whew this is quite long...but dont let it put you off...i'm quite proud of it...

i dont own final fantasy advent children.

please review...its my first ever lemon...so...i'd be pleased to know what you think x x x

valmont x x

I'll Be Your Mirror

It's strange the way things happen. The way that time changes people, and the way you feel about people. Time does a lot of things, that we barely even notice. Until, of course, that change comes and hits you full force in the face.

I don't know what happened to him. His fifteen years, since his first intake of air, were all coming to nothing. He had lost everything that kept him going, the force behind the power in his delicate frame. He looked older, stronger and more developed than his years. It broke my heart, slowly, from the very moment I first noticed it, his deterioration into something horrible. It was simple what happened, it's nothing that needs a trained therapist, he lost hope. I cant blame him really. Life was hard the way we lived it. We never settled anywhere for too long. We would fight and slaughter anyone that stood in out way. But lately, my beautiful brother, my beautiful, intelligent, perfect kadaj, would turn away from the fight. He would leave if they said, that they didn't know of our mother.

He became calmer. Of course, he still had his rage, but unlike what he used to do, which was search, plot and kill, he would take it out on us. His two brothers. There was a time, when we were younger, when we were the only people in his world. I liked it that way, I liked it when he would stare at me, run his fingers through his hair, and tell me tat he loved me.

He stopped doing that when he was about 13. When he had heard of the reunion for the first time. He told us that he heard it from sephiroth in a dream. We already knew of it, we had had the dream. From then on, there was no more love. Until now. Now he does the same thing, he comes across to me, in the room that we rent, with three beds, and he settles in my lap, running his fingers through my hair, and he buries his face in my neck. He tells me he loves me. That he missed me, all of those times that we were fighting, and he forgot about me, when he was lost in the fate of our enemies.

I have cried for nights and nights. I love my brother. In a wrong way. A sick way.

The affection he gives me, the kind that can only be understood by twins, has been manipulated by my twisted mind into something else. When he does it. My mind goes off in a whirl of thoughts that I know are wrong. But at the same time, they feel so nice. The feel of his breath, his precious breath, every one of which should be treasured, against my neck. My highly sensitised skin makes it feel like it's his lips, running all over me. And I cant help but gasp.

It's always the same.

A creak of a door, opening, allowing someone to enter, and closing, wakes me from my thoughts. I shift my eyes from the window I am looking out of, to see who it is. I sigh in my head, as I see it is the cause of this whole problem.

"brother" he states. "I am so tired"

I have to admit, he looks it. Even the natural glint he possesses is absent from his eyes.

"why?" I ask. Already knowing the answer.

"we won't ever find her will we?"

I hate these moments of reflection, in which he says things that no one would ever expect, and which no one else other than me will ever hear. It is so unlike him that it scares me.

I just look at him, and give him a weary smile. Reminding him, that even though we are not strictly human, we are still allowed to think and act like them at some point.

All that worries me, is that I know what is coming.

He comes over to me, sitting on my lap, leaning into me, his gloved fingers beginning to toy with my hair.

"I love you Yazoo, you always know what to say"

It seems strange to me that he said that, as I hadn't actually said anything.

But with those words, begin the onslaught of feelings that I know I shouldn't be having, and that I know I will not be able to block out. I want to whisper back to kadaj, that he is all in the world I worship, mother doesn't matter to me, loz is just my brother, but kadaj, he is my god, the one thing in the world I believe in. but I know I won't. I know that it is likely that I will regret doing anything like that, because it will result in something painful. Physically as well as mentally.

So I know, I will cling to these moments of intimacy while I can.

I wonder to myself, if he does this with Loz too. I have never seen him do it. But then. To my knowledge, loz has never seen him do it to me either. Perhaps he wants to keep us separate from each other when he is like this, so there is nobody but us and him.

"yazoo…you know you are my favourite brother? I love loz. But not like I love you. You are special. You are something amazing to me"

It is like he can read my mind. Maybe he can. In a way, I hope he can.

