Title- Ways of Numbing the Pain

Credits- Most Characters belong to CBS but if I could have them for myself I would keep them

Spoilers- Some of seasons 3, 5, and 7

Rated M- for violence and adult content

Sara is sitting in the break room with the rest of the group, a rarity now days. She isn't quite sure why the Swing Shift is here too, but she is not complaining for at the moment she is busy watching Catherine. Her eyes glide up and down the blonde's perfect curves, blonde hair framing her striking features. As Catherine smiles at Warrick's joke that smile reaches those blue never ending pools. The thing Sara can't take her eyes off of is Catherine's lips. She can imagine them on hers returning the love Sara feels for Catherine. She isn't completely sure if it is love for she has never felt this way toward anyone not even Grissom. It could just be a brief attraction to the fiery blonde for she is gorgeous. I've always noticed it I mean I do have eyes, but what if it is something more. This feeling has me completely lost. Nothing has changed between us, and I have never before loved a woman.

I loved Grissom so much, and I had loved him for so long before he accepted my invitation to dinner. I had lost count of how many times I had asked him to join me, but he finally said yes. My heart soared as all the weight of my past was taken off of it. This was a new beginning for me, a chance to make a home. He was all that passed through my mind he distracted me at work when I would detect his presence. It took all my strength to stop myself from having my way with him right there in the lab. But I also remember that day when along with everyone else I discovered has was going on sabbatical. I couldn't believe him for leaving me out, but even more I couldn't believe myself for putting all of my heart in his hands, and feeling he had changed enough to not crush it. He had always been the one to put up the barriers, and was the one to take them down; foolishly I would be there patiently waiting for him to make up his mind. He would let me in, and then abruptly block me out. Every time I thought that I had escaped Grissom's grip, and my heart and mind were to have a break after a violent storm Grissom would waltz back into my life with full force sweeping me off my feet. Yet again I found myself waiting for his return, and when it came nothing was the same between us; everything was strained and awkward. Eventually Grissom asked me something I was dreading in his own quirky way "Maybe we should get married," I said yes, but my heart was screaming no not after what he had done to me. Our relationship ended quicker than it began it seems, and believe it or not he was the one to end it not me.

For weeks on end I cried, the tears never seemed to end, and every time it felt I had cried all I could a new flood of tears would appear. I was unable to sleep, and didn't even have to fight it off like before. I was busy pacing, and wondering how it had gone wrong. I thought I had loved him. I forgot to eat, this wasn't new for me except I ignored the gnawing pain constantly in my stomach telling myself I would eat later; I was too upset to eat now. I couldn't figure out what I had done to deserve being treated the way he had treated me for years on end, and I couldn't find the answer anywhere. Everywhere I looked Grissom was there pulling me down. Taking me deeper into the engulfing darkness. I know I shouldn't have; it was against my agreement with Grissom after I almost got charged with a DUI, but I turned back to alcohol. It was an urge so strong to numb the pain that I turned to what I knew would work, and yet again it consumed my life. I refused help, and knew that I was turning into an alcoholic again. Still I turned a blind eye to the plain evidence. I was on the verge of suicidal no matter how many friends I had who cared. I didn't feel life was worth it. If it hadn't been for the smile and kind word from the person I least expected that brought me back to reality I might not be sitting in this room today. Sara knows the complications of her feelings, besides for the fact that Catherine is a co-worker soon to be her supervisor.

They can't stand each other, and each woman is on the other's case twenty-four seven, Catherine always has felt the need to exert her power over Sara, and Sara resents that more than anything in the world. Plus Catherine is a straight woman with a daughter, and Sara is straight too, or at least she thought she was until a month ago. She never believed she could feel affection for another human being ever again. Sara knows her feelings will have to stay hidden it, but they always do with the ones she chooses to love.

Grissom drags Sara out of her thoughts. At first it is a blurry murmur; then as she makes it through the fog actual words start to form. Sara realizes how long she had been staring at Cath, and adverts her eyes as quickly as she can hoping no one has noticed. For a third time Grissom says something loudly, and Sara can finally comprehend it.

