Summary: Somebody has a very cruel sense of humor when it comes to Christmas gifts... Pity Cloud and Tifa! PITY THEM!

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I don't own the song in its original form. I do, however, own this new version of it!

Queen's Quornor: And now, our true twelfth day. My apologies for leaving you all hanging yesterday. You see, I started this fic a day early, so I needed a filler.

The Thirteenth Day

On the morning of Yuletide, someone evil sent to me...

Yuletide morning was cold and snowy, exactly as the children loved. When Cloud awoke, he found his room to be absolutely freezing. And considering his customary lack of sleeping attire, he was basically a spiky-haired icicle.

Chilled to the bone, the swordsman burrowed down into his blankets and pulled them tight around his neck Thinking of Costa del Sol's warm, sunny beaches, he closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

This attempt was abruptly shattered when a herd of chocobos thundered down the hallway, the door to his room banged against the wall, and two large, heavy weights cannonballed into his bed.

"Cloud! Cloud!" Marlene and Denzel rolled around, accidentally kicked him in delicate places, and together pulled the covers away from his head. "It's Yuletide morning! Tifa says we can't open our presents until everybody comes downstairs!"

Cloud groaned and yanked the covers back up, praying that the annoyances screaming in his ear and ruining his chances of ever having children would go away and leave him alone.

"Cloooouuuuud!" Marlene whined. "Come on! Get up!"

There was an annoyed huff from Denzel, and the bed snapped up slightly as the kids climbed back onto the floor. Cloud, assuming the kids were gone, nuzzled back into his pillow.

A moment later, the swordsman curled up into a tight little ball as his blanket-nest was suddenly ripped off his bed, brutally exposing him to the freezing atmosphere permeating his sanctuary. Shivering, he lifted his head to glare at the fiends that had stolen his blankets, then dropped it back on his pillow.

With a sigh, Marlene reached out and yanked the pillow off the bed, making Cloud's head thud into the mattress. "If you don't get out of bed, we're bringing Reno in here!" she threatened.

"So?" Cloud mumbled, shielding his eyes from the sun with his folded arms.

Denzel and Marlene looked at each other, then the sandy-haired boy leaned in closer to his idol. "Then we'll bring Yuffie in here. Unchained."

Cloud was out of bed and down the stairs like a shot.

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"Well, that was a nice Yuletide." Tifa settled back in the chair and curled up, sipping her eggnog while her crimson eyes flicked over her assorted family and guests. "It's too bad not everybody could join us, but it was nice all the same."

"Especially since we were able to send Rufus and Vincent back their guns," Cloud commented, examining his new set of whetstones.

"It could've been better," Yuffie grumbled. Her gift, a nice shiney pinwheel, spun colorfully behind her head, nestled safely in the chains. "You guys didn't give me any materia!"

"How could we? You stole them all!" Loz accused, looking through his new set of Power Wheels motorcycle models. "Meanie!"

"'Meanie' and 'Yuffie' are syn...sin...sinonimonious with each other, Loz," Reno slurred. He had gotten a wine rack, and had already put it to good use by filling it with Tifa's vodka collection. Rude nodded, playing with his new sunglasses.

"Synonomous," Yazoo murmured, looking through his new Encyclopedia of Dangerous Weapons.

"Wha'ever, twerp!" the redhead shot back.

"Don't you call my brother a twerp, jerk!" Kadaj yelled. He had gotten a new motorcycle for Yuletide, something he seriously appreciated.

"No fighting on Yuletide, boys," Tifa commanded.

"You know what's really great?" Cloud said, looking up at her. "It's Yuletide Day, and we haven't heard from that..." There was a knock at the door.

"You jinxed it, Cloud," Denzel snickered, putting the batteries in his remote-control airship.

The swordsman shot him a dirty look while he got up and went to the door. As he pulled on the door, he closed his eyes, preparing for a dozen motorcycles or chocobos or something else terrible and dangerous to small children and blond ex-SOLDIERs.

