Meredith looked at the two men standing in front of her, both with longing and love in their eyes. She looked to Finn and then to Derek.

"Meredith?" Finn said with hope in his voice.

"Meredith?" Derek echoed. Meredith immediately felt her heart rate quicken as her name rolled off his tongue. Finn was a good guy. Probably the better guy. But she loved Derek so much.

She turned away from them and ran out into the night. He was married. He had a wife. Tears sprang to her eyes as she felt her heart ache within her chest.

xxx

Meredith lay in her bed later that night. It had begun to rain and she watched the water stream down the window pains. She squeezed her eyes shut as her mind wandered back to early that night. She had missed him so much.

He turned his head towards her and his anger and frustration melted almost immediately when he saw her imploring face. His heart began to beat faster as his eyes skimmed across her body. He loved her. That's what he was thinking. That's all he was thinking as he strode across the room and took her in his arms.

She gasped slightly as his lips crashed onto hers. She melted into him, overcome by his passion and intensity. They kissed for a long time, remembering what it was like to be this close to each other. It was obvious that they both had longed for each other. Finally, their desire got the better of them and Meredith pulled away from him, looking into his eyes, which were smoky with desire. He knew what she wanted. He pushed her up against the exam table and began to trail kisses from her lips, across her collarbone and to the edge of her dress. He brought his hands up to her breasts and she gasped slightly as she felt his hands through the thin material. She reached up and began to push off his jacket and loosen his tie, their lips never breaking apart. Her hands moved across his chest and arms and back. She ached to touch every part of him. She felt him bring his hands down to her legs. He reached up under her dress and began to roll her panties off of her legs. She sighed into his mouth as she felt his hands on her bare thighs. She reached down to his belt buckle and undid it. Then she undid his pants and they dropped to the floor. He pulled away slightly from her and looked into her eyes. He smiled at her and kissed her again. She moved to the edge of the exam table and wrapped her legs around his waist. She could feel him at her entrance.

"Derek…" she whispered. He thrust into her and she moaned with pleasure. He smiled at her and began to move within her slowly. She was aching for him. She needed him. She ground her hips against him, wanting to feel him deep within her. She pulled herself against him, wanting to be as close to him as possible. Finally he began to speed up his thrusts and she moaned into his mouth.

"Oh God, Meredith…"he groaned as he moved in her. "I love you. I love you so much." With each thrust a little part of him was pieced back together. He hadn't realized how empty he had been without her. His passion built as he moved against her. He couldn't hold out much longer.

"Yes, oh God, Derek…" Meredith moaned. "I love you, too." She had been lost without him. She needed him with her. She needed him inside her. Never had she been so broken or so restored.

His thrusts began to come harder and faster as they neared the edge together. She began to tighten around him and she came with a moan of satisfaction. He continued to thrust into her until he came and she came again with him. She sagged against him as she rode out the last waves of pleasure. He pulled her against him, breathing in her lavender scented hair. He reached down and brought her hand up to his chest so that she could feel his heart beating rapidly. She looked up at him, smiling and he leaned down, brushing her lips softly with his. He felt her fingers intertwining with his as she brought his hand up to her own chest. She felt him smile against her lips. They had missed each other so much.

Meredith was interrupted from her thoughts by a knock on the door. Meredith didn't answer. Her throat was tight with sorrow. The door opened anyway and Christina walked across the room.

"Move over," she said as she climbed onto the bed next to Meredith. Meredith scooted over and Christina crawled under the covers.

"Burke got shot," Christina said quietly, as if she was just coming to terms with it now.

"I slept with Derek," Meredith whispered.

xxx

Meredith woke up the next morning and it was still raining steadily. She looked over at Christina, who was still sleeping soundly. She climbed out of the bed and walked downstairs into the kitchen. Alex and George were sitting at the counter, chewing on their breakfast quietly. Meredith didn't say anything. She just opened the fridge and poured herself a glass of orange juice, before sitting next to George.

"Izzie's in the bathroom," George said quietly.

Meredith looked over at him. "And?"

"She won't come out."

"Oh," Meredith said softly.

Christina walked into the kitchen and plopped next to Meredith.

"Izzie locked herself in the bathroom and I really have to pee," she said, annoyed. Meredith turned to her.

"Denny died."

"So?" Christina asked.

"I don't know," Meredith said. "It's just, you know. She has a right to lock herself in the bathroom. The man she loved died."

"Yeah," Alex said around a bite of eggs. "Mer's right. If Izzie wants to freak out in the bathroom. Then let her."

"We should go talk to her," George said. "We should go do…something."

"Why?" Alex asked.

"Because. Because she's sad. And we're her family," George responded triumphantly already getting up from his stool. They all trailed behind him.

They reached the bathroom door and Alex knocked lightly. "Iz? You in there?"

"Go away," Izzie said from behind the door.

"Come on Izzie," George said.

"Just go away, George."

"Maybe you should talk to her, Meredith," Christina said reasonably.

"Why me?" Meredith asked.

"Because." Christina looked at her. "You're all dark and twisty."

"Dark and twisty." Meredith looked at her friend, slightly annoyed.

"Mother who has Alzheimer's, McDreamy who's McMarried, father who abandoned you…" Christina ticked them off on her fingers.

"Yeah, dude. You are kind of dark and twisty," Alex said.

Meredith dropped her shoulders. "Okay, fine." She walked to the bathroom and opened it slowly. There was Izzie. On the floor. In the dress that she had been wearing as she clung to Denny.

Meredith walked over to Izzie and lay down next to her. "I don't know what to say to you."