"Sara? New Case?"

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The night has not at all started out well for Catherine Willows. After finishing a fight with her 14 year old daughter, Lindsay, about going out with boys on a date alone, she trudged to work with a fever, and ended up with a decomp case. At least she has the guys at the lab to cheer her up she doesn't know what she would do without them, but something tugs at the back of her mind as she makes her way to the scene. As she sat in the break room it was great to have the whole team back together, but the feeling she was being watched overwhelmed her. Turning to see if anyone was actually looking at her she found Sara's brown orbs intently focused on her. What was in her eyes? I just can't figure it out; let alone why Sara was staring at me. She has given me the cold shoulder ever since our last blow up. It was public as most of the others are, and if not they are not public they quickly travel through the gossip circle. There was a new emotion in her eyes that I couldn't read tonight, and it has never been there before; well I have never noticed it before. I could see hurt, anger, confusion, and stress there, but those always seem to shadow the young brunette's face, and cloud her eyes. It is one of the perks of the job, and it happens to the best of us, but what I saw made her glow, and no one has seen her do that since Grissom. This emotion was indescribable except for that she glowed, and it has me lost. Why would it be in her eyes when she is looking at me? It could be possible she was lost in memory? But it did not seem like it at all. It is hard for me to admit, but I like her and I will only admit it to myself. I wish we could become friends, but neither of us can penetrate the others shield. It seems we both recognized that our strong and independent personalities refuse to work together, but still I wish we could try to be friends.

The scene is rough for Catherine the decomp turned out to be a twelve year old boy whom had been laying there for a few days. Doc Robbins found the COD was caused by long term abuse. They had no leads, and she refused to let justice go un-served in this case, but she was forced to stop by the return of her fever accompanied by a raging headache.

Opening the doors of the station all Cath wants to do is sink into her bed. The sun is too bright for her; feeling like a vampire she heads straight for her car wanting protection from the light. "Bye Cat." Turning to see Sara with her adorable gap toothed smile, she yet again notices that faint twinkle in Sara's eyes.

Throat killing her, and exhaustion winning the battle, quietly, kindly, and slightly croaky Catherine replies, "Bye Sara, I'll see you tomorrow." As she leaves Sara can't help but smirk at the look confusion on Catherine's face.

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"Sara." Looking up she is caught in the clear, blue eyes of Grissom.

"Yes Griss?"

"I know that this is odd, but can you do me a favor? Catherine is too sick to pick up Linzz from school, and she has asked me to do it, but I am swamped. So I was wondering if you could do it?"

"Sure"

"Thanks."

"Yeah. No problem"

Rushing to recollect the evidence spread across the table, Sara wonders if Cath is alright, and how serious her illness is. She doesn't know what to do to help except what she is doing now. Nerves kick in, and Sara makes it to Linzz's school in a record time. Then scares Lindsay as she cuts the time to Catherine's house in two. Sara realizes she had never actually been in Cath's house before, and it hurts her a little, but she is quickly distracted by the fact that Catherine doesn't seem to be coming to the door.

Lindsay comes back to the car shaking her head.

"Do you have a key?"

"I forgot it today."

Getting out Sara goes up to the door and knocks loudly. "Catherine it's Sara. I brought Lindsay home for you, can you open the door?" She hears rustling behind the door, and a lock turning; relief floods over Sara. As the door opens Sara is facing a very pale, red eyed Catherine. Lindsay walks past her mom and goes into what Sara assumes is her room. She appears to have a reason to make herself scarce.

"Hi."

"Hey." Now, up close, Catherine looks even sicker that Sara has realized at a first glance. Standing there they both find something to focus their eyes on that is not each other, and to both of them it feels this longest awkward silence they have ever been through.

Sara finally manages to turn her brain on and think of something to say, "How are you holding in there? Do you need anything?" Cath opens her mouth to answer, and her eyes roll back in her head. Next thing Sara knows Catherine is passed out on the floor in front of her.

Sara kneels down feeling Catherine's pulse. It is there beating strong. "Catherine? Cat? Can you hear me?" Lindsay dashes out of her room and rushes to her mother's side.

