Once upon a time, there was a boy named Trunks. Trunks was a descendent of one of the most powerful races ever to… be powerful, I guess. They were the SAIYANS! No, not the Saiya-jin. Shut up, Japan. We can hack and mangle all the words we want from your language, because we have nukes. Anyway, Trunks's father had black, spiky hair, while his mother had blue, easy-to-manage hair. His hair was pink. How? I don't know. It doesn't matter.

Back to the story! Trunks was just minding his business one day, eating Freedom Fries with extra freedom. He reached for a bottle of ketchup on the edge of the table upon which he was eating, since there wasn't enough freedom for him to satiate his terrorist lust for all things free. He noticed that this particular bottle of ketchup was unopened, which is completely out of the ordinary.

This is completely out of the ordinary! Thought Trunks. Father is supposed to open all of the bottles of ketchup in this house! I shall fight him later for the honor of our rules, because right now I need my sweetened tomato paste!

Trunks gripped the cap of the bottle hard with his mighty fist and cranked it counter-clockwise, but it didn't budge. He tried again, this time furrowing his eyebrows more, since that means you're using more power. The bottle remained unopened. Trunks then decided to unleash the fury of the super-saiyan upon the fascist piece of glassware. An immense amount of energy began surging through every single one of his rippling, manly muscles as he began the transformation from super-human to super-DUPER-human. His hair turned blonde, drifted upwards, and solidified into the shape of an upside-down crab. His eyebrows did the same, though they looked less like crabs and more like eyebrows. The pupils of his eyes turned an inhuman green as well. And since all these changes took place, it was obvious that he could blow up a planet.

Now with such a great amount of power behind him, Trunks tried his luck with the bottle once more. He kept trying to turn it, but it didn't move. He even tried increasing his power from 24.8 to 73.452, but nothing seemed to work. Surely this would require the might of the rest of the Z-fighters!

Robin: Holy cliff-hangers, Batman!

Batman: That's not a cliff-hanger at all. You're stupid Robin. You're fired. Clean out your desk and get your ass out of her before five. I'm sick of you and your Speedos.

Robin: Aw, golly-gee!

END OF PART ONE