Chapter Three: Insanity Prelude

A/N: Er… (embarrassed silence)

I'll go back and change spelling and such in the first chapter to make it match this one in a bit.

And Sheik is a woman. Why? Because Sheik = Zelda. And I like annoying yaoi fan girls. TAKE THAT.

Marth lashed out and caught Samus in the side of the knee with his heel, successfully forcing the armored bounty hunter to her knees for a moment. Marth scrambled to his feet, having been knocked to the ground by her previous strike, and leapt back immediately, even if Samus had the advantage in range.

Ike missed him by a hair. Marth leapt over him, using the mercenary's bent back as a springboard, and ended up flipping again, slamming one hand down to take the weight, to avoid one of Link's arrows. Granted, the other swordsman hadn't been aiming at him, because if he had, Marth was sure he would be skewered already.

Ike came again, and this time Marth blocked. He rolled with the blow -- Ike seemed to be at least twice as strong as he was, based on momentum -- and twisted the Falchion under Ragnell and smashed the side of his sword into the side of Ike's head, sending him reeling. A moment later, Samus was up again, and Marth's sword nearly bent under the strain when Samus's arm cannon slammed into it.

Link moved forward then, swatting Samus's incoming missile aside, making it explode in Marth's face. As he fell backwards off the edge of the platform and into the tunnel area of the Hyrule Temple arena, he saw Link hurl a crude bomb at Ike, who dodged with uncanny speed borne of fear. He thought he heard Link curse as a humming noise filled the air -- Samus must have been using her energy whip or grapple or whatever it was to deflect the bomb.

Marth slammed into the ground, then was forced to roll away as Ike brought his sword down like an axe. The prince whirled about instantly and slashed, only to have his own weapon overturned and Ike's foot driven into his stomach. Again Marth was send rolling, but this time the drop to the lowest floor was a bit more than he'd had last time -- he managed to land on his feet, then stabbed upwards and caught Ike on his descent. The other blue-haired swordsman went sailing.

Above, Link and Samus seemed to still be fighting ferociously, though Marth still couldn't see either of them. Every once in a while, the light from an explosion would cast their shadows on the tunnel, but neither he nor Ike really knew what the two veterans were throwing at each other.

"What are they doing?" Ike asked, still out of striking distance.

"I don't really know. I guess their fights require explosives, for some reason." Marth said, then he coughed. He didn't need to look at Ike to tell the other swordsman was exhausted. They'd already been whaling on each other for half an hour, and those last few blows had hurt. Where Marth couldn't take a deep breath, Ike was swaying, probably because Marth had gotten in that head strike.

(Are you two finished? Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong would like to practice in this arena.) Mewtwo's mental voice said. Marth found that he had the urge to jump again and squashed it. (I can teleport you straight to the infirmary, if you want.)

"Thank you, Mewtwo." Marth wheezed. "I think he broke a rib." All this for a penalty match because he'd missed the last one? Ike and Link had volunteered, though…

"Sorry." Ike said.

(Very well, then.) Mewtwo said. (It will only take a moment.)

Marth thought he felt his skin fizz, as if it was…he made the mistake of glancing at his hand and was treated to the sight of his flesh vanishing in midair. Um…

The next thing he and Ike knew, they were not in the arena anymore.

(A curious creature, aren't you?) Mewtwo remarked to the black-haired mage standing next to him. Soren ignored it with some difficulty -- it was hard to ignore a voice in one's head, after all. The huge lavender mutant regarded the pair of primates to his other side.

DK, a massive brown gorilla wearing a red tie, pointed at the teleporters. Diddy Kong, a monkey with a baseball cap and a small shirt, bounced eagerly on DK's shoulder. Noting the pair's enthusiasm and giving a mental shrug, Mewtwo said, (You can enter the battlefield now. Marth and Ike are in the infirmary already, and I doubt Link and Samus will notice you.)

As DK and Diddy clambered into the teleporters, Lucario, who was leaning against the opposite wall, said, (Good luck, you two.) He closed his red eyes again and seemed to concentrate, and his forepaws glowed blue for a moment. Mewtwo wondered about the other Pokemon for a moment before returning his attention to the control panel and sending the Kong pair off to fight.

"How does this work?" Soren asked.