"Mom? Wake up." Catherine's eyes flicker open and she looks into Sara's deep brown eyes which are full of concern, and then over to her daughter's pale, scared face. She reaches up and strokes Lindsay's cheek trying to prove that she is alright.

"Linzz sweetie I'm fine, why don't you go back to your room?"

"I'm not going to leave you like this."

" You won't be. Sara is here to help me," looking over she gives the brunette a pleading look trying to convey how she feels without words.

"Your mom is right Lindsay, I'm not leaving her side. How about you go get your homework done so we can make your mom dinner? How does that sound?"

"Fine," before leaving Linzz gives Sara a glace that reminds her all too much of the blonde lying on the ground at her knees. She understands the meaning of it clearly, "If you hurt her I'll kill you." Then Linzz turns around and retreats intoto her room.

"Jesus Cat, you scared me."

"Sorry, good thing you were here huh?" Catherine gives Sara her most charming smile to let her know she is fine, but there is a look of fear displayed upon Sara's face.

"Can you get up?"

"I can try," she manages to stand then starts swaying. Quickly Sara has Cath put her arm around her waist. Then Sara reaches behind her to support Cath as much as she can. Sara helps Catherine down the hall; she can't help noticing the other woman's warmth and body rubbing up against her. Sara struggles to keep herself under control, and Catherine notices that Sara is acting uncomfortable, but has no clue why, and can't really do anything to fix at the moment.

"Which one is your room?"

Looking up to all the shut doors, "The last one on the left."

Easing Cath onto the bed Sara can feel her shaking. She covers the small blonde up she feels her forehead.

"You're burning up. I'll be right back I'm going to find you some Advil." With Lindsay's help Sara successfully finds everything she needs. She returns to Cath noting the details of the house along the way. She gives Catherine the medicine, and sits in the reading chair across the room. She watches Cath who has her eyes closed, and smiles to herself. She looks so peaceful when she rests. I never thought I would ever get the chance to see her this way. The smell of vanilla still lingers in Sara's mind and in a matter of minutes has become a welcoming and comforting smell. Catherine admires the sweet smile of the woman lost in thought across the room and wonders what Sara could be thinking about that makes her smile like that.

"I appreciate what you have done for me hun, but I'm sure your tired and need rest before your next shift."

"I'm not leaving you here like this. Plus I promised Linzz we would attempt to make you dinner," she flashs a gap toothed smile at Catherine.

"Sara you really don't have to waste your time on ……"

"Don't finish that sentence you are defiantly worth my time, and I am going to stay and help don't worry about it at all. I want to help you." Her argument in Cath's mind is too sincere to pass up, and she allows Sara to win this one.

"Now to go find Lindsay."

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This is defiantly not the Sara Sidle I know. The Sara I know would give me half her attention with little patience. It is different I admit, but nice and comforting. The only time she has left my side is to help Lindsay or get me something I have hesitantly asked for. She has stayed curled up in that chair no matter how many times I have tried to persuade her to share a bed with me, or go sleep in the guest room. I know she doesn't feel comfortable around me. Maybe that's what hinders her from taking up my offer. She has always been a very distant person, and we have never really been in close proximity of each other partly because of the fear that one of us would get pissed and try to deck the other. It was a smart move on both of our parts. Now I have seen another side to Sara, and I want to be her friend. God damn it! Why are we so stubborn? I have to wait on her I guess. This is the second or third time she has seen me so vulnerable and helpless. I have trusted her to keep it quiet, and she has. I have opened up to her even if she doesn't realize it. Now it is her turn.

"Hey, Sara?"

"Yea?" Sara has just gotten back from dropping Lindsay at school, and man can that girl talk.

"Would you like to get breakfast with me?"

"Yeah that would be great; I mean if you are feeling up to it that is."

"God, yes I want to get out of this house so badly! Give me ten minutes to shower."

