Pranks
A D.Gray-Man Crackfic
Part 4 - Skirting The Issue
Thanks again to Niamh, who made this happen! XD

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Crowley whimpered, backing away from the rapidly approaching source of his anxiety. Seeing his retreat, the boy scowled darkly at him, his face stern and unforgiving. "Crow-chan," He growled, "You saw what happened. You know what that..jerk did to me." The older man nodded fearfully.

"I won't say that I didn't prank him first, but that was just too much." He frowned, remembering. "It took 6 hours to get all that stuff off the ceiling! Then, I had to go meet Bookman for more of his stupid training! No sleep! Nada!" He paced, his irritation clear. "I'm not worried about Yuu-chan, though. What bothers me the most is that he had to have had help." Again, the elder nodded.

"Yuu's good, but not even he can fly." Lavi's eye narrowed. "The only person here that can do that... Is Linali." Crowley shrank back at the fanatical expression on the younger Exorcist's face. "She helped him do that. Hell, she probably did most of the work herself." He paused for a moment, then whirled to face the cowering man.

"Crow-chan, do you sew?" He demanded, leaning close. The man squeaked, leaning away.

"I..I..What do you mean?" He asked, nervously.

Lavi huffed impatiently. "Sew! As in, put thread in a needle and pull it through cloth! Do you know how to do that?!" When the man nodded hesitantly, he grinned widely. "Perfect!"

Crowley blinked at his sudden change in mood. "Lavi-san, what does that have to do with what happened..?" He asked, quietly. "Was anything torn..?" Lavi shook his head cheerfully.

"Nope, nothing. But..." He snickered, "I know of a perfect way to get Linali for helping Yuu-chan. The only problem is, I can't sew." The nervous man stared at him expectantly.

"What do you mean, get Linali-san back?" He gasped, horrified. "You mean, playing a trick on her? But..!" The redhead grinned so hard that it looked painful.

"Yep. And you," He snatched the shivering man's hand tightly, "Are going to help!"

Speechless, Crowley gaped at him. Lavi paid no attention to his growing distress as he elaborated. "The laundry here gets done twice a week, right? So if anyone misses the first day, they have another chance." Crowley said nothing, his eyes wide.

Lavi continued, releasing the man's hand. "I don't know everything about women, but I do know that they try to keep clean clothes available. Looking at the cleaning schedule, I'm pretty sure that Linali has at least 5 extra uniforms, so that she never has to worry about missing laundry pick-ups when she's on a mission." He waited for the older man to acknowledge his logic.

"It wouldn't be too hard to find out who's on collection duty this week, would it? When I know that, we'll be set!" He laughed, his mirth almost frightening. Shaking his head, Crowley inched toward the door, hoping to escape before the crazed teen noticed...

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Allen sighed, stretching his arms above his head. 'I should check the assignment list before breakfast,' He thought, moving his chair to it's proper place. 'That was a good workout, I'm starving..' He left his room, following the corridor until he reached the all-purpose memo board outside the cafeteria. Scanning the list, he smiled.

'Ah, it's my day for laundry. That isn't so bad.' He opened the doors, walking to the counter to place his usual order. While he waited, he glanced around the room. In his usual spot, Kanda sat with his own sparse meal, a strangely contented smirk hovering at the edge of his lips. Shaking his head, Allen moved to the person beside him, and saw an also amused-looking Linali.

She caught the white-haired boy's look, smiling brightly as she waved. He returned the gesture, collecting his food and walking over. "Good morning!" He said, settling down opposite the now-scowling samurai. Kanda snorted in reply, but the trace of his earlier smirk remained as he returned to his breakfast.

Linali elbowed him lightly in rebuke, shaking her head at his rudeness. "Good morning, Allen-kun!" She smiled. "Did you sleep well?" The boy nodded, swallowing a huge mouthful of dango before answering.

"I did, but something woke me up a little after midnight, someone yelling about their clothes still being in the wardrobe.." He thought for a moment. "And I think they said something about..sticky boots? I couldn't tell." He raised an eyebrow as Kanda abruptly snorted a mouthful of soba, choking as Linali pounded his back in concern.