Izzie looked over at her. "When Dylan died and when the bomb went off did you feel like…"

"What?"

"Like you were moving in slow motion?"

Meredith looked away from Izzie slightly, thinking. "He was there and then he wasn't. Like I blinked and he was gone."

Izzie looked at Meredith. She felt lost. "I feel like I'm moving in slow motion. Like I'm moving in slow motion and everything around me is moving so fast and I just wanna go back … to when things were normal, when I wasn't poor Izzie laying on the bathroom floor in her prom dress with her … her dead fiancée. But I am. So I can't. And. I'm just stuck ... And there's all this pressure cause everyone's hovering around me, waiting for me to do something or say something or flip out or yell or cry some more. And I'm happy to play my part. I'm happy to say the lines and do whatever it is that I'm supposed to be doing if it would make everyone feel more comfortable. But I don't ... I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be this person. I don't- I don't know who this person is."

"Izzie..." Meredith whispered, a tear running down her face.

"How did this happen?" Izzie implored desperately. "How did we end up here? Why am I alone? Where's Denny?"

"You're not alone, Iz." Meredith reached over and grabbed Izzie's hand.

xxx

Derek walked out of the hospital and got into his car, driving to his trailer. When he went inside he found Addison sitting on their bed in his jacket that he had given her because she was cold. She looked up at him. Her face was streaked with tears. She lifted her hand and he saw she was holding Meredith's panties. He shifted uncomfortably.

"Addison…" he began slowly, glancing away from her.

"No," she said angrily. "Just, no. You do not get to make a speech to me. You do not get any chance to make this better. Because you hurt me. You hurt me by choosing me, but still loving her." She stood up from the bed and strode over to Derek. "I mean, God! You didn't even try to hide it!"

"Addison…" She cut him off with a wave of her hand.

"Why did you do that to me? Why did you give me hope?"

"Because I do love you." He said it quietly. She looked up at him. "I do love you. But I'm in love with Meredith. She's the love of my life."

Addison nodded her head slowly. "Well then why did you hurt me? If you loved me, why did you hurt me?"

"I needed to try to save our marriage, Addie. I needed to try!"

"But you knew it would never work. You knew you didn't want to spend the rest of your life with me. So, what? You figured you would put in a good year to ease your conscience and then leave?"

"Addison, stop!" He ran his hands through his hair, shaking his head. "You're my friend! I thought I would hurt you more by giving up without even trying."

"God, Derek! How could you think that? Watching you gaze at her and long for her this past year hurt so much! You were with me, but you weren't. I gave you a choice. I gave you the chance to walk away. And you didn't. And because of it, you hurt me more. And maybe I deserved some of it. Because I hurt you first. But, God, Derek…" Her voice trailed off and she looked up at him. Her eyes were glistening with tears. "The reason I slept with Mark was because you were never there. You were absent. And I'm not trying to blame you or say that what I did was okay, but I missed you. And I wanted to feel loved." She looked up at him again and saw he was teary-eyed as well. "I pretended it was you," she whispered.

Derek looked at her, his eyes misty. "I'm so sorry, Addie. I really am."

Addison smiled slightly. "I know."

"I'm sorry I slept with Meredith. That was wrong. I shouldn't have done that."

"It was always her, wasn't it?" Addison asked softly.

Derek nodded slightly, studying her face. "Yeah. It was." He smiled faintly at Addison before turning and walking out the door into the rain.

"Goodbye, Derek," Addison whispered to the empty trailer.

xxx

Derek drove to Meredith's house without even realizing it. It was always her, wasn't it? He turned off his car and stared at her house. Yeah. It was. He got out of the car and walked to the front door. He knocked and Christina appeared in front of him.

"Hi," he said, suddenly nervous. "Is, uh, is Meredith here?"

"Yeah," Christina said. She opened the door and he walked in, smiling at her. "She's in the kitchen." Derek began to walk towards the kitchen door, but Christina stopped him. "You better not break her heart again."

Derek looked at Christina carefully. "I wouldn't dream of it." Christina nodded her head and Derek turned back to the kitchen door. He pushed it open and saw Meredith moving around the room, cleaning up dishes and tidying up the counter. She didn't notice him at first and he leaned against the door, watching her move around. Finally, she looked up and caught his eye. She straightened herself and took one hesitant step towards him.

"Hi," she said breathlessly.

"Hi," he said.

They looked at each other for a long time. In that moment, Meredith realized what Izzie meant when she had talked about slow motion. The world seemed to slow and fade away as she stared helplessly into Derek's eyes.

"Derek…" Meredith said softly.

"Wait," Derek said suddenly. "The reason I came over here was because I wanted to say something to you." He took a deep breath. "I was going to say…What I wanted to say was…But now all I can say is that…I'm in love with you." He smiled at her so brightly that her breath caught in her throat. "I've been in love with you for … ever… I'm a little late, I know I'm a little late in telling you that…" He paused. He looked into her eyes, searching them. "I just…I just want you to take your time, you know? Take all the time you need, because you have a choice to make. And when I had a choice to make, I chose wrong." He looked at her intently. "I'm so sorry that I hurt you." She breathed in slightly. She loved him so much. He nodded his head slightly and turned to leave, but her voice stopped him.

"I don't need to make a choice." Meredith said it so quietly that he almost didn't hear her. He turned around. She glanced up at him, into his eyes. "I don't need to make a choice. It's you, Derek. It's always been you." She looked at him. He smiled at her and then proceeded to stride across the room and kiss her. She smiled against his mouth, draping her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against him. She melted into him. She could get used to being loved.