Chapter One: The Letter

To the Ouendan this seemed like another boring Saturday, but little did they know that THIS Saturday would not be so boring. Let's take a look.

"Let's see what's in the bill box today…" Kai said as he sifted and sorted the Ouendan's mail. "Bill, bill, Aoi, Ryuta, bill, Anna, bill, junk mail, MORE junk mail, Suzuki, MORE JUNK MAIL! GAH!" Kai dropped the mail into a large cardboard box. "All I get is bills and junk mail."

Kai climbed the stairs that led four stories up onto a hill with the Ouendan's HQ at the top. Kai then proceeded to kick the door in. Then Kai yelled "MAIL CALL! COME HERE AND GET YOUR MAIL BEFORE I PUT IT THROUGH THE SHREDDER!" He then realized the chaos he had unleashed when he said that. "Oh. Crap." Seven people were headed right at him.

Aoi, the pink haired cheerleader, dove into the box of mail. She then said "I love mail!" Suddenly, she jumped out, screaming. "OWWW! OWIE! I got a paper cut!" Aoi held up her bleeding hand.

Ryuta then said "Well go get a bandage, Aoi. We won't shred your mail, right Kai?" Ryuta began to smirk a little.

"Yeah, we won't shred your mail" Kai said, snickering quietly. When Aoi left, he picked out a random piece of junk mail, placed it in the shredder, and hit the 'on' switch. "OOPS! I ACCIDENTALY SHREDDED ONE OF AOI'S LETTERS!"

Aoi ran out of the bathroom, screaming: "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! DON'T SHRED MY MAIL!" Aoi was running so fast that her high topped shoes flew off of her feet.

Kai said "Relax, Aoi. It was just some of my crappy junk mail." Kai burst out laughing. After a while he calmed down and said "SO, junk mail DOES have a purpose!" Everybody except Aoi started laughing.

Aoi then seemed to change, she seemed angrier than she usually was when they pulled this prank on her. She was so angry, so annoyed, that she walked up to Kai, and slapped him SO hard that he fell over onto his back, clutching his face. Then Aoi said "I swear to GOD Kai, if you pull that prank on me ONE more time, you will SUFFER! I will cut your face off with my fingernails!"

Kai, despite his large frame and courage, began to scoot behind a couch. "I understand! JUST DON'T HURT ME! AAAAAHHHH!" Kai ran out of the room.

Anna rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times. Then she said "What just happened?"

Ryuta's jaw looked like it was going to fall to the ground. He pulled himself together and said "I think Aoi just sent Kai packing!"

Kai eventually slid back into the room again and said "Is she gone yet?"

Ryuta answered with a simple "No."

Kai then said "Is she calm?"

Ryuta looked at Aoi, who was fidgeting and shaking like she was going to explode and then Ryuta said "Yep."

Kai slowly walked over towards Aoi and said "Are you okay?" Aoi nodded. "Are you feeling better?" Aoi shook her head. "Is there any way to make you feel better?" Aoi nodded again.

Aoi then said "There is one way…" Aoi whispered something to Kai.

Kai responded "NO! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!"

Aoi plucked Kai's hat off of his head and placed it on her own head. She said "Hey, look at me! I'm Kai!" Aoi stomped around the room and yelled "YOU! FIX THAT HOLE IN THE WALL!" Aoi then removed Kai's hat from her head and threw it into the ceiling fan, which shredded the hat in two.

Kai screamed "NO! NOT MY HAT!"

Aoi dug through the box of mail, grabbed what was hers, and left the room, laughing the whole time.

After inspecting his hat and crying a little, Kai began to distribute the mail, letter by letter, until he had one letter left. He said "And this letter says…Congratulations, you have won a free three-month vacation to Florida! If you choose to accept this offer, there are eight plane tickets and 8,000 dollars in American money!" Sincerely, Ouendan benefactor Hawk-e." Kai looked inside the envelope, and gasped. He then reached in and pulled out wads of American bills and eight plane tickets. "Good lord! The money never ends!"