Sara looks up from what she has been restarting and working on for the past three days to watch Catherine get up and head into the bathroom. When Cath comes out wrapped in a towel Sara has to suppress a whimper that wants to escape. Beads of water trickle down her back disappearing under the towel, and slide into her cleavage. Her hair is in wet strands around her face, and it takes great effort for Sara to get herself out of the chair to give Catherine privacy.

Catherine comes out dressed in a tank-top that creates the perfect amount of cleavage, and jeans that hug her ass. As she goes to find a sweater Sara can't help but check Catherine out. Coming back Catherine give Sara the biggest smile, "Are you ready?"

"Yeah"

"Listen, I was thinking you should bring your car so that you can go home and rest before shift tonight." Sara nods her head in agreement, but something visibly changes in her demeanor, and it doesn't go unnoticed by Catherine.

After a great meal, and argument over who would pay the bill the two woman exited the restaurant closer than they had ever been before."Well thanks for everything hun I really appreciate it."

"It was no problem." Sara turns to go, and is in complete shock when Catherine grabs her and pulls her into a hug, she felt herself let out a little gasp of surprise. She has never received this kind of affection from Catherine and defiantly doesn't mind the warm friendly embrace. Sara can't turn her mind off in time before it wanders to how Catherine's body feels against hers.

"I'll see you later"

"Yeah later," Cath smiles at her then leaves.

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This is ridiculous it has only been half a day and I miss her. The past three days have been better than I could ever imagine. Being with Catherine leaves a warm feeling inside of me, and when I'm around her it drowns me. I have never been good with kids, but everything came so easily with Lindsay. I was shocked, at myself. "Maybe I'll go out. What's one more call into work? I have enough vacation time built up to last me a year," Sara mumbles to herself.

At the bar there are men hitting on Sara left and right. They offer to buy her drinks, and she accepts all of the offers, because all she can think about is Catherine. No matter what she does she can't get the blonde out of her mind. Every blonde she sees she holds her breathe as they turn around, and every time their face is revealed there is a swelling disappointment in Sara's heart. Sara finds herself drinking her pain away, again longing for that numb feeling she gets at the bottom of the bottle. On the dance floor she grinds on every man close enough to her. Letting them have their fun and grope her as long as it doesn't go past that.

She can barely walk as she goes out to catch her cab. Sara wants to let the alcohol really do its job when she passes out, but can't let herself fall asleep; not until she gets home. In the cab she stares out at all of the neon signs, and then at the beautiful houses. One catches her eye it is big with a lush green yard, and all the lights are off. She feels in her pocket and finds a piece of paper. It has been there all day secretly gnawing away at her."Can you pull into this driveway for a second please? I promise I won't be long." She manages to slur this to the driver in time. Sara gets out and stumbles up the steps. She slips the paper under the door. The door of Catherine's house.

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What is wrong with me? We have just become friends and she won't leave my mind. It is something about the hug. I know it has set me off. It felt so good, but it was just a hug between friends, and we both know that. Yet it won't allow me to shut off my brain, and it is driving me insane, because I shouldn't be thinking of Sara like this. Catherine is at home. She has been trying to read for the last half an hour, because she never gets the chance to, but she can't this time either. She has decided to go pick up Linzz from school early, hoping some time with her daughter will clear he mind.

She is curled up on the couch with Linzz watching movies. The movie has kept her distracted for a while, but no longer can. It is just some random attraction. It must be I will get over it soon enough. The feeling must have been inside of me all along and now it has surfaced because I have spent time with Sara. That must be it, which means it will disappear any time now.

As Sara parties and drinks her problems away Catherine has resorted to something else, and when that doesn't work she lays in bed drifting in, and out of a fitful sleep. Finally she gets up, and makes herself a drink, which leads to two, and then to three. Cath goes back to her room, and falls asleep.

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The alarm fills the room as Sara rushes to turn it off her head is pounding. She is yet again considering calling in sick to work, but she has already done that four times in a row. Pulling herself out of bed she gets in the shower washing away the smell of smoke and alcohol that has permeated everything. After getting dressed she puts on her jacket planning to throw away the piece of paper that lies inside her pocket, but it is not there. Oh shit!

