By: Mirai Kurosaki

Author's Note: Ok this is…a short fic with the characters of Saiyuki. It's basically a fic about Goku and how horrible he feels for almost killing his friends and it's Sanzo to the rescue!!

Disclaimer: All standard disclaimers apply.

Rating: PG-13 (?)

Italics = thoughts

~*~*~ = Change of time/day etc.

~*~*~

A young boy with golden eyes fixed their gaze on his three friends that sat around doing their normal activities. Gojyo was puffing on a cigarette and surfing channels with a frown playing on his lips. Hakkai was sitting in a near by chair reading a thick book with amusement displaying across his gentle face. And as always, Sanzo was Sanzo, laying on the bed trying to drift into a peaceful sleep. Why do they act as if though nothing has happened? It kills me to see them this relaxed. Then again, maybe they're trying to lighten my mood. Golden eyes drooped down onto the marble floor that glimmered his sorrowful reflection back at him. The moon's secluded brightness tore through the shades and caressed the boy's pale and frightened features. The boy sighed with exhaustion yet a hint of melancholy flickered in a whisper. He swung his slim legs over the bed and sauntered to the door.

Hakkai, always being the kind and cheerful one, looked up at Goku. "Where are you going?"

The boy placed his fragile hand on the doorknob and stopped. He thought for a while before he softly spoke. "I'm uh…going to get some fresh air."

"At this time of night? Dumbass ape, you better not get lost! That's the last thing we need right now!" Gojyo threw his cigarette away and continued to glare at Goku.

"Maybe because it's a beautiful night and I want to go out ok?! You perverted kappa!" Goku narrowed his eyes at Gojyo shooting him a warning signal not to push his short temper at the moment. Though it seems as if Gojyo neglected his warning and stood up his red hair flowing down.

"You want to mess with me you brainless monkey?!"

Goku had had just about enough. He wasn't in the mood to be mocked and insulted. He spun around to Gojyo, eyes blazing with pure irritation. He spoke in a low hiss with venom. "I'm warning you Gojyo. Don't push me. I'm in no mood to rip you apart, so back off!"

"Shut up you two!" A paper fan ripped through the air and smacked Goku on the head harshly.

"Itai!" Goku rubbed his sore head and turned his eyes at the blonde man. "What the hell was that for Sanzo?! Hit him! He pushed my anger!" A pointed finger aimed accusingly at Gojyo.

"Me?!" Gojyo wailed his arms in disbelief.

Sanzo waved the paper fan one more time to Goku. "You wake me up and blame it on other people?! URUSEI!!"

"Why can't you guys just live one day without mocking me damn it! I'm tired of this! I'm tired of living! I'm tired of my life!" Goku's flaxen eyes stung with treacherous tears that threatened to stream down. Sanzo discovered his eyes glowering angrily but with so much sorrow and hurt. Goku huffed and stomped out the door into the night's winds before anyone could stop him.

Hakkai stood up from his spot. "Goku!" He hated it when Goku drowned in remorse. He then shot a glare at Sanzo and Gojyo. Sanzo just shrugged while Gojyo sat back down and began to flip through channels.

"Stupid monkey."

Hakkai threw his arms in annoyance and marched towards the two. "What the hell is your problem?! I swear, sometimes you guys are as cold-blooded as they can get! I don't care about what you guys are going to do now but I'm going to find Goku!" With that, Hakkai dashed out but was stopped by Sanzo.

"Wait, Hakkai. Leave him be."

"I don't care what-"

A click noise emerged from Sanzo.

" Like I said, I'm staying."

~*~*~*~

Goku, blinded by crystal streams, ran out into the woods trying to run away form the secrets unlocked. Goku continued to run ignoring the scrapes lashing out at his face and flesh that began to mark crimson liquid. He scurried faster until something razor sharp slashed at his side brutally and he yelped in pain and collapsed to the ground.

"Ah!"

He panted for breath as his bronze yellow locks stuck onto him from the perspiration and grieving tears. He tried to stand but the object that had sliced him stung painfully and he leaned on a tree trying to stand. His knees finally buckled and he dropped to the cold ground. Goku clutched his severe wound and hissed as it began to gush more scarlet. He scowled at himself for being so careless.

"Damn…now what? I can't stand, and I am NOT going back." Goku leaned his head against a tree trunk. For a while, he watched the night sky and starts twinkle brilliance as the danced a pattern that played a sparkling song. He sighed and soon found himself drifting into a land of endless dreams.

~*~*~*~

~*~*~

"Ahhhh!!!" Goku jolted upwards and gasped. He checked his surroundings and sighed with ease. All a nightmare. He gazed into the broken night sky and notice the moons beautiful brightness shimmering upon his delicate figure. He raised a shaken hand to his cheek and felt a dampness of a stream of tears.

"It felt so real. Maybe because it almost happened. My worst fear come to life."