By the time Kai finished emptying the envelope, Sayaka was on her knees, begging Kai. "Oh please, can we go? PLEEEEAAAASE? Pretty please? Pretty please with a rice cake on top?

Kai was annoyed by this but he said "FINE, we'll GO! Just STOP whining! Be packed by Four-Thirty P.M. TOMARROW! We don't want to miss our flight! Oh, I'd better tell Aoi!" Kai ran to Aoi's room and pounded on her door. He yelled "AOI! PREPARE TO BE AMAZED!"

She yelled "What? What do YOU want?"

Kai yelled back "Well, I'm just here to inform you that, wait for it, wait for it…WE WON A VACATION! TO FLORIDA! BE PACKED BY FOUR-THIRTY P.M. TOMARROW!"

Aoi replied "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!? YOU MUST BE… Nah, Kai wouldn't lie about something like that…

The next day…

Kai was yelling at Sayaka. "HURRY UP! WE DON'T WANT TO BE LATE! COME ON, GET ON THE FRIGGIN BUS!"

A few minutes after everyone's stuff was on the bus, Sayaka kept popping up now and then asking "Are we there yet?"

Kai replied "No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

Kai couldn't take much more of this. He said "Sayaka, if I hear 'are we there yet' ONE more time, I will personally tie you to the roof of the bus!"

Sayaka pressed her luck. "Are we there yet?"

At this point, Kai snapped, he slammed on the brakes, causing Sayaka to fly out of her seat and hit the windshield. Kai then grabbed her hair, and drug her out of the bus. "I WARNED YOU, SAYAKA!"

Sayaka was screaming bloody murder. "HELP! HE'S HURTING ME! HE'S HURTING ME! OW! MY HAIR! OW! PUT ME DOWN!"

Kai grabbed some rope out of a compartment on the side of the bus, lifted Sayaka off of the ground by her hair, carried her to the top of the bus, and tied her to the roof. He then said "NOW, BE QUIET!"

Sayaka replied "NO! I WON'T BE QUIET!"

"Then you can stay up here then." Kai said as he climbed back into the bus. Once he was in the driver's seat he grabbed the intercom microphone and said "Passengers, please refrain from saying 'are we there yet' or you can join Sayaka on top of the bus." Kai started the bus again.

Aoi, having finally realized what is going on said "Wait, you aren't going to drive with her on TOP of the bus are you?!?"

Kai responded "Yes, I am. AND, I'm going to drive through the woods!" Kai laughed evilly as he stomped on the gas pedal and took a sharp turn.

Meanwhile, from Sayaka's point of view…

She was screaming "HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" A tree branch whacked her in the face. "OW!" Another tree branch scraped at her. "OW! MY ARM! MY FACE!"

After about two miles of forest, Kai drove the bus back onto the normal road. After the fifteen minutes of traffic that they had to wait through, the Ouendan finally arrived at the airport. After all of the stuff was unloaded, Kai untied Sayaka from the top of the bus. She was quite annoyed, not to mention bloody, battered, and bruised. She asked "Kai, why did you do that?"

Kai answered "Because, you were being very irritating and annoying."

After the four hours it took to get through airport security, the Ouendan climbed onto the plane. Ryuta commented "FINALLY! THAT TOOK FOREVER!"

The plane takes off and Sayaka asked "Are we there yet?"

Kai suddenly looked like he was going to jump out of a window, then he yelled "WHEN WILL SHE STOP?"

The plane landed suddenly, and the intercom beeped. The pilot then said "Passengers, please do not exit the plane, we are picking up more passengers."

Saitou seemed quite annoyed at this. "MORE? I thought we were the only ones who won this vacation!" Saitou thought for a second. "Well, whoever they are, they better hurry up! I will not forfeit my vacation for some random idiots!"

A very familiar voice spoke "Who are the random idiots?"

Saitou was suddenly scared out of his mind. "Oh, Karou! I'm sorry, I would have never thought that it would be the BLUE OUENDAN!" Saitou grinned a little.

While Saitou was bickering with Karou, Hayato was arguing with Ryuta. "Ryuta, you still owe me money for that arm wrestling match that you lost. PAY UP!"

