Treehouse of Horror: Naruto style IV
A/N: I do not own Naruto or the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror
Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto
The Simpsons belong to Matt Groaning
Naruto, who had left off his ninja attire and was sporting a fancy gray suit and a red tie, wandered through a dark art gallery, with many scary paintings of everyone from Konoha behind him. He began to monologue.
"Paintings: lifeless images rendered in colorful goop. But at night, they take on a life of their own. They become portals to hell, so scary and horrible and gruesome that--"
Before he could continue, Iruka walked right up to him.
"Naruto! You should warn the readers that this fanfic is very frightening. And maybe they'd rather listen to that old 'War of the Worlds' broadcast on NPR, hmm?" said Iruka who was accompanied by Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon. Konahamaru was sucking on a lollypop and currently being carried by Iruka.
"Iruka-sensei what are you doing here?! And why are you carrying Konohamaru?" asked Naruto.
"I was taking the kids on a field trip here, but Konohamaru started acting up and touching things so as punishment I'm carrying him around." replied Iruka.
"And it's the worst punishment yet." groaned said boy who took out his lollypop to speak but put it back in his mouth when he finished.
"Any way would you watch them for a minute I'm gonna go check out that gift shop." said Iruka as he hands Naruto Konohamaru and walks off.
Naruto sighs and focuses his attention back on us viewers. The three children stare attentively at him.
"The subject of our first painting tonight is the most foul, evil, vicious, diabolical beast to stalk the earth. Of course I refer to--"
Before he could say anything Kohohamaru franticly shoves his lollypop into his mouth.
"Boss, don't scare us!" he yelped. Moegi and Udon were covering their ears by this time.
"Mm-mm-mmm!" muffled Naruto before he spat out the sugary treat.
"The devil..." he said. The three children gasped.
(Segment starts)
Kakashi Hatake was at a fashion show along with other males, who had their eyes on the catwalk. The announcer begins to speak.
"The next in our fall catalogue, we love this, it is a vision in orange cardboard."
"The curtains draw back and a model's legs are exposed, when the males look up they see a copy of Make Out Paradise on top of the pair of legs.
"Ooh, pure genius!" cried Kakashi in excitement. Before he could admire the book model any further a horrible buzzing sound occurred.
BUZZZZZZ! BUZZZZZZZZ! BUZZZZZZZZZ! BUZZZZZZZZZ!
--
Kakashi shoots out of his bed sweating, it had all been a dream; the buzzing sound was his alarm clock. He turns it off and gets out of bed.
"And now to make the leap from dreams to reality!" he stated as he got dressed and headed for the bookstore. Today was the day when the new Make Out Paradise volume came out and Kakashi was hankering to get it.
As soon as he reached the bookstore he discovered to his horror that the shelf that usually held the Make Out Paradise volumes were empty.
"WHAT!" cried Kakashi.
"Sorry Kakashi, we bought the last of the volumes." said Izumo as he and Kotetsu walked away with a bag in their hands.
Kakashi returns home with his head down is disappointment. He heads towards his bedroom and opens the door.
"Alright, stay calm. Remember your training." he said to himself as he walked towards his bookshelf and pulled out a large book that says Shinobi Codes of Conduct. He opened it up and inside was a big space with a piece of paper in it. Kakashi took the paper out and read it.
"'Dear Kakshi, I owe you one emergencey Make Out Paradise volume. Signed, Ebisu.' Bastard! He's always one step ahead!" cried Kakashi while crumbling up the paper. "Oh...I'd sell my soul for the new issue."
Suddenly, Guy appears behind Kakashi in a puff of smoke, dressed like the devil.
"Well, that can be arranged my eternal rival." said Guy. Kakashi turned around in astonishment.
"Guy! You're the devil!?" he asks shocked.
"Ho ho, it's always the one you least suspect. Now, many people offer to sell their souls without reflecting upon the grave ramifications--"
"Do you have the new volume or not?" asks the impatient scarecrow.
"Coming up! Just sign here. Careful, hot pen!" said Guy while materializing a contract and pen from fire.
After Kakashi signed the contract a creature appeared out of fire, carrying the new copy of Make Out Paradise book. Kakashi took the book eagerly and began reading it.