Instead, he found himself slammed back against the wall as the door banged into him and people streamed inside. Cloud's eyes popped open and he merely stared as a whole group of friends and acquaintances made themselves at home in his living room.

Sephiroth, Zack, Aerith, Reeve, Barrett, Shelke, Shalua, Akalara, Azrael, Andria, and Kandi were all chattering and sitting around the living room, perfectly happy and chipper and drinking all of the eggnog. Cloud, shocked, was about to close the door when it was pushed back against him, and another unexpected guest walked inside, this one totally unfamiliar to the spiky-haired swordsman.

This was a woman in a black t-shirt and jeans, with long, wavy hair of light brown hue, green eyes shielded by glasses, and no bra. She smiled up at him, playing with the sword pendant hanging about her neck. There was a matching black leather wrist cuff covered with silver studs on her left wrist. "Hey, Cloud!"

Cloud's mouth worked for a moment, but no sound came out. Tifa stood up a moment later and approached the stranger with open arms, followed by Kadaj and Yazoo. "Queen! We weren't expecting to see you!" the martial artist exclaimed, hugging the young woman.

"Did you like my gifts?" she asked, grinning.

"You're the one who sent us those?!" Cloud sputtered, shoving the door closed.

"Well, duh!" she replied, rolling her eyes. "I figured I'd liven up your holiday a little."

"You boxed up the Turks and the Remnents, hogtied Yuffie, stole four Shadowfoxes and a bunch of weapons, swiped a box of hair gel, copied Vincent's coffins, kidnapped seven little kids and nine SOLDIERs, terrified the aforementioned Remnants with ten pieces of Jenova's body, and illegally refined mako into materia!!!" The frazzled SOLDIER completely lost his cool. "How do you call that livening up our holiday?!"

The four-eyed woman put her hands on her hips and tilted her head to one side, still smiling coyly. "Well... It wasn't boring, was it?"

Cloud and Tifa exchanged looks, and the martial artist nodded, pulling Kadaj and Yazoo close. "I wish you'd told us in advance, but... I definitely don't regret these gifts."

"Those Shadowfoxes are pretty sweet," Cloud admitted.

"And the materia will come in handy, if you ever find them." Queen walked up to Cloud and clapped his shoulder companionably. "Besides, I made it possible for you to talk with your two best friends today, and a bunch of other people you know and call friends. Isn't that worth the annoyances I put you and Tifa through?"

Tifa smiled, still hugging her adopted sons. "I think so."

Queen pulled her cuffed hand out of her jeans and revealed it to the swordsman. "Now, here's my actual gift."

Cloud and Tifa looked at the present, then at each other.

Mistletoe.

"I'll just tape it here," she said, pasting it to the arch of the doorway. "C'mon, Kadaj. C'mon, Yazoo. I have so much to tell you two!"

Queen and the two silver-haired men went back into the living room, already chattering. Cloud and Tifa looked at the mistletoe and then each other, then blushed red and quickly looked away from each other.

"Ummm..." Tifa couldn't meet his eyes. "Queen... Queen's a real joker, isn't she?" She laughed nervously. "She's got this crazy idea that..."

"That what?" Cloud inquired, stepping closer to her.

"That..." The martial artist stopped and licked her lips. "That you and I should get together. That we belong together. She's been trying to make us hook up for years. Isn't that silly?"

Tifa started to go back into the living room, but was stopped by a hand on her upper arm. Cloud pulled her back into the room and swept her up into his arms.

"I don't think so," he murmured, before lowering his head to hers.

...twelve uninvited guests, eleven cans of hair gel, ten Jenova pieces, nine SOLDIERs moping, eight Vincent's coffins, seven kids a-hyper, six stolen weapons, five mastered materia, four Shadowfoxes, three Remanents, two drunk Turks, and a clumsy little thieving brat!

From Queen and Co: Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!