Ryuta stared at Hayato like he was a six-headed Satin spawn. "Now I KNOW I paid you for that bet!" Ryuta dug through his pockets and pulled out an American 100 dollar bill. "Since it's pointless to argue with an idiot, here." Ryuta gave Hayato the bill.

"Thank you." Hayato said.

"You're welcome, idiot." Ryuta responded, sharply. Ryuta wrote something down in a small book titled 'Vacation of the Ouendan.'

The intercom beeped, and the pilot said "Passengers, if you check under your seats, you will find a small bomb." Everybody began to panic. "Just kidding. Actually, if you check under your seats, you will find some headphones; feel free to listen to the random tracks on my I-pod."

Honoka, the orange haired cheerleader, quickly found the headphones and put them on her head. "Wow! These are nice!" Everybody quickly copied Honoka, and relaxed until they fell asleep.

Many hours later…

The pilot was bored out of his mind. So he changed the song playing from 'Koi no dance site' by Morning Masume to 'Jumpin' Jack Flash' by the Rolling Stones. Then he cranked up the volume from '10' to '60'. The pilot grinned to himself.

I was booooorrrrrrrn in a crossfire hurricane…

Ten seconds later…

Honoka stormed into the cockpit, EXTREMELY angry. "YOU! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!? I WAS HAVING THE NICEST DREAM!!!"

The pilot grinned and said. "What? I was sick of listening to your snoring. Besides, we're entering America as we speak. Look out the window."

Honoka looked out of the window and gasped. "Ooooh! It's so pretty!"

Back in the passenger cabin…

Rin was talking to herself. "I hope Honoka won't go insane. She gets pretty angry when she is startled.

Honoka ran into the cabin saying "GUYS! LOOK! LOOK OUT THE WINDOW!"

Everybody climbed to the windows and gasped. Aoi then said "Oooh! Pretty lights! Not as pretty as Tokyo, of course."

The plane landed again and the pilot said "Passengers, please do not exit the plane, we're not in Florida yet.

Kai was outraged. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'RE NOT THERE YET?!?"

The pilot answered "I mean we're not there yet. We're here to refuel and pick up more passengers."

Kai gasped. "MORE PASSENGERS?!? Who are we picking up? The Elite Beat Ag-"

Sayaka cut Kai off and said "DON'T SAY IT!"

Suzuki gasped and said "Too late…" Suzuki pointed at Agent J, who was walking through the door at the time.

J said "What's too late, Mohawk-Man?" J smirked.

Sayaka began crying at the sight of Agent J. She then screamed "KAI! YOU'VE RUINED OUR VACATION! Now I'll have to talk to that Starr girl the WHOLE time!"

Rin walked over to Sayaka and said "Do you know this lady?" She held up a limp Starr with a dart sticking out of her back.

Sayaka gasped and said "What did you do to her Rin?"

Rin responded "I didn't do anything. There was this guy with a HUGE red afro. He dragged her on the plane by her hair." Rin threw Starr onto Sayaka, causing Sayaka to scream. Rin laughed and said "My GOD Sayaka, she's not DEAD!"

Sayaka said "That's the PROBLEM. The problem is that she's NOT dead. She's very alive."

Rin said "You really DO hate her don't you?"

Sayaka responded "No, Rin. I'm madly in love with her. YES I HATE HER! I hate her whole personality. She always smiles. Look at her now!" Sayaka held Starr up, revealing that Starr is still smiling.

Rin said back "Aoi always smiles, Honoka always smiles."

Sayaka thought for a minute "Well, they're the most enthusiastic girls I've ever seen. Starr is different, she's not enthusiastic, she's just stupid."

Rin said "Good point, Sayaka."

Starr began to open her eyes. She groaned for a moment then asked herself "Where, where am I? I feel like I'm on a plane…" Starr noticed Sayaka, who was cowering behind a chair, apparently trying to avoid her. Starr slid next to Sayaka and yelled, in her ear "HI SAYAKA! HOW ARE YOU? I'M GREAT! DO YOU HAVE ANY SODA? ARE WE ON A PLANE? CAN YOU HELP ME WITH MY MATH HOMEWORK?"