He turns into me, his knees either side of my legs, his arms wrapping around me. His gloved fingers running along my jaw, I can feel how close his lips are to my neck. How warm his breath is, I can hear it, its getting heavier, more laboured.

"brother…are you ok? Kadaj?"

"yazoo…I feel bad today. I don't know why"

The thing with kadaj is, that he has off days, where he feel bad about everything in his life, and he needs comforting, like the child he really is. It's easy to forget his delicate age. And he gets like this, and it reminds you.

His gloved hand makes its way to my lips and he runs his thumb along them, it makes me swoon.

"yazoo…may I kiss you? Would that be ok?"

I am shocked. To say the least. But I cannot focus upon it for too long, lest I say something I regret.

"yes. Yes kadaj, anything"

He brings his face close to mine.

"you know yazoo, I have always wanted you in this way. Always. You are so beautiful to me. Because really… you are me. Aren't you?"

I cant breathe. His closeness, his warmth, and his words. It's all too much, and suddenly, I cannot hear anything anymore, only a dull buzz, and all I can see in my little world is him. Our same coloured eyes meet, and I look at his face, how similar it is to mine, and yet, so different. I wish to myself, that I can stay here like this forever, when I think this, I realize, his gloved hands are holing my head, as if I'm an artefact, and he is examining me.

"my yazoo, all mine"

I nod, and he leans forwards.

I would be glad to be his. Totally his, he should know that by now.

I feel his breath again, this time coming into me, as he comes so near to me, our lips almost touching. He stops momentarily, as if to focus upon the feeling. The life that is being shared between us at this moment, is enough to send anyone dizzy.

And then it happens.

Finally, I feel his lips gently brush against mine, so sweet, short. Innocent.

The kiss is the one thing kadaj isn't. and it makes it perfect, it is just a peck really, nothing major, like I was expecting, like I thought a kiss from kadaj would be. He is normally so full of passion for looking for mother, or frustration because we cannot find her. That I of course think it will be conveyed in his kiss. But no. the lips that had just pressed against mine, were soft, young, and most surprisingly of all, timid.

His lips leave mine, but his face stays so close to me, I bring my arms around him, a bold move. But for some reason now, it feels like what he needs. My chest is heaving, because what is happening is slowly being realized in my brain, and my brain is sending messages 'somewhere else'.

"kadaj…" I don't know why I say it, but I do, and I sound so unlike myself.

His eyes, which are looking down, come up to meet mine, and he smiles. The kind of smile I have never seen from him before. One that says, I know you want me, because I want you too.

"again, brother?" he breathes

I nod, unable to speak.

I once again feel his lips on mine, still innocent, until I feel the silk of his tongue running over my bottom lip. Then the kiss completely changes, I slowly open my mouth, letting the wet silkiness slide in. it begins slowly, we're really tasting each other. His fingers running through my hair like they normally do, but this was not what we normally do. Soon though, the gentle exploration of each other's mouths becomes faster, deeper, and needy. I feel him move his arms from my hair, to around my back. Enclosing me, clinging. This is proof, that even kadaj needs someone, sometimes, to love, and to let himself go in front of. Because I know, just like loz does, that kadaj, will do anything to keep his cold demeanour up while in the presence of anyone other than us.

I feel him push harder into me, his lips moving with more force, my hands find their way to the sides of his face, one moving down to his neck. I gently rub the white skin I have just found, and I feel him moan, into my mouth, into me. Such a new sound, so foreign, I know right away what effect it is going to have on me, and also, what effect it is having on him. My beautiful brother.

He breaks the kiss, breathing so hard, I think for a moment, that he might be dying. But the look on his face tells me he isn't.

"brother?…" he pants.

"y-yes"

"you sound like you're having trouble breathing"

I smile at him I seem to be deaf to my own laboured taking of air.

"so do you"

I see him smile, a real one, one that nobody ever gets to see.