At the same time Catherine is heading out the door on her way to work, since becoming supervisor of Swing she is in and out when she wants. She stumbles across a piece of paper on the floor with her name on it that she never noticed before. Right away she recognizes Sara's writing. She has the urge to read it right now, but can't because she promised Nick she would be right back to give him a hand on his case.

As soon as she finishes with Nick she goes to her office and shuts the door and blinds, allowing herself privacy. She opens the letter and starts to read:

Cath,

There is no easy way for m to tell you this, and I wish there was a way without jeopardizing are newly kindled friendship. I feel you should know though so that you can decide if we should have a friendship or not, and whether it would be to awkward for you. I love you, and I have for a long time. At first I thought it was just attraction like when we first met. I don't know how I couldn't be attraction to you, because you are gorgeous and that sometimes leaves the mind to stray. But it has become a stronger feeling, and it has become more complex and harder to control. I will not lie to you. I watch you flirt with the guys at the lab, and I am taken over by jealously. I'm not sure if it is, because of how I feel toward you, or because of the gentle loving affection you give them, that I have not until recently experienced. I love being on your better side. I never expected it would happen, and I never could have guessed how sweet and protective you are to those you care about. If I have just ruined everything between us I will regret it for the rest of my life , but if I did not tell you how I felt it would eat me alive and I would feel regret every waking moment until there was nothing left of me to feel. You deserve to know the truth. -Sara

Catherine is in complete awe as she sits there not able to comprehend what she just read. So she rereads it again until her brain can start to function again. Loves me? Wow! Geez! What am I going to do? What can I say to not break her heart, but say it is not possible at the same time? Catherine lets out a sigh, and sits there lost in thought.

Sara enters the building cautiously keeping an eye out for Catherine. She is ready to run full speed the opposite direction at the first glance of the older woman. She is so nervous she thinks she might throw up. Peering around the corner through the glass wall into the break room; before entering to get some coffee there is no sign of Catherine, and Sara lets out a sigh of relief. "Hey gorgeous!"

"Hey Greg. How are you?"

"Amazing now that I've seen you. I've got to run to Trace, and see what Hodges has found. Feel free to help yourself to my special stash of coffee you look like you need it." He turns to leave, "Oh Sara, I forgot to tell you Cath's looking for you..." Her heart starts to pound in her chest and she starts to have a little trouble breathing, but she forces herself to calm down in front of Greg. "But she had to go out to a scene. What did you do to piss her off this time?"

"I'm not sure...well I think I know, but I would hate to misinform the whole gossip circle," Sara says smiling.

"Well good luck with that!" Smiling Greg leaves the room. Finishing her coffee Sara goes to bury herself in work. Triple homicide it looks gang related. That isn't confirmed yet, but the materials Sara is examining might prove it. Singing to herself Sara doesn't notice the presence of another in the room. Catherine's stomach turns as she clears her throat.

"Sara, I need to speak to you in my office." Sara jumps at the sound of Cath's voice but refuses to look up, struggling to hide the burning of her cheeks.

"Okay, give me a minute." Turning Catherine leaves the room; hear goes nothing is the only thought in her head.

The blinds are down and the door is shut, but Sara ignores them as she enters the office feeling nothing could make this situation worse. Catherine is sitting there with the saddest expression Sara has ever seen on her face. She motions for Sara to sit in the chair she has moved around the desk next to hers.

Cath tries to encourage Sara with a smile, but only manages a very weak half smile. Sitting Sara looks at Catherine the brunette's cheeks are red, and even though she tries to hide it Cath detects fear in her dark orbs.

"I got your letter" Oh shit! I still had a little strand of hope that I hadn't... The only reply that Catherine receives is silence."I hadn't realized..." nerves forced Catherine to stop and look away from Sara. Taking a deep breath she tries again." I hadn't realized that you feel that way for me Sara and I should have. I know what you are most likely thinking you don't have to say it. That I hate you, or that I do now, but I don't."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes."

