Well hello everyone! . . .

(Crickets chirping)

Right, anyway welcome back to Yonkindachi after…Let's say about a year of forgetting that I existed as a writer. Sorry this took so long; let's say personal problems. Also, due to some more circumstances that are mostly the reason this is late, you may notice that the writing style is somewhat different. This is most likely gonna be temporary as I need to find an outlet to express my interesting taste in humor or mockery.

Disclaimer before disclaimer: I started writing this story about three years ago before a whole lot of this recent canon was even hinted at. I reserve my right as a fanfiction writer to liberally use my creative license to alter and mangle the canon into my AU *holds up wicked chainsaw with "Creative License" along the side of it*

Disclaimer after Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I own almost everything that Kishimoto doesn't own. That nets me at a total… 0.00 in any merchandising or copyrights…

Silent Partner: Don't forget my consulting fee.

Aren't you supposed to be you know, silent?

. . .

Yonkindachi

Chapter 10: First Exam; Head Games.

"Humans speaking"

"Demons speaking"

"Humans thinking"

"Demons Thinking"

"Scene Change/Flashback"

"Jutsu name"

" …"Voiceover (Linking two scenes together)

The already tense atmosphere in the exam room was escalated by the arrival of the Procter of the first exam; Morino Ibiki.

"Alright you little shits, get in line and get to your designated seats now. Anyone that isn't seated after three minutes automatically fails. Oh, and the time started ten seconds ago." He smirked as he watched the suddenly-headless chickens that were Genin scrambled to get their seats.

As the clock neared the start time, Ibiki noticed Agasu already seated with his feet propped up and his eyes closed. 'This one won't last ten minutes…' Oh how wrong the torture commander was…

"Alright, now that you're all listening let's put your memory to the test. These are the rules; nothing matters above the rules in this room…

Jounin Waiting Lounge

In sharp contrast to their poor Genin, the Jounin were currently all sitting in a lounge enjoying complimentary drinks and relaxing. In a corner were the four prominent Konoha Jounin Sensei.

Sarutobi Asuma, Sensei of Squad 10 was smoking as he broke the small silence between the four. "So, how do you think the Genin are going to do in there?

Maito Gai of Squad 9 answered first. "Yosh! The Flames of Youth will light my students to Chunin-hood!" the strange man shouted as he gave his patented Nice Guy pose. The other Jounin in the room put all of their Shinobi and Kunoichi training to work as they avoided throwing up, stabbing themselves, or just plain disgracing their names.

Yuhi Kurenai of Squad 8 recovered first. "I doubt that it will be that simple Gai. While I have no doubt that my Genin will try their hardest, it's hard to think that they would pass with flying colors." She stated only to glower when she saw that the eccentric man was gone and was bugging some Jounin across the room.

Kakashi, without even looking up from his book added his thoughts. "Say what you will of your squad Kurenai, but I'm confident that my squad will be passed.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that Kakashi," Asuma started "considering that the first proctor is Morino Ibiki." The cyclops blinked.

"They chose that sadist?" Kakashi asked a peak of interest now in his tone. "Hm maybe it will be a challenge for them after all."

"Sadist?" Kurenai asked, curious to the identity of this proctor.

"Sorry Kurenai I forgot you are still a rookie Jounin, so it's no wonder you don't know," Asuma apologized. Kurenai was a little annoyed at the quip on her newly established rank, but let it go.

"So who is he?" Kurenai asked now intrigued. If it was someone that could make a former ANBU and Fire Guardian interested, he must be good.

"A pro," Kakashi answered. Kurenai resisted the urge to sweatdrop at the thoroughly unenlightening answer.

"Yeah that's one way to put it," Asuma added, smirking at the thinly-veiled ire that crossed the Genjutsu mistress' face.

Chunin Exam Testing Hall

"…After five strikes, you're out. You fail, no excuses, no questions, nothing." Ibiki finished as he turned to the (mostly) scared-shitless Genin sitting in front of him. At a glance you would think that they had gotten a combination speech on the birds and bees, how to slit someone's throat then skin them and wear the pelt, and advanced killing tactics, all while watching a documentary on the history of torture with gripping re-enactments.