"yazoo, I want you. I don't know where this has all come from. But I need you. Do you want me?…need me?"

I can't think. I only nod. And force the words out:

"more than anything. Anything in the world."

Suddenly, everything seems so quick, so surreal. He kisses me again, breathing into me this time, instead of holding it. He moves further into me, his hips coming into contact with mine, our chests meeting, it's like he wants to merge into me, so there is no more separating us, so we really are one person. My hands begin a journey, starting from his face and neck, moving downwards, feeling his shoulders, which are small, but strong, my right hand moves down the middle of his back, even through his leathers, I can feel his muscles rippling. My left hand runs along his side, this reminds me, that kadaj is real. And he is, despite age and slight build, a man. A real man.

My hands reach his hips, moving to his back side. I grin to myself, as I clench one of the pert cheeks I find, to my surprise he gasps. And it seems to have had an untoward effect on me too, I do it again, finding I have a taste for it, and rather enjoy it.

"ah…ahh….yazoo…"

He is sensitive, we all are. We know this. None of us are virgins. But it somehow shocks me, that he acts like this, that he has the same urges I do. I give his ass a particularly hard squeeze, and he moans out loud, grinding his hips against mine. I feel, for the first time, his arousal, against mine. And it is my turn to moan.

"kadaj... I love you…I love you so much"

He smiles again, and does it again. Deliberately grinding against me, we both moan together. Sounding exactly alike. If I were a normal person, I would think how wrong it is to be doing this with my one of my brothers. But I am not normal, and I want more.

I wait for him to do it again, he's obviously revelling in my moans, as I am his, and I push back, giving both of us twice the sensation. Our moans are louder, and more strained.

"yazoo, touch me, keep…touching…me" he sighs loudly.

I am only too pleased to oblige. I bring my eager hands to his front, feeling his stomach through his leathers, moving up to his chest, his shoulders. Everything about this small form is perfect. And I don't want to stop touching it. I don't want to stop touching him. I find his zip, running from his front to his hips, and I look at him questioningly, I want to take it down, to see what is underneath, to see what I have been imagining for so long. He looks down at me, as if daring me to ask, I know kadaj, and he seems the kind of person who would revel in making me beg.

"brother…may I?" I try to make myself look innocent. I have a suspicion he may like that kind of thing. He seems that kind of person.

He smiles at me. A devious look on his face.

"may you what, yazoo?"

"can I…undo it? I want to see you"

He nods, and grinds against me again. I gasp, and set to work about getting his leathers off as quickly as I can, fumbling with the zip, it slowly move it downward, unable to take my eyes off of the milky skin that is slowly appearing. I reach his groin, and because we seem to be magnetically stuck to each other, I have to stop, my hands slither up again, and gently move it down his arms. He lets me, to my surprise. And his torso is completely bared, I cant take my eyes away from it, from the pearl skin, smooth, perfect, stretched taut over muscles and bones.

"what do you think brother? Tell me what you think of me…"

"you're amazing. You are the most fantastic thing I have ever seen. I want to see more. I want to see everything, forever. Kadaj, will you let me?"

"anything brother. Anything you want ever"

He edged away from me, removing his hips, and I sighed, half from relief and half from missing the friction. And he treated me to a show, pulling the rest of his clothing off. His boots somehow already gone. I watch, and I analyse. Every pure inch of flesh on his body. As cliché as it sounds, he is a drug, and I am his happy addict. I just want to spend the rest of our eyes touching him, running my fingers along his sides, hips, his thighs. With this thought, I look to his groin, not shocked to find him amazingly hard, his tip a dull purple colour. It doesn't seem too shocking to me that he can control his arousal, he can control just about anything else. But looking at him, makes me flinch, it makes me hurt too. But for other reasons than sympathy.

He stands, with his hand on his hip, looking proud of himself. I would too, if I was that beautiful. Like a child, I raise my arms upwards, trying to latch onto him, touch him in any way possible. I notice kadaj's gloved hands, looking strange against the rest of his pale expanse. He begins to touch himself, moving them wherever he could, apart from the obvious place I want to see him touch.