Anger and defense flash is Sara's eyes, and Catherine wonders how far this conversation will get before the yelling starts and the walls come up. The thought of lashing hurtful comments at Sara after the side of her Catherine has seen seems impossible, but Cath knows she will do it if Sara will. "So most of the time you just like treating me like shit for no reason? I've seen the other side to you Catherine and it is one I will cherish forever, but a part of me feels like it was just an act."

"Part of me is jealous of you I guess and always has been. I felt threatened by your presence, and I apologize, but what you saw was not an act. I like having you as a friend Sara. Maybe I should have stopped and thought about what I was saying most of the time but I didn't, and there is nothing I can do about it now."

"Maybe you should have." Sara's voice is rising, but she knows better than to let it to get out of control at work, again.

"I have no other excuse, or explanation except for the one I just given you." Silence again. Sara gets up and walks across the room turning her back to Catherine. Feeling the need to stand Catherine walks around the desk and leans against it giving Sara her space.

Sara is the first to speak, "We mine as well get this over with."

"I have all the time in the world right now." Sara turns her head and gives Catherine a look that clearly says "yeah right." "Your letter Sara; I want to talk about it."

Knowing this sounds childish she replies, "What if I don't?"

"Then listen. You say that you love me, but how can you when clearly I've treat you like shit? Until recently we have never been able to be in the same room as each other alone for more than five minutes. I don't want to say this, but this could never work. I don't have those feelings for you. I want to be honest with you though since you were with me. I have come to realize this means nothing, but since I hugged you I can't stop thinking about you. It is just a fantasy though." At this Sara turns around and goes up to Catherine forcing the blonde as close to the desk as she can go. Their breath becomes ragged, as lust and passion fuse together. Looking up into Sara's eyes Catherine knows that she is waiting for Catherine to make the move and kiss her proving that Cath would give this a chance. Catherine wants to just say the hell with it, and kiss Sara; her lust is over coming her. Taking one last look in those eyes she knows she could never hurt Sara in this way so she turns her head, and waits for Sara to back away. Tears fill the brunette's eyes. As she is about to leave Catherine says in a barely audible whisper from behind her desk, "I'm sorry." She knows Sara heard it as she leaves closing the door behind her.

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Soon the whole lab has heard or seen the distance that has appeared Catherine and Sara in a few hours. They assume they have had another fight it just wasn't as public as last time.

The next day Catherine and Warrick are working in the layout room. Warrick watches with concern as the blonde gets more and more frustrated by the second. This isn't like her. Catherine has almost always tried to stay objective to cases no matter how moving, but today is different. Something is different. In her whole appearance; she has bags under her eyes and she looks thrown together. That is one thing Catherine Willows never looks is thrown together. She can look pissed, sad, frustrated, happy, sweet, cool, mostly hot, but never the way she does today. Worry lines crease her brow, and she is about ready to either drop any minute of exhaustion, or break down into a fit of tears. No one Warrick knows has ever seen Catherine this far off her game, except for one or twice in her life, and those times she defiantly had a good reason.

Even though this case involves a murdered child, and it is the kind of case known to get to Catherine, even to Gris; Warrick has a hunch that the case is not the problem this time around. Deciding to see if he can distract her Warrick starts in on the blood spatter. "Well the blood spatter on the wall suggests..." Warrick looks over at Cath for a sign of recognition that he is talking and finds her staring at something or someone through the glass wall with hurt and sadness floating in those ice blue eyes. Her emotions mask her beautiful face, blanketing her beauty and turning it into something else. Something that is hard to look at, and instantly draws pity from the observer.

Making up his mind that he wants to get a glance at what is doing this to Cath before confronting her Warrick looks in the direction Cath is so intently focused on. What he sees in a way amazes him, but in another sense turns on a light bulb in his head and it seems to make a little sense. Standing in the DNA lab examining results is Sara. "Cath, I know this isn't my place, but I have never seen you act quite like this, and it makes me worry. What is going on between you two?"

Snapping out of her trance, " It is nothing just a small fight we had. I'm worried I might have gone too far with Sara this time. Don't worry I will be fine. Hey, do you think you can handle this case alone tonight? I'm really out of it. I need to find a way to apologize to Sara, and I really need to get some sle.."