Naruto managed to keep his newly-gained composure and subtly glanced around the room to gauge the other participant's reactions. He was satisfied yet oddly disappointed that his teammates were clearly alarmed and looked like they would turn to the door at any moment. Deciding that it was pointless to focus on his demoralized teammates Naruto proceeded to enter a staring contest with the piece of paper in front of him.

Jounin waiting room

"A pro? A pro at what exactly?" Kurenai asked now attempting to get a straight answer. Asuma took a drag from his cigarette.

"Torture," he said expelling the smoke. Kurenai's eyes widened at this. "Now we're getting somewhere, but…"

"Torture and interrogation" Kakashi quipped as he turned the page of his book. The three Konoha were not aware they had a small audience now.

"What?" she asked looking concernedly from one to the other and now annoyed at the slow pace of the explanation.

"Although there will be no physical torture during the exam I'm sure the students are feeling some serious mental stress due to his interrogation skills. He is. . ." Asuma paused for dramatic effect,

"…The ANBU's torture and interrogation squad leader" Kakashi said flatly, stealing Asuma's thunder who glared at him while lighting another cigarette.

"Yeah," pausing to inhale "that. He understands human psychology, and the scariest part about him is that he can drive a person into a corner mentally, control their mind, and bully them. He can find a person's greatest weakness and bring it to the surface."

"Really? I think I know someone that can give him a run for his money."

The four Jounin looked over to the person that spoke to find that she was a Keikokugakure Jounin. Her outfit was the standard Jounin outfit with the specially modified Keikoku chest piece. Her hair was a light, almost cyan-like shade of blue that framed her face and jade-like eyes. Currently she was lying on a couch reading a blue-bound book.

"Ano, but who are you Keikoku-Nin-San?" Asuma asked her as he lit a new cigarette. Said Jounin sighed as she marked her page and stood up, muttering about nosy Konoha Jounin not letting a woman enjoy her reading time. (AN: Palpable irony ne?). "Eshikuru Naya, Konoha-Nin-San." She declared as she faced the four Konoha Jounin.

Chunin Exam Test Room

"Alright, you can start your quizzes…NOW!" Ibiki barked as his KI flashed to new degrees. With shaking hands, the Genin turned over their exams…and quickly had a severe meltdown.

'What the hell is this? No one can get these questions right unless they were a fucking brainiac…come to think of it this whole exam is kinda shady. First they start us off with full points, and then they give us five strikes if they catch us cheating.' Naruto mused as he glared at the test.

'Wait…Deception is a Shinobi's greatest weapon, and if this is the first Test to become a Chunin…then the answer is to gather information without detection.' He realized as the true meaning dawned on him.

Quickly thinking of a plan, he silently summoned a Kage Bunshin under the table before making it Henge into a lizard and sent it out to find his answers.

Jounin Waiting Lounge

"Maa, Naya-san. While your support for your team is admirable, I don't actually think you know who they're up against." However, before Kakashi could resume reading, his treasured book was cruelly taken from his hands by Naya.

"You know it's rude to read when talking to someone." She scolded as if speaking to a child. She glanced at the title and scowled. "Especially trash like this."

With that declaration, Naya set the book on fire and tossed it into a corner. Kakashi for his part acted very calm and respe- "MY ICHA-ICHA! NOOOOOOOO!" He cried as he tore off his face mask and tried to beat the fire out, so much for calm and respectable.

Sadly this proved fruitless as the once-sacred (or sacrilegious depending on the person asked) tome was consumed by the fire…along with Kakashi's mask and left sleeve, but those were not but a speck compared to the awful reality of the current situation. With no regret did the grown man and former ANBU Commander began to cry as a deep "Noo!" Was uttered from behind his spare-mask as his face turned to the heavens as the rest of the room looked confusedly in his direction…

"…Right, so anyway, the reason my student won't fall for Ibiki's tricks is because he knows them; he uses them all the time…"

Chunin Exam Test Room

The exams were going well, already half the teams were gone and the remaining teams had figured out the truth.

The Oto team was using their various tools of sound manipulation to copy the answers, unaware that there was a fourth person doing the exact same thing. The other person? He knew what was happening since his technique was superior. 'So, that slippery serpent has tried to emulate my Onkyo-Myaku? Not bad, but still nothing compared to the real thing.'

