Narrator: Once upon a time, in a land further away than most places, there was a girl called Emmie. She lived in the palace that was owned by a wicked queen. Even though she was badly mistreated, she was still very happy.

Emmie: Ah, what a lovely day! Even though the wicked Queen Jean makes me work so hard, I am still happy. Why? Because I'm so beautiful and she ain't. HA!

Queen: Ugh, look at that. She's still happy! There's only one thing to do!

Mirror: What do you want?

Queen: Yes, I already know the answer, but to keep this based on the fairy tale, I need to ask you who's prettier, me or Emmie?

Mirror: Duh, her. She's younger for a start, has a gentler spirit, is happy most of the time…

Queen: Hey! I just asked you is she's prettier, I didn't want reasons!

Mirror: Well, I just thought you'd like to know why…

Queen: Where's my Huntsmen?

Mirror: You had them all executed.

Queen: Damn!

Mirror: You do have one more person left, but she's just finished her training.

Queen: Send her in.

(Door opens and a young woman comes in and curtsies in front of the Queen.)

Huntswoman: Huntswoman Rogue at yar service yar Majesty.

Queen: Are you all I have?

Huntswoman: Ah think so, yar Majesty.

Queen: You'll just have to do then. Go take Emmie into the woods outside the palace and kill her. Do not fail me. There's no use lying either! I'm a telepath.

Huntswoman: Ah won' fail ya.

(Rogue curtsies as she leaves)

Queen: Ah, problem solved…

Narrator: The next day, the Huntswoman took Emmie into the forest.

Emmie: Wow, look at all the pretty flowers…

Huntswoman: Yeah. Let's go t' this really dark place where there are lots of flowers growing!

Emmie: Okay, anything is better than going back to the palace to scrub steps.

(In the deepest part of the woods, Emmie bends down to look at a toadstool)

Huntswoman: Gawd, Ah can't do it!

Emmie: Do what?

Huntswoman: Ah can't kill ya like Ah was told t'.

Emmie: Why, 'cause I'm so young and innocent?

Huntswoman: Course not, Ah'm trained not t' feel sorry for anything. It's just that Ah forgot ma dagger, so Ah got nothing t' kill ya with!

Emmie: Well, you could bash my head in with those rocks…

Hunstwoman: Ah can't. Ah gotta let ya get away like in th' fairy tale. Damn! Th' Queen's gonna kill me…

Narrator: For all you little kiddies watching this play, Rogue the Huntswoman went back to the Queen, but got away before she could be executed… Now, back to the show.

Storm: I summon the powerful forces of nature! Wind, rain, lightning! I summon thee to make Emmie's journey through the forest very difficult!

Emmie: Crap! A huge storm HAD to come when I was lost in the middle of the woods!

Storm: Of course it did! This is a fairy tale you know!

Narrator: The storm combined with a really big fear of storms, made Emmie collapse. When she awoke the next morning, she found herself outside a medium sized cottage.

Emmie: Ooooh, A medium sized cottage! I wonder who could live in such a strangely sized house?

(Emmie goes inside the cottage to find that there's no one inside)

Emmie: Cool, there are seven chairs around the table, seven knobs to hang coats on, seven cups, seven dirty plates, and seven pairs of cutlery… I'll go upstairs and see how many beds there are.

Narrator: Emmie carefully climbed the creaky staircase. At the top of the stairs, she opened a door to find a room with seven beds with names engraves into the headboards.

Emmie: Let's see here, the people who live here have the names: Scott, Logan, Hank, Remy, Kurt, Bobby, and Pete. Huh? They're all men's names! Great, I HAD to be stuck in the middle of a forest in a crappy cottage with a bunch of MEN!

(As she has finished her little speech to herself, the door downstairs opens.)

Logan: I'm so hungry I could eat a deer!

Bobby: I remember when you did. Blood everywhere…

Remy: Yeah, de least he coulda done was cooked it first, but non, de homme had to eat it raw.

Scott: We have a problem. There's no food in the fridge.

(Logan sniffs the air)

Logan: Wait a minute… Someone's been inside our cottage!

Pete: Did he or she take anything?

Logan: How should I know?

Hank: Everything seems to be here.