(Not particularly well.) Mewtwo said. He pressed a number of keys and a new item appeared on the screen -- a small red-and-white sphere -- and dropped into the lowest level of the stage. Immediately, Link and Samus tore after it, fighting all the way. (Only four fighters can enter an arena at a time, and even then only when their identification codes are properly entered. It is so much less efficient than the machine I designed, though admittedly for a different purpose.)

"You didn't answer my question." Soren pointed out. Is that irritation I hear?

(I don't know.) Lucario broke in. (If I had to guess, pressing all those buttons does something. You and I are from similar places -- they have nothing like this where I lived.)

(To answer your question,) Mewtwo said evenly, (there is little to understand. A combination of keys will make this machine perform different actions than another combination. There is lettering on the keys. Do you see it?)

"Yes." Soren said cautiously, obviously wondering where this was leading.

(The combination R-E-V-E-R-T-1 will cause Samus to suddenly become reenergized, as if she had used a…what is the word you use?) Mewtwo stopped, shaking his feline head.

"A vulnerary." Soren supplied. "I think I understand. It's only a matter of finding the correct combination."

(Yes. And R-E-V-E-R-T-2 would heal Ike instead. It is simple enough. However, the wrong one can lead to truly terrible things. It is no coincidence that I am the only one allowed to operate this machine with the exceptions of Mario, Samus, Falco, and Fox.) Mewtwo explained. (This particular machine, when its teleporters are deactivated and keypad locked, can function as a very efficient torture device.)

Mewtwo saw Soren's red eyes widen. "You can't be serious."

(I am. It is the reason fighters such as Samus and Captain Falcon, who have no one they are close to, continue to play at Master Hand's game.) Mewtwo informed him. Mewtwo glanced at the screen, where Diddy Kong had summoned Ho-Oh and everyone was running for their limbs, if not their lives. (It replays one's memories. I can only assume that Master Hand has been watching us for far longer than we thought, and far more efficiently than I thought possible.)

(What do you mean?) demanded Lucario, standing up straight and stalking over to the console. (How far back?)

(It varies. I myself am only four years old, from creation to now. However, I have noticed a number of scenes play out for Master Hand's amusement that are far older. At one point, for example, I could sense Master Hand reviewing one of the older records.) Mewtwo paused, feeling a headache coming on. When one depended as much on their brain power as Mewtwo did, it was troubling, to say the least.

(This particular record was that of Ganondorf.) Mewtwo said, trying to remember the images he had gleaned from Master Hand's twisted mind some time ago. (It was of Ganon, actually, destroying Hyrule Castle and entering a death match with Link. I only found this all out later, you understand. I had to ask Link to confirm the details. He was shocked -- not only had those events been many years ago, even if we do not age here, but they had actually belonged to another timeline. In other words, Link had actually prevented those events, and yet somehow Master Hand knew they had happened, somewhere, at some point.)

(You have to know how ridiculous this sounds.) Lucario said skeptically. (How do you know you didn't read Link's mind instead?)

(It is because I cannot read Link's mind.) Mewtwo snapped. (Having him and Young Link introduces a temporal paradox that prevents mental powers from working. Additionally, the elder Link can transform into a wolf outside of the arena, making his mind all but utterly impervious.)

(Okay, assuming that Master Hand could see everyone's past, I suppose he chooses who undergoes this torture depending on their personal history.) Lucario gave a sigh. (This is sounding sillier and sillier as it goes on.)

(Mostly correct. Occasionally he wishes to compound the ordeal.) Mewtwo sighed, mirroring the frustrated Steel-type, and said, (I suppose it does sound contradictory and overly complicated. But then, weren't you trapped in a crystal staff for a thousand years?)

Lucario stiffened. (Impossible! How--?)

(Checkmate.) said Mewtwo. He turned to Soren. (You can go to the infirmary to see your friends if you want. We are only debating.)

"I would, if I knew where that was." Soren said rather waspishly.

Mewtwo looked back at Lucario. (Take the young man to the infirmary. I will continue to monitor the combatants' progress.)

Lucario snapped a glare at his supposed mentor and walked over to the mage, who met his redirected red glare with one of his own. Mewtwo thought to himself, Wonderful.

He felt another presence shortly after turning back to the console and noted with some annoyance that Lucario and Soren had not moved. Mewtwo sighed again (and thought he seemed to be doing a lot of that lately), then looked at the new person.