"Kanda! Here, drink this, are you all right?" She said, passing the damp-eyed boy a glass of water. "You scared me!"

He took a few swallows, still coughing with suppressed laughter as Allen looked on, wide-eyed at his uncharacteristic display of humor. "Linali.. Did he have something to do with that..?" He asked cautiously. 'He' raised his eyes with a baleful glare.

"I'm right in front of you, stupid Moyashi." Allen ignored his warning tone, leaning closer to the silently laughing girl.

"It was him, wasn't it? What did he do?" The violet eyed girl smiled, whispering in reply.

"He got me to help him glue all of Lavi-kun's things to the ceiling of his room." She said, still laughing quietly. Allen's eyes widened, and he clapped a hand to his mouth to avoid cackling.

"That's..! Oh God, I hate to say it, but that's brilliant, Kanda!" He gasped, shaking his head. The older boy merely grunted, his lips twisting upwards in a smirk. Allen regained control of himself, looking around the other tables. "Where is Lavi, anyway? Did he already leave?" Linali shook her head.

"He never came in. I asked Jerry, and he said he hasn't seen him at all. He might be mad.." She snickered. "He had it coming though."

Allen nodded, remembering the joke Lavi had played on Kanda. "I'm sure he won't stay angry, Lavi's not the type to hold a grudge for too long, right?" The three paused, then snickered quietly at the ridiculousness of that question. Of course the redhead would hold a grudge!

Rising, Allen gathered his empty plates. "Well, I have to go, it's my day for laundry pickups. I'll talk to you later, Linali, Kanda.." The girl nodded happily, and the swordsman flipped a hand negligently in acknowledgement as Allen walked to the counter to drop off the dishes. Smiling over his shoulder at Jerry, he thanked him again for the meal and left the room.

He went to the storage closet nearby, opening the door and removing the large cart used for clothing. Pushing it to the Exorcist's quarters, he began his task, knocking on doors to ask the occupant's for their uniforms. After making his way through the men's section of rooms, he crossed the hallway to begin the women's collections. Remembering that Linali always left her door open for laundry day, he opened her door and retrieved the hamper, dumping it on top of the large mound of clothing.

He closed the door carefully behind him, and turned to deliver the accumulated clothing to the washroom. He heard Lavi's voice call his name urgently, and he turned back around. Seeing the approach of his missing friend, he smothered the urge to laugh as the redhead stopped beside him. "Good morning," He panted, seemingly out of breath. "I'm glad I caught you, I need your help for just a minute."

Allen frowned, glancing at the cart. "I've got to drop these off.." He started, but the taller boy grabbed his arm and smiled pleadingly.

"Oh, it won't take long, I promise! Maybe 5 minutes, just leave that here and come back, please?" Allen nodded reluctantly, allowing himself to be dragged away as the older teen began to explain his predicament rapidly. Allen tried to make sense of his garbled words, never noticing the shaking form that stepped quickly from the shadows, whimpering as it snatched an armload of one particular Exorcist's clothing and making a hasty retreat...

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Linali smiled, closing the door of her room in relief. "I can't believe that we didn't see Lavi-kun at all today," She murmured to herself. 'I guess Kanda and I should try being extra.. Well, I'll be extra nice to him when he comes around.' She thought, turning her attention to the neatly folded clothes on the bedside table. "Mmm, clean clothes already..Allen-kun always has them back so fast.."

She carefully shook out the garments, hanging them in her wardrobe and closing it with a satisfied snap. "That's better.." She turned to the table, picking up the last uniform. "Now, to get a bath and change.."

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The Next Morning...

Linali climbed out of bed, turning off the shrill alarm as she yawned. 'Another day,' She thought, smiling to herself as she opened the wardrobe. Pulling out a uniform, she dressed quickly, crossing the room and opening the door. The sound of other Exorcist's preparing for the day greeted her, and she smiled brightly at the sleepy face of her best female friend as she left her own room. "Miranda-chan, good morning!"

The nervous woman smiled warmly in reply, falling in step beside the girl as they walked to the cafeteria. Miranda blushed slightly as a young Finder held the door for the two, his eyes lingering on the younger girl for just longer than was polite. Seeing his eyes widen, she tipped her head, but said nothing.