I notice now, my own painful arousal. And I glance down at it, as if trying t tell it to go away. He sees it, and I think I can see the cogs ticking in his mind. Trying to think of a way to torture me. The smile on his face makes me shudder. My twin is evil, beautiful, and cold. But he is not heartless. Like most people, even myself used to think.

"kadaj, I need something... I need you…touch me"

He leans forwards, putting his hands on the arms of the chair, and pushing his face close to mine.

"touch yourself"

I suddenly feel like a blushing virgin. Unable to do something like that under his scrutinizing eye.

"yazoo, touch yourself. I want to watch"

Now I can really feel myself blushing. I don't know what to do. So I just sit there, my eyes wide, my limbs feeling heavy, and stuck to the chair, and my hardness aching.

"don't tell me you're shy?" he taunts.

"I…uhm…I….I"

"what about if I help you?" he whispers in my ear.

He doesn't give me a chance to answer. He picks up my hand, and places it on my groin, and then he squeezes. I moan, needing more than this. He keeps on moving my hand, making me touch myself like he wants me to.

"carry on yazoo. Keep doing it to yourself."

So I do it, I bite my lip, stifling all the things I want to tell kadaj to do to me, I feel myself through my leathers, the friction brings a small amount of relief, but It brings out more need then I think can handle. I look into my brother's beautiful face, I see his desire, his delight in watching me, and suddenly, all nervousness leaves me. I reach up, to quickly undo my zip, I want to be naked, so I can be exactly like him. I want to be my twin, and I want him to worship me, like I do him. I put all fear of him being revolted out of my mind. Hoping, and I think, secretly knowing he wont be. He stares, wide-eyed. He looks hungry.

Lifting my hips, I slip the rest of my clothing off. Letting it pool onto the floor, for some reason though, when I take my gloves off, I do it slowly, laying them out beside me, taking my eyes away from him for just a few seconds. When I look back, I try and take in his reaction to my body. It surprises me, that all I can see in them now, is the adoration I always look at him with.

He's smiling again. But I don't want smiles. I want touch, and not just my own. So I do it again, I put on a show for him, running my bare hand, down my naked chest, stopping at a nipple, to tease it, me doing this does not give me an amazing amount of pleasure, but imagining it is my brother, the only one in the world I have ever really wanted, that is enough to send me over the edge. He keeps looking as I touch myself, and I can see his hands begin to twitch, wanting to follow my hands, to do what I am doing.

"kadaj…" I sigh as I start to stroke my hardness. "please, please just come here, please, do it. Do anything you want. But come here"

He smiles, he was waiting for me to beg, and beg I did. And I hope I am not wrong to have done it.

Slowly, he straddles me again, bare flesh against bare flesh, this is a reminder to both of us, that we are alive, breathing. I can't describe what it feels like, because it is so intense, so new. As soon as he is near enough, my hands magnetically clamp to his skin, ghosting over it. I feel him shudder, and the slow appearance of goose flesh. He buries his head in my neck, I know he's going to get me back, as soon as I feel his hot breath on my skin, I too begin to shudder, and I moan, as I feel that bit closer to exploding.

My nerves kick in again, as I think of touching his everywhere else. As I think of stroking his long hardness, as I think of how the skin there might feel, and how he will react. So I ask him:

"brother, can I…can i touch you 'there'?."

He laughs, and nods, through heavy and ragged breaths.

So my hands snake to his front, and shyly find their way to their destination, making sure to feel, and remember everything on their way. I wrap my hand around it, its so hard, yet the skin is so soft, so smooth, so nice to touch. I find it has a completely different kind of feel to it than the rest f his body. So this, just like everything else on Kadaj's body is perfect.