"Now remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for--"
"Hey wait," interrupted Kakashi, who was already on the last page. "If I don't finish this last page, you don't get my soul, do you?"
"Uh, technically no, but--"
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!!! I'm smarter than the devil! I'm smarter than the devil!" taunted the scarecrow. Filled with rage, Guy turns into a huge scary monster.
"YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET, KAKASHI HATAKE!" He disappears back into the ground. Kakashi put the book in his pouch.
"Not likely, heh heh." he taunted to himself.
--
Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura found out about the whole ordeal and decided to stay over as Kakashi's house to make sure that he doesn't try to read the last page. Later that night, Kakashi woke up from a strange dream.
"Boy that was weird...I'd better read something to take my mind off things." Kakashi said groggily while reaching over to grab his new book, despite several warning signs around it.
"Alright, let's see here..." he mumbled while opening the forbidden book. He read the last page.
"Whoa! What an ending!" he gasped.
"WHAT AN ENDING IT WILL BE!" came Guy's voice as he appears in front of Kakashi.
"Aah!" gasped the masked ninja.
A hole of fire appears in the bedroom, dragging Kakashi towards it. Naruto entered the room, his nightcap drawn into the hole.
"Sensei, did you read that last page?" he asked.
"No." replied Kakashi weakly.
Kakashi is drawn into the hole, but pumps chakra into his hand and grabs onto the edge of the floor to keep him from falling.
"Oh, your chakra won't save you this time!" taunted Guy. At that moment Sasuke and Sakura entered the room.
"Hey Sasuke." Guy greeted while waving at said boy.
"Hey." replied Sasuke while waving back.
"Don't forget you still owe me for getting rid of you're brother." said Guy.
"Yeah, yeah. I know." replied the raven lazily.
"Wait! Doesn't my sensei have the right to a fair trial?" asked Sakura franticly.
"Oh, you Konoha ninjas with your 'due process' and 'fair trials.' This is always so much easier in Suna." complained Guy but then recomposed himself. "Very well, we'll have the trial tomorrow at the stroke of midnight. Until then," Guy focuses his attention on Kakashi. "You're going to spend the day in Hell!"
His pitchfork turns into a plunger and pushes Kakashi into the hole, and follows him. Kakashi falls through a huge cavern, screaming all the way into Hell.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
When he finally stops he lands on a moving conveyor belt.
"Ah, that wasn't so bad." said the masked ninja in relief. But boy was he wrong.
As he reached the end of the conveyor belt, a demon chops him into pieces. His mouth and shoes are separated and put into a bin labeled 'Hot Dog Meat.' Next, Kakashi is sent to a room (his body completely in tacked) labeled 'Ironic Punishments Division.' There, another demon straps Kakashi into a chair. The room was full of Make Out Paradise books.
"So, you like Make Out Paradise, eh?" asked the demon.
"Uh-huh." replied Kakashi nervously.
"Well, read all the volumes in the world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" laughed the demon as a machine begins putting volumes of the dirty book up to Kakashi's face as the masked ninja began reading and reading, and reading. Later, Kakahsi had read most of the books, and his eyes were bleeding.
"More." he responded.
"I don't understand it. Madara Uchiha went mad in fifteen minutes!" cried the demon in disbelief.
--
Back in Kakashi's house, the clock in the living room struck midnight. Guy appears, as does Kakashi's body appears in a cage made of fire. His head appears shortly afterward, and Kakashi screws it back onto his neck.
"Kakashi-sensei! Are you alright?" asked Sakura and Naruto in concern.
"No." replied Kakashi simply. At that moment a man dressed in a dark blue suit and short brown hair appeared next to the two genin.
"Kakashi Hatake, I'm Gohda Naritobi you're squad hired me to represent you. Don't you worry, I watched Family Court in a sake bar last night. The sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it."
"This is the best you could come up with?" Kakashi hissed to his students.
"We were low on money," replied Naruto.
A fiery pentagram appears on the floor. The Grim Reaper appears as the judge.
"Hear ye, hear ye. The Court of Infernal Affairs is now in session." he called while banging his gavel on the desk.