"Say no more I want you to leave right now. I've got this. I will have the report on your desk by Monday." Catherine gives him a hug before she leaves and send him the biggest smile she can muster, but it does nothing to diminish the emotions that rarely shade over her face. Warrick watches after her with a look of brotherly concern.

Deliberately Catherine takes the long way to the locker room trying to get a feel for Sara's demeanor. She feels a lump rising in her throat as she looks at the young brunette, and realizes that even if she wants to talk to Sara in person it would not be possible without breaking down. I will not lose our friendship over this. I messed this up, and I must fix it. I don't know exactly why I feel this strongly about this, and I could stand and contemplate it all day. I have seen the shielded side of Sara, and now I have seen a side I know rarely anyone sees. She is one of the kindest and most unselfish people I have ever met. I don't want to go back to our old ways. They don't seem right anymore and I will do whatever it takes to fix what is broken. Catherine opens her locker, and searches it until she finds a pad of paper and pen buried underneath everything on the shelf. Sitting she begins to write:

Sara,

I still want to talk to you. I am not going to let our friendship end so quickly over any issue no matter how big. I will do whatever it takes because I care about you and can't bear to lose a friend like you already. I am going to talk Grissom into letting you off shift early so that you aren't ready to drop when I hopefully see you. Come over to my place for coffee when you are done with work. You don't have to worry about any disturbances, or eavesdroppers, because Linzz is spending tonight with her aunt. Please come. -Cath

Oh shit ! Lindsay I am supposed to pick her up! Catherine rushes out of the room deciding to call Grissom on the way to Lindsay's school. Not paying any attention she runs right into Sara. Before Cath can even comprehend what has happened Sara is practically running in the opposite direction. Hoping that Sara's actions didn't mean she wouldn't show up Catherine left the lab. Calling Grissom she managed to get him to let Sara off even though he was already short of staff. Catherine picked up Linzz, dropped her off at her aunt's, stopped at the store to buy some vegetables for Sara to snack on, and entered her house completely exhausted.

This doesn't stop her though because she has to clean up the house before Sara comes. Being a typical teenager Linzz leaves things all over the house and Catherine is the one who has to pick them up. Knocking at the door stops Catherine in her tracks. She can feel her heart beat quickening and butterflies forming in her stomach. Opening the door she finds Sara looking very tired. If Cath had not had her back to Sara as she entered the house she would have noticed that the brunette is stumbling, but she was busy doing something else. "Do you want some coffee?"

"No."

"Okay, what about something to eat." So she isn't sounding so happy, and I don't blame her.

"No thanks."

"Let's go into the living room."

"Okay."

As Sara walks into the room she is greeted by the familiar features that she has seen so frequently in the past few days. The walls are a clean white, the wrap around couch is placed against the wall furthest from the entrance, and a huge flat screen TV is in front of the middle wall. Pictures of the two Willows girls can be seen from every angle. Sara sits on the furthest end of the couch, but as soon as Cath comes to sit next to her she stands having mixed reasoning for her actions. She walks across the room and leans on the wall facing Catherine. Avoiding Catherine's gaze Sara knows she should at least explain, "Cath no offense, but I don't really want to be close to you right now, or have you touching me."

"Okay please listen to me though." Catherine tries to catch Sara's gaze. The only reply to her words is a raised eyebrow, and clenching of the jaw. "Sara I can't thank you enough for the times you have taken care of me when I was vulnerable. I trusted you, and you have never let me down, but never before had I had the chance to see your soft side. Now most of that is my fault and I will own up to it. I really like you Sara and I want to be your friend. I know we could be the best of friends if we would let our shields down to each other. Only to each other if that is what you chose or I choose. I know you won't believe me but I never meant to hurt..."