I begin to slowly move my hand up and down it, and in response, kadaj wraps his arms around me tight, mewling my name, trying to keep himself from moaning too loudly. But I want to hear him moan. It's one of the things that does it for me. So I stroke harder, faster. His arms, now seemingly superglued to me, begin to build up a slight sweat. And then it happens, he moans, loudly, cursing, uttering his love and hate for me, begging me to let him cum. And I, yazoo, smile, because I made the hardest nut of all crack.

We press our foreheads together, looking into each other's eyes, taking each other in. I can see his desire in his eyes. And I carry on pumping him. But I'm careful, I don't want this to be over too soon. I lean, and kiss him again, he moans into my mouth, and the vibrations travel downwards. I feel his hands leave my back, snaking down to my front, and I thank any god that is listening that I think I know what he is doing. I feel his hand wrap around me, I am smaller than him, but I am no less hard. Some pre-cum has leaked, and he runs his finger through it, using it as lubricant, with this, my hand leaves him completely, because I can't concentrate enough to carry on. He teases me, giving little touches, strokes, fleeting fingers. And I know at this moment, that he could do anything to me, and I would not care.

He leans to my neck, kissing the skin he finds, making me shudder, and without warning he bites, hard. I cant contain my near-scream because of the combinations of the shock, pain, and pleasure. Without relenting, he begins to suck, marking me. Proving to me that he wants me all for himself. I fist my hands in his hair. Thinking for a moment I should pull it. The thought leaves me with Kadaj's voice.

"I want to be in you. I need to feel it. Come on. Yazoo. Let me do it."

A bomb goes off in my head. Suddenly, everything I've ever thought of, that I would do with kadaj, in my head, is coming true. Bit I never thought it would go this far. I never dared to think of anything going this far. Because I didn't want to torture myself with something that would never be.

"yes…yes brother…do it…"

"stand up" he commanded, as he pulled himself away from me, leaving me feeling exposed.

It takes me a moment, but I eventually manage to pry myself away from the chair. It hurts, I need touch so badly. he moves quickly into the chair, putting himself where I was a second ago. He extends his hand, like a god demanding worship, and I take it, being pulled gently to him, to straddle him. I would never expect anything as gentle as this from kadaj, who can kill someone, someone innocent, a child, and not even blink. He has no conscience. But he seems to have the ability to be gentle, humane.

As I sit there, I look at him, not really knowing what to do next, he cups my face with his hand, runs his fingers through my hair, down my back, touching me as far as he can reach. He brings his other hand up to my jaw, he runs his fingers along my bottom lip, and pries my mouth open. Pushing a finger in. I know what he wants me to do, and I suck on it, taking it all the way in. his eyes widen, his breath deepens, and he blushes. I didn't know kadaj had it in him to blush. I've never seen it happen before. After he re-gains his faculties, he slides it out.

"come…closer"

So I do, lifting myself slightly, offering myself to him. I feel him run his fingers along near my entrance, searching for the treasure as it were. I cant help but fidget. Waiting for what I know is coming. After what feels like forever, his finger slowly and awkwardly begins to push into me, I try to relax, try to really FEEL what he's doing, the spit on his finger isn't really sufficient lubrication. But its better than nothing. He begins to suck on the fingers of his free hand, the sight alone is enough to make me want to die. Removing his finger from inside me, he gently replaced it with two of his other hand, edging slowly. This feels better. The way he pushes at an angle, shows he's experienced in this. His slow running of in and out, turns into a quicker, and slightly violent thrust, and I no longer have to think about feeling anything, because I cannot ignore it. I moan, out loud, and shamelessly, adoring him more and more with each skilful push and pull of his fingers.

"k-kadaj…ah…"

"yes…brother?" his breathing sounds as bad as mine.

I know he needs me, but in my selfishness, I want him to keep pleasuring me. Because I know that when he's doing this, he's definitely thinking of me. Wanting me, and wanting me to think of him.