Sayaka, after having a panic attack, responded to Starr's questions and statements "Go away. Fine, until you showed up. I don't care. Not for you. Jump out of the window and find out. What? Math homework?"

Starr laughed at Sayaka. Then she said "No, silly! I was just kidding about the math homework."

Sayaka grabbed Starr's ear and whispered to her "Listen here, Starr. I don't want to hear ONE word out of you for the next five minutes. GOT IT?!?" Sayaka whispered something in Japanese.

Starr nodded and said "Got it, Sayaka."

Sayaka grinned. "Good, Starr. Wait, what are you doing?" Starr was kneeling on the ground, groaning. Then she passed out. Sayaka looked at Starr's back and realized that somebody shot her with a tranquillizer dart. Sayaka then said "Whoever did that, I will reward them fifty dollars and a kiss.

Foxx backed away with a tranquilizer gun in her hands, she handed it to Missy. Foxx then said "Congratulations, Missy. You get a not so shiny, not so new tranquilizer gun! Merry Christmas!

Meanwhile, in outer space…

An alien whispered to himself "Everything is going according to plan, initiate phase two." The alien smirked. "By vacation's end, those Elite Beat Agents will be no more. And I can take out the Ouendan and Bluendan in one shot! It's like killing three birds with one stone! HAHAHAHAHA!" The alien managed to stop laughing. "DEPLOY THE FLEET!"

Back on the plane…

The divas had surrounded Ryuta and Hayato, they had started asking them questions like "Are you single?" or "Do you think I'm cute?" or even "Will you marry me?"

Finally, Ryuta got sick of the girl's constant questions and yelled "I don't even know your names! I'm NOT single, don't ask ME if you're cute, and I'm not marrying you!"

Starr said "Ohhhhh! He wants to know our NAMES!" Starr blushed. "I'm Starr, this old woman is-" Foxx slapped Starr. "Foxx. And this nerdy girl is-" Missy slapped Starr. "Missy." Starr clutched her face.

Missy asked Ryuta "So… Who's your girlfriend?" Missy got an evil look on her face.

Ryuta pointed to Sayaka and said "Her…"

Missy pulled a switchblade out of her pocket and charged at Sayaka. She yelled "She's your girlfriend no longer!!!"

Ryuta gasped and yelled "SAYAKA! LOOK OUT!"

Sayaka squealed and jumped out of the way. "Who is THIS crazy girl?"

Ryuta grabbed Missy's hair, tackled her, and swiped the switchblade. "See, Sayaka? She was going to stab you with a-" Ryuta flipped the switchblade open, revealing a comb. "Comb…"

Missy stood up and said "YES, that's right folks! A switchblade kni- er, comb. She had a very unsightly knot in the back of her hair and I was going to st- er, comb it out. Yeah, that's it!" Missy grinned innocently. "OKAY, I WAS GOING TO KILL HER! HAPPY?!?"

Ryuta gasped again and said "NO I'M NOT HAPPY! You tried to kill my ex-girlfriend!"

Missy gave Ryuta a weird look and said "Your EX-girlfriend?"

Ryuta responded "Yes, Sayaka is my EX girlfriend."

Missy shrieked "You COULD have noted this a LITTLE earlier!"

Hayato laughed and said "Well I know who's NOT going to be MY girlfriend!"

Missy suddenly turned as white as a freshly laundered sheet, and then she whined for a bit. She said "NO! I'M SORRY! I WAS JUST KIDDING!"

Sayaka thought for a second and asked "My question is…how were you going to stab me with a comb?"

Missy replied "There are two switches on the switchblade, one is a comb, and the other is a VERY SHARP knife. Be careful, even though I don't like you."

Sayaka flipped the knife open and said "That looks pretty sharp!" Sayaka plucked one of her own hairs off of her head and brushed it against the knife. The hair cut right in half. "Yikes."

Missy asked Sayaka "Can I have it back now?"

Sayaka looked shocked. "NO YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! You might try to kill something else, or someone."

Missy asked "Why would I do that?"