Linali chuckled at her confused expression, thinking that the older woman was unused to gentlemanly acts on her behalf. "Don't worry, I know him. He's always like that, his upbringing was very proper." She whispered, unaware that the next several tables she passed became silent. Miranda nodded slightly, wondering if something was on her face as amused chuckles broke out behind them.

"Linali-chan.." She whispered, "Is there something wrong? Everyone's laughing at me.." The girl looked at her in surprise.

"I'm sure it isn't you, Miranda-chan. It's probably just someone telling a joke, that's all. Relax a little!" She smiled reassuringly, and turned to place her food order. After a moment, she noticed that the quiet laughter had ceased, and felt the older woman sigh beside her in relief. When their food was ready, they made their way to a table, and Linali tucked in her skirt before seating herself. She noticed something odd about her uniform.

"Miranda-chan," She whispered, "Do I seem any taller to you?" The other woman blinked in confusion at her sudden query. "I just wonder, I think it's time for me to switch to one of my new uniforms, this one feels a little different.." She shook it off, deciding to change after breakfast.

Finishing their meal in companionable silence, the two rose to take their trays to the counter when Linali brushed too close to her friend, dropping her napkin. Mumbling an apology, she quickly knelt to retrieve it, straightening up as she heard several gasps behind her. She glanced back, wondering at the commotion, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. Shrugging, she placed her dishes on the counter and made to leave.

As she and Miranda made their way to the door, an unfamiliar Finder leaped to his feet, holding the door and blushing profusely. Linali giggled, and nodded at his friendliness as she exited the room. Miranda shook her head in amusement. "Linali-chan is quite popular, I think."

The girl smiled, laughing. "I don't know about that. I've never even seen him before..But besides that, I'm going to go change into one of my new uniforms. This one feels a little small." The older woman nodded, turning the corner in the opposite direction. Suddenly remembering that she needed to ask the girl something, she whirled around just in time to see the teen disappear around a corner.

Blinking, she shook her head. "Linali-chan was right, her uniform does look a little more.. I guess she's at the right age to start growing, though.." She murmured to herself, deciding to ignore the flash of white that she'd hallucinated. 'She must have had a handkerchief in her pocket,' She reasoned, resuming her path down the hall.

Linali huffed in annoyance, shaking her head as yet another male Ordermember gasped at her passage. 'What is wrong with everyone today?' She wondered, finally reaching her room. She opened the door, shedding her uniform as she opened the wardrobe to retrieve one of the newer ones. Donning it swiftly, she checked her hair in the mirror, and hurried out the door on her way to train. 'If I'm late, 'Nii-san will send someone to look for me..' She mused, locking her door.

As she walked down the narrow corridor, she shivered slightly. "I didn't even notice how chilly it is today, I wonder if winter will come early this year." She mumbled to herself, and failed to hear a startled exclamation as she passed another unknown Finder on her way to the Lab. Seeing the doorway ahead, she smiled, walking in with a wave of greeting to the staff on duty.

Spying her brother's favorite victim, she moved towards him. "River-san, is 'Nii-chan already here?" She asked, smiling politely. The man sighed, gesturing to a space only moderately buried in unsigned papers. She thanked him, and turned to go. She heard a choked sound, and looked over her shoulder, eyes wide in disbelief as she saw the blonde man gaping like a fish. "River-san! What's the matter?" She cried, reaching for his arm as he turned sharply away.

"Linali-chan, you..! Your skirt.." He mumbled, removing his jacket swiftly. She stared at him in confusion, backing away as he attempted to wrap the object around her while keeping his eyes tightly closed.

"What are you..!" She cried, shaking him off. He bit his lip, taking her hand firmly as she gasped at the pained expression on his face. "River-san..?"

"Come away from here, Linali. I know you can't possibly understand, but there's no time, you've got to come away with me, now!" He blurted, his face blazing as she stared at him in horror.

He ignored her protests, draping the cloth around her shoulders and turning her in the direction of an empty office. Half leading, half dragging her through the piles of paper, he opened the door and hurriedly pushed her through the door and followed, closing the door and turning to face her. "Linali-chan," He gasped, "We've got to get you out of that skirt before Komui sees.." She shook her head frantically.