"Hurt me? You never meant to hurt me? No now it is your turn to listen," Sara's voice is cold but full of emotion. It hasn't been raised yet, but Catherine knows whatever Sara has to say is probably going to cut her like a knife. " Shit Cat! You never meant to hurt me? Because you did. You could have damn well fooled me over the digs and the fights for all of these years. I was willing to give you a chance many times I hoped you would accept the invitation. But fuck! I should have known better. I waited around for you when you were in a nice mood waiting to see if I could see a speck of the human everyone in the lab talked about and loved. I kept my distance and waited every time you turned me down. Even at your worst times you would barely let me in to help you. I know that I have put walls up around myself, but I have tried frantically to take them down every time a saw a chance to reach your soft side. I have finally realized after all these years of being told I wasn't good enough, I wasn't worth it that I DO NOT DESERVE THIS! You are exactly the same as Grissom whether you like to admit it or not. Maybe you're not emotionless to everyone, but it sure does take a damn lot to get even an ounce of your affection! I don't know why I haven't realized this before, but I have had it." She then walks out of the room, and Catherine chases her. Grabbing her wrist Catherine tries to get Sara to stop.

" Sara wai..." Catherine can smell it now. All over Sara it has worked itself into her hair and clothes. "Have you been drinking? You are not going anywhere." Anger flashes through Sara, and she whips around. The monster that has been crawling beneath her skin since she took that first sip surfaces. She has the sudden urge to hit Catherine, but she must control herself. She won't turn into the two people she hates most in the world. Her parents. Advancing as she begins to talk she almost has Catherine backed into the corner. The blonde looks so defenseless, and tries to hide her fear but it is in plain sight to Sara. She feeds on it, soaks it in. It makes her urge more tempting with every look at Catherine's face.

"Now you care!!" Before she even summons the will to stop herself, or comprehends what is happening Sara watches her own hand come out in front of her and crash into Catherine's jaw causing the smaller woman to lose balance and falls against the wall.

Catherine's face burns, and she can taste the blood in her mouth . She can feel it trickling down her face. Sara gasps and steps back then dashes to the door.

"Hey you are not driving anywhere like this Sara! Come back here and give me your damn keys!" Catherine's words don't matter, because Sara is almost to the door. Catherine runs and jumps on Sara's back trying to hinder her. She can feel hot tears streaming down her arm. The sudden weight makes Sara lurch and Catherine's side is slammed into the counter. Catherine lets out a muffled moan. Her weight doesn't stop Sara. Sara opens the door, but when attempting the steps stumbles and loses her balance, but catches herself. "Give me the God damn keys!"

"Please just let me go."

"No." At the same time each night the sprinklers come on in front of Catherine's house. Sara slips on the wet grass, and both women come crashing down. Catherine is the first to her knees; soaking wet she struggles trying to pin Sara down long enough to get her keys. She manages to get the keys right before Sara pushes Catherine off of her. Trying to crawl away to hide the keys Catherine doesn't make it far before Sara lunges putting all of her weight on Catherine's leg to stop her. Pains shoot up Catherine's leg and she tries her hardest not to but the pain is getting worse by the second and she screams in agony. Looking back she sees Sara and watches her face change from a look of determination, to a look of fear as she lets go of Catherine. Sara's eyes had been so distant as if she was trapped in some other time or some other place, but now the only thing in them was guilt."You're staying in the guest room until you sleep it off." Catherine winces as more pains streak from her ankle through her leg; she still tastes iron in her mouth as the blood continues to trickle due to being knocked in the mouth again while wrestling. Sara doesn't say anything only nods. She moves to help Catherine, "No, I can do it myself," and Catherine crawls back into the house.

Sara heads to the guest room and as soon as her head hits the pillow she is out. Exhausted Catherine knows she won't get any sleep tonight so she crawls to the counter and sets Sara's keys on it. Walking on her knees will hurt, but Catherine can't stand or walk or pain would knock her out so she walks on her knees to the kitchen and is grateful her liquor cabinet is down low. She makes herself a drink then goes into the living room. Curling up the best she can under a blanket Catherine sits there feeling the blood on her face drying, cheek stinging, ankle screaming in pain, every muscle in her body protesting movement, and water is dripping from her hair down her back, but she ignores it all. Taking a sip of her drink she is lost in her mind as she stares off into space.

TBC...