Sayaka took a deep breath. "I don't know, but I think you just might." Sayaka gave the knife to Ryuta, who gave it to Hayato, who passed it to Derek, who pocketed it.

Aoi said "Well, at least it's in the hands of a big strong agent!" Aoi hugged Derek for no reason. Shinta, who was nearby, went as white as a sheet.

As soon as Aoi squeezed him, Derek pushed her away and said "I'm not interested in a pink haired Japanese girl. Go back to your girly looking boyfriend." Aoi was shocked.

Missy walked over, yelling. "Gimme the knife Derek!"

Derek threw the knife to Spin yelling "Catch, Spin!"

Spin caught the knife and Missy ran over to him. "SPIN, GIVE ME THE KNIFE!"

Spin yelled to J and threw the knife. "Catch, J!"

J caught it and struck a pose, not noticing an angry Missy behind him "Got it!"

Morris yelled to J "Look out, dawg!" J ignored him "J! LOOK-" Missy conked J on the head and took the switchblade. "Out…"

Suddenly a stern voice boomed "Give me the knife, Missy."

Missy turned around to a very pissed Kahn. "Awwww… But KA-"

Kahn interrupted Missy "Missy, we've talked about not chasing people with knives." Kahn pointed to the cross shaped scar on his forehead. "Remember what happened LAST time?"

Missy mumbled "Yes, sir…" She gave Kahn the switchblade comb/knife thing.

Kahn, to Missy's horror and disbelief, began dismantling the knife, removing the blade in the process. He then put everything BUT the knife back together and handed it back to Missy, then Kahn said "There, now you can have your switchblade comb, but not hurt anyone." Kahn ruffled Missy's hair. "Comb your hair, and be happy that I gave any part of that thing back to you."

Missy began combing her hair and said "Thanks, Kahn. You're the best at making your co-workers happy."

Suddenly, the plane shook and everybody started screaming. The intercom beeped and the pilot yelled "HELP! WE'RE UNDER ATACK! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!"

The windows shattered as people, or whatever they were, in strange armor climbed through them. One of the things said "We are the Rhombulans, we are back to finish what we started with the Elite Beat Agents. The Rhombulan commander also noted an Ouendan that we should destroy as well. That is all."

Aoi started chewing out the Rhombulan who was speaking. "I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE! YOU'RE RUINING MY VACATION! SO GET OFF OF- ACK!" Aoi screamed in pain as a purplish lightning bolt struck her. "OW! HELP!" Aoi looked at her arm, which had started turning to stone. "OH MY GOD! HELP! I'M TURNING INTO A STATUE! HELP ME SHIN-" Aoi was cut off, as the rest of her body had completely turned to stone.

Shinta dashed at the Rhombulan, but was quickly shot. "AOI! IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, I'M SOR-" Shinta was cut off.

J started screaming. "NO!" J rushed at the Rhombulan and started beating the tar out of him. "YOU MONSTER! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! GO THE HELL AWAY! GET OFF OF EARTH! YOU PEOPLE ARE SO HEARTLESS THAT YOU WILL SHOOT A GIRL AND HER BOYFRIEND THAT LOOKS LIKE A GIRL! YOU MUST DIE!" The Rhombulans started firing in random directions, trying to hit everybody.

Thirty seconds later…

J had knocked out all of the Rhombulans. He carried them to the windows and pushed them out. "NOW GET OFF OF OUR PLANE AND OUT OF MY LIFE!" J turned around and said "Oh shit." J realized that everybody but himself and the pilot had been shot. J tapped on Starr's head. "Crap, they really ARE… STONED!" J laughed for a moment. Then he pulled out an ordinary looking whistle. He played a little tune and there was a cracking sound. He looked over at Anna, who was slowly crumbling to reveal the REAL Anna, under the rock. J yelled to her "Hey! Hottie! You missed the show!"

J, however, did not notice Starr. Behind him. Looking quite pissed. Starr slapped J across the face. "Do something useful, patch those windows."

End of chapter One.

Tune in soon for chapter Two: Final Destination.

Jhonic.

Please comment and review.

Aoi said she would slap me if I didn't get a review on this story.