodramas, commanding a Star Destroyer, and touring history museums. Fortunately for you darling, I'm Bisexual. Call me and we can talk.

BEEEEP

Luke, this is your father. I'm beginning to wonder if you ever check your messages. I know I haven't been the best father in the universe, but posing as a woman in the personals section of the Imperial Times is not the healthiest way to seek the love and attention that you didn't receive during your childhood. Frankly it's quite disturbing. Call me and we can try and find a way to work through this. By the way, I removed the ad and threatened to strangle anyone who tries to answer it with my bare hands.

BEEEEP

Hi Luke, this is Wedge. Sorry about the ad I placed in the Imperial Times. Can I please have my General Kenobi action figure back now?

BEEEEP

Luke, this is your father yet again. I'm willing to help you work through your apparent gender confusion issue if you'll just talk to me. I'll be here for you when you need me. Bye.

BEEEEP

Uh, Luke. This is Wedge again. Um, do you remember the holos from that costume contest where you dressed up as the Queen of Naboo? Well, I kinda, sorta, accidentially posted them on the Holonet. Pleasedon'tkillme.

BEEEEP

Luke, it's your father. My latest therapist said I should be supportive of your choices. Well, if you want to be a woman...I, well I always wanted a daughter. The annual Imperial Ball is coming up and I have a dress of your mother's that would look great on you.

BEEEEP

Yoda, this is. Come back by now, you should have. Promise to finish your training, you did. Keep promises as well as your father, you do. Most likely never see you again, I will.

BEEEEP

Luke, this is your father. Thank you for finally calling me. I'm glad you got your sexuality sorted out, but use that language with me again young man and I will track you down and wash your mouth out with soap. We'll never talk about the dress again, ever.

BEEEEP

This is Boba Fett. As soon as I get out of the Hospital, you and that shabla friend of yours will wish you had never been born.

BEEEEP

This is Jidor down in medical regarding the genetic testing you requested. It's a match. The person this, um, genetic sample came from is indeed your sister. For the sake of my sanity I'm not even going to ask where you got the...er, item containing the genetic sample.

BEEEEP

Luke, it's your father. I sensed you approaching the moon of Endor, and was wondering if you would like to go camping with me before I turn you over to my master.