The person was best described as a monster. While Mewtwo would readily admit that he was a mutant abomination of science, this creature appeared to be an imposing, emaciated purple dragon. It was obviously no contender for heaviest, like Bowser, but its spindly limbs took up the entire hall space. Soren and Lucario didn't seem inclined to challenge such a beast, but they were still ready to defend themselves -- Lucario stood at the front, a blue aura flickering like flame over his paws, and Soren hung back, clutching a green tome Mewtwo had somehow not noticed before.

Mewtwo almost casually looked back at the console and said to Samus, (Miss Aran, you have a large, ugly, hostile visitor. Would you like to receive him now?) He got a burst of rage in reply, as apparently Samus was too busy decking DK with her arm cannon to formulate a verbal response.

A moment later, Samus snapped at Link, "Back off for a minute!" Then, "What did you say, Mewtwo?"

(There is a…Ridley, here for you.) Mewtwo said, briefly drowning out the sounds of Lucario using Aura Sphere to block Ridley's fire breath. (He is currently attacking Lucario and a noncombatant, Soren.) Mewtwo gave an idle burst of psychic energy and Ridley's triangular head slammed into the ceiling.

"Deal with him until I get there." Samus said flatly. "I can activate the teleporters from this side. Link! Do you want to come?"

"I'm fine, Samus." Link said, straightening his green cap. "I can wait. Let me just tell the two Kongs to stop for a bit." A peanut the size of a cannonball hit him in the arm. "It'll take too long otherwise."

(Very well.) As Samus punched in numbers on the panel on her cannon, Mewtwo turned his attention fully to the space dragon.

Ridley had Lucario tangled in his long tail, from which the Steel-type continued to blast him with aura energy. It so happened that Lucario was also experienced enough to know Extremespeed -- even though he couldn't get loose, the stress from the near-constant vibration was starting to make the dragon flail as his scales cracked under the strain. Ridley also had Soren pinned to the wall several feet above the floor, though one of he mage's arms was free and he could still blast the dragon in the face with wind-based magic. Ridley snarled and slammed both of his opponents into the floor.

Lucario, as a Steel-Fighting type, could take hits from anything, up to and including Mewtwo's Shadow Ball at full force, so he just tore free of Ripley's tail and hit him in the face with Force Palm. Soren couldn't seem to get up -- he was stunned and still trying to straighten out his breathing. Well, Roy did say once that mages did not have very good defenses.

As the teleporter behind him activated and Samus stepped through, Mewtwo stepped in. With Soren still locked in his clawed hand, Ridley shot a fireball at the Psychic-type. Mewtwo actually remembered defending against a very similar attack -- Ash's Charizard had used Flamethrower on him once. As easily as before, Mewtwo brought up a shield that deflected the blow to the floor below Ridley. With the dragon thus distracted, Mewtwo charged in and unleashed his new attack -- Psycho Cut.

A purple wave of kinetic energy appeared in midair and Mewtwo nudged it into Ridley's chest. The dragon shrieked stumbling back. Mewtwo struck again, his powers making the dragon's arms spasm. Soren fell limply to the floor, and Mewtwo heard Samus's arm cannon finish charging. She dove into the fray, launching the Charge Shot at point-blank range.

Ridley's free clawed hand ripped into the front of Samus's chest plate just as he was sent rocketing down the hall. Lucario leapt free and launched a small Aura Sphere after the beast, seemingly out of spite.

As the dragon disappeared, the group breathed a collective sigh of relief, with the exception of Samus, who was inspecting the damage to her suit critically. She pressed a switch on her arm cannon and the armor fell apart.

More accurately, the Power Suit's connections shut down and the entire ensemble basically fell off, though other than the deep gouge in the chest plate, there seemed to be no structural damage. Without the armor, Samus wore a skintight blue spacesuit. She grunted. "I really need this thing to stay together better."

(True. Could you please take my place monitoring the console? I will be willing to interrogate Ridley on his conduct.) Mewtwo said. Without turning around, he added, (Lucario, I insist that you escort Soren to the infirmary.)

"Bossy, aren't you?" Samus commented. "I could easily get rid of Ripley, even like this." Mewtwo though he saw her blue eyes flash in warning, but ignored it.

(Yes, but I doubt we are allowed to kill him.) Mewtwo said. (I will deal with him non-lethally, so you can fight him properly later.)

"Point taken." Samus said. With a swish of her yellow ponytail, she turned back to the computer and began ordering the fighters back.

Mewtwo looked back at the hallway. It appeared that Lucario had done as the cat had asked -- both he and Soren were gone.