The only person that wasn't taking the test was the Keikoku-Nin Agasu. In fact, he looked like he was…asleep? This both intrigued and annoyed Ibiki, who was beginning to think that he might have made the mind game too easy since this mere genin seemed to have seen right through it.

However, just as he was about to toss a kunai and shock said brat awake, Agasu's arm, in one fluid motion reached out to the Genin next to him, grabbed his head, and slammed it onto the table, without a sound. As the now-unconscious Genin slowly slipped onto the floor, Agasu took his test…He then opened his eye to give Ibiki an Icy stare that made even his skin crawl and then promptly shut it again. Ibiki was perplexed, but had to credit the brat for originality. Plus, he technically only cheated once by taking the answers. 'Now that's a death glare. Odd move but I suppose it . . . wait was that one of the chunin I snuck in? Was he really able to see through the entire ruse?'

Konohagakure Back Ally

During the exams the general populace continued on, unaware of the alarmingly high amount of foreign surveillance that was being conducted in their village. Thankfully, the Hokage and ANBU were ahead of any potential enemy spies and had already planted sufficient false information… Or so they thought.

…Suffice to say, for every nine Shinobi detected, you should be wary of one that isn't. The one in this case, unfortunately was Kage-Bara.

Kage-Bara was a young girl when she started on her path to becoming one of the most feared Shiro-Shingaisha in the Southern Kingdoms. In her short life she had already caused the fall of 39 castles and fortresses and forced fledging provinces to their knees. Her current mission was strictly dealing with the first of her eight-part strategy; Reconnaissance.

Using her natural skills in stealth and the shadows and coverings of the alley she hid putting some final touches on her current set of maps and notes. Satisfied, she placed all the items into a pouch before sealing them into a tattoo on her left arm. 'That covers the eastern districts. Next, the North.'

With that silent declaration she sunk back into the darkness, just as a team of ANBU whizzed by searching for spies . . . badly in her opinion.

Chunin Exam Testing Hall

Ibiki was bored. . .

Really, there was nothing else to do besides stand in front of a room and look scary as shit, and as the last ANBU office party photos had proven, he could do that with no effort whatsoever.

'Eh, might as well get this crap over with. I'm sure Anko can't wait to sink her teeth into these brats. Now how can I do this and leave a lasting impression…' he thought before his stone face broke into an evil smile. Luckily for the Genin, no one was looking up or they would've seriously lost any nerve they had scrapped together.

As the clock in the back clicked to 10:00, Ibiki threw a Kunai straight past the center row, freaking out the Genin sitting there before it imbedded itself in the clock.

"OK! Time for the final question, but first there are some rules specific to the final question that you need to be aware of." Almost the entire room sweat dropped at the thought of more rules.

"First the final question is optional; you don't have to take it. However if you choose not to take it then you and the other members of your squad automatically fail regardless of how you did on the other questions."

"What kind of bullshit is that?" Kiba barked out.

"Kiba's right, why wouldn't we take it if refusing is automatic failure?" Sakura asked. Ibiki's smirk never left his face.

"Ah, but if you do take it and get it wrong," Ibiki paused for effect before blasting the KI up to terrifying levels. , "YOU AND YOUR SQUAD WILL NOT ONLY FAIL, BUT YOU WILL BE BANNED FROM EVER TAKING THE CHUNIN EXAMS AGAIN!" 'Solid work Morino, you've successfully scared the remaining crap out of these green-shits; mission accomplished.' He thought to himself while he watched their faces of sheer terror.

"That's not fair!" a random genin shouted "There are people here that have taken this exam several times." He declared as some of said pre-failures nodded their heads. 'And round two starts…now.'

"He he he well I guess you are just unlucky then aren't you? The fact is, what happened in the past is irrelevant as is what could happen in your future right now. IN here, in this room, I AM YOUR JUDGE. These other Chunin? They just weed out the utterly useless and leave the rest of you to my mercy. Now I'm going to say it again; if there is anyone who does not wish to take the final question, raise your hand now."

Icha-Icha Paradise Memorial Ceremony

"…Ok, so even with a past like that, do you really believe that a Genin could see past the tricks of Konoha's best Interrogator? " Kurenai asked Naya.