Goku wrapped his arms tightly around his knees and buried his head in his arms. Once again, sobs emerged and tears trickled down.

"I'm…so…sorry. I just…just..."

~*~*~*~

"Damn it! Where the hell is he?!" Sanzo paced around the room spitting bitterly threats about killing Goku. He stopped when he heard Hakkai whispered softly.

"I told you. He went outside."

Gojyo glanced at the clock and narrowed his eyes. Goku had been gone for over five hours and even he started to worry. Sure, he teased Goku but he couldn't dread to see Goku depressed for so long with tears scarring his once cheerful face. He recalled what Goku had spat at him. I'm tired of living! I'm tired of my worthless life! "I don't think he really is coming back."

Both Hakkai and Sanzo turned to look at him. Sanzo glared at Gojyo and snarled. "What do you mean?"

Gojyo's eyes drooped and he bowed his head down in shame. "He said he was tired of living. Tired of his worthless life."

Hakkai's eyes widened in skepticism while Sanzo wondered. He knew Goku would try to kill himself if he swore he would but he hope that he wouldn't. Goku may act like a dumbass but he wasn't one to push around or that fool would meet their undertaker. Sanzo grunted as he pounded his fist into the wall. "Damn it! He's not…worthless…he knows that!"

"Maybe he knew it. But he didn't feel it." Hakkai considered as he sat down on the bed with a downcast look.

Sanzo spun around to face Hakkai. Though hatred burned in his eyes a spark of worry glint in them and his eyes softened. Everyone knew Sanzo was aggressive and cold to everyone in his horrid journey. Curses and swears erupting from his mouth when his temper had been tested to it's max. Yet, despite the cruelty of his heart, there was warmth that flamed within just for Goku.

Gojyo cupped his hands behind his head and looked at Sanzo. "So, when are we leaving?"

Sanzo closed his eyes as if deep in wonderment then he softly spoke in a defeated voice. "We're not going anywhere."

Bewildered faces gaped at him as he went on. "I'm going. You guys wait here."

Hakkai reached out for Sanzo as he stalked out the door. "Where are you going?"

"To find Goku."

~*~*~*~

Goku had finally calmed down even though tears continued to seep down his lone features. He once again struggled to stand but a cry of pain shot out as he clutched his sanguinary wound that continued to flush. He hissed again when his hand tightened its grip trying to stop the crimson to pour out.

"I wonder if they're worried about me. Well, I know Hakkai probably is. Maybe Goyjo. What about Sanzo? Nah, he doesn't care about anyone…especially me." Goku recalled the times when he believed Sanzo wished that he never existed.

" Ch' k'so. What an idiot I am to think that he would care. After all the trouble I've been. I'm worthless."

Goku shifted to get a good look at his surroundings. Still night, the whispering winds turned violent and blew in protest against warmth as Goku shivered and curled up. The shadows of tomorrow silently creep along iniquity of the twilight. Whimpers escaped him as he began to wail once more.

~*~*~

"Kuso! Goku answer me damn it!"

Sanzo huffed and leaned against a tree as he rested. He had been searching for over an hour. One hellish, dreary, and not to mention an unsuccessful hour while he searched for his young companion. He had crumbled the silence with his angered cries for Goku. He sighed and plopped down on the ground.

"Where the hell could that monkey be?!"

He watched as the shadows of the night roamed around in silence as they screeched into oblivion. He snarled again and kicked at the dirt in annoyance. He was completely pissed off that Goku would actually run away like this.

He tensed as he heard a soft wail fading in the distance that belonged to a familiar voice. "Goku?" He leapt up and spun around darting his head looking for the area where the sobs erupted.

He began to run towards the voice as he dashed through the trees. Roots were jumped over and twigs snapped and cracked as he crunched them in his path. He abruptly halted to a stop when he saw a figure curled up and weeping. His feet shuffled through the grass as they sauntered towards the form.

"Goku?"

The figure gasped and spun around to lock eyes with Sanzo. Golden eyes widened and tore away and he turned his back away angrily. Sanzo trolled next to Goku and spoke with annoyance. "Where the hell have you been?!"

The boy remained silent. "Look at me damn it!" Sanzo growled and used a harsh hand to force the boy to look at him.

Goku glowered at Sanzo and forcefully smacked the hand away. "Why do you care? It's not like I'm worth something. What the hell do you want? Did you come to tease me? Mock me? Tell me how useless I am? Sorry to disappoint you, but I've already figured it out."

Sanzo took hold of Goku's shoulders roughly and shook the boy. "What the hell are you talking about?! I've never said you were useless!"

Goku just narrowed his eyes as tears spilled freely. "You don't have to! You act like it!" As more tears flushed out, Sanzo's heart ached and tugged at the lone sight of Goku shedding grieving tears. His soul melted as Goku began to weep quietly once more. He put a strong arm around Goku and pulled the boy to his chest. With his other hand, he gently caressed Goku's wild and dirty hair. "You're not useless baka." He hesitated at first but eventually placed a protective yet ghostly kiss on the young boy's head. Sanzo felt Goku stiffen then relaxed in his arms.