Princess Zelda was in the infirmary that day. She didn't need to be, having decided not to spar with anyone on this particular day, but she didn't see the point of sitting around doing nothing, either. So she had decided to help out in the infirmary, whereas her cellmates Samus and Peach had chosen to fight and cook, respectively. Zelda wondered occasionally why Peach chose cooking over all else, but usually decided against asking. The last time she had almost done so, Peach had been experimenting with the idea of a flambé. It came out fine, but the kitchen did not.

She had decided to go about the complex as Sheik, after her pink one had been partially burned in her fight against Peach when the other woman had accidentally picked up a Bomb-Omb and thrown it away without checking who was in the way. It was their policy, sort of -- neither of them particularly wanted to have to spend a week recovering. They ignored what Samus said on that matter -- that woman had her armor to protect her, thus her opinion didn't count.

"Princess Zelda?" Sheik blinked. Could it be…? She turned and saw someone she hadn't seen in far, far too long. Sheik pulled her face cloth down so the newcomer could see her face better and lowered the enchantment masking her eye color.

"Midna!" It really was her. Tall, pale, and unearthly, Midna had made an appearance in her full form, still wearing the black-and-turquoise ensemble Sheik remembered. Her headdress was still the same, pulling her orange hair back from her face, and her familiar red eyes were soft. Midna's glowing skin markings remained, making it very clear that she was no denizen of Hyrule, and she was still barefoot.

"It's nice to see you again." Midna said with a smirk worth more than a smile as Sheik hugged her. When the disguised princess let go, Midna asked, "So, where's the furball?"

Sheik chuckled. "Oh, I think he's off doing something… Anyway, Midna, where were you heading?"

"I'm not sure." Midna said, frowning. "I was directed here by what looked like a small version of…" The absurdity of what she was about to say caught up to her and she stopped.

"Yes, if that's who I think it was, it was a younger version of Link." Sheik said. She shrugged. "Well, if you're lost, you could always come along. I'm going to see if I can help in the infirmary."

Midna didn't seem to know what to do for only a moment -- when Sheik walked away, she heard the taller woman following.

"I don't remember you wearing this before." Midna said after a while. "Is it supposed to be a disguise?"

"At one point, it was." Sheik replied with a nod as they turned a corner. "I pretended to be a boy in order to avoid Ganondorf at one point. Now, it's mostly a combat costume -- who can fight in a dress, after all? Besides, Peach scorched my dress the other day." She shrugged again, then pulled her face wrap back up as they came to a white door with a large red cross painted on it. "Here we are."

"Why do you keep doing that?" Midna demanded. Sheik gave her a questioning glance and she mimed pulling something up and down in front of her face.

Sheik put her hand on the door handle. "Habit, mostly. There are also a few people in there I wouldn't want to meet unarmed."

"Such as?"

"Ganondorf himself. He injured his left knee and broke four bones in his other foot late yesterday and has been snarling ever since." With that Sheik opened the door, and to Midna it must have seemed to be a cascade of harsh light and noise.

There were at least twenty people inside, all shouting and rushing about like madmen, some on cots, and some juggling small bottles with white caps. Sheik saw Luigi attempt to carry a stack of surgical tools over to where a white-garbed Mario was gesturing violently in the air, prodding the bedridden Captain Falcon repeatedly, apparently to make a point. Sheik took the tray from him and gave him an "eye-smile", since he couldn't see her face -- he smiled back and quickly dashed off as one of the numerous non-green Yoshi yelled something unintelligible.

"This place is an asylum," said Midna. Something small, lumpy and otherwise unidentifiable smacked into the wall next to her head.

"This isn't the worst I've seen it." Sheik replied, setting the tools next to Dr. Mario, who she had met yesterday. A kind man, if slightly overzealous. Perhaps he and Mario were alternate versions of each other, like Link and Young Link. The man thanked her absentmindedly and went back to lecturing Falcon on "why you shouldn't use Falcon Kick all the time if there are Bomb-Ombs everywhere."

"And is that Ganondorf over there?" Strangely, there was no fear or angry in the former imp's voice, just amused surprise. Sheik stuck her head out to see what Midna was looking at (and was nearly hit by a flying Yoshi egg), and wondered if it was a good idea to giggle.

Ganondorf was laid up at the end, his foot in a white cast and the other knee in a brace. At some point, someone had apparently gotten tired of his continual death threats and had taped his mouth shut with duct tape. With the additional ban on all magic other than the healing sort in the infirmary, Ganondorf was effectively out of the picture.