"I am not denying the skill of your torture and interrogation specialist it's just that Keikokugakure genin must pass mental stress tests and are taught to reverse psychological attacks, Agasu was . . . let's say gifted when it came to these techniques." Naya explained.

"It's funny, but Agasu-San usually doesn't fall for the bait of a mind game; he just deconstructs it. It's rather funny to watch Gensen or rarely Takumi try and trick him into doing something. However at this point I think he at least tolerates them enough to deconstruct their efforts in a less than scalding way…" she explained as she turned to Kakashi, who was finishing praying at a hastily constructed memorial to his lost book and mask, but the mask wasn't as important. "Please tell me he isn't always like this." The blunette asked with a sweat drop.

"Afraid so, although usually he keeps a back-up and just starts reading that. I don't know why…"Asuma started before he heard giggling and saw Kakashi in the far off corner hunched over something. "…Never mind."

With said Genin

The room was now a third full of its original teams with the remaining teams seriously questioning the value of staying. Ibiki was silently enjoying this fact until…

*BANG!* A fist slammed on a table amidst all the surrendering genin and then someone began to speak.

"Genin, Chunin, Jounin, they are just words they don't determine who you are or what you are capable of. So what's the worst that could happen? You spend your life as the world's strongest Genin? Who cares? You are still a ninja and you can still fight and you can still die. It really doesn't matter; you're all just trash anyway." A genin said in a calm even condescending tone that cut through the air like a shuriken. Every one immediately looked to see that the ninja who said this was one of the ones from Kagegakure. Across the room, His team mates nodded in agreement.

He wore metallic pauldrons, a black trench coat (there's another intimidating guy with a dark coat) with a high folded collar and the top of seven straps fastened over a bare chest with belts crossing it, black gloves and black knee high boots over black pants, his hair was straight, silver and hung to his waist. He was armed with a ridiculously long katana that must have been at least as long as he was tall which was worn on his back.

This seemed to galvanize the remaining genin and it appeared that no one wanted to surrender any more.

"OK everyone in this room passes!" Ibiki announced.

"Wait what do you mean every one passes? What about the final question?" Naruto shouted

"There isn't one. . ."

As Ibiki finished his explanation of the purpose of the final question something resembling a cannonball came crashing through a window and as soon as it was in front of Ibiki it exploded and when the smoke cleared a banner was revealed but no one was paying attention to that because they were all focused on the Kunoichi standing in front of the banner she had purple hair that was tied back resembling a pineapple she wore full body fishnets a skirt and an open tan trench coat that barely made her outfit 'decent'.

"Alright you Maggots! I want all of you to report to Training Ground 44 tomorrow at 0700 Sharp!" She barked before she disappeared in a poof of smoke. The whole thing happened in less than 12 seconds and left far more questions than answers. Ibiki sighed before ordering everyone out with a final burst of KI.

'I need a fucking drink…'

TIME SKIP: THE NEXT DAY (TRAINING GROUND 44)

Welcome to the forest of death

"Welcome to the forest of death!"

(A/N See, what did I just say?)

"Or as it is officially know the 44th training area. This is where the second exam will take place. You will get to experience why this is called the forest of death first hand." A hush fell over the confused looking genin.

"You will get to experience why this is called the forest of death first hand." Takumi echoed mockingly. "Ha! This will be a piece of cake!" Takumi shouted, "Almost as easy as looking at this proctor in her fishnet shirt." At that moment a flying kunai cut across Takumi's cheek and Anko appeared behind him "Well aren't you enthusiastic. But you know, boys like you die the fastest," she whispered in his ear, "after spilling out that red that I love all over the place." She finished and licked the blood that oozed from the fresh wound. At that moment Anko felt the cold steel of a kunai on her throat as Agasu whispered in her ear "I believe you dropped this."

As Naruto was watching this he started thinking 'That guy from Keikoku, Agasu, is no ordinary genin if he can sneak up on a jounin too fast for any one to even see let alone react.'

Anko smiled "thank you but it is unwise to sneak up behind a jounin, unless you have a death wish" she said while revealing that she was holding a kunai just beneath his sternum and took the kunai that was at her throat. "Don't we all?" he asked coldly.

End of chapter whatever, 10 I think . . .

To be continued