"Very well, but first some ground rules. Number one, we get bathroom breaks every half-hour," stated Gohda.
"Agreed. Number two, the jury will be chosen by me." replied Guy.
"Agreed." replied Gohda, but then his eyes widen in realization. "No, wait--"
"Silence!" cried Guy. "I give you the Jury of the Damned!" the people whose names were said appeared.
"Zabuza Momochi, Gato, The Demon Brothers, The Sound Genin, The Fourth Kazekage, and Haku!"
"Haku?! You're in Hell?" asked Naruto in disbelief.
"Oh no, I'm doing community service down here." replied Haku gently. "By the way Naruto, how are you?"
"I'm doing great! Belive it! Last month our village was under attack by the Sound village and my friends were about to be killed by this one kid named Gaara, who was wickedly strong by the way, and I beat him!" said Naruto excitedly with a large smile.
"That's great Naruto! I told you you'd get stronger if you were protecting you're precious people--"
"Haku." said Zabuza impatiently while motioning for his tool to come back to the group.
"I've got to go, bye Naruto," said Haku while walking towards Zabuza and the others as the proceeding begins. Guy begins his opening statement while holding up the contract Kakashi signed.
"I hold here a contract between myself and one Kakashi Hatake pledging me his soul for the new copy of Make Out Paradise--which I delivered! And it was a very youthful book at that! I simply ask for what is mine!"
The juries begin chattering.
"That was a right-pretty speech, sir," said Gohda. "But I ask you, what is a contract? Webster's defines it as 'an agreement under the law which is unbreakable.' Which is unbreakable!"
The jury stares at him as if something was coming out of his ears.
"Excuse me, I must use the restroom." said Gohda as he walks out of the living room.
An hour passes and Gohda still hasn't come out. Worried, Sakura goes to check up on him.
"Uh, Mr. Naritobi?" she asked while knocking at the door. She opens it and sees that he is gone and that the window is open.
Back in the living room the Grim Reaper starts the sentencing.
"Kakashi Hatake, I have no choice but to sentence you to an eternity of--" but before he could finish Sakura came running in holding a photograph.
"Wait! Before you send him to Hell, there's something you should see." she said showing them the photograph. In the picture Naruto was standing to the right, apparently glaring at Sasuke who was on the left. At the bottom stood Sakura who had her hands up to her mouth as if suppressing a giggle. And at the top stood Kakashi who had his hands on top of the boys' heads. Despite the fact that the two stubborn boys weren't' smiling it was a happy looking photo.
"This is a picture of all of us when we first became Team7." she said.
"What does this have to do with anything?" asked Zaku annoyed while taking a look at the photo.
"Read the back! Read the back!" hurried the pink haired ninja. Kin snatches the photo away from Zaku and began reading what appeared to be a written message.
"Dear Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura: you three have given me the best times of my life since I was in my own ninja squad. I have lost many precious people in my life and all I can offer you three is my life, my friendship and my...soul, which I pledge to you three forever."
"The jury debates amongst themselves until they reached a decision.
"We've heard enough. Your Honor, we find that Kakashi Hatake's soul is legally the property of Naruto Uzumaki, Sasuke Uchiha, and Sakura Haruno and not of the devil." stated Haku.
"Oh..." moaned Guy in defeat.
"Yay!" cheered Team 7.
"Woohoo!" cheered Kakashi as he jumped for joy but accidentally burned himself on the cage.
"Ow!"
The judge and the jury disappear in a puff of smoke (Haku and Naruto waved a final goodbye to each other). Guy walked up to Kakashi, he did not look pleased.
"Alright, my rival, you get your soul back. But let that ill-gotten book be forever on your head!" he points his finger at Kakashi as fire shoots out.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
--
The next day at breakfast, Kakashi starts reading his head (which was now a large Make Out Paradise book).
"Kakashi, stop reading yourself." said Sasuke in annoyance.
"Oh, but I'm so enticing!" Kakashi looks at his watch. "Oh, well, time to go to that mission."
"Sensei, I wouldn't go outside if I were you," said Naruto.
Outside, a whole group of perverts were waiting outside.
"Don't worry boys, he's gotta come out of there sometime." said Ebisu.
(Segment ends)