"Not on your life! What is wrong with everyone today? First the Finders, and now you!" She glared at him. "You're old enough to be my father!" The man gaped stupidly at her, then chuckled weakly.

"No, no.. It's not what you think. Haven't you noticed anything...Different about your uniform today?" He asked, struggling to regain his composure. She stared at him, nodding a bit.

"I changed into this one because the one I had on felt a little off.. I just figured that it was old and I'd gotten taller." The older man sighed, tugging at his hair in frustration.

"God, you really didn't notice, wait a moment." He rummaged through his pockets, coming up with a small mirror-like plate. "Here, look at your..Look at the back of your skirt." He said, avoiding her eyes. She twisted awkwardly, turning this way and that until she could see over her shoulder.

Silence.

"OH my GOD! What the fuck?!" River froze, unable to believe the completely out of character curses coming from the innocent girl's mouth as she surveyed her rear end. "You..You can see half my ASS! What is this shit?!"

The door flew open, crashing into the wall.

"LINALIIIIIIIII!! Why are you..." Komui leaned against the cracked doorway, his eyes descending to the object of her intense scrutiny.

Silence the Second.

"What in the Hell is going on here?! Linali, what is the meaning of this?" He shook his head, spotting the cowering blonde man. "RIVER! You bastard, explain yourself! What have you done to Linali's clothes, you pedophile!" He advanced on the man, his hands balled tightly at his sides. "Talk fast, Aussie, or your next few minutes are going to be extremely unfortunate." He snarled, eyes narrowed with wrath.

Linali gasped, catching his elbow before he could place blame on the wrong person. "'Nii-san, River didn't do anything! He told me about this when I came in looking for you, he was trying to help!" The man stared at her, then pointed at the still-shocked blonde.

"He...Didn't do it? Then what the hell happened, Linali?" She shook her head, blushing in humiliation.

"I don't know what happened, they were fine until Allen dropped them off from laundry. They must have shrunk.. God, I've been wearing this for over an hour, all those people.. They weren't acting weird, they were staring at my ASS!" She wailed, snatching the blonde scientist's coat from the floor and covering herself. Komui nodded sharply, turning on his heel and leaving the room.

The two stared after him, and River coughed awkwardly. "Eh, maybe he went to get you some more clothes..?" He said, quietly. Linali nodded faintly, her face still pink with a mixture of anger and embarrassment. Soon, the man in question returned, an armful of assorted clothing in his hold. He glared at River, silently indicating that he should leave. River made good his retreat, smiling apologetically at the upset girl as he left.

Komui averted his eyes as Linali removed the altered uniform, looking through the choice of garments until she found one hideously pink dress that looked as though it would fit. She slipped the item over her head, wincing at the horrible color. She gathered her discarded skirt and jacket from the ground, running the skirt's hem through her fingers until she found a line of newly-made stitching.

"Someone..Someone did this on purpose," She said, shaking with anger. "Look, they took out the old hem and raised it at the back, just enough that it wouldn't look funny until I wore it." She handed the skirt to her brother, who nodded.

"Who would have done it? Did anyone..You said Allen-kun did the laundry today, right?" He said, not waiting for an answer. "He had your uniforms, and he knows how to sew, he's mentioned having to repair General Cross' clothing before." Linali frowned, shaking her head firmly.

"Allen-kun wouldn't do something like that! Besides, Crowley-san sews as well, that doesn't mean anything!" The man stiffened, thinking quickly. He plastered a smile on his face, nodding.

"You're right, what was I thinking.. You go on back to your room, Linali-chan. I'll see that your clothes are fixed right away." She smiled, hugging him briefly on her way to the door. When Komui was certain that she'd gone, he dropped the false smile.

"Those two bastards, they must have been in it together! One picking up the clothes, then the two of them sewing it all up.." He cackled maniacally, his mind already filled with terrible plans for the two unfortunate men. "They are going to regret this, tarnishing my Linali-chan's honor! Prepare yourselves, Fools!"

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Haha, and another chapter finished! Man, I pity the fool who messes with the undeniably crazy Li family.. Remember, possession is 9/10 of the law! Next time: Cut! And That's A Wrap!