"Really?" Almost a faint whisper came from the boy, hiccups erupting.

"Baka…you know already." Sanzo couldn't help but smile as Goku's slender arms circled his waist and embraced back. Together they just held each other in the silent night.

After a few tender moments that were cherished, Sanzo stood and looked down at a sleepy Goku. "I think we should go now." He offered his hand to the boy, who accepted it gratefully. Yet when Goku took the first step of walking he collapsed again against the tree, a low hiss shooting out. Sanzo steadily watched as Goku grasped his side and shut his eyes tightly from shedding more tears. He bent down and removed Goku's hand to inspect what could cause so mush agony. He cursed silently as he carefully removed the hand to uncover a huge slash deep and soaked thickly with crimson liquid.

"Kuso. What happened?"

Golden eyes opened gradually and the boy spoke with a croak of pain. "I uh, got slashed with something sharp…when I ran into the woods…I think it might have been a branch or something. I can't stand with this wound. But don't worr-ack!" A yelp of astonishment escaped Goku as Sanzo lifted him boldly into his arms and began to saunter back home. "Wh-what are you doing?!"

Sanzo just glared at Goku, with a sense of humor glinting, and smiled softly. "Baka."

Goku piped up gleefully and wrapped his arms around Sanzo's neck to prevent himself from falling. The two journeyed to the thickness of the forest and watched as they dimmed.

~*~*~Next Day~*~*~

"Damn it! I lost again!"

Goku could only smirk as he wrote something down once again. He and Gojyo had been playing poker and decided to raise the gambles for chores. Though luck roamed over Goku as he won the round again.

"Well let's see. The chores you have to do, which were once mine, are cleaning rooms, washing windows, cooking breakfast and dinner, dusting, laundry, and for the bonus, my personal slave for five hours!"

Goku broke into fits hysterical giggles as Gojyo pointed an accusing finger at him. "You! You cheated didn't you?! Didn't you?!"

Golden eyes blinked and shoulders shrugged as a smug look played on his lips. "Maybe I did."

"You dumbass!" Gojyo failed his arms in frustration.

"What?! Perverted kappa!"

"Brainless ape!"

"Sore loser!"

"Asshole!"

"Jackass!"

"Baka!"

"Pervert!"

"URUSEI!!"

Goku and Gojyo spun their heads shattering their conversation as a fumed Sanzo stood at the doorway with a worried Hakkai behind him. "BE QUIET!"

"He started it!" Goku and Gojyo both pointed to each other with innocent smiles replacing their angered ones.

Sanzo stormed in a pointed his paper fan at Goku. "You are lucky you're wounded badly! Or this thing would've connected to your skull right now! Actually..."

The paper fan tore through the air and harshly landed on Goku's skull.

"Hey! You liar! That hurt!" Gokus clutched his wounded skull and glowered at Sanzo.

Hakkai just greeted them with a grin and sat on the bed beside Goku. "Ok Goku, I need to check your wounds ok?"

"Hai." Goku began to strip off his shirt.

Hakkai gently laid Goku down upon the soft pillows and began to replace the bandages that circled Goku's waist and the scrapes that covered his body. "Well, everything seems to be healing. But you've still got to stay in bed." Hakkai spoke with a motherly tone.

"Yeah, yeah. I know." Goku slipped his shirt back on and let it flow through his arms and upon his thin shoulders.

Sanzo crossed his arms and sat on a chair near Goku's bed. "Baka."

"And to think that you guys were getting hot last night!" Gojyo smirked wickedly and laughed.

Four gunshots were heard as they rapidly flew. "URUSEI!!"

"I'm going, I'm going!"

Hakkai shook his head and his black locks swiftly swayed side to side. He rose and gathered the first aid materials and strolled out the door. "Well then, I'll leave you now to get some rest. We all should."

Sanzo sighed as he hid his gun away and went along with Hakkai, but not before shooting Goku a tiny smile which was barely visible to anyone but the boy who understood it. Then, Gojyo ran after them and shut the door.

Now, Goku lay back down and thought about the events that occurred. He watched as the sun caressed the room's darkness and shone soothingly upon the lonely figures that lied within that darkness. His innocence might have faded, but his heart continued to store those he loved and hate. He would continue to live for Hakkai and for Gojyo…for Sanzo. As long as they were here and loved him he would live in this cruel world. His ivory eyes focused to the door when a soft knock emerged. He sat up when Gojyo entered with pleading eyes and holding a deck of cards.

"That's two out of three?"

"You're on perverted kappa."

~*~*Owarii~*~*~

Author's Note: Yeah…it was rather…odd. I wrote this fic before I barely read any Saiyuki fanfics!