""I'm ready k-kadaj…do it"

I miss his fingers when he pulls them out. Feeling suddenly empty, I want as much of him as I can, so I lean down, and kiss him. As deep as I can, neglecting our mutual need for air. His hands start to wonder my body again, all of his ministrations has heightened my already hyper-sensitive skin, so I feel everything ten times more than I normally would. I moan into his mouth, and he seems to think that is enough. He breaks our kiss, looking at me, with an expression on his face that I cant read. I follow his hands, one finds its way to my hair, and the other to his hardness, he begins to stoke himself, spreading pre-cum, I feel slightly warmed at his consideration for me.

When I look up at him again, I know he is ready.

Taking a deep breath, I move closer to him, lifting my hips, wanting the intrusion that I know is coming. I lower myself onto him, slowly accommodating him. It hurts. But someone like me, likes to be hurt. So, unlike anyone else I know, I take him in whole, in one thrust. I gasp, my eyes filling with tears. But the cry kadaj lets out is worth it.

I clench onto his shoulders for support, the fullness is overwhelming, its not the size, kadaj, is quite big for his build, and his age. But I have had people who were bigger, and rougher. So the size was not an issue. It was who was doing it. My brother, my younger brother, one of a set of triplets, my twin.

"I wish you could see yourself now." he interrupts me thoughts.

I cant talk, so I give him a questioning look.

"you look so beautiful" he sighs.

I blush, and begin to move. Lifting myself, and lowering myself, my eyes closed, waiting for the pain to go away. Eventually it does, and the pleasure builds. I quicken my pace, gasping after each thrust. His moans are becoming louder and louder. His fingers play with my hair, run down my back, hold my neck. They seem to be everywhere at once.

I lean down, to whisper in his ear:

"come on kadaj…fuck me" it's nothing but a broken sigh, but he hears, and comes back to meet my thrust with his own. I cry out. I can help it, anyone in the next room would hear it. Anyone in the hotel bar would probably hear it too.

I lean back, resting my hands on his knees. I see him look down and blush, I like to see the sex I'm having, and with Kadaj, I wouldn't miss it for the world. After I've had my fill, I lean back into him. Our thrusts, cries, screams, become more violent and frequent. He reaches between us and starts to stroke me again.

I cry into his neck, biting down on it, leaving a mark, as a response, he scratches down my back, probably drawing blood, and he thrusts particularly hard, hitting that spot deep inside of me.

People know it's in our nature to be animalistic, angry. We are like it in everything we do. And this is no exception. He pulls me to look down on him, to look into his eyes, he strokes me harder, faster. I want to close my eyes, to look upon and scream into the sky. But I know I have to look at him now. He wants to see my face. He keeps thrusting into me, even though I have stopped moving, because there is too much sensation. I can feel it building.

"k-ka-kadaaaaaj…I'm gonna.."

I explode. The white viscous liquid clings to our chests. Waves of pleasure crash through my body, spreading.

"I love you. I love you so much kadaj. My Kadaj" riding out the pleasure, all the words I have been repeating in my head come flooding out, I shock myself by saying them to him, while looking at him.

The clenching of my muscles through my orgasm, and his continual and punishing thrusts have built up for him, he bites his lip, cheeks flooding with a pink tint I see water welling up in his eyes, but I am too distracted, he screams, as I feel his seed fill me. He buries his head in my chest. My arms automatically close around him, and I hear a murmur, a quiet 'I love you so much'

We stay like this for at least five minutes, levelling out our breathing. I think he is asleep, and wonder what to do. But he proves me wrong, when he looks up at me, crying.

I break into a panic.

"brother…what's wrong!?" I still cant talk properly.

"I…I've never done it like this before"

I raise an eyebrow.

"I mean, I've done it. But…I've never actually…loved the person…I don't know how to feel…or what to think. Yazoo…you make me feel something. And I haven't felt anything for such a long time."

My eyes fly wide open. Not knowing what to say. I just run my fingers along his jaw. Looking at him, admiring him. I wipe his tears away.

"shall we sleep?"

ahem well...that really wasnt what i expected the story to end with. LOL