"Like my newest work?" someone said from Sheik's other side. She turned to see a girl of maybe seventeen, much like Link and herself, with long, straight blue hair, a red skirt too short for Sheik's idea of decent and long brown stockings from her upper thigh to her white boots. Additionally, she wore white armor over her chest and shoulders, had a slim sword strapped to her belt, and hefted an ornate lance over her shoulder. She stuck out a hand, "Princess Shiida of Talis, also a champion Pegasus Knight."

"Sheik," the other princess replied, giving Shiida's hand a quick shake. "Just wondering, but why are there so many princesses around now?" she asked no one in particular.

"What are you talking about? I'm a queen now!" protested Midna. Ah, right. The Twili had never had a problem with Midna as a ruler -- Zant had been a usurper, which was the only reason he had gained power at all. "It's just you, Peach, and this girl, isn't it?"

There was a shriek from down the row of beds -- apparently, fighters had started appearing out of thin air. Sheik thought she saw Marth and his new, taller counterpart appear on two empty cots. So those two had been fighting? Odd, she seemed to remember them choosing teams differently -- for one thing, Samus and Link had been fighting at the same time.

"Marth!"

"…Shiida?"

"Happy reunions galore." Midna grumbled. "So far, I've been nearly hit by what I assume was gruel, only solid, nearly stabbed to death by a number of small, sharp objects, and I think blue-hair over here left a bruise when that stupid pike whipped around--"

"Oh, stop complaining and enjoy it, would you?" Sheik muttered as a pill capsule the size of someone's head sailed through the air and someone (probably the little bird-nosed girl with the harp) screamed. "It's going to be back to normal all too soon."

"Did you need something to eat?" Peach asked her two-dimensional assistant when he came in several hours late.

"Beep." Mr. Game & Watch said.

"Well, if you changed your mind, turnip soup is over there." Peach said, gesturing over at a pot somewhere between her and the mess hall's table (which left quite a few pots to choose).

"Beep?"

"No, I didn't sneak a black Bomb-Omb in and I don't know how I could without it blowing up."

"Beep," said the flat man.

"I know you didn't mean it. And help the new girl set the small table, would you? I think she's a little out of her depth." Peach said, turning back to her largest stewpot and the nearby saucepan. "And get the poor man out there some tea, if there is any. He sounds terrible."

There was a crash accompanied by a storm of coughs from the dining area just as Falco stuck his head in the kitchen. Mr. Game & Watch scurried off to assess the damage and Falco huffed. "So, it's a disaster already."

Peach gave him an uncharacteristic scowl. Falco paled under his feathers. Cooking was probably the only thing that could make the ever-bubbly Princess Peach testy. "If you plan on commenting, there's another apron over there. I need all the help I can get, and Mr. Game & Watch is very busy. Get in here and do some honest work."

Falco ran away as fast as he could. Peach's thrown ladle banged harmlessly off the kitchen door.

"What's going on, Ness?" Lucas asked his temporary mentor from behind the other boy's place at the library table. They had both heard the crashing and screaming from somewhere out in the halls and Lucas especially was unnerved by it. What could be happening?

"Would you believe this is what they're always like? All that banging and battle cry-ing and stuff --it's what they do. Besides, even if it was worse than normal, it's just because we have so many new people." Ness said.

Pikachu, having evolved recently (as in, twenty minutes ago in a fight with Lucas) from Pichu, sat by its elder on the tabletop. They both peered with some interest at the pages as Ness flicked through them, looking for pictures.

"How are we going to tell the difference between these two?" Lucas wondered aloud. He pulled his own book off the little library cart, the librarian Wire Frame watching him with its blank face, and hurried back to the table with the other three.

"Pika," said the Pikachu with the wizard's hat.

"Pi." said the other, who had goggles on his forehead.

"Well, the older Pikachu we'll call…Wizard." Ness said in a whisper. Pikachu 1/Wizard didn't seem to have a problem with this. It was hard to have a problem with something when you're trying to take a nap and everyone around you is at least trying to accommodate that fact.

"Does that make the other one Goggles?"

"Uh-huh." The former Pichu didn't seem to care, either -- he was too busy trying to gnaw the cover off of Lucas's book in a teething fit to care about much.

There was a long silence. Then Lucas said, "This is about as creative as naming a dog Spot because it has a big ink blot on one ear."

"Exactly."

Captain Olimar, surrounded by a colorful parade of Pikmin, made his way to the…well, he wasn't quite sure where he was going, actually. He was being led along by a pink, apparently elastic puffball and a similar, though blue and sword-wielding, creature with a mask and metal shoes. They seemed to know where they were going, at least.

"Poyo!" said the pink one. Kirby, Olimar thought. Next to him, the blue one, Meta Knight, sighed with frustration as his counterpart rushed off.

"Ugh," grumbled Meta Knight. Still, he followed quickly, his cape unfurling into a pair of bat-like wings, and flew around the corner. Olimar, not wanting to be left behind to wander this maze of corridors mindlessly forevermore, followed with his Pikmin trailing.

"Poyopoyo!" Olimar heard Kirby say excitedly as Meta Knight blew out yet another sigh from behind his mask. Olimar peeked around the corner and found that the pink puffball had found another pair of fighters -- a set of brown-haired, dark-eyed twins wearing pink and blue parkas, respectively. To Olimar, it looked like they were mountain climbers, given how they bounced about, revealing the huge spikes on the soles of their shoes.

"Kirby?" The person who spoke this time was a teenaged boy, a redhead with blue eyes. Where had he come from?

"Poyo!" Kirby said in apparent delight. He instantly leapt upwards, inflating like a balloon for a moment, before landing on the boy's head. The teen prodded Kirby with some amusement, unbalancing the little creature for just a moment, then looked at the others gathered all around him.

"Are any of you lost?" he asked.

"Hmph," said Meta Knight, who promptly stalked off around another corner.

Roy just shook his head with awry smile on his face and (nearly dislodging Kirby again) turned back to the remaining group. "Any of you?"

"We're fine," said the blue-clad climber. The pink one said at the same time, "We know what we're doing." It had the odd effect of garbling most of the message.

"Okay then. Bye Popo, Nana." With that, Roy turned and left.

That apparently left Olimar's fate to a pair of parka-clad twins. He looked at the red Pikmin next to him, which shrugged and trotted off to follow Nana and Popo as they ran off. Olimar, giving a sharp whistle, led the other Pikmin off to battle with him. Metaphorically, at least. He didn't really think the pair was dangerous or that that particular Pikmin was at all stupid enough to lead him into a trap.

The less that was said of Bulborbs, the better.

Lucario, after dropping the dark mage off in the infirmary, went off to find the mess hall. Regardless of the fact that he hadn't fought with anyone since yesterday, he was hungry, had a headache, and honestly didn't feel like meeting anyone else today. After the brief scuffle with Ridley (because Lucario hadn't been hurt and thus didn't consider it a real battle), he had too much to sort out.

Mewtwo was a callous creature, but Lucario didn't really mind that. He had been like that once, hadn't he? But the other Pokemon had mentioned something he found disturbing.

He had created a similar machine, had he? What did it do? Why was he so close-minded about it? Lucario could understand his need for secrets -- he himself had been angry when Mewtwo had brought up the distant past -- but perhaps he had a much more dangerous source for his bitterness. What could it be?

"Hello, Lucario," said the woman in pink as Lucario sat down in the kitchen. She was tall, with yellow hair, blue eyes and a small crown on her head. A princess? What would a princess be doing preparing meals for a collection of warriors? It seemed so strange, like most of what Lucario had seen in the last twenty-four hours.

He still didn't fully understand how he had been pulled from the afterlife to here, but when Mewtwo had mentioned that Ganondorf had been retrieved from death after death, essentially, that it wasn't nearly the oddest thing imaginable.

"Hey, don't you dare get up! You're still sick!" the princess said sharply to a man sitting in a chair off to the side. Lucario thought, with all the blankets she had somehow managed to surround him with, that he looked like a bundle of cloth.

The woman instantly spun about and shoved a bowl with some sort of stew into Lucario's paws. She dropped a spoon in almost as an afterthought. "I'm sorry, but I'm very busy right now. Enjoy it, though."

Lucario retreated to the corner of the room, where he sat on a countertop, since he had decided that if he stood about too long, his food would probably be stolen by something. Maybe one of the ominous-looking pink bombs wandering about would try to take it.

"And as I was saying, Lord Eliwood, you should really take better care of yourself. I could always get someone to take you to see Dr. Mario or Zelda. It could only do you good," said the woman as she bustled about the stovetops, occasionally stopping to taste something or add another spice of some sort. "Is Lilina back yet?"

Lucario looked over at the outward-swinging kitchen door that led to the main dining hall (that was almost never used, thanks to Master Hand's sudden paranoia regarding the fighters' free reign over the complex, according to Mewtwo) and a little man-shaped creature walked in through the crack between the door and its frame. He had to blink several times before he realized that yes, the little ink creature had just done that. Was it a shadow? He decided not to think about it.

"Beep," it said.

"Hi, Mr. Game & Watch. Did you ever manage to find Falco?"

"Beep."

"Oh well. He wouldn't have helped much, anyway." She pulled a pot off the stove and placed it on a large, wet cloth. It instantly began to steam. "Lucario, are you eating that? I heard about the fight with Samus's old rival -- if you don't eat right, you won't get better."

(I wasn't hurt at all.) Lucario told her. He still didn't know her name. (The only one who was injured is already being healed.)

"Mm. All right," she said. She didn't turn to face him, but her voice was kind. "I'll let you go this time. Take care of yourself, okay? Otherwise you'll have to deal with me, got it?"

(Yes, Your Majesty.) Lucario said, bowing as far as he could, considering that he wasn't standing. He hurried finished the stew -- it was very rich and almost like the rations he and Sir Aaron had once used during their travels, but tastier.

"Oh, just call me Princess Peach. Or just Peach. Everyone does, except Mario and Luigi," she said dismissively. She wiped her hands on a dishcloth and put on a pair of oven mitts.

(Do you do everything in here?) Lucario asked wonderingly, looking around the room from end to end. It seemed impossible that anything less than a legion of chefs could possibly manage this place.

"Well, no. I get volunteers most days -- Mr. Game & Watch, would you get Roy? I don't think anyone told him his father is down here."

"Beep." And with that, the 2-D man was off. It seemed to Lucario that he literally walked through the nearest wall.

"He's a wonderful help, but sometimes I wonder if he needs a break." Peach said, pulling a tray out of the oven -- Lucario felt a blast of heat -- and set the breads down the cool on the countertop. "Do you want to help?"

(How could I be of service, Princess Peach?) Lucario asked curiously.

"Well, just come if I shout." Peach said. "Otherwise, make sure Eliwood doesn't overexert himself -- he nearly broke six plates earlier."

"My apologies, Princess." Eliwood said from under the sheets. Lucario wanted to know how he could be heard without psychic abilities. "I should have known I couldn't do so much so soon after recovering."

"Exactly! Really, no one around here seems to know when to just relax!" Peach sounded annoyed now.

(What about you, Princess?) Lucario asked.

Peach paused and appeared to think that over. "For me, it's easiest to be busy. It's the fighting that really worries me. Cooking is my way of relaxing. Maybe Samus likes to shoot things or Zelda likes to help everyone who's sick or just read, but this is what I'm best at." She smiled. "They also learn not to mess with me -- after all, without me, it's back to gruel for everyone, not just the sick ones."

Was that an evil glint the saw in her eye?

Bang. Someone had apparently forgotten that the door opened outwards. "Ow…"

"Lilina, is that you?" Peach asked. She put down her wooden spoon and opened the door, to find a blue-haired girl rubbing her forehead.

"Yes. I'm sorry about disappearing like that. But I thought I saw…" Lilina seemed to be a nervous girl -- she looked close to tears.

"Well, no worrying about it now." Peach said, helping the girl to her feet and dusting her off. "If you thought you saw Roy, you probably did -- everyone knows he can't seem to sit still for more than half a second lately. If he's not training, he's reading, or sleeping, or, sometimes, eating."

(I wonder if that will change.) Lucario said mildly. (I saw him yesterday, and since getting a student, he seemed calmer than that.)

"Oh, he just has more energy, somehow." Peach said, shaking her head. "I sent Mr. Game & Watch after him, so he'll be along in a bit."

"The flat man? But how can he understand anything he says?" Lilina asked.

Peach smiled again. "Everyone gets used to it, eventually. Roy probably knows by now, anyway. He's probably rushing over here right now."

Curious, Lucario closed his eyes and concentrated on the aura of the redheaded boy he had met, briefly, yesterday. Sure enough, there was a madly-rushing signature in the mess hall, then the --

BANG. Why couldn't anyone remember the door?

A/N: Peach's